#vampire!jan

Let me hold you, keep you close to me I long to hear your voice But dearest, I know better now I must give you this choice [...] I can give you everything you need Or do you want to hear me plead? Just look my way, just look my way Is there something more that I don't know That you won't say 'til we've both grown cold? Just say, please, stay, look my way [...] And I'm terrified, as I cry, to make these feelings true What's left for me and my broken heart, if I cannot have you [...] I'll save us both before we grow cold If you'll stay, and just say, “Look my way"

Just Look My Way - Helluva Boss

Near 1.000 AD

Jan observes the farmers gathering wood and branches for the winter in the woodland that he owns. He is the Lord of Nauportus(1), a small town not so far from Aemona(2), the capital of that region. To be honest, he hates these Latin names. He hopes they can be changed into some Slavic ones as soon as possible.

Winter is approaching quickly this year. The air is getting colder, but Jan isn’t bothered by that cool temperature. It hadn't been a problem for him for a century, at least. He is a demon of the night, after all.

He lifts his eyes to the sky. It’s grey and it’s getting darker by the minute. He takes a deep breath, the air smells of rain. 

He keeps marching in the woods, his soft steps don’t make any sound. He’s a predator, he knows how to hide himself from his prey. He spots the scent of a stag, his eyes become red while he starts following it. He wants to catch it before it starts raining, he hates when his hair gets wet.

The stag is eating some dry grass on the ground, it doesn’t notice Jan, who is slowly approaching his prey. In a blink of an eye he sinks his sharp fangs in the stag’s neck and begins drinking its blood. It’s not a proper diet for him, but he can manage to survive on animal blood for a few weeks. At least his servants in the castle will eat something more consistent than porridge and vegetable soup in the upcoming days.

When he comes back from the woods, he brings the stag with him and leaves it in the kitchen of the palace. His servants are so used to seeing him with big animals that no one asks him anything. They know, they just accept what he brings and smile with gratitude. In the end, they protect each other: he hunts and kills potential threats to the village and the humans don’t reveal his secret to outsiders.

“My Lord,” Gaspar, his adviser, greets him as soon as he sees Jan exiting the kitchen. “We have a guest tonight.”

“A guest?”

“Yes, Lord Jan. He arrives from Carnium(3), in the north. He’s the son of the Lord of that town.”

Jan nods. “Tell him I’ll meet him in a few minutes, I just need to put on some nicer clothes.”

“And wash your lips, please. There’s blood on them.”

Jan licks away the blood. “Thanks, Gaspar.”

Fifteen minutes later Jan is ready to meet his guest. He’s wearing a red coat and black trousers, the colours on the blazon of his family.

He hears Gaspar announcing him, then he enters the room showing a smile to his guest. But that smile vanishes as soon as he sees the man in front of him. Jan’s heart skips a couple of beatings, his face burns. 

“Lord Jan, let me introduce you to Lord Ignac of the Jordan family from Carnium.”

Jan is staring at the human. He’s never seen a human so beautiful before. He has a tender smile, sweet and friendly brown eyes. And his scent is so alluring, so tempting. 

“Lord Jan?”

Jan turns his head to Gaspar all of a sudden. 

“Yes, my apologies, Lord Ignac,” he hems, then his eyes go back to his guest. He slightly bows his head. “Nice to meet you, I’m Lord Jan Peteh of Nauportus, as Gaspar certainly told you. Welcome to my castle.”

“I thank you for your hospitality,” Ignac replies, bowing a little out of respect for his host. “I’m about to take my father’s place as Lord of Carnium, so I decided to visit the other aristocrats living around our lands,” he explains.

Jan gestures towards two armchairs near the fireplace and the lords sit down, one in front of the other.

“Do you want anything to drink or to eat?” Asks Gaspar while following the two aristocrats. 

“I’d like just a hot brew, I won’t stay long here, unfortunately,” Ignac answers while looking at the adviser.

“Please, Lord Ignac, I’d like you to stay here at least for tonight. It’s about to rain and it gets difficult and dangerous to ride with the mud on the paths. We have plenty of spare rooms, I live here alone.”

Ignac tries to reply, but at that moment rain starts falling heavily from the sky. He giggles. “It seems you are right, Lord Jan. I’ll accept your offer, then,” he says, smiling at him.

A new warm feeling blooms inside Jan’s chest, this time it’s sweeter, more delicate. He wants to be the only person in the entire known world to receive that smile. But he surely can’t have it, or him entirely. Ignac’s the future Lord of his land, he’s required to marry a noble woman and have children. Maybe he’s already married and a father.

They keep talking, jumping from one topic to the other. Jan quickly discovers that Ignac is pretty talkative and that his eyes shine when he talks about stuff he’s passionate about. He could watch him for hours without getting tired.

Their conversation gets interrupted only by Gaspar when he announces that dinner is ready. The two aristocrats go from the room dedicated to official meetings to the dining room, where the table is already set with many dishes. The main course is obviously the stag that Jan hunted that same day. Even though he’s a demon of the night, Jan can still eat human food without any consequences for his health. 

They start eating. Ignac is surprised by the amazing taste of each dish and floods Jan’s servants with compliments. And he keeps smiling, while he eats and talks. And he makes Jan laugh, even Gaspar is surprised because Jan hardly smiles or laughs.

Ignac is human. Unfortunately he feels tired. Jan calls a housemaid to escort Ignac to his room for the night. 

A few seconds later and Jan is again alone with his loyal adviser.

“You like him,” Gaspar says.

Jan turns to him. “I beg your pardon?”

“You like him,” Gaspar repeats. “I’ve never seen you smile like that. And you laughed at his stories. You shined and you looked at him like he was the sun itself.”

“Y-yes, he’s intriguing,” Jan admits.

“Just intriguing?” Gaspar raises both his eyebrows. “I don’t know how your kind works, Lord Jan, but I’ve seen people falling in love and how they look at their significant others.”

“I just met him, Gaspar. Besides… we can’t. He might be already married to a noble woman, maybe he has a family at Carnium who awaits for him,” he shakes his head. “It can’t work.”

“I’d give it a try. You have a long life to live, I’m guessing it can be difficult to forget regrets.”

Jan glances at the corridor where Nace went. He can hear his heartbeat. It's getting slower and more relaxed, maybe he's falling asleep.

“I-I’ll give it a try,” replies Jan. 

And that night Jan can’t fall asleep because his mind is too busy thinking about Lord Ignac. 

His smile, his goddamn smile! How can a person have such a blinding and warm smile? And his eyes, too. He could lose himself in that brown sea and drown in it. How can a human be so bewitching? He had met so many other people, humans and demons like him as well, but no one caught his interest like Lord Ignac did.

He covers his face with his hands and lets out an exasperated growl. He stands up from the bed. It's still raining outside. Maybe a walk in the cold autumn rain will help him disperse the clouds in his mind that prevent him from thinking clearly. 

He quickly wears clothes suited for that kind of weather. Obviously, they are all black, so he can blend in with the darkness. He jumps out of the window with elegance and agility, then runs towards the woods surrounding Nauportus. 

* * *

“For god’s sake!”

A female voice wakes Jan up with a startle. He opens his eyes.

“You went out with that hell of a weather? And you dared to fall asleep on the armchair with your clothes soaked in rain, Lord Jan?!”

“Good morning to you too, Majda,” he stretches and yawns.

“Stand up and go to the bathroom. You need a good hot bath and dry clothes,” she says while getting closer. “You made a mess with all that rain and mud on the floor.”

Jan stands up and glances at the floor. There are a couple of puddles and many mud prints all over the floor and on the carpets. Yeah, he definitely made a mess.

“I’m sorry. I was tired when I came back. I couldn’t sleep.” 

Majda looks at him, then with nodding she points at the bathroom. “Now.”

In half an hour Jan is ready to go eat breakfast with his guest. He winces when he sees him already at the table, waiting for the Lord of the castle to start eating breakfast. 

“Good morning, Lord Jan,” says Ignac, still smiling. “I hope you slept well.”

“It was a good night,” he answers. “I hope it was good for you too, Lord Ignac.”

“Absolutely,” he nodded. “The room was perfect. And your servants are exquisite.”

Jan blushed, not expecting such a compliment.

“I’m glad about it,” he replies, stuttering a bit. “But now I suggest we start eating or the food will grow cold.

* * *

Ignac stayed a couple of days at Jan’s castle and left when it stopped raining. Jan was obviously sad for his departure, but he couldn’t do anything to prevent it. His palace became silent again, maybe even too silent. He missed his smile because it made his days brighter, now the sky got dark again.

But when he received a letter a couple of months later the sun shined anew. Well, it was just a glimpse between dark and tempestuous clouds, the delusive calm when you think that the tempest is passed, but in reality you are only in the eye of the storm and the tempest will hit again and this time stronger than before.

* * *

“Lord Jan, there’s a letter from Carnium,” announces Gaspar while entering the library. 

Jan is sitting on an armchair, an old book about animals on his lap. He lifts his head from the volume.

“From Carnium?”

“Yes. It’s from Lord Ignac.”

Jan’s facial expression changes immediately, his eyes widen. He grabs the letter and opens it, reading it fast. He feels his heart sinking in his chest when his eyes lay on words he expected to find but that he didn’t want to read.

“He’s-” he gulps. “He invites me to his castle to meet his wife and his children.”

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. No, he can’t cry. He expected it. However, this doesn’t mean that it hurts less. No, his heart almost stopped beating when he saw those words. 

Gaspar gets closer and lays a hand on his shoulder. He doesn’t talk, he knows why Jan’s reacting in that way.

“I-It’s ok, Gaspar.”

“You are not obliged to-”

“I want to,” he interrupts his adviser. “I want to meet his family. Public relations, no? We need to have allies among the other aristocratic families.”

And so, Jan sends a new letter to Carnium. He accepted the invitation. His feelings are of no importance in this scenario. He’s a Lord and he must build and maintain alliances with other Lords.

In the upcoming weeks he prepares himself for that meeting, even if he knows, deep inside, that nothing can make him be truly ready for the pain that will grasp his heart and clench it in his violent grip.

He’s used to the intensity of his vampiric feelings and emotions, but this ache left a void in his chest. Maybe his heart really stopped beating and he died again, without realising it. 

* * *

The day of the trip arrives quicker than expected. Carnium isn’t that far, however Jan decides to leave Nauportus in the middle of the night, so his court can arrive in the morning to Carnium. He obviously warned Lord Ignac with a letter a couple of days before. 

Jan is in the coach with Gaspar. 

“You should sleep while we travel,” Jan suggests.

“You should too, Lord Jan.”

“Gaspar, you know I don’t need as much sleep as you all.”

“Yes, I know, but you need to rest to… face what’s coming,” and he takes one of Jan’s hands.

“I’m fine and I will be,” Jan at least hoped so. 

