#venty things

//I’m trying so hard with this blog yet no one seems to like it- What’s wrong with it-

//Do you ever just slip into these weird moments of sheer apathy where you can’t do anything or if you can do anything then all you can/want to do is hurt someone but you don’t wanna hurt anyone so you just exist until you see something that somehow triggers you to feel again and just, “hA! Look at me I’m fine lmao Apathy? What apathy- I’m great!” because that’s a big mood right now.

sometimes you think 'oh my health issues and disabilities arent that noticable' but then you get reminded that no actually its super obvious you have issues, your parents are just shitty and constantly downplaying your issues. anyways my boss took one look at me when i came in to work and told me to go home because it was obvious how bad i was doing meanwhile before i left for work my egg donor was saying to me that it was probably only muscle pain and that i need to suck it up soooooooooo

😥 im kind of scared the one of the two things i wanted for christmas ill never be able to get. im definitely not getting it for christmas (I had hope but it IS a 30 dollar hoodie, i didnt have that much hope) and theres no way im getting it in the next yr so its probably going to end up going out of stock.. eugh.. what if i killed myself. I literally want it so bad and it was one of TWO items i wanted between my birthday AND christmas. I dont even want to seem ungrateful but it sucks that I never ask for anything but when I do i dont get them...

I love Law with all my heart, and not a day goes by where I regret saving him in any capacity. Even so, seeing how... I wish not to use the word obsessed, but most certainly intense in his want to honor me after my death, reminds me a bit too much of doflamingo in my sourcememories. He too was quite a bit obsessed, something i can now recognize and admit once I've seen it from another view. It makes me feel guilty. As if I'm the common factor in all this.