#vector x agent

Vector's story- both personal and romantic- is the story of a man who is to his very core a diplomat. He's always trying to break through barriers, make compromises, and bring understanding, all in the hopes of getting to a better place. This seems to come from Vector's strong mix of both idealism and realism. He highly respects both the Killiks and the Empire. He wants a Killik/Imperial alliance because he's deeply aware of how much the Killik have to offer the galaxy and he respects the ideal vision of the Empire. At the same time, he's perfectly aware that almost none of the Imperials he talked to really wanted to be allied with the Killiks, finding them frightening or disgusting. He knows, though, that there are enough people who can get some personal gain or see some sort of utilitarian advantage to the alliance to get things started. Deep down, I think he hopes that if he can at least start things, they might reach the ideal he sees in his head.

The same can be said of his romance with the agent. Eventually, he decides he would like something more with the agent, but isn't entirely sure how to proceed. Like his first hesitant steps back into the role of diplomat, he slowly feels out what it means to be human again. All the while, he keeps in mind both the ideal and the real. He says again and again that he is content with who he has become as a Joiner. He's not interested in looking for a “cure” and has no real interest in going back to being simply human. Still, he is perfectly aware of how people look at him and while that normally wouldn't bother him, he wants the agent to be comfortable with him. Ideally, she would accept him as he is, but realistically, he knows she might only want the part of him that is a man and not the part that is Killik. After all, he heard Anora's message.

We've watched it seventeen times and meditated to the static.

Here's someone whom, at one point, he deeply loved and who deeply loved him. She wants him to go back to who he was and makes this plea in the name of others who still care for him. It does nothing to change his mind on being a Joiner, but he says he hadn't considered that people might want him to go back to what he was before. The part of his life with Anora is over, so he needn't worry about this for her sake but there is the possibility of someone new in his life. Does she too wish for him to be someone else?

This concern over what the agent really thinks of him, is highlighted by the romance scene. He has learned to suppress the Joining pheromones in order to appear more human (something, perhaps, he went out of his way to learn just for her). It's a sweet gesture to the agent, to let her see another side of him and to offer her some time for just the two of them. Her different reactions to this gesture- and his response to those reactions- show what this really means to him.

If the agent agrees to his decision to repress the bond, he is happy. Content. He confesses his love in this route and- if the agent reciprocates- he says, “Then it all works out” after he stops repressing his bond to the Killiks. Clearly no matter the route the agent takes at this point in their relationship, he is in love. However, this response seems to suggest he still wasn't entirely sure of her feelings. Saying that it “works out” also suggests, so long as she says she loves him, he's willing to accept that she may not be entirely comfortable with his status as a Joiner. This echoes an earlier sentiment where, if the agent says she's not sure she'll ever get used to kissing a Joiner, he quips that at least he's memorable. It's almost heartbreaking, but he cares for her enough and hopes for enough, that he's willing to forge a relationship in the hopes that one day she'll love him just as he is, as he loves her for who she is. (Note: I'm not saying players/agents that choose the first option don't or can't like him as a Joiner, but he definitely seems to want that approval, and tends to need things spelled out for him)

This is all underlined by a couple of the different options. If the agent says she doesn't think it was a romantic gesture, Vector is a bit distressed and confesses:

We don't usually worry about making people uncomfortable, but we care for you. If you were part of the nest, you would know our thoughts. Since you aren't, we sought to prove our feelings in a human way.

Ever the diplomat, he does his best to reach a mutual understanding. There is a bridge the agent can't cross, so he'll cross it for her. He can admit in other dialogue choices that suppressing the bond in this way is such a strain that it would destroy him to do it often. Yet, he is willing to undergo that strain, at least once, in order to show her just how much he cares for her and cares for what she thinks of him. He does this because he is willing to wait for his ideal. Like the Killik alliance with the Empire, he forges a beginning in the hope of getting to a desired end. Nothing shows this more clearly than if the agent acknowledges that it was a nice gesture, but that it's not what she wants.

V: This is a time for us to be together; one you needn't share with the Oroboro or the Colony.

IA: You're sweet, but the man I care for isn't human.

V: We didn't know, but we expected to learn one day- we're glad it happened like this. ~[changes back and then smiles]~ And we're glad to be with you.

IA: Trust me with who you are. Because I'm glad to be with you, too.

V: We will remember.

Vector doesn't say that he doesn't want to share the moment, just that she needn't do it. If she wants to be with just him- the human him- at least this first time, he's more than willing to make that happen for her. If she tells him plainly that that's not what she wants, he is relieved to finally know for sure. He's able to give his whole self to the agent and rest in the knowledge that it is him that she loves, and not some idea of a man that he can never be. She loves him exactly for who is now and not in spite of it.

This brings me to why I love this particular relationship (and the above dynamic) so much. Both parties bring something to the table and balance each other. The agent, by nature of her job, is a solitary being. Most of the relationships she is allowed to forge are fleeting or shallow. As Watcher X and later events prove, her environment encourages her to trust no one but herself. Meanwhile, Vector is never alone. Every detail of his life- everything he was and ever will be- is given freely to others all across the galaxy. The agent's fierce, independent presence helps to remind Vector of what it means to be human. Vector, meanwhile, allows the agent a connection to something huge. By loving and connecting to this one man, her love and connection is echoed through countless minds throughout the galaxy.

Furthermore, it's not hard to imagine that the agent might be a bit jaded. Surely she has seen good, but she's also seen the worst the Empire has to offer on a frequent basis. People are there to play her or to be played. Foreign planets and cultures are to be consumed and turned to cover. Vector meanwhile- so guileless, so good- sees absolutely everything in a brand new light due to his Joining. He manages to add freshness and levity to even the most mundane things.

V: Last night, we ate our first ration bar since leaving the nest. We savored the flavor for two hours. We could taste every nutrient, every chemical compound, and trace of foil. Do you know what Joining the Killiks does to a person's senses?

IA: You get excited over a ration bar. That's cute, Vector.

V: We'll let you know when we try the Chaka noodles.

As much as Vector needs the agent in order to find himself, the agent needs what Vector has to offer. In traveling with the agent, he not only gets to experience the galaxy with fresh eyes, but also brings the agent into this wondrous world. In a life with so little trust to spare, is a man willing to give every dream, every feeling, his entire self, to others. Forced day in and day out to play roles and abandon her identity, she can rely on a man who only wants her to be herself, even if it means he'll never know her as he would another Joiner. If he wants her secrets, it's only so that he can know every part of her and never to use them against her. He wants what she is willing to give him, nothing more.