He moves aside one of the curtains that covered the windows of the carriage. It’s dark outside, the only visible light comes from the full moon. His eyes are made to see in the darkness, so he just observes the landscape. 

He’s nervous because of that meeting, however he tries to calm himself down by listening to Gaspar's heartbeat getting slower and slower while he falls asleep. In the end he drifts, lulled by the carriage's constant movement on the path.

Jan wakes up as soon as the coach stops. Gaspar is still sleeping, so Jan shakes him gently. His adviser opens his eyes, then looks around him.

“Are we at Carnium?”

Jan nods. “We just stopped,” he says, then looks outside the window. Among all those heartbeats he immediately recognises Ignac’s. It’s so strong, lively and a little bit faster than usual. Is he excited to see Jan too?

The coach’s door opens. Gaspar steps down firstly, he must announce his Lord before he can show himself. A few seconds later Jan gets down, the sun immediately hits his eyes and he’s forced to use a hand to protect them. His species is more sensitive to the sunlight than human beings. It doesn’t hurt them, but it is still quite unpleasant, especially when it hits your eyes.

“Lord Jan!” 

Jan hears Ignac’s voice and smiles. He gets closer to the Lord, then bows a little. 

“Lord Ignac, it’s nice to see you again.”

“Welcome to my humble castle.”

Jan quickly glances at the building just behind his guest. “Well, I wouldn’t define it ‘humble’, it looks bigger than mine,” he even jokes a bit.

Ignac laughs and Jan’s chest is anew filled with that warm feeling he missed in the last weeks. Jan giggles with him.

“Come inside. My wife and my children want to finally meet you.”

Jan’s body stiffens for a second. He still manages to keep his smile despite the stab he just received right through his heart. So it begins.

They go inside the castle, followed by Jan’s court. As soon as they step in the hall the creature of the night catches three distinct scents, two of them are similar to Ignac’s. They must be his children. And he sees a woman dressed elegantly with two children besides her indeed, a young girl who might be ten years old and a boy who’s clearly younger than his sister. Jan bows in front of them, showing respect to his hosts.

“Lord Jan, I introduce you to my lovely wife, Lady Marija, and my wonderful children, Mirna and Dragoslav.”

“Finally we meet you, Lord Jan. My husband didn’t stop for one moment to talk about you,” she giggles. “You really made a stunning impression on him.”

Jan is surprised and quickly glances at Ignac, blushing a bit. 

“I’m glad your husband found his stay in my domain so comfortable. You are all welcome in the future. My castle will always be open and welcoming for you and your family, Milady.”

“He’s even more charming than what you told me,” Marija giggles again, talking to Ignac and making Jan blush even more.

“He’s full of surprises indeed,” he adds, smiling to his wife. “Now, Lord Jan, please, follow me. We’ll show you our castle and your rooms. We imagine you are a little tired from the trip.”

“Yes, we are tired,” Jan replies after a quick look at Gaspar.

Ignac quickly shows the main rooms in the castle to Jan and his adviser, then instructs a housemaid to show them their rooms so they can rest.

The next days are the most beautiful and the most painful Jan has ever experienced in his life, both as a demon and as a human. He’s constantly reminded that Ignac can’t be his. He hides the pain clutching his heart every time he catches the human couple sharing tender moments between them or with their amazing children.

One day Jan goes out for a walk in the woods around Carnium with Nace and his children.There are a few guards with them, but they keep their distance, just to give them privacy. The children are running ahead of them, sometimes they grab branches from the ground and pretend to fight with fake swords. Jan smiles nostalgically, seeing those moments between the two little human siblings. He played in the same way with his big brother.

“Don’t go too far! There are wolves in these woods!” Ignac warns the kids when he sees them far away from them.

“They will be fine, the guards are around us,” Jan tries to reassure Ignac.

“I know, but I’m still worried,” he sighs.

Jan lays a hand on Ignac’s shoulder. “We are here with them too. They are safe, now try to relax. We are here to enjoy this sunny winter day.”

Ignac smiles at Jan, then nods. “Yes, you are right.”

They keep talking about various topics, exchanging quick and fleeting glances. Jan blushes every time. A couple of times he notices a shade of red on Ignac’s cheeks too. Is that real or is he hallucinating? 

They continue chatting and Jan keeps observing Ignac’s face. From their first meeting Ignac has now grown a beard that makes him look older and more mature, a full grown male human being. He wants to cup his face, caress those cheeks and feel the beard sting his palms. He wants to kiss him on the lips and get lost in his scent, and maybe bite his neck, leave his mark on that skin that looks so soft to bit-

“HELP! HELP, DAD!”

Both suddenly turn towards the source of that scream.

“Mirna!” Ignac shouts back, then starts running in that direction, followed by Jan. They hear another scream.

Jan inhales deeply. Wolves. He recognises that scent and, just for a moment, his eyes turn red.

Jan runs faster and overtakes Ignac while grabbing a dagger from his belt. As much as he’d like to just attack those wolves with his fangs and claws, he’s with other humans and can’t show his true nature.

The demon arrives first in a small clearing between the trees, where he sees the two children surrounded by a pack of wolves. He jumps on one of the animals and stabs it right in the throat, ripping it and spilling its blood on the dry and cold earth. He stands up quickly and reaches the kids. Mirna is curled up on the ground, her leg has a clear bite mark on it and she’s bleeding fast.

“Stay behind me,” he says to the scared children, then glances quickly at every wolf, trying to identify the leader.

When he finds the alpha, Jan bends down, engaging in an attacking position. He keeps his dagger in front of him while baring his sharp fangs. The wolf growls back and pretends to attack Jan. He doesn’t startle, he doesn’t recoil, but growls back. His eyes are now red, he’s slowly letting the beast out. And the wolves recognise the predator in front of them, they lower their ears and try to bark at him together to scare him. Jan keeps not recoiling. 

“Mirna! Dragoslav!” 

Ignac arrives, so Jan springs towards the alpha to scare it. This time the animal recoils, and with him the entire pack, then they run away, aware of the defeat.

Jan tucks his dagger in its casing, takes a deep breath to let the beast sink again inside of him, then turns towards Ignac and his kids.

“A wolf bit her, we won’t be able to make it to the castle in time!” 

“Allow me to help,” Jan kneels next to Ignac, who’s holding his daughter in his arms. She’s pale and she’s shaking.

He looks at the injury. The bite is deep indeed, but he can help her survive.

“I need a piece of fabric to wrap her leg,” he says with a firm voice to Ignac. “Don’t panic, I need you with a sharp mind,” he then adds while looking at Ignac. “You won’t lose her today, I promise.”

Ignac nods, then grabs his dagger to cut a piece of his cloak. In the meantime, Jan cuts his palm with a quick move and places it on the bite mark, letting some of his own blood drip in the wound. It will help the healing process.

Ignac hands him the piece of clothing, then Jan wraps it around Mirna’s leg. 

“The bite isn’t as bad as it looks,” he tries to reassure Ignac.

At that moment the guards arrive. Ignac snaps at them, blaming them for their poor response at that scream, then he orders them to leave them two horses because Jan and he need to bring Mirna back to the castle.

The healer visits the poor little girl and confirms that the wound won’t kill her, but he recommends absolute rest so she can heal better. Ignac is visibly relieved by that news. He even hugs Jan.

“Thank you, Lord Jan. Really, if it wasn’t for you, my dear Mirna won’t be here,” he says with a trembling voice.

Jan lays his head on Ignac’s shoulder while he hugs him back. “I just did what my instincts told me to do.”

“Again, thank you. I owe you her life,” Ignac adds while interrupting the hug. He looks Jan in the eyes.

“You owe me nothing, Lord Ignac.

* * *

The same night he escapes from the castle, unseen by the guards, and flees to an unknown woodland, not so far from the palace. The air is freezing cold, the sky is dark with clouds. He’s wearing bedroom clothes, but he doesn’t care. He needs to go far away from the castle, he needs to hunt and decompress from all that.

He then lets the beast out, fangs and claws as sharp as a sword, eyes as red as burning fire. He hunts a stag, sinks his fangs in his neck with violence and almost rips his head off, his clothes are soaked in its blood. And he cries on the carcass he left on the ground. He wonders why, just why he has to suffer this much for love. He’s a damned creature of the night, cursed with the worst burdens one could think of, an eternal life without the people he cares about by his side and an insatiable thirst for blood. Isn’t this just enough? Isn’t being this monster already a curse?! Why can’t he just have a person that loves him by his side? Why has he fallen in love with a man? And a married one too, with a marvellous family by his side?!

And then that misadventure with those damn wolves! The way Ignac was so terrified to lose his beloved child! Why can’t he just look at Jan's way like he looked at Mirna’s when he knew she would survive that wound?!

Just why?!

He lays on the ground, next to the dead stag, and cries, and screams in pain, hitting the ground with his fists. He thought he could do it, that he could manage seeing Ignac with his family. Oh Lord, was he wrong! 

Jan can’t tell how much time he stayed on the ground, but he thinks it was at least half an hour because in the meantime snow started falling from the sky and covered a bit the dead stag and his own body too.

He hears steps all around him. He sits on the ground and smells the air. Oh, that pathetic pack of wolves, they are back for him, or maybe for the stag. Jan springs at the first wolf he sees and snaps his neck, ripping his head off, then sinks his fangs in a second wolf and drinks his blood, and so on, he kills every wolf in that pack. He’s lying on the ground, watching the snow silently fall from the sky.

Some minutes later he stands up and walks towards a tree, staggering. He shouts again, then unloads all his anger on that poor tree, scratching its bark and sinking his claws in its trunk. He imagines that tree is the evil demon that turned him into this monster. He can’t even remember his face, just his red eyes before that excruciating pain in his neck. He hates him, if he had him right in front of him, he would rip his entire body apart.

“Just…why? Why me?” He asks nobody, with a voice barely audible, then he falls on the ground on his knees. “Why me?” He asks again to the silent forest around him

* * *

“Rise and shine, Lord Jan!” 

Majda moves the curtains making the sunlight enter the room. Jan puts his head under the pillow and growls a “let me sleep, go away” with a raspy voice.

Somehow he managed to return to the castle and to take a quick cold bath to wash away snow, dirt and blood from his body.

He follows Majda's steps in the bedroom and in the bathroom and then again in the bedroom.

“What happened last night?” She asks with a serious voice.

Jan raises his head and looks at her. He doesn't know whether his eyes are red. 

“I went hunting. I needed to feed,” he just says. Just like Gaspar, she knows about him.

“Lord Jan, is everything ok?” She gets closer, his bloody clothes in her hands.

“I don't know,” he answers. His eyes are dull, his hair is a mess.

“You never do this,” and she shows him the blood on the fabric.

“It’s-” but he abruptly interrupts the sentence, he doesn't even know what to say. “I will be fine. It's because I'm not used to having new humans around me. That's it,” he explains. Well, it's true, in the end. Kind of. He just hopes that Majda won't ask further questions. “Burn that, don't try to clean it. It's not worth it.”

