#vaughnall

Connall slowly buttoned up his tunic, pulling at the collar and the cuffs of the sleeves. He stopped, his hand braced on his door, his nostrils flaring. Pressing his forehead against the door, Connall dug a dent into his lip that began to bleed. 

He should have been back by now. Fenrys should have been back. 

He wouldn’t leave. 

He wouldn’t run. 

He would leave him behind. 

Connall took a shaky breath and he turned the knob to his door, a curl falling in his face. He hadn’t noticed the out of place, but familiar scent in his room until he had closed the door, turning around again. 

“You can’t be here” Was the first thing out of his mouth and the male just watched him. Connall realized he was playing with the ties at his neck, and he dropped his hands, clenching his fists. “Get out” 

“Most we always go through this banter, C?” Vaughan asked, leaning back on Connall’s bed gently. His dark fingers were splayed out on the crisp white sheets. Connall could tell he was trying his best not to clench the fabric. 

“Don’t call me that” He kept a wide space between him and his cadre member, arcing into the bathroom. Connall slowly sat down on the stool, his arms hanging between his knees, pressing his brow onto his palms. “Get on with it, you old bird” 

Vaughan chuckled. A deep, rich, even slightly raspy sound. Connall’s shoulders slumped forward even more and he sensed Vaughan moving. Immediately, he tried to scramble back, but when he looked up, Vaughan’s hands were held in front of him. 

“I know you don’t want to be touched. And I would never touch you, Connall, and you know that” Vaughan gave him a half smile, one of those stupidly chipped teeth showing. Connall nodded and he tugged his knees into his chest. 

“When I first came I wanted so badly to mean something” Connall droned, answering Vaughan’s unasked question, fulfilling his untold demand. Connall didn’t bother to look up, only stared at his hands. 

“We’ve been through this story. You felt destined to forever be in Fenrys’ shadows, but Maeve provided a way to escape that darkness. What she didn’t tell you was you would become a victim to a much darker darkness” Connall cringed at the steady truth in Vaughan’s words.

“Dig deeper, Connall” The way Vaughan said his name ruined Connall in a thousand and one different ways and it would take him all night to put himself back together. But it ruined him in the good way. He looked back at Vaughan, who was chewing on his lip, his eyebrows raised. 

“There’s nothing else. I’m an open book” Connall said, swallowing. Vaughan’s eyes, the color of burned copper, fluttered down to his hands, watching them clench and unclench. He shook his head, clasping his fingers on his knees. 

“If you say so, C” Vaughan gestured, changing the subject with that small gesture, and Connall sighed. His fingers trembled as he shrugged off his shirt, his chest heaving up and down, his heart fluttering in his chest. Vaughan tilted his head to the side, looking up at the ceiling. His hand was clasped over his eyes, a slight smile playing at his lips. That smile...

“Anything out of color?” Vaughan asked cautiously. His normally controlled, soothing, slightly clipped voice had taken on the nervous undertone it always did when addressing the abuse Connall suffered. 

He looked down at his chest and shook his head. Connall cleared his throat and answered, his voice seeming soft, out of place, weak. He was not weak. Vaughan swallowed, licking his lips. “You should wash up. I’d suggest warm water, but I know you’ll use cold...” He trailed off, but Connall didn’t miss anything when it came to him. 

That’s what made everything so much harder. 

“You don’t have to do this every time” Connall snapped abruptly. The other male’s jaw tensed and he stood up, walking towards Connall. His hand still pressed over his eyes, he stood in front of him. Connall had this strange feeling Vaughan saw him better than any person with both their eyes open. 

“I will always do this, C, and I am past the point of explaining to you why I will do this. I know you’re bruised right there,” Vaughan pointed and Connall winced, confirming the male’s words. “And I know you’re bleeding here” Vaughan put his hand out, parallel to Connall’s heart. If Connall would just step forward, Vaughan’s hand would be pressing against his thumping, racing heart. But he didn’t. 

“And Fenrys will press hard against this wound, try to soak up the blood, attempt to stop the bleeding. And Maeve will continue to stab you and you will let her. But I know, I know you want a shield. You have to want it. And when you do I will be your shield”

“Why?” Connall whispered. He wanted to reach forward, wanted to pull Vaughan’s hand from over his eyes, wanted to run his hands through his hair, let his fingers get impossibly tangled. He wanted Vaughan to run. Fly - fly far away. Instead of coming back to him; again and again and again.

