~ Chaar Kadam ~
01
Epiphany
"Randheer - Pakistan police caught him."
The words rang in her head, sinking slowly into pits of her conscience. The love that she waited for - lived for - was held captive in a different land. Air burned her windpipe and Amrit struggled to breathe - those words were caught in her throat. He will not come to save her. It had been a futile dream. Instead, perhaps, she would have to save him.
She hadn't realized how tightly she had clutched at Vashma's hand. Not that her friend had cared. Now they had each other - they held with greed and they cried. They were tears worth four years. Tears for every laugh once shared, every kindred spirit once loved. Amrit snuggled against Vashma's shoulder, allowed her tears to soak through her clothing. Vashma ran her fingers through Amrit's loose hair with tentative affection.
Amrit closed her eyes and allowed the warmth to wash over her. Like desert, she soaked up Vashma's loving caresses - deprived as she was of all forms of love that was in that beautiful life of yore. There was such heartwarming motherliness about Vashma, perhaps it was her pent up love for her lost baby finally finding a different target. Amrit clutched at her other hand.
"Why?" She asked. "Why wouldn't you let me tell Uday Veerji you are here. Why won't you allow yourself to be freed from this cage? This isn't a life worth living Vashma. This isn't a life that you deserve."
Her eyes were closed as she spoke. In the pause that followed Amrit's words, Vashma seemed to have aged decades - lived several lives and spoke with a wisdom that Amrit did not yet posses.
"Do you know what azaadi did to us?" She asked. She had of cause answered this question before, telling Amrit how she wouldn't leave without finding her baby, that she couldn't meet Uday's eyes otherwise. Amrit watched her keenly now, realizing Vashma was going to give a different answer this time.
"It gave us potential. Potential to grab power." She sighed. "When we were a colony- everyone was powerless. Everyone was together. Now that the enemy is gone - we have turned on each other. Now, if we want to protect what is ours, remain who we are - we need power of our own."
Finally, Vashma looked at her, really, looked at her. "This is not a good place. True. But it is an epicenter of power. Mujhe woh takat chahiye Amrit, I want such power that no man ever would trample upon me and mine. Such power that I could right every wrong ever done to me. Such power that I would wish and my baby would be found."
"Iss barbadi mein kudh ko kya aabad karonge Vashma?"
"You won't understand," Vashma said slowly. "If this is greed, manjoor hai mujhe. We deal in secrets Amrit. You have no idea what kind of power they hold. How easy it is to get a hold over a person and make them abide to your wishes. I'm doing the same to Amina bai for now, her need to run this place allows me a hold over her."
"You've changed." Amrit shook her head. But she did not mean it with prejudice. Vashma made things rather simple, more black and white than the confusing gray.
"Do you honestly think it's wrong to use a woman like Amina bai till I find my child?" Vashma insisted. "Do you?"
"No," Amrit said slowly. "Unki bhi toh faida hi hai," she shook her head to her own thought. But the thought gripped her, kept her held in that rather dark place. Power. Greed. Bargain. Then, something else occurred to her, a voice, a proposal - now replayed in a new light.
"Aap apni intezaar utt ke kijiye, beith ke kijiye, soothe hue kijiye, kaathe waqt kijiye - aapki aur aapki intezaar ki beech hum nahi aayenge."
Oh well. If it is what he wanted, Amrit toyed with the idea - was it too bad of her to want a bit of power in return? A little consequence, perhaps a little say - power enough to get Randeer the freedom he deserved, bring him away from that hellish place to somewhere better. Could anyone say she was wrong then if she was to stake her own life in lieu of Randheer's?
She closed her eyes, let the last of acidic tears to drain away. Somewhere deep within her soul, something withered and rotted. Perhaps it was the girl she was - perhaps it was the dream of the woman she thought she would be. Perhaps it was that petulant wish she held into - that wish of becoming Randheer's. If she was to do this - she'd never be his, never be the woman she dreamed to be. But he would be free. Wouldn't that be enough to live out the rest of her life? Knowing that the man she love was no longer suffering but was free and living his life out there somewhere.
Somewhere far away.
Perhaps, this was the sign her God had wanted to give her by making her see a glimpse of Randheer in the crowd. That glimpse which brought her to Vashma and this epiphany.
"Kya soch rahi hai tu?" Vashma inquired, one elegant brow arched dramatically.
For a moment Amrit was amazed at how unfazed she was, even when she had confronted Veer - at his worst no doubt. Vashma had still managed to get an apology from the man, a feat no less - but had also managed to stop him from finding out that the woman he wanted to find and kill was but a door away from him. Vashma could help her.
"Woh Chale Gaye?" She asked vaguely instead. Then added. "Kuwar sahab?"
Vashma was silent for a moment. She was smart and Amrit had not yet learned to keep her face impassive.
"He will kill you." Vashma stated. "You have taken a wrong meaning to my words."
Amrit shook her head, took Vashma's hands in hers.
"I should do this. I could give you hundred reasons why. Starting from keeping my family safe from that volatile man. Then I could give you one truth. I would do it for Randheer. Just like you are doing this for Kabir and Uday veerji. I will go back to him - jo honga dekha jaayenga ."
*
This initiative of hers, had God's blessing. Amrit would not have thought of keeping pardha on her head - it was Vashma's doing - and before she knew it, the silver tongued Vashma had already taken Veer's word to protect her and her honor.
"- humare liye yeh ek mehemaan hi rahengi. Jab tak yeh humare saath rahengi iss pe ya isski izzat pe anch tak aane nahi dunga. Yeh vaada hai humara hum iss ki taraf aank utta kar bhi nahi dekhenge."
And so they went, a satisfied Vashma bidding her a tearful good bye, and her own heart thumping in her throat, Amrit followed Veer, out into the lantern lit street of chandni chawk.
Outside, he stopped abruptly. She'd have walked into him had she been any less attentive.
"Ek darkhast hai aapse," he said then. The shadows hid his expression but his tone was weary, that once haughty pose drooping. Amrit spoke before she had thought it out. Her need to get this right - get herself into this power play too urgent.
"I will not leave. I promise."
There she had gone and made a bargain of her own. Her freedom in exchange of Randheer's - one day, very soon.
Veer went still, very still as if her words had doused him in ice water. He turned to her sharply, eyes searching. But she had turned her face away. He could only see a silhouette of her face against the pardha lit up by the nearest hanging lantern. Dark hair braided thickly hung from her shoulder down to her waist. If he so wished, he could convince himself into seeing a glimpse of his run away bride in this stranger. Maybe, he was drunk after all.
"Chaar kadam-" he said instead. "Four steps. Stay four steps away from me always. Not a step closer. Not a step further. Chaar kadam."
"Chaar kadam." She repeated, slightly puzzled but inwardly happy. Distance - she was only too happy to impose. But then he stumbled and she reached instinctively to steady him - a hand at his elbow.
For whatever reasons, she wanted this man alive - not dead on some shadowy step of chandni chawk.
He managed to stay upright, one hand bracing the nearest pillar and the other holding into her arm. Amrit stumbled along and ended up pressed between the pillar and him. This was the closest she had ever been to Kuwar Veer Pratap Singh, without any conscious attempts by the man himself to intimidate her. He looked down at her speculatively, his gaze trailing over yet unseeing her face. She turned her face away, scrunching her nose in disgust at the scent of alcohol in his breath. He dipped his head and muttered close to her ear.
"Qareeb aayi toh tum barbaad ho jaongi- dur gayi toh hum barbaad ho jayenge. Chaar kadam. Remember."
He moved away and waved a warning finger at her.
"Chaar kadam."
*
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