She sighs, then she helps him become more presentable. Neither of them speak. Both glance at the mirror in front of them. Jan is clearly tired, but at least he looks human, no fangs or red eyes on display. Majda ties Jan’s hair in a bun, however some strands are still loose.

He thanks her, bowing his head, then he goes to the dining room. Ignac and his family are already there with his adviser, Gaspar.

“Apologies for my delay, I had a rough night,” Jan explains while sitting on the only free chair around the table. He quickly glances at Gaspar.

“Do not worry, Lord Jan,” says Lady Marija, smiling. 

He starts eating silently and in the meantime he listens to the conversation. Unexpectedly, a knight enters the room and goes directly to Ignac.

“I’m sorry to interrupt your meal, Lord Ignac, but we found some dead animals in the woods and weird traces on a tree,” he announces.

“Which animals? And what kind of traces?” Ignac asks, confused.

“The animals, a bunch of wolves and a stag, are…ripped off. They bleed out, but the blood is nowhere to be found. On the tree there are violent scratches, not from a bear.”

Gaspar secretly touches Jan’s lap to catch his attention. His eyes are questioning him. “Did you do this?” And Jan slightly nods. Gaspar’s eyes widen, worried about what happened.

Lady Marija’s hand covers her mouth, in shock.

“I think it’s better for you to go back to Nauportus,” suggests Ignac while looking at Jan. “I don’t want anything to happen to my guests.”

Jan nods, agreeing with him.

So Jan’s court leaves Carnium that same day. Jan is relieved because now he can relax a bit. He already misses Ignac, but at least now he won’t see him with his family.

During the trip back home he completely ignores Gaspar and his questions. He doesn’t want to talk, only to rest and think about anything but Ignac.

* * *

Unfortunately for Jan, his alliance with Lord Ignac continues growing and flourishing. They meet regularly, sometime in Ignac’s lands, sometime in Jan’s. It’s a problem for Jan because Ignac is ageing, Jan’s not. He wants to tell him about his true nature, but he’s scared of losing him. Yeah, seeing him happy with his family hurts, but not being able to see him anymore because he considers him a monster it’s far worse.

Ignac knows Jan, they spent so much time together, they are friends, aren’t they? He must accept him, mustn't he? Jan hopes so, he’s sure his heart won’t be able to bear Ignac’s hate and fear of him.

Thus, one day when they are having an outdoor lunch in Jan’s lands, along a nice and fresh creek, Jan decides to tell him the truth.

“Ignac? I-I’d like to tell you something,” he starts speaking. 

“Yeah, sure Jan, tell me.”

Jan opens his mouth multiple times to continue his confession, but he’s afraid and can’t find the right words. His hands are shaking. Ignac puts his hand on Jan’s. “Breathe, Jan.”

“Y-you and I are good friends, right?” And Ignac nods in response. “You trust me?”

“Yes, I trust you with my life, Jan.”

“I-I don’t want you to be scared,” he looks Ignac in the eyes. He’s begging him with his look. “I-I am not human. I w-was once a human,” he gulps.

“What do you mean?”

Jan closes his eyes. “Please, don’t run away, it’s still me,” he whispers, then takes a deep breath and lets the beast show itself, fangs, red eyes and claws. When he looks again at Ignac, he can see the fear in his eyes. He even recoils. Jan lifts his hands in front of him. “Ignac, please-”

“What are you?”

“We don't have a name, o-or if it exists, I don't know it,” Jan answers. “Ignac, it’s still me, it’s still Jan here, please.”

Jan feels his heart shrink in his chest. Ignac’s terrified eyes are like a thousand stabs in his entire body. Some tears run down his face. The smell of fear coming from him makes everything worse.

“I-I’m not dangerous to you or your family-”

“Not dangerous? Y-you are a monster!” He shouts. Jan feels the ground under him crumble. “Were you that creature that killed all those wolves years ago?”

“Y-yes.”

“And you say you are not dangerous?”

“If I wanted to kill you, I would have already done it,” he admits, looking him in the eyes. 

“Those animals didn't have any trace of blood in them. You… you feed on blood?”

Jan nods.

“Human blood too?”

“I try not to, but sometimes I must,” he lowers his eyes and fixes them on his own hands that were fidgeting with his shirt hem. “I don't kill people to feed, I just do it with animals. And then I bring them to my castle so my servants can eat them and their meat doesn't get wasted,” he explains. He doesn't need to be a creature of the night to feel Ignac's eyes judging him, their weight on him like someone just put an enormous rock above Jan’s back.

“I think I need some time to…process.”

“Sure, don't-don’t worry.”

“Can we go back to the castle?”

Jan nods, then stands up, picks up the stuff they brought with them and in the end walks towards his palace, followed by Ignac. Silence falls between them while Jan's attempts not to cry. He feels rejected. He knew he shouldn’t have told him his secret, even though he trusts him so, so much. Ignac is human, after all. And a man of faith. He must see Jan as the monster he is and not as the man that loves him dearly, one of his closest friends that would sacrifice his own life for him without hesitation.

Ignac leaves Nauportus that same day. Gaspar is confused by that sudden departure, so Jan explains to him what happened.

“I’m so sorry, Lord Jan.”

“Don’t be, please. It’s not your fault,” he looks him in the eyes. “I’m a damned soul, it’s what I deserve, in the end. I won’t win.”

A week passes, then a second and then even a third. No sign of Ignac, not even a letter. Jan simply gave up, he knows he lost him forever. He just needs to get over those stupid feelings. He finds himself wandering in the woods around Nauportus for days and nights, he only wants to be alone, because that is his future. He will live for eternity without anybody by his side. Is this even real life, though?

His train of thoughts gets interrupted by Gaspar’s voice.

“Lord Jan! Lord Jan! A messenger just arrived from Carnium!” He’s running towards him, breathless. He's on the edge of the wood around Nauportus.

“A messenger?”

“Yes. Carnium is under siege right now. The messenger managed to escape. Ignac is requesting your help,” and he hands him a small piece of paper that Jan reads quickly.

“I need to leave for Carnium immediately. And I need my sword and my dagger. No horse, I run faster.”

And thus Jan leaves to go help his beloved Ignac. He requests his help, so he must have accepted him, right? He’ll ask him when the siege is over and Carnium is saved. He runs as fast as he can and in a couple of hours he’s at the village. He joins immediately the knights who are defending the castle, wielding his sword and killing as many enemies as possible.

His attention from the battle is diverted when he recognises Ignac’s scent. He turns, their eyes meet and they both smile at each other. That fleeting moment of happiness and distraction reveals to be fatal for one of them: Jan sees Ignac wincing, his eyes widen and he holds his breath, then he notices the enemy behind him and his sword coming out Ignac’s chest. 

Jan shouts, then runs towards his beloved human, eyes red and fangs on display, and attacks that coward who hit his foe in the back. He just sinks his fangs in his neck, ripping his throat off and violently drinking his filthy blood. The foe is dead in seconds, so Jan throws his dead body against another enemy.

He kneels next to Ignac, who is gasping for air.

“Y-you came…J-Jan…”

“I-I can heal you, Ig-” but Jan can’t even pronounce Ignac’s full name, because he hears his heart stop beating. He bites his wrist, then tries to make him drink his blood, but nothing happens. He died in his arms, his beloved human.

Jan shouts at the sky, then unleashes his fury and his desperation on the whole enemy army, by killing every single one of them. At the end he’s covered in blood, but the castle and the village are safe, and everyone who lives in them. He goes back to Ignac’s corpse and grabs it in his arms. The knights around him bow their heads when he passes, honouring their Lord. Some of them look uncomfortable because of Jan's true nature, an understandable reaction, while the rest of them are relieved and glad to still be alive.

At the entrance of the castle Jan meets Lady Marija. She’s barely holding back the tears.

“Thank you, Lord Jan,” she says with a shaking voice.

“I failed, Milady.”

“You saved the castle and its people.”

“But I couldn’t save him.”

“Ignac knew he could die in this battle, even with you by his side,” Marija gets closer to Jan and lays a hand on his shoulder. “He wanted to let you know that he accepted you. It took him a while, but he wanted you back as his friend. And we wanted to have you back too, we don’t care what you are.”

A couple of tears run down Jan’s face. “T-thank you, Lady Marija.”

* * *

Thus Jan keeps being an ally and a dear friend to the Jordan family. He helps them and guards them, at least until Mirna and Dragoslav are grown-ups and Lady Marija passes away. 

He no longer wants to remain in those lands, he feels the need to go far away from there, the weight of too many memories bound to Ignac is getting heavier and heavier.

“We want to come with you,” says Gaspar. He and Majda are helping their Lord with his departure.

“You are needed here.”

“With all due respect, Lord Jan, you don’t know how to take care of yourself,” replies Majda, looking at him. 

“But you won’t stay with me, you’ll die, you are human.”

“Then turn us. We don’t have a family here, we devoted our life to serve you. We are not afraid of what we’ll become,” adds Gaspar.

“You…really want this?” 

They nod simultaneously. Jan could refuse, but they are right. And he needs both of them as much as he needs blood to survive.

Thus, he turns both on the same day. Before leaving for that long journey through Europe, he waits for them to be able to control themselves. They leave at night in an anonymous carriage. Maybe that tour will help Jan forget Ignac once and for all.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Nauportus(1) = latin name of Vrhnika

Aemona(2) = latin name of Ljubljana

Not that it matters at the moment. Kris and Bojan are off on their eleventh--twelfth?--honeymoon, and won't be back for weeks. Jan, meanwhile, is working very hard at being a good student. Which definitely has nothing to do with his incredibly attractive, gorgeously scented, kind, funny, and clever lab partner/coworker, Nace. No, not at all. Jan does not have a crush on him. That would be silly. Nace is a human, after all. Nothing could ever happen between them. Nothing serious. Jan would never do that to someone, especially someone as wonderful as Nace.

Nace, who somehow forgot his earbuds at Jan’s place during their last study session. Jan knows he could just give them to him on Monday, but he doesn’t think it's fair for the poor guy to be without them all weekend. And he called out of work tonight, so he might not be in class on Monday if he's really sick. It has nothing to do with Jan really wanting to see him. Not at all.

It's not until he actually reaches Nace's house that he realizes that maybe he should have called ahead. Nace might be really sick and not want to see him.  He might be out. He might ...might have a date. Which Jan is totally fine with. It's not his business, after all, who Nace dates.

He's just about to turn around and slink off into the night to sulk and brood--like a good vampire should--when he hears something from inside the house. A groan of pain, it sounds like.

Tentatively, he knocks and gently calls out, "Nace?"

He presses his ear to the door and listens carefully. Inside he hears another groan, followed by a whine. It doesn’t exactly sound like Nace, but Jan is definitely picking up his scent.

"Nace?" He calls a little louder, knocking again. "Nace are you okay? Do you need help? It, it's Jan."