“Because you’re it for me. I’ve accepted that” Connall’s heart froze in his chest, his stomach clenching. His fingers curled into his palms, his nails digging into the soft skin. Vaughan’s nostrils flared and Connall knew it was a physical strain for Vaughan not to reach out and grab Connall, to make him stop hurting himself. “You’re the one; I’m yours. You may never be mine, but I’ll spend every waking, breathing moment, making it very obvious whose I am” 

“Stop” Connall whispered. 

“I am wholly yours. I know it. I know that my soul would sooner collapse than be without yours and I’d let it. But you’re not ready and you may never be ready. It could be centuries from now, and we’d still be here, and I’d still be yours. That’s how sure I am. I’d rather die tomorrow, knowing, trusting, and loving that I’m yours, than live a thousand years, ignoring this fact and moving on” 

Connall stared at Vaughan. He looked ridiculous. His hand resting over his eyes, his other hand thumping on his leg. He was restless. Connall was standing there, letting him pour out his heart, and Vaughan was staying still. Because he knew that’s what Connall needed. 

If Connall was normal, he would have shoved away Vaughan’s hand, and held him. Kissed him, maybe. Given him a physical touch, an emotional caress. Given him something. But he did nothing. Nothing. 

Deep down he knew Vaughan didn’t mind, but he minded. 

“Get out” Connall’s voice shook. Blood dripped onto the floor from the crescent moon cuts in his palms. Connall’s breathing had sped up, his shoulders moving up and down. Vaughan’s face fell, but he nodded. 

“Don’t come back, V” Connall froze and continued, “Vaughan, don’t you dare come back” 

“We both know I will”

“You’re hurting me” Connall whispered. 

“Then it is very clear we are not mates,” Vaughan forced a laugh from between his lips. “Because you’re hurting me too, C. But I wouldn’t have it any other way” 

Connall should beg him to stay. Beg him to take care of the bruises, to wash him of Maeve’s scent and touch. Beg him to run his fingers through his hair. Beg - Ask, never beg - Vaughan, and Vaughan only, to allow him to rest his head on his lap, to be lost in another touch, another scent. A scent he couldn’t name, but didn’t care, because he knew that’s what home was supposed to smell like. 

“I’m sorry,” Connall whispered instead. This was all his fault. He couldn’t dig deeper because it hurt. He couldn’t admit the truth, not to Vaughan. He couldn’t bear this weight, handle what might happen. 

“I’m not” Vaughan’s shoulders sagged. In another life Connall would walk forward and grip Vaughan’s shoulders, straightening him. He would hold his face and Vaughan would hold his, and their foreheads would touch. Then their noses, maybe even their lips. And from there, everything would be okay. 

But in their world it was simply not possible. 

Vaughan turned away and Connall let him walk to the door. He watched as Vaughan braced his palm against the door, the same way he had done before he walked in, then pulled it open. “When you were gone you took a part of me with you” Connall whispered. 

It was the most truthful thing he had ever told him. 

Vaughan must have sensed that, known that, deep down. 

Vaughan turned around and their eyes met. Burned copper and onyx. Vaughan’s eyes didn’t once dip to his bare chest; it didn’t even look like the urge was there. Though it was not because of the lack of physical attraction. 

“When-” Connall choked on his words, struggling. He clenched his fists again, grasping at the air. He shook his head, the words failing him. Vaughan was so, so good with words. But they always seemed to fail him when it mattered most. 

“Good bye, little wolf,” Vaughan whispered. Connall watched helplessly as the door closed between them. He slowly lowered himself down to the ground, pulling his knees into his chest. He pressed his cheek against the wall, breathing shakily. 

“Good bye, old bird” 

I’m legitimately sobbing in my bed. I can’t stop crying. Did you read what Trevante said about Chiron and Kevin?

“I think about love on a scale from 1 to 10. Most of us find a 6 or 7, and that’s why we have divorce. It’s the truth. We settle for that 6 or 7. But I like to think Kevin is Chiron’s 10. He’s found that and he realizes that there’s no reason to settle for a 6 or a 7 because, “I know this person is my 10. Whether or not this person believes I’m his 10, I’m going to devote my life to this person entirely.” That’s why the line where he says, ‘You’re the only man that’s ever touched me,’ for me, was the most amazing, most beautiful thing I’ve seen in cinema, period. Because that’s what we strive for as people, to find that one person because they’re there. If Kevin doesn’t feel that they should be together, Chiron is just going to die a miserable person because that’s his person and he won’t settle for anything else. But I like to think they’re together, walking in Central Park hand-in-hand when they’re 90 years old.” - Trevante Rhodes

To me, this is Connall and Vaughan. And I could definitely see a scene where Connall just presses his forehead against Vaughan’s and tells him how much he means to him, by actually saying, “You the only man that’s ever touched me. No one has really touched me since. Not like that”