I was just reading about your perspective on Puritan!Carlisle thinking he’s a demon and is dammed,(and how when he was turned he wouldn’t have even known the term vampire). I was mulling that over and had to add: Carlisle probably thinks that he deserves to be dammed and that this is a just punishment. When Carlisle was bitten he fled and hid to avoid being burned by his father. In essence, he disobeys and dishonours his father. He violated the Ten Commandments to do so. Carlisle had a choice in the situation and he gave into temptation. Therefore, when he doesn’t die but wakes up a demon. That is his punishment. Now he gets what he deserved for his defiance of God’s will, for defying his father: He is a demon and he literally cannot die now that he actually wants to. It’s poetic justice.
(Also, your work is amazing. I love the depth to them. I hope someday I refine my craft enough to write like you do.)
I agree completely. I strongly believe that some part of Carlisle believes all of this is eternal punishment for who he was as a human and how he behaved, even as I strongly headcanon that he was a mildly rebellious to begin with. I think he wasn’t quite the “obedient son” that SM has Edward describe in Twilight; he’s too much of a quiet rebel in canon to have not been one as a human. Vampirism is his punishment. It’s a state of original sin, and he is trying to pay penance for it over and over, and now, for the sins of the others he’s brought to this life. He can’t ever rest. It’s an exhausting eternity.Â
This is why I disagree with some of the headcanon that Carlisle would not want to be human. I agree completely that being human would present all sorts of problems, and yes, given his family, after 1918 he would probably stare at the offer to be human and go "No thanks, I'm not giving up my son and my wife." But if he could back up to 1917 and become human and therefore be able to just...die? I think he would do that. Even it meant hellfire. He would think hellfire is easier. Esme and Edward are an eternal conflict--they are something he shouldn’t enjoy in his eternity of punishment. And yet he has them, which suggests that perhaps God is merciful, even to him. Over time, I strongly believe that he would’ve swung around to a more progressive version of Christianity, one which permits the idea that he might have been forgiven for his sins as a human, and that his family is evidence of that forgiveness. But the Puritan ethic keeps him seeking atonement, which keeps him doing all the things he does in canon--constantly working, constantly saving lives, constantly cleaning up after his family, constantly bringing together people from across vampiredom. I may have to kill this particular darling but I am desperately trying to work in a joke into One Day wherein Bella remarks offhandedly that he’s acting like such a Puritan and he just smirks until she realizes what she just said.Â
He is, however, such a Puritan. He'll never believe that God loves him. He will assume he is damned every day of his immortal life. And he will spend every second of that life trying to atone for that damnation with every fiber of his being. It's why he's still such a compelling character to me, despite his very huge flaws (h/t @stregoni-benefici), and even continually after so long. And thank you for the compliment. 🥺 I am resigned to the fact that this writing is obviously never going to stop being fun, so I'm glad other people enjoy what happens when I'm having fun. It's hard to write a lot and not get better at writing, so let's just have fun writing this stuff!