Another whine. Then a heavy thud.

Jan knocks harder, nearly shouting now, "Nace! Nace, please answer me!"

He looks around. Nace's house is in a fairly secluded area, where his neighbors aren't likely to hear if he calls out for help. Nor can they really see his front door from the street. Even if they could, Jan thinks, Nace is worth the risk.

"Nace, I'm coming in!" He warns, then plucks the hinges off the door and pushes it open.

None of the lights are on. Jan walks in slowly, not wanting to startle Nace, and freezes. The place is a mess. Furniture has been knocked over, broken glass is scattered on the floor. Something bad happened here.

"Nace?" He calls out again. When he gets no answer, he sniffs the air for a sign of him. The bedroom. He rushes to it, throwing the door open. "Nace, where are you?"

There's another thud, and a whimper, and something moves into the corner of the room behind the bed. The whimpering continues.

"Nace, it's okay. It's Jan, I'm gonna help you. You're gonna be okay." He slowly approaches the bed, hands up passively. "Nace? Are you--"

He halts, breath caught in his chest. A shiver runs down his spine. It can’t be.

The creature in the corner grows before his eyes. No, not grows, rises. Rises to its full height, just about eye level with Jan. Bright golden eyes stare into his, danger glinting in them. Below them, a long snout full of razor sharp teeth. On its breath, the unmistakable smell of blood. This isn't just some dog. It's worse, far worse.

A werewolf.

But it's impossible. Werewolves are long gone, driven to extinction by humans centuries ago. Before Jan was even born, much less turned. How could one be here? And what has it done to Nace? It has his scent all over it.

Jan lets out a growl without meaning to. It's foolish. He can’t take a werewolf in a fight, not on his own. Can he? He doesn’t care. This beast, this monster, has hurt Nace. It has to pay.

He doesn’t get the chance, though. The beast meets his growl with a snarl and pounces. Jan is pinned to the floor under its massive paws, its jaws above his face. Another fierce snarl, saliva and blood dripping onto Jan’s face. Not Nace's blood. It better not be Nace's blood.

"Get off me!" He groans, using all his strength to shove the beast off.

It falls to the floor and immediately rights itself, barely giving Jan an instant to jump back to his feet. He’s ready for it this time, sidestepping its next leap. It turns, looking to pounce again. The instant its front paws are off the ground Jan backhands it, sending it flying back with a yelp. It lands in a heap against the wall, rising far slower this time and shaking its head, disoriented.

"Where's Nace?" Jan growls.

Stories vary on whether or not werewolves can speak, but all of the older vampires agree they at least understood. Whether this creature can tell him anything about Nace or not, it can at least lead Jan to him.

"I know you can understand me, now where is Nace?"

The beast stares at him, its head tilted in what looks like confusion. Jan keeps his gaze on it, never breaking eye contact. Finally, it lays back down with a soft whine. A sound that would have tugged at Jan’s heart had this creature not done something to Nace.

"I won't ask again," Jan warns.

The beast whines again, keeping itself pressed to the floor as though trying to look smaller. Submissive. It sits up slowly, raising one paw toward Jan like it wants him to come closer. He stays where he is, unblinking. Cautiously, the beast moves, its head low as it walks toward Jan and sits at his feet. Jan tenses, staring into the beast's eyes and trying to anticipate its next move. What could it be thinking? But it doesn't move. It just stares at him, golden eyes soft now and almost familiar. Almost like ...

"Nace?"

The wolf wags his tail with a hopeful sounding whine.

Jan gasps and drops to a crouch, his arms around Nace immediately. "Oh, Nace! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"

Nace turns his head and licks Jan's face, covering it in slobber. Jan loses his balance and topples over onto his behind, prompting Nace to climb into his lap and continue licking.

"Ah, okay, c'mon!" Jan laughs as Nace pins him to the floor again. Once they're both down, Nace settles, laying down and resting his snout on Jan's chest. Hesitantly, Jan runs his fingers through Nace's fur, earning an approving sigh. "Okay. I guess ...this is okay."

Neither of them moves as the night goes on. Jan lays still, stroking Nace's fur and listening to his breathing. After a while, it evens out and he knows Nace has drifted into slumber. Jan doesn’t mind, just continues petting him until the soft light of dawn begins to peek in through the curtains. As it does, Nace groans in his sleep, his fur fading away and his body shrinking. In a matter of seconds, the wolf is gone and Nace is shivering in his sleep, naked and worn looking. Jan carefully extracts himself from underneath him and grabs a blanket from the bed to wrap around him. It pulls at his heart seeing Nace like this, so small and fragile.

A light from the living room catches Jan’s attention; the front door is still wide open. He darts to it and pushes it shut before any humans can see and come investigate. Unfortunately, his hastiness from last night keeps it from closing properly without its hinges. Making a mental note to pay Nace back for that, Jan grabs a chair and presses it against the door to keep it shut. At the same time, Nace begins to stir in the bedroom.

"Jan?" his voice is scratchy and groggy.

"I’m right here," Jan answers, rushing back into the room.

Nace is sitting up now, clutching the blanket around him. His expression is one of pure dread as he asks, "How bad are you hurt?"

Jan shakes his head, "I’m not. But what about you? Are you okay? I'm so sorry for hurting you like that."

"What? You mean that slap? Please, that was nothing. No offense."

"You sure sounded hurt," Jan points out. 

"I'm not saying it didn't, just that I'm fine now," Nace replies. He turns his head to show off his annoyingly handsome profile, "See? Not even a bruise. Takes more than that to hurt me."

"You’re a werewolf," Jan says.

Nace looks at the floor and nods, "Yeah." He stares at the floor another moment, then looks back up at Jan, "And what're you? Some kind of vila or something?"

Jan huffs, a little indignant, "I'm a vampire!"

Nace snorts, "Oh."

"What's that mean?"

"Nothing! I just wouldn't have thought that. Didn't catch it on your scent at all. You must still be a baby."

"I am a hundred and two years old!" Jan protests.

Nace laughs, "I'll be three hundred forty this year."

"Three ..." Jan sits on the floor in front of Nace and sighs, "Wow. I thought werewolves were extinct."

Nace shakes his head, "No, we just learned how to hide better after ..."

Jan’s heard the stories. Humans flushing werewolves out of hiding and slaughtering them by the dozen.

"I’m sorry," he says.

"Thank you," Nace replies. "And thanks for looking after me."

Jan smiles softly at him, "No problem."

"What’re you doing here, though?"

"Uh," Jan clears his throat awkwardly and digs into his pocket, pulling out Nace's earbuds, "you left these at my place."

Nace laughs, that grand roar of a laugh of his, and says, "Oh, Jan. You are something else."

"I heard noises," Jan goes on, "I thought you were in trouble."

Nace nods, "I'm sorry for scaring you."

"Then why'd you attack me?"

"I wasn’t really gonna bite you!" Nace insists. "I was just trying to scare you away. I figured you'd just pass out or something and then I could convince you it was just a bad dream."

Jan scoffs, "Your plan was to gaslight me?"

"I wouldn't call it a plan, exactly," Nace replies. "I lost track of time, the moon kind of ...snuck up on me this month. It’s a lot messier when you're not ready for it. I couldn’t go for a run like I normally do, couldn’t get that energy out. It was like having a fire inside me that I couldn’t put out. So it's not like I was really thinking clearly. Just thought I needed to get you out of here before you got hurt. I didn’t know you were a vampire."

Jan shifts, trying hard not to read too much into Nace's odd attempt to protect him, "Well, thanks."

"No, thank you, Jan. Really. You have no idea how much you helped me by being here. We wolves are pack creatures, and I’ve been separated from mine for years now. Having you here last night, well, it felt like having them back."

"Oh," Jan whispers. He’s never been so thankful to be undead, knowing his face would be fully red now otherwise. "Um. Glad to help."

Love me tender, love me true  Walk with me in mountain dew Flood me with your kisses like a water running through 

Love mе tender, love mе sweet  Take me to the mountain peak Touch me like a fire that is burning underneath 

See the spark in your eyes  The shine of the stars  It made me feel world through my senses  The spark of the stars  The shine of your eyes  It made me run back to my senses 

Run, run back to me and never go  When you're with me, I touch my soul I crumble like ice and feel you through the bone  Love me 

Love me tender, love me long  Show me places I belong  Be the whirl of caring wind that takes me to my kin 

Love me tender, love me slow  Take me where the flowers grow Hug me like the Mother Earth and show me what I am worth 

[...]

Run, run back to me and never go  When you're with me, I touch my soul I crumble like ice and feel you through the bone  Love me slow 

Run back to me and never go  When you're with me, I find my home Come back to me and love me to the bone 

Love me tender, love me true  Love me harder, love me through Love me tender, love me sweet  Love me slow and love me deep 

Run, run back to me and never go  When you're with me, I touch my soul I crumble like ice and feel you through the bone  Love me slow 

Run back to me and never go  When you're with me, I find my home Come back to me and love me to the bone  Love me 

Love Me - Vesna

Two days before - Nace's POV

Nace went out with Kris to get some fresh food in the local mini market. The bassist was looking at the fresh meat in the fridges, thinking of Jan and his diet. Now that they were all aware of his nature, should they change the food they buy to help him? Should it be a nice thing to do, right?

“Are you waiting for that steak to jump into the basket by itself?”

Nace shook his head, then ran a hand over his face.

“I was just thinking about Jan. Should we buy more meat for him?” Nace turned towards Kris. “Like, he said that meat is good for him. Will he be angry if we help him with the food? You know him better than me.”

Nace had always been aware of people he knew with special diets since he discovered his gluten intolerance. Jan needing to drink blood and eating raw meat to survive wasn’t something weird for him.

“Jan will never ask us to do something for him. He will appreciate it, though.”

Thus, they both tried to find the best pieces of meat, if there was still some blood in them it was even better, then they continued with the shopping for supplies. Nace made sure to grab Jan's favourite snacks too. 

When they walked back home, Nace asked Kris something else.

“I'd like to do something special with Jan, something that involves him…like, being a vampire, to..well, make him feel loved, if this makes any sense to you?” He was babbling because he got so nervous.

Kris giggled. “You want to take him out, eh?”

Nace got even redder. “Well, we are now dating. Boyfriends do date, in the end...”

“It’s so nice seeing you two finally be together and get along with each other,” Kris’ giggle became a soft and happy smile. “Ask him to show you London by night, from the rooftops.”

“From the rooftops?” Nace’s eyes widened. “Are you crazy?! We could slip and fall-”

“Nace, he’s a vampire. He won’t slip, trust me. I talk from experience.”

“Did you see London from the rooftops?”

Kris shook his head. “Ljubljana. And Jan knows what he’s doing. It will be a magical night, trust me.”

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

Jan is looking at Nace while he’s preparing, wearing really warm clothes. The sun set an hour ago, the London air is cold that night.

