#vent ftm

I just got prescribed testosterone gel and it's so surreal. I am filled with so many emotions: gratitude, concern, fear, pride. As a recovering "chronic people pleaser" it is so strange to have something- to be able to take part in something- that is solely and wholly for me. For my benefit. To be me and to defy the expectations set for me. It feels entirely new and radical. I'm sure for those of you who are several years on hormones that you once felt like this too. I can only imagine that is true. And it brings me closer to my community of people I have chosen to have in my life and have the privilege of being around. I'm just absolutely buzzing and I need to express these thoughts before I implode. Anyways AH hormones AH!!!!

i killed her.