#vancorius

@vancorius​ said: “ you should’ve ended me while you still had the chance . ” lost meme.

‘ i could. ’ 

she  won’t  ,  they both know she won’t.  &  at this point  ,  maybe she  couldn’t  .  she cares too much  &  can’t  quite  pinpoint why.  it’s not as though he’s been particularly  nice  to her  ,  he hasn’t really  reciprocated  her attempts to reach out  ,  &  that’s fine.  it’s not as though she’d be  deterred  by something like that.

‘ but i won’t. ’ 

she  can’t  ,  not really.  if she destroyed him  ,  it would feel  wrong  ,  as if she believed he couldn’t change.  that would mean giving up on  herself  as well  ,  &  for the sake of her  friends  ,  she couldn’t really do that.  if she killed him  ,  she’d be admitting that he couldn’t change  ,  &   by extent  ,  that perhaps she  hadn’t  .

but it’s not so much like that.  she’s not as  cruel  as to use him to make herself feel better.  no  ,  somehow...aqua  cares  about vanitas  ,  something she doubts  either  of them expected.  but she doesn’t put up such a front around him  ,  whether he’s noticed or  cares  that much to notice.  even if he doesn’t  ,  she doesn’t feel like she  has  to  ,  &  that’s probably for the better.

she loves ven  &  terra  ,  but she can’t  stand  to let them see her any way but how they knew her  ,  if only more  remorseful  .

she doesn’t let them see the  bitter  ,  the  anger  ,  the  pain  that clings to her ribs  &  gnaws  at the bone.

@vancorius​ said: ❝ don’t you dare look at me like everything’s okay . ❞

‘ how do you think i should look at you, then ?? ’ 

her voice doesn’t hold any malice or edge  ,  no hint of venom or poison.  she’s simply  curious  .  he arms are tucked around her knees where she sits  ,  cheek against her leg as she turns to look at him.  she doesn’t hate him  ,  isn’t angry with him.

if anything  ,  he makes her a little sad.

perhaps  ,  aqua thinks  ,  out of all xehanort’s victims  ,  vanitas was the saddest.  xehanort’s cruelty was all he’d known  ,  not kindness or friendship or  love  .  it made her a bit sad to think what a life like that must’ve been like.  it’s why she can’t blame him for the hurt he caused  ,  the things he said or did.

it wasn’t his fault that pain  &  suffering were all he knew.

‘ and...maybe everything’s not okay, not yet.  i know terra....isn’t quite so comfortable with you, and...maybe he never will be.  maybe none of us will ever really be okay.  we’ll all be carrying something with us, probably for the rest of our lives. ’ 

she shifts where she sits slightly  ,  placing one hand between them on the ground  ,  an offer  ,  a  bridge  if he wanted it. 

‘ ....but that doesn’t mean we have to do it alone.  not if you don’t want to. ’ 

a sigh leaves her  ,  a brief  sadness  flashes across her face  ,  but she doesn’t move her hand  ,  not yet.