“Yeah, completely, one hundred percent,” he nods. “Just one last question: people won’t see us, will they?”

“No, they won’t see us, I will be careful. You talk to me like this is the first time I do something like this. I’m used to doing it in Slovenia too,” he smiles.

Nace grabs Jan’s hands, then kisses them on the palms.

“London isn't Slovenia, Janči. I just want to do this with you without putting us into dangerous or risky situations.”

Jan leans in and kisses his boyfriend on the lips, then smiles tenderly at him. 

“Nothing will happen to us, I promise.”

“Have you already done this with me from the past?”

Jan shakes his head. “Never. I never thought about this like some sort of date, to be honest.”

“So…it will be your first time, with me,” Nace looks him in the eyes.

“Yes, my dear Nace,” he kisses him. “You'll be my first.”

Once Nace is ready to go, Jan informs the rest of the band of their night out. They plan to come back in a couple of hours, right before Kris, Bojan and Jure go out because tonight they will attend a football match, leaving the two lovebirds alone.

Nace wraps Jan’s shoulders and neck with his arms and his waist with his legs, making his chest adhere to the vampire's back. Feeling the vibrations created by Nace’s heartbeat right inside his chest makes Jan melt, he needs a couple of seconds to recollect himself.

When he’s ready, Jan opens the window in his bedroom, the one from which he’s used to going out at night when he needs time alone. He easily jumps on the rooftop, holding up Nace without any effort, even though he’s the heaviest in the band because of his height. 

“Y-you really are so strong,” Nace comments, voice trembling a bit. “You are moving like I weigh nothing,” he’s impressed and shocked.

“I carried heavier stuff, you are pretty standard,” he replies. “I feel your weight in…other situations,” Jan replies with a shade of desire in his voice.

Nace says nothing in response to Jan's words. The vampire giggles, he can smell a hint of arousal coming from his human among the stingy scent of embarrassment. Jan is obviously referring to those times when Nace laid on him to rest, especially when both of them were on the couches in the backstage area in the venues where they had gigs in the past months. On those occasions Jan loved feeling Nace’s weight on him, he remembered their past together. He just wanted to play a little bit with him.

“Like…the other day?” Nace asks, whispering.

Jan stops, then licks his lips. 

“Exactly like the other day,” he replies.

Nace kisses Jan on the neck, he shivers and his heart beats faster. 

Of course, Nace is thinking about that morning, two days ago. They woke up earlier than the rest of the band and decided to prepare breakfast for everyone. Things didn’t go as planned, because they sat down on the couch and started making out. Nace even pushed Jan and made him lay on the cushions, and moved on top of him. Jan loved feeling Nace’s weight on him, his hands all over his body, the skin-on-skin contact almost made him lose control. Fortunately, they were interrupted by Kris waking up. He’s the loudest of them all, so that meant that Jure and Bojan would soon be wide awake too.

“I liked what we were doing then.”

“Me too, Nacko,” Jan replies. “But as much as I love you, my beloved Nace, I kindly ask you to not distract me with those memories, I don’t want us to fall from tall buildings because I’m too focused on your lips on my neck,” he giggles. 

“Fair enough,” Nace laughs with him. “Ok, I’ll keep the kisses for later, I promise.”

Jan then jumps from one roof to the other without any problem. Sometimes he stops and hides because there are humans around and he doesn't want to get caught, not with Nace, they are too exposed together.

“You really are a predator,” Nace observes after what it feels like half an hour of them running on London’s roofs. “It's…so weird seeing you act like this. And I don't want to be mean.”

They are resting a bit, sitting on the top of a tall building not so far from the centre of London. From there they can see the skyscrapers, the London Eye and the Big Ben in the distance. 

“Am I acting in a different way?”

“Yeah, kind of. You seem more aware of your surroundings, more…focused. I’ve never seen you like this.”

“Am I scaring you?” 

Jan is looking at Nace in the eyes. He sees something in them, but he can’t decipher what it is. He listens to his heart, it’s beating regularly, the pace isn’t accelerating. And his scent too is normal, no trace of fear can be found in it.

Nace grabs one of Jan’s hands. “You don’t scare me, Janči. Don’t ever think about it.”

Jan leans in, cancelling the distance that separates their lips, and kisses his-ok, calling him his boyfriend is still weird, even if they dated and had long term relationships in the past centuries. It always feels like the first time.

“You are still my Janči, but now you are simply more special.” 

Jan smiles, feeling his cheeks burning a bit. He feels Nace’s hand grab some of his hair strands and push them behind his ear.

“I could never be scared of you, Jan,” Nace adds.

Jan leans in and rests his face against Nace’s hand, closing his eyes. He really looks like a cat, he might even start purring. How can he be so lucky to have someone like Nace as his partner? Sometimes Jan feels he doesn’t deserve such a wonderful person like his beloved human by his side. But he learnt that Fate owns a weird sense of humour indeed. 

“I love you, my human,” Jan whispers after opening his eyes.

“I love you too, my vampire.”

They keep staring at each other’s eyes for a couple of minutes, then they continue their evening stroll on the London rooftops. Jan avoids major streets where he knows they could be easily spotted by bypassers. Sometimes he stops to let Nace admire the view of London by night. He feels his heart warming up when he sees Nace’s amazed and stunned facial expression. He’s happy he’s enjoying this special date they are having.

Before going home they rest a bit on another roof, laying on it and gazing at the sky which is partially covered by grey clouds. 

“Why did you want to do such a different date?” Jan asks out of the blue. This question has been hanging in the back of his mind since when Nace asked to do something “vampire-related” for their night out.

“Because I wanted to know this side of you, to see a glimpse of what and who you really are,” Nace turns towards Jan and their eyes meet. “I thought a lot about what you said to me some nights ago. I’m still not over it, but…like you said, this time with you won’t come back, so I’m making the best out of it. And I think I can get to know you better.”

Nace grabs his hand, then brings it to his face to kiss it on the palm. Jan shivers because of his stingy beard. He leans in to kiss his boyfriend on the lips, sweetly and slowly.

“You are always so amazing, Nace,” he whispers with a really sweet voice.

Sadly, it gets late, so Jan brings Nace back to their apartment. Unfortunately, when they arrive, the house is empty. Bojan, Kris and Jure already left for the match.

Jan helps Nace put his feet back on the ground when a weirdly familiar scent reaches his nose. He smells around, confused and alerted. The scent is feeble and mixed with other smells, but he catches a hint of incense.

“Is everything ok?” Nace asks, getting closer to Jan and touching his shoulder with a hand.

Jan turns in his direction and smiles. “Yes, don't worry. Shall we eat dinner?”

Nace volunteers to make dinner for both of them. He prepares his delicious mash potatoes and steaks. Jan offers his help, but Nace doesn't allow him to do anything, so Jan basically becomes a clingy cat and hugs him from behind, laying his head on his shoulder. Once in a while he leaves a light kiss on his neck and makes him shiver.

“Stop kissing me or I'll overcook your steak. And you get unbearable when your meat isn't as rare as you like,” Nace giggles after so many kisses.

“Fine,” huffs Jan. “I'll stop just because I want that delicious steak.”

Jan's eyes fall on Nace's neck again. He wants to kiss it, bite it, claim his mate and make everyone see that Nace is his. He hopes that Nace will give him permission to bite him and drink his blood, at least a few drops.

Meanwhile Jan waits for the dinner to be ready, he prepares the living room and transforms it into a dining room, moving the small table in front of the couches. Few minutes later Nace arrives with two plates with the steaks and a huge portion of mashed potatoes. He sits right next to Jan.

“Here is the dinner,” he smiles and offers one of the plates to Jan, who grabs it.

“Thank you, Nacko,” he replies, giving him a sweet kiss on the cheek.

They start eating. In the meantime they talk about a lot of stuff. Nace is really curious, he literally showers Jan with questions about him and his vampiric nature. Some of these questions are really absurd, but Jan understands Nace’s curiosity, there are so many versions of vampires in the media and literature and he just wants to know what is true and what is just human imagination. 

Once they finish eating dinner, they get closer on the couch and start cuddling, lips on lips and eyes lost on each other’s, gentle caresses on red cheeks and messy hair. Jan’s gaze keeps laying on Nace’s eyes, they are like magnets, he is like a magnet that continues pulling Jan closer and closer each time they meet. Jan is sure that one day he won’t be able to escape him anymore.

And Nace is pulling Jan even now, with his alluring scent and his singing blood running through his veins. It’s hard for him to resist, he just knows that his eyes are more red than brown, that his sharp fangs are almost thrilling at the thought of tasting his blood again, his entire body wants Nace in every possible way.

The vampire allows himself to kiss the human’s neck in this state. He inhales deeply his scent that stuns him in that moment. He also grazes the human’s skin with his fangs making him shiver and whimper a little bit. 

Nace grabs his chin with a couple of fingers to lift it and catch his dark eyes mixed with vibrant red with his own. 

“S-slow down, Janči…” he’s breathless and visibly aroused.

But Jan can’t hold on, so he presses his lips on Nace’s, this kiss is filled with love, but also desire and want. His fangs graze Nace’s lips too, making him almost bleed. He lays a hand on Nace’s chest to feel his fast heartbeats.

After that needy kiss, Nace changes his plan to slow down: he pushes Jan on the couch, making him lay down on it. He said that he liked feeling Nace’s weight on him, right? So the bassist makes him happy, laying with all his body weight on the guitarist, making him whine too, then starts kissing his neck just like Jan did a couple of minutes before, and bites it too, leaving red marks that unfortunately disappear right after.

Jan exposes his neck even more, he wants Nace to mark him too, even if he knows that his markings won't last much. Just the idea of it, of his human mate biting him like he were a vampire too makes him shiver and makes a weird feeling spark in his chest, something he hasn't felt in such a long time, something that says to him “you belong here with him, this is how it is supposed to be”.

Jan moves his hand in Nace’s hair, grabbing some strands. He closes his eyes, focusing on Nace’s lips and kisses and bites. Does he remember that Jan likes being bitten on the neck? Or is he improvising and thinking that Jan must like all of that because he’s a vampire and the neck is a really sensitive and important spot for creatures like him? Jan doesn’t care, to be honest. He’s with his mate, this is all that matters.

Nace’s mouth moves from Jan’s neck again to his lips. The vampire whines, he can taste Nace and himself on the human’s lips. He lets out a low growl from his chest, his vampire instincts are kicking in, making him lose his control. His entire body is shaking.

“I-is everything ok?”

Nace’s voice makes the vampire’s instincts retreat back. Jan opens his eyes.

“W-what?” He asks, breathless.

“You growled,” Nace replies, his heavy breaths hitting Jan’s lips, his eyes focused on Jan's.

“Did I scare you?”

“I d-don’t know, it’s weird.”

“The growl is fine, my Nacko. It wasn’t meant to be a bad thing,” he strokes his hair, then kisses him on the lips, his voice is tender. “The growl was…” Jan is blushing. “The growl was me feeling pleasure, actually. A really intense pleasure. Your taste mixed with mine was…something.”

