#vault-711

Had a lovely day. Lovely Sunday day. The girl who lives in the buildings opposite (who I met a week or so ago by accident) came around for a cup of tea and she brought cake! I made sausage casserole and had a hot shower. And I'm so warm and cosie and wearing a onesie. 

And I don't know how many times she can fight this shit off.

We're waiting for confirmation of what stage this is... And I'm totally... I really REALLY don't want to know but waiting is terrible too. And I know mum's scared.

They haven't told my sister yet because we know she'll come home from university and she's in her final year... so i can't tell my friends as some of them are family members and the whole thing just feels like we're sitting in a hospital waiting room waiting for terrible news.

.... Ugh I just... my mum is my best friend. I don't know what I'd do if...

I just feel so fucking helpless and emotionally wired and I swear I just want it all to go away.

I just hate that is underlies EVERYTHING. You think- uh oh I should sort some lists for Christmas- and then you think, ... treatment might have to start in November. And it's just...  I feel like I'm being put through a wire rack and left to try right now.

Thankgod I have so many lovely people on here to talk to at least... Like CJ, and Paola and Amanda and Celle and Meenu and Zoya and Lis and Arwen and Sarah...and so many other people.

and I'm not putting this under a readmore. Because I want people to know. If I'm short or aggressive or angry about things it's because beneath everything I'm just terribly worried. And it's not directed at you.

Everyone just cross your fingers and hold your breath, yeah?

Our Song Hello | Beyonce

Wedding Song After Party | The Lonely Island