#veren's rambles

"Sebastian you dumbass, I like you!!!" I huffed it out. "Why can't you get it through your stupid head that I'm in love with you. You idiot! You absolute imbecile!"

God he is so fucking dumb! Fuck it. I don't even care my confession is me screaming at him.

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Let's rewind, shall we?

I was at Abigails, trying to make a new character for Solarion Chronicles. It was going swimmingly! We had a great backstory, and our stats were suprisingly good. It was such a normal occurrence, I didn't suspect a thing when she ran out of the room, saying she just was running to grab a snack.

Little did I know the 'snack' she was grabbing, was Sebastian. "Abigail, what the hell!" He slammed the door shut once he saw I was in her room. Through muffled yells I heard, "I thought we were making your character! Why is the farmer here?"

"Because the two of you need to talk. And we are making the SC characters! We have been working on ours for like an hour!" Though I couldn't see her face, I could picture her look of disappointment. Of course she couldn't have known. She had no idea just how hurt he had been. The two kept arguing and arguing. I couldn't just listen from behind the door.

With a click of the handle, I reached out and pulled Sebastian into the room. "Sebastian. Whatevers going on between us is *Between Us*. Don't take it out on Abigail."

He huffed, "Well she should have known.. I don't want to talk to you." He pulled away, but I closed the door behind him.

"Sebastian. We need to talk."

"I already said I don't want to, can't you get the hint?"

"You already said what you wanted to say at the beach! You haven't heard anything about what I have to say, or anything Sam does on the topic either!"

"Oh my Yoba, farmer! It's always Sam with you. Sam, Sam, Sam, always Sam! You know at one point I deluded myself onto think you like me. Did you know that?" He laughed. It was a dry laugh. A laugh that made me pity his mear existence at the point. A laugh that me want to hold him, to comfort him.

He continued, "But no! You like Sam! Why do you even want to be around me? Didn't you just use me to get closer to him? That's why you always gave me things, huh? Always dropped by my house? Said hi to me at pool? You always looked away every time I glanced in your direction. Always at Sam. Always Sam! So it's bad enough that I started to fall for you. But it's even worse that you fell for my first love!"

He was tearing up... "You just had to go for Sam. God fucking damn it farmer. Just leave me alone. I can't deal with you two together. It's too painful."

You know, i almost pitied him so a second. But god how can he be so dumb! "Sebastian you dumbass, I like you!!!" I huffed it out. "Why can't you get it through your stupid head that I'm in love with you. You idiot! You absolute imbecile!"

God he is so fucking dumb! Fuck it. I don't even care my confession is me screaming at him. "Yes! Yes, I like Sam! I love him so much! He is so kind, and loving. He always knows just what to say, and he-"

"So you admit it! You admit you're in love with him!" Near every emotion was flashing through his eyes.

"Yes but you're missing the most important part. I'm also in love with *you*!" I grabbed his face, squishing his cheeks and making him look at me. "Can't you get that through your thick skull?"

He pulled away, "How does that make any sense? You're in love with both of us. Are you kidding me? Sam is so perfect for you! I see how you work together. How he looks at you. How you look at him. I'm just a nobody. A tag-along. A third wheel. C'mon farmer listen to yourself."

"You listen to yourself! I am being so explicit and obvious with how I feel about you. If you are so observant to see how me and Sam look at each other, then you should be smart enough to know we look at you the same way! You aren't a nobody. Have some confidence Seb, we love you!"

"I-" he blinked. "Wait." Maybe it finally got through his head. "..We?"

And I let out a breath. "Yes, we." I only have one shot. He is finally listening, but if I screwed this up I don't think he could handle it. "Sam and I talked about it. We love you, Seb."

He was stunned. "So.. you love me. And, Sam..?"

"Mmhmm" I nodded.

The wind outside filled the long silence. The quiet whisper of the trees, the river just a bit away. The waves ebbing and flowing, making a beautiful melody to clash against the awkward mood. I gave him the time he needed to think. Yet this kept dragging on.

"What does that mean for.. everything? For us? For you two? Hold on. Geez farmer why didn't you tell me before I yelled at you so much?"

"Because you yelled at me before I could even tell you! That day on the beach? Yeah. I was heading to talk to you about this. But then you stormed away. Something I'm still a bit upset about, by the way." I glared at him. As much as I love his stupid face, he could be so frustrating. But it sounded like he was getting it.

"BOTH OF YOU CALM DOWN!" Suddenly Sam burst into the room! "I don't want to hear you both arguing!"

"Sam???" We looked over to see the blond freaking the fuck out.

"And I know that you guys are going through something right now, but Sebastian! What on earth are you even mad about?"

"Sam.." Sebastian tried to stop him.

"Because the Farmer has been stuck trying to think of how to talk to you for days!! And so have I! You don't look at me the same anymore. And"

"Sam." This time I tried.

"I know I should have said this earlier but Seb I love you so much. And so does the farmer. But we can't tell you if you won't listen to us!"

"SAM!" Abigail screeched out. "I brought you here to calm these two down, not so you could freak out and make things worse!!

Me and Sebastian blinked. Just how long had we been talking??? I questioned, "did you go all the way to Sam's, then back with him just in the span of our" I gave Seb an awkward glance, "uh.. tiff?"

"Well yeah! It was a whole two and a half pages long!"

"I'm sorry?" Seb interjected.

"Pff. Hahaha, Abigail oh goodness. You know bringing him here could have made things so much worse. Don't get me wrong Sam, I love you, but oh gosh if it hadn't gotten through Seb's THICK SKULL just moments ago this fight could have exploded."

"I'm still sorry about that.." Sebastian sighed. I wish I knew what was going on in his head right now.

"Shhh I know it's okay" I teased, wrapping my arm around his shoulder.

"Okay.. what???" Sam had been brought here to calm down our little screaming match. But here we were, me drapped around him, even teasing him. "What.. happened?"

"Oh boy, do we have a lot to catch you up on."

Masterlist

An* this chapter was a lot of fun! I like being able to use abigail's frustration at her dumbass friends to push the plot. It's a good time.

Just out of curiosity, and unrelated to this fic. I know that people see and interact with polls more than they leave likes on my stuff? So,

BDKSN

I CANNOT FREAKING DO THIS ANYMORE

I hate this! I hate everything! That's dramatic. And not true! But AAAAAAAA

I'm going to fail this class

The semester is like halfway done I am going to fall this class. I've never failed a class. I've never gotten below a B!

I'm so behind.

Everytime I try I just cry instead of being able to do it. I haye this. I hate myself for failing. Everything fucking sucks.

I'm literally freaking out crying ranting to tumblr over MATH and I have to be to work in less than an hour and I'm going to fucling rip my hair out or some shit. Not actually. I just don't know what to do with myself.

I can't do anything about the fact I'm failing. I can't. And sometimes I have to accept that I'll just fail. I get that. But school and doing well in school is so important to me and who I am as a person that I don't even know.

I'm a failure. I hate this. I can't do this anymore. I can't even fucking help myself about it. I don't want to actually talk to anyone about it. I hate this.