“Did you co-”

“No! No, no, not yet, but…well, it was intense. And I'm not used to it, not anymore.”

Jan is so red all over his face and Nace giggles. Thinking that Jan is a deadly predator able to rip a whole human body apart with his strength is pretty hard in this moment, he looks more like a little girl with his first ever boyfriend.

Nace leaves a quick kiss on Jan’s lips, then smiles at him. “Let’s go to our bedroom. I don’t know when the others will be back,” now it’s time for Nace to blush. “I don’t want them to interrupt us.”

Jan understands immediately what he’s meaning by that and nods.

“Let’s go, then,” he says while trying to stand up, but Nace stops him.

“No. You carried me around London all evening, allow me to carry you this time.”

Their eyes meet. Jan nods again, then smiles at his boyfriend and stokes his cheek with a gentle touch. He can’t say no to those sweet and lovely brown eyes.

Nace stands up, stopping to admire Jan indecently laid on the couch, his legs spread to welcome Nace’s body, his hair all dishevelled, his torso partially exposed, showing his happy trail disappearing under his trousers and briefs.

“I get that you are a vampire, but dear Lord, you look like a work of art.”

The bassist grabs the guitarist in his arms, bridal style, then walks directly to their shared room. Jan lays his head against his shoulder, lulled by Nace’s scent, a mixture of arousal and happiness and anticipation.

Once they are in their room, Nace lays Jan on the bed with oh so gentle movements, like Jan is made of glass and Nace is afraid of breaking him.

And Jan adores, no, he loves Nace for his kindness. He's always so kind, no matter which version of him he has right in front. 

*Nace leans in and begins kissing Jan again.* His lips movements are slow but filled with love and desire. Shivers run down Jan's spine, and they increase even more when he feels Nace's hand on his waist, right under his shirt. Nace grasps Jan’s hip, making him startle and whimper against his lips, interrupting the kisses. 

Clothes start flying around the room, ending scattered on the floor. Once they are both almost completely naked, Jan stops Nace, who is still above him. He touches his chest with his hands, then moves them to his shoulders. His left hand stops on Nace’s sleeve tattoo. He can feel the blood rushing in his veins, the vibrations caused by his heart. 

“Show me yourself, Janči,” Nace whispers, his voice filled with desire. “Show me the vampire, please. I want you, the real you.”

Jan shivers, Nace’s low and breathless voice and that plea hit him in the chest. While looking at him directly, he changes his appearance, exposing his fangs and his sharp claws. His eyes are the last thing to change, becoming as red as the blood he craves so much. 

Nace strokes his cheek, smiling. “You are so beautiful.”

“Even like this?”

“Even like this,” Nace nods. “I love you in every form, Janči.”

The vampire almost melts because of those words. Ignac has already told them so many times to him, but every time feels like it’s the first ever moment he hears them. Nace doesn’t allow him to get lost in his thoughts because he begins kissing his chest, stopping on one of his nipples. He licks and sucks it, Jan bites his own lower lip to not let out a whine, but it’s useless. Jan’s entire body bends, reacting to Nace’s lips and tongue.

The bassist keeps teasing the guitarist using his mouth, kisses and licks and small bites all over his body, until he reaches Jan’s crotch. He grabs his briefs and slowly lowers them along his legs. Jan is now completely naked, laid on their bed. He feels exposed, but it is a good feeling, he’s not afraid, he’s with his mate. There’s nothing to fear.

Nace grabs his erection between his lips, then slowly welcomes it in his mouth until his nose collides against Jan’s pubic area. Instinctevely Jan’s hand ends on Nace’s hair, grabbing some strands but measuring his strength. He doesn’t want to hurt his human. He lets out a groan.

Nace starts moving along his erection, brushing it with his tongue, sometimes even with his teeth. Jan’s not ashamed to say that he almost came. Nace is embarrassingly good. Or it’s Jan that is so sensitive because the last sex he had with Ignac was more than a century before.

But he doesn’t care. He knows he won’t feel judged by him if he comes early.

Nace stops sucking and licking his erection, giving Jan time to breathe and relax a bit. 

“You are so sensitive,” he says while moving on top of him. “Is this a vampire thing?” He asks against his lips before kissing him.

“It’s a Nace thing,” Jan corrects him while running a hand through his soft hair.

The bassist smiles softly while taking off his own briefs. They are now both completely naked. Nace slowly straddles Jan, the vampire strokes his thighs with his hands, making the other shiver.

“What do you prefer? Top or…?”

“Both are good,” Jan replies, smiling. “Do whatever you feel more comfortable with.”

Nace then grabs Jan’s hand and guides it towards his ass while looking at him in the eyes. Jan understands what he’s silently asking, so he starts preparing him by massaging his hole, forcing it a bit with a finger. Nace whines against Jan’s lips.

“Relax, Nacko,” Jan whispers breathlessly. 

The vampire keeps kissing his human on the mouth and on the neck while he keeps preparing him firstly with a finger, then with two and three in the end. His erection quickly takes their places, making Nace moan even louder.

The bassist grabs the guitarist's shoulder with one hand for stability, then begins moving his waist up and down along Jan’s dick.

This feels like heaven for Jan, and maybe for Nace too. Jan is almost stunned by Nace’s scent. His main focus now is giving pleasure to his mate. Sometimes he moves his pelvis, trying to meet Nace’s body and hit the right spots in him.

They change position a couple of times, Jan still penetrating Nace and giving him pleasure until they are almost coming. Jan stops, then slips out of Nace, making him moan in disappointment. 

“I want you to come inside me,” the vampire explains while moving on top of Nace. This time it’s Jan who’s straddling the bassist. “I want to feel you inside.”

And so he proceeds to sink Nace’s erection in him, without any sort or preparation. He feels pain, but it’s nothing compared to the feeling of wholeness he’s experiencing right now. He throws his head behind, closing his eyes and moaning Nace’s name.

This is way beyond the point of no return for Jan. He promised to himself to not go near Ignac, if he ever got the chance to meet him again, but he failed miserably. How could he resist? The mate bond is stronger than anything else. He can’t give him up.

Jan puts his hands on Nace’s chest to gain more stability, his right hand exactly on his heart, his claws grazing over Nace’s skin, leaving red marks but no blood. He keeps moving along Nace’s erection, moaning his name every time he’s completely inside of him. 

Suddenly, the human grabs the vampire’s waist with both hands, a tight grip that makes Jan shiver and moan harder. They look for each other's mouths and then kiss, lips colliding and breaths mixing. Nace stops Jan from moving, then starts thrusting so fast that Jan has to part from those kisses to whine, his entire body shaking because of the pleasure he’s feeling.

Jan is quickly losing his grasp on reality and on his instincts. He’s trying so hard to not slip, to not let the vampire out, but he wants so badly to taste Nace fully, he needs him. 

And he makes the first mistake: he focuses on Nace’s heartbeat. It’s fast, it’s pumping the blood so rapidly in his vessels. He sinks his claws in Nace’s chest, making him bleed. The metallic smell is so intense now.

“J-Jan?” 

Prey.

Jan growls again, almost hisses while baring his fangs, now even sharper and full on display. He wants that blood, he craves it like a human being craves air to breathe when they are suffocating.

Nace’s scent is the second smell that hits him right after.

Mate.

Another type of instinct kicks in and it’s telling him, no, it's yelling at him to bite this human, to mark him so anyone can see that he’s his and no one else can touch him without his permission. He just follows this voice inside his head. He moves his hands, putting them on the bed, then quickly sinks his fangs on Nace’s neck and closes his eyes.

“J-Jan-!” 

Nace is whining, his hands are trying to push Jan away in the first few seconds, instincts kicking in. But the vampire is stronger, he starts drinking his blood and the first drop touching his tongue makes him moan against Nace’s skin. He missed this taste so much, his mate’s blood, he feels like a person dying of dehydration who’s drinking water after a long, long time. And Nace quickly gives in.

He keeps drinking and drinking, the metallic taste slowly changes and becomes sweeter and sweeter the more he drinks it. Nace even begins moaning of pleasure and not pain, making Jan shiver. The sweetness suddenly explodes in his mouth, making his entire body stiffen for a couple of seconds before he reaches the peak, *spreading his own semen on the bassist's chest.*

Jan slips the fangs out of Nace’s neck, a few drops of blood fall from his mouth on the white bedsheets, staining them. He’s breathless, eyes still closed and mouth open, trying to catch his breath. 

“F-fuck, Jan…”

He opens his eyes and turns towards Nace. His eyes are closed, he’s breathless too, but he looks fine.

“I-Ignac?”

The bassist smiles. “This is the best sex I have ever had,” he opens his eyes and turns in Jan’s direction. “The bite was…amazing.”

Jan glances at the bite, then again at Nace’s eyes. “It didn’t hurt you?”

“At the beginning, yes, it did, but then…oh, then it felt…I don’t have words to describe it, but it was so good. And you look stunning right now, with my blood all over your face and your red eyes and your fangs.”

Jan knows that sometimes vampires’ bites can cause an ecstasy-like status in humans, that what they see isn’t what the reality is because of that highness, but he notices something else in Nace’s eyes besides that highness caused by the orgasm he just had, and that is pure and unconditional love. Nace’s sincere, he’s able to recognise that look everywhere, he saw it so many times on Ignac in the past. He’s completely clear, he’s thinking straight.

Jan smiles sweetly, then goes back to the bite to lick the blood that’s still there and to heal the wound with his saliva. His gestures are tender, caring.

When he’s done, he lays next to Nace, who wraps him with his arms and kisses him on the forehead. They start cuddling, exchanging quick glances, softs smiles and tender kisses. He feels safe in Nace’s arms, loved. The world stops existing at once, his mate is the only thing that really matters.

They both drift off while cuddling and with a huge smile on their lips.

* * *

The next morning Jan wakes up because of Kris, as always. The half Dutch is so damn loud when he wakes up.

When he opens his eyes, the first thing he sees it’s Nace’s face, those stunning brown eyes filled with love and sweetness and that tender smile that creates those lovely dimples around his lips. He’s awake, his hand is slowly stroking Jan’s waist.

“Good morning, Janči.”

Jan yawns, then pecks Nace’s lips. 

“Mh…good morning to you, Nacko. Did Kris wake you up too?” He looks him in the eyes.

“No, I woke up like half an hour ago.”

“Half an hour? And what did you do?”

“I was just admiring you,” Nace smiles while moving a hair strand from Jan's face.

“Oh, don’t make me blush, it’s early in the morning…”

“It’s 11, Jan,” he giggles.

“It doesn’t matter, it’s still early for me.”

“Oh, right, because you are a creature that thrives at night,” Nace teases him.

“Exactly.”

