#verenzo

I’M TAKING SCREAMING CLASSES...KINDA...

Okay so today was a weirdly good day, I woke up decently late, played PlayStation 2 because it’s the best game console ever created (specifically GT4). Then after lunch, I went out with my dad to seek for any kind of singing classes I could take part in, we looked around all afternoon and it was pretty fun.

So we found this music store that offered this course specialized on “rock” vocals (whatever that means), where Oli Sykes was in the main picture so I’ll ask if I can be taught any kind of technique for screaming, so I signed up for it without hesitation. I’m just not sure of how anything is going to turn out, my hopes can’t be any higher though...

And I just came back from an exchange friend’s house where we had a little hang-out thingy that was very fun.

I think everything’s getting a bit brighter, the singing course, I’ve hung out often with my good pals, therapy has been looking better, I’m starting to get back on track with my girlfriend, hopefully this stands still so I can smile easier for no reason and be more enthusiastic about life itself.

I love you. You and no one else.

I just don’t work without you, I’ll never be able to love anyone else ever. I know it. My heart was made for you, you’re perfect for me, please don’t leave me, please don’t leave.

I can’t get my mind off our tragic love story, we can’t touch each other and yes as bad as that could sound I mean it in every sense. I just don’t care anymore. I love you too much.

I’m so broken, I’m sorry about me, I’m starting to really hate myself, you’re inside me in some way, and that’s all I like about myself. You are my day, you are the meaning of me, you are so much.

I can’t, I don’t want to, I’m unable to make it without you. My life is hanging from your fingers, you can drop it whenever you feel like it, you can control it as much as you want, I’ll follow you anywhere.

Your smile is worth a thousand stars, it’s one of the few things that are more beautiful than the sunset, or the sunrise, fresher than the smell of rain, greater than spaghetti, better than music, than ice on a summer’s day, than a heater on a winter’s night, than a full moon on a clear night, than a fully charged battery, than a stable WiFi connection, than a racing car, than a finely tuned guitar, than free band merch or free concert tickets, than anything I thought was great before I met you, I’d trade anything for that smile, for those sparkling eyes, that beautiful nose, those blushy cheeks, that perfectly placed little mole on your cheek, I want all that. but most of all. I want YOU, the you that hides behind that body, that racing spirit you own, ready for anything, ready for life, ready for adventures, you’re mildly wild, you’re indifferently special.

I’ve never blushed as much and as hard as I did today.

There is actually a girl that thinks I’m hot or cute or whatever, I just can’t believe it. How is it possible? Someone loves me, and she isn’t from my family or my fake friends, she knows me. 

She knows me and she loves me anyways.

I make someone happy by being myself, I make someone smile without acting or covering any of me. I’m a good thing in her life, I’m something she enjoys.

I can’t get it inside my head, she actually likes me!

Better than that...she likes me back! Why, oh, why can’t she be here by my side? What evil have I done that makes me deserve this level of pain? 

This is new territory for me, I haven’t ever missed or needed someone this bad. I thought I knew love before, when I felt passionate about music or cars but this goes way beyond that, way way beyond that.

She does magic.

I wonder why she hasn’t got boys all over her, (of course I wouldn’t enjoy it but...) she’s so pretty and cool and nice and funny and weird and special, I don’t get it. Is the world that dumb to not notice how perfect she is? I’m sure I’d be friends with her if she lived here, I’m sure I would suspect there’s something unique in her because there is.

I had never felt love this hard before, I had never opened my mouth shocked by a picture, I had never felt this happy with someone before, I had never felt so complete, I had never ever imagined there would be someone this perfect loving me (a dumb, random idiot from the internet on the other side of the world).

She could just leave me for a better guy. Why doesn’t she?

I’m suddenly most afraid of losing her somehow than drowning, burning to ashes, heights, spiders, or any other major or minor fear I’ve ever had. That fact just terrifies me, my heart skips a beat, I feel cold, helpless, awful.

I need her, I need you. 

Time to pour my thoughts into a text again.

This past few days I’ve been feeling better, I mean, not really, just part of Friday and whole of today. I guess balance ran out and I’ll be back as before from now? Maybe it can last a couple more hours of tomorrow that I’ll be working hard on three physic experiments for Thursday. Then I’ll probably some back home late in the evening and try to study physics for Monday’s test, but I know that’s not gonna happen...it’s a Sunday night, and we all know what feelings fall upon me on Sunday nights.

Weirdly, this time I’ve been okay I haven’t had much time for myself, obvious correlation? Just came back from a hang out, there were exchange friends and other guys and girls so it was really fun. I fooled around with this girl that was pretty nice and we had a blast, but when I came back home I felt like everything turned off and feelings started to rush through my mind. The strongest one of them all had to do with “what the fuck do you think you’re doing you idiot? Get away from her before you get too close.” And I’m afraid it’s true, I have fun in the moment, but when everything ends I remember how fucked up I am and I regret every bond I created or strengthened and I wanna get away from everyone.

I wish I was normal so I could be free to create strong bonds with anyone.

Not-really-new news: I LOVE A DAY TO REMEMBER, omg I’m fangirling so much, their lyrics are out of this world, and the drops, and the drums and guitars and bass and singing and screams arghh soo goooood.

Okay so yeah they’ve been helping me so much lately, they’re all I listen to right now, I was actually gonna buy Homesick today but it was freaking US$26 so I ended up buying lovely spikey bracelets cx.

Then I went karting after lunch, it was so great, I could’ve stayed doing laps for days there, I loved the kart and the track and everything, the vibe all around is so awesome. The kart itself wasn’t that fast but it felt like a rocket and it turned like a freaking fly, you could just go through any corner flat out turning like 90 degrees, the feel of the kart gripping on the floor was unique, I loved it, it made my weekend.