Jan grumbles, then plants his face against Nace's chest and closes his eyes. He's falling asleep again but Kris decides to make more noise, waking him up definitely. He grumbles once more, annoyed by that. He just wants to sleep. Nace giggles.

“Come on, I’ll make your favourite breakfast, ok?”

“Fine,” he huffs. 

They stand up from the bed, Jan stops and stares at the sheets now stained with blood. He can still taste it on his tongue, he’d like to have more, but he already took so much last night. Nace needs to eat. Their clothes are all over the floor, just where they threw them last night.

Jan smiles at that thought. He turns towards his beloved Nace, who is showing his back to Jan. His skin is filled with red marks left by his nails, not his claws. Vampires are pretty possessive when it comes to their partners and oh seeing his mate with all those marks is truly something. 

Jan gets closer, then hugs his human from behind, lays his hands on his tummy and kisses his tattooed shoulder. 

“You are so beautiful, my human,” he whispers. “Have I ever told you that you smell amazing to me?”

“Are you quoting our song?” Nace giggles again.

“Yes, but it’s true. You truly smell amazing. I love your scent,” and then takes a deep breath.

They stay in that position for some seconds, then Jan parts from his boyfriend to get something to wear. He notices a familiar sweater laid on the backrest of a chair. He grabs it and wears it immediately. It’s so soft, and it smells like Nace. It’s so big for him, but he doesn’t care. It’s Nace’s.

“I know you are not a Ravenclaw, but those colours suit you,” Nace comments when he turns and sees Jan with just his Harry Potter jumper on, nothing else. 

Silence falls between them. Jan feels Nace’s eyes on him, he’s admiring him like he were a work of art exposed in a museum. 

“Gosh, seeing you with my clothes on is affecting me in a way I couldn’t think possible,” Nace confesses. “I’m not a possessive type of boyfriend.”

“It might be me being a vampire,” Jan answers. “There’s no clear explanation. Sometimes humans who have a vampire partner might behave like they were a vampire themselves,” Jan cups Nace’s face and strokes his cheeks, smiling. “Don’t be afraid of this. I’m here with you. You can ask me anything and talk to me about anything.”

They kiss tenderly, then hug again, this time face to face. Nace leaves a last quick kiss on the vampire’s neck, then finishes choosing which comfy clothes to wear for breakfast. Jan does the same, keeping the sweater and grabbing a pair of tracksuit trousers to wear over his briefs.

They go down the stairs together, holding hands. They see Jure in the kitchen busy making their breakfast, meanwhile Bojan and Kris are sitting next to each other and scrolling through social media on Kris’ phone.

Bojan notices them first, lifts his eyes from the screen and smiles at them, but this smile disappears immediately after and a surprised, almost shocked, facial expression dominates his face.

“Janči! What did you do to Nace’s neck?”

Kris looks at the couple, staring at the bassist’s neck. “Oh dear Lord. You bit him. And the bite is so exposed-” “Wow!” Jure exclaims, interrupting Kris and entering the small living room. “It looks like you had a lot of fun,” he giggles. “Did you drink from him too?”

Jan blushes, then hides his face against Nace’s shoulder, who giggles too. 

“He was gentle, don’t worry. Yes, he bit me, I gave him my permission. It’s all consensual,” Nace talks instead of Jan. He’s smiling, proud of showing Jan’s bite. “And I couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend,” he says while ruffling Jan’s hair with his hand.

“He can always wear a turtleneck,” Jure suggests. “If we need to record videos or take pictures for our social media. Turtlenecks suit him.”

Jan’s not agreeing on concealing his bite mark, but he understands that people can’t find out that there’s a vampire around Nace. It would endanger the whole group of friends and whoever knows them.

I've been sleepwalking And I don't know if you can tell This changing skin I'm in I hate this version of myself But now, I'm fading to black Their teeth in me, the way that I bled so easily But when I look back I became what they did to me

I don't wanna want your blood One drop is keeping me alive What are you running from? Just stay awake with me

I don't wanna want your blood One drop is keeping me alive What are you running from? Just stay awake with me all night

Shouldn't have let me in You've just made a grave mistake More sweet oblivion 'Cause now I need another taste

I'm weak, I start to attack, my teeth in you 'Cause baby that's what hurt people do I can't take it back I guess they made me a monster too

I don't wanna want your blood One drop is keeping me alive What are you running from? Just stay awake with me all night

I'll make you a believer If you could love a preacher I don't wanna want your blood But it's what's keeping me alive

I don't wanna want your blood One drop is keeping me alive What are you running from? Just stay awake with me all night

I'll make you a believer If you could love a creature I don't wanna want your blood But it's what's keeping me alive

Blood - Mothica

The sounds are loud, so loud, his ears are aching. The cold air stings his skin like a million pins, but he doesn't feel cold or the need to have something warm around his body. Smells are so strong and intense, his head is spinning even though his eyes are closed, completely shut.

When he opens his eyes, he closes them immediately and hisses. The light is so intense and bright he felt his eyes burning.

He tries to move his arm, but his limb is heavy and it doesn’t respond to his will. His body is there, but nothing moves, nor his arms nor his legs. He tries so hard to lift at least his hand, but in vain. 

Maybe he can focus on his senses. 

Let’s start with the smells. The first one hits him in a strange way and the emotions ignited by it are weirdly welcoming. He doesn’t know why, but this scent smells like home, like a warm and protective hug, comforting. He allows himself to be lulled by it.

The second one that he identifies is something that seems really sweet and delicious, that comforting feeling sparked by the first scent vanishes, replaced by this new one. His throat is dry, he needs to drink something and that smell is inviting him to come and discover what it is. It really smells like something refreshing, something that promises to satisfy his needs in this exact moment.

He licks his lips, but he startles. Why are his teeth so pointy? They shouldn’t be like this, right? Well, not this pointy at least. He licks those weirdly long teeth in his mouth, exploring them. But when he touches the sharp point of one of them, a small drop of a hot liquid with a weird texture spreads in his mouth. It’s…it tastes somehow good.

The scent that he smelled before is really similar to the taste of whatever liquid he just ingested. Why are they similar? It’s so confusing. Maybe they are the same thing, that is why they feel so similar? It could be.

He tries one more time to lift his arm from the ground and this time he manages to move it. His body already feels less heavy, so he even tries to sit on the ground.

He opens his eyes again, just slightly so the light doesn't burn them like it almost did before. The trees all around them don't have any leaves attached on their branches, so the sunlight, even though pale, filters through and hits the ground underneath. He needs to find a place where the light is less intense. At least he now knows that he's in a woodland.

He tries to stand up, his body still heavy and his movements still uncoordinated and slow. But he manages to stand up, eventually. He has to lay one of his hands against a tree to stay up and not fall on the ground.

After some minutes he takes some insecure steps, the dead leaves cracking under his feet. Their sound is painful for his ears, he even hisses. 

His instincts tell him to run, so he just runs. His legs move almost on their own. Unfortunately, he falls on the ground a couple of times, but he soon stands up again. He manages to find some trees that still have leaves on their branches. There’s a shadow under them. Maybe he can sit there to at least take cover from the sunlight.

He sits on the ground, back against a trunk. His eyes lay on his hands. He has pointy sharp claws. He pokes his palm and a small red drop gets out. The smell is pretty enticing, so he brings his hand closer to his face and licks that small red drop. The taste is good, but that red viscous liquid loses its enticement pretty soon. He thought it would be better. He already tasted it in his mouth before. It could be the same substance.

He glances at his hand and the wound has just disappeared, like it never existed. He touches his palm with his thumb to search for that wound, but nothing’s there. In the meantime he grazes his skin, making a new scratch appear. That red liquid gets out again. He observes this new wound stitching back together right under his eyes and disappearing completely, just like the first one.

He knows this isn’t supposed to happen. Wounds shouldn’t heal this faster. And he shouldn’t have claws. Of fangs. Or being afraid of the sunlight. He doesn’t remember anything, but he knows this.

Why does he have fangs and claws? Why is the light so intense? What has happened to him?

His train of thoughts derails only because his focus sticks to another problem: he feels his throat getting drier and drier. He needs to drink something, but what could he drink? There’s no water around, not a single small creek from which he could dip his hands and drink from them. That red liquid is inside of him, so he must need it somehow, and it doesn’t taste as delicious as he expected. 

He should ask for help, but he doesn’t know how to and who to call. He just wants to go home, find someone he knows, a familiar face, who might explain to him what happened and why he doesn’t remember anything, not even his own name.

His knees are against his chest, he embraces them with his arms, then hides his face against them. He doesn’t know what to do. He tries to remember at least the faces of the people he used to know, but nothing appears in his mind.

“Nace!” He hears a deep voice, shouting that weird but at the same time familiar word.

Nace. Is this his name? It might be. It’s…really familiar. Maybe yes, it is his name.

He identifies some steps on the ground getting closer and closer. He tries to look even smaller. He’s afraid and confused and prays that whoever or whatever is approaching just goes away and leaves him alone.

“Nace?” 

He hears that name again, but this time it’s…really close. Too close. There’s a heartbeat too, a strong one.

He decides to lift his head suddenly and quickly. In front of him there’s a man, with dark hair and a beard. His clothes are dirty of soil and…that enticing red liquid, the one that he smelled before where he woke up. Maybe…he could lick it from his red hand. Or he could even bite him. 

“I know you are scared, but I am no danger to you.”

The man talks again. His voice is soothing, deep, and somehow it makes him feel a weird sense of protection and safety.

“Let me help you.”

His eyes lay on that man’s face, specifically on his dark eyes. 

Mate.

It’s the only thing his mind can think of.

He follows the man’s actions while he kneels in front of him, moving slowly like he has a scared wild animal to approach. But he knows he’s not an animal. Or is he one?

The man offers him a hand, the one that is not covered with that red enticing substance he wants to taste so much. He leans in to smell it. He startles, recognising the scent. He smelled it before, where he was lying on the ground, the first scent he focused on and smelled like home. 

“Friend,” the stranger says.

Nace observes the man while he touches his chest with his red hand. His eyes lay on that red hand, then he licks his lips.

“Yeah, ok, you need to feed,” the man says while looking around, like he’s searching for something.

He grabs a thing from his pocket, he quickly taps on it and then brings it against his ear. A couple of seconds later the man starts speaking another language, one that he doesn’t understand. He keeps talking, it looks like he’s replying to someone, or to that weird machine. Once he’s done, the device ends up back in his pocket.

“I called a friend. He will help us.”

Their eyes meet again, the stranger’s look sad. The man starts wondering in front of him, nervously, while waiting for this “friend”.

“Hey, Jan.”

When this new stranger arrives, the first instinct he has is to hiss against him as soon as he gets closer to Jan. He shows his fangs, moving into an attack position, ready to jump on the stranger. He sees him startle. 

“Nace, he’s a friend too. Don’t worry.”

The dark haired man, his mate, whose name must be Jan, moves in front of the new stranger to shield him with his own body, to protect him. He then turns to the stranger and starts speaking that weird language that he doesn’t understand. He looks at the weird box the stranger has in his hand.

“Thank you, Niklas.”

“No offence, mate, but you look awful. What happened?”

“A vampire kidnapped him, I found them and I killed the vampire, but…the transformation had already started, I couldn’t let him go.”

The stranger looks at Nace.

“So…he is your mate.”

“Yes. The famous Ignac I talked to you about.”

“How is he alive?”

“I don't know. It's…complicated.”

Silence falls between them. The stranger gives Jan that weird box.

“I brought whatever I had in my stock.”

“Thanks, I’ll repay you in some way,” Jan grabs that box.

“Don’t worry about that. This was an emergency, it’s on me. If you need anything else, just call me and I’ll do whatever it’s in my power to help you.”

“Thanks, truly.”

The stranger leaves them. Jan opens the box, then grabs something inside of it, a weird bag with a red liquid in it. It looks like the liquid that got out of the wounds on his hand, and that covers Jan's skin. Is it the same thing?

“This is what you need to live now,” Jan explains, switching back to the language he understands. “Unfortunately,” he adds, he sees what looks like guilt in his eyes.

Jan offers that bag to him, so he grabs it and starts analysing it, curious. The liquid is thick and cold. He doesn’t know how to open this bag and taste what’s inside it, so he keeps studying it. 

Suddenly, that sweet and enticing scent comes back. And this time it’s more intense and more tempting. He raises his head quickly, his throat drier than before, even though he started salivating. He licks his lips, a deep growl blooms from his chest. He wants what Jan is drinking from his bag.

Jan notices that he’s aiming at him.

“Bite it,” Jan says, pointing at his own bag and imitating a bite action. 

He looks at his own bag, then opens his mouth and sinks his fangs into it. The liquid literally explodes in his mouth and he moans as soon as he tastes it. He squeezes the bag to drink as much liquid as possible. It’s refreshing and delicious and he needs more. 

Jan quickly throws a new bag at him. He grabs it with a really fast movement of his hands, then bites it violently. Some blood ends up on his face and on his clothes too. He’s hungry and that sweet substance is helping his hunger and his thirst too. He feels his body getting stronger and stronger while he drinks more of that delicious red liquid. 

He quickly empties three more bags when he can finally focus on something else than his hunger. He leaves the bags on the ground, then rests his back against a tree.

Jan gets closer and sits right next to him. He allows him to get this close just because he’s helping him and he’s his mate. He doesn't know the meaning of that word, though.

But Jan is important. And Jan is safe. So safe that he lays his head on his shoulder and grabs his hand, intertwining their fingers. They simply stay there, silently. He allows Jan’s scent to lull him again in its safe embrace.

All of a sudden, he moves fast and straddles Jan. Their eyes meet. He is studying Jan, his curious gaze runs from his eyes to his lips and then to his whole body. He touches his arms, his chest and his face too. He’s analysing him with his hands, analysing also the fabric that covers Jan’s body. The textures are so different.

Jan slowly raises his hands in front of him. He lays his own on Jan’s, matching them. His own hands still have claws exposed. Jan doesn’t have any claws, but he drank that red liquid like he did, so they must be the same thing, right? The same kind of creature? 

“Jan,” he struggles to say, his voice is raspy.

“Yes, I’m Jan. Do you remember your name?”

“Nace,” he replies. It must be his name since Jan called him like this multiple times.

Jan nods. “Good,” he whispers and closes his eyes while relaxing against the trunk.

Nace. Got it. This is his name. He’s called Nace. 

“Mate,” he says out loud all of a sudden.

Jan opens his eyes and stares at him.

“What did you just say?”

“Mate. Jan is mate,” he repeats with so much difficulty. Talking is a real problem.

Nace notices something changing in Jan's eyes. His heartbeat gets faster. He looks kind of surprised.

Nace is staring at him, studying him and his reaction, trying to understand why that word caused this change in Jan, his head slightly tilted on one side.

Jan opens his mouth, he's about to say something, but a buzzing interrupts him. He grabs again that weird thing he used before. Nace’s attention is immediately reverted to that device.

“It’s a phone, don’t worry,” Jan explains while showing it to Nace. He reads the name on the screen. 

“Kris”.

That name sounds familiar to Nace. He focuses so much to try to find that piece of information in his mind, his memories are still so shattered and mixed and confused, so unfortunately he can't find what he was looking for. But he's sure that that name sounds really familiar.

“Hi Kris,” Jan answers, speaking the same language he spoke to Nace and not that weird one he couldn't understand.

Nace can hear voices on the other side of the phone.

“Oh, thank god you are alive!” Says a male voice, a familiar one. “How are you? How is Nace? Is Nace with you? Is he alive? Where are you two?”

“Kris, breath, please,” Jan replies. “We are both alive, Nace is with me,” he continues while looking at him. “He’s…fine, kind of.”

“Who took him? Did you find them?” Another male voice joins the conversation.

“It was a vampire,” Jan replies. 

Vampire. What a weird word. He has nebulous memories about this term. It must be a creature of some kind.

“A vampire?!” The first voice almost shouts. “Why? And why Nace? I thought vampires laws forbade-”

“Kris, I will tell you everything when we are back, ok? It’s complicated and the phone isn’t the right means to tell you all about it,” Jan takes a deep breath. “Please, don’t be mad, we’ll be back in…some days. Now it isn’t the right time.”

“Jan, what happened?” A third voice joins too, this one is really worried. Nace almost feels guilty and he doesn't even know this person.

Nace sees that Jan is affected by this concerned tone too, so he gets closer and lays his forehead against Jan’s.

“I’ll tell you, Muca. We are fine, just know this for now.”

Jan puts away the phone, slipping it in his pocket.

“They are our friends, Nace. Kris, Jure and Bojan. They are worried for us, but right now we can't go back to them.”

Nace glances at Jan, confused. Why can't they go back to them if they are their friends? They could help them.

“It's dangerous, for you and for them,” Jan explains. “You…need to learn how to control.”

Control? Why should he learn how to control himself? He can control! He's not dangerous! He didn't attack anyone! He's a good person!

Jan cups Nace's face.

“Nace, listen,” he starts speaking while looking him in the eyes. “You…you are not human anymore, ok? You are a different creature now. You feed on blood, people have blood in them and you'll attack them because they are prey now.”

Prey? People like their friends? But he didn't attack Jan, or that stranger. He keeps not understanding why they can't go back.

“Friends!” Nace exclaims. “Friends!”

“Nace, no-”

But Nace frees himself and scratches Jan's face with his claws. Blood drips from the wounds on his cheeks.

“Frie-” 

Nace freezes when he sees the scratches he created on his mate's face. He pales. He did that, just right now. He…he must be dangerous. He is dangerous. Just like Jan said.

His hand is frozen mid air, shaking, blood on the tip of his claws dripping on Jan's clothes.

He feels two gentle hands stroking his cheeks.

“Nace? Hey, Nace, please, look at me.” 

Jan's voice is sweet and gentle and he shouldn't be like this because Nace attacked him and wounded him.

“Nace, my love, it's ok. I'm alive, you didn't hurt me. Look at my face.”

He lifts his eyes from his hand and lays them on Jan's cheek. The scratches are rapidly mending.

“M-me…” Nace says while dabbing Jan's skin.

“Yeah, it was you, but look, I'm healing. Nothing to worry about. But this shows you that you need to learn how to control. You are stronger than an ordinary human. And our friends are humans.”

Jan kisses Nace on the forehead, then leans on him and closes his eyes.

“I will teach you how to control yourself. You are not alone, my love.”

* * *

“I just can’t, Jan! T-the smell-it’s too much, I crave it, I need it!” Nace shouts out of frustration while crying desperately. “Just let me drink it!” He growls.

Jan is holding a blood bag, an open one. The sweet and enticing smell of blood is all around them, so tempting. Nace’s whole body is so tense, he’s ready to jump on Jan to snatch the blood bag from his hands and sink his fangs in it.

“No, Nace. You need to resist or you won’t survive among humans. A hunter could easily spot you and kill you on sight. And I don’t want that to happen.”

“I don’t care!” He replies back, still shouting. “I’m hungry! That blood is too-Jan, I want it,” he growls again. 

“Control, Nace,” Jan says, voice strict and imperative.

“Fuck you and your damn control!”

Nace stands up and goes away, frustrated. 

He gained back his ability to speak less than a week ago and he spent most of the time insulting Jan for what he’s making him do. He’s hating Jan for all these self control lessons he’s undergoing. They are all useless.

He’s fully aware he has a lot of problems with keeping it cool when he smells the scent of fresh blood. He learnt how to hunt pretty quickly, and also how to better use his new vampiric senses, but control over his thirst? Well, that is hard. Really hard. 

And his fluctuating feelings and emotions don’t help him. He still goes from zero to one hundred in a matter of a heartbeat. He hates being a newborn vampire, there’s nothing good in it. He’s also aware that Jan is a really old vampire, but he makes this self control thing look like a walk in the city centre of Ljubljana, meanwhile Nace is struggling with simply breathing the smell of blood and not losing his mind.

Besides, having Jan, his mate, by his side isn't helping him at all. He doesn't express it, but he ends up staring at Jan's neck more than once. He wants to bite it, mark it and taste his blood since he saw him right after his transformation. His scent is already so much alluring, his blood must taste like heaven. 

And maybe Jan even noticed, but he doesn't say anything.

Well, Nace doesn't really know what being his mate implies, he just knows they are mates, his instincts told him so as soon as he saw Jan's eyes. He'd like to ask Jan for some explanations, but he doesn't know when to ask for them.

It's hard to think about anything else than Jan, to focus on anything else. And maybe that's why he's struggling so hard to control his thirst. 

Jan avoids talking about the topic too. Nace vaguely remembers about the fight they had before he was kidnapped by that vampire, maybe he's delaying the conversation too for who knows whatever reason.

It has been more than two weeks, more or less, since Nace has been turned into a vampire. He must know about this mate thing, so one day, while they are strolling in the woods, looking for a prey, Nace just spurts out the question that's bugging him since he got back his ability to talk without any problems.

“You are my mate, am I wrong?”

Jan stops, freezing completely. He’s a couple steps in front of Nace. He can hear Jan’s heartbeat and breath, the first one skipped a couple of beats. Nace touched a sensitive spot.

He turns and catches Nace staring at him, waiting for an answer.

“What do you feel?”

“I’m attracted to you, but it’s way different from what I felt when I was still human, it’s far more intense,” he stops a couple of seconds to recollect words. “I want you so much, every inch of me pushes me towards you. Your scent is like a drug, I want to bite you, to mark you, so everyone can see that I own you,” his eyes become red while talking, he can feel it. His thirst is intensifying. “I’m trying to restrain myself, but I…I think I need to taste your blood.”

“You already tasted it Nace, when I…turned you,” Jan replies, his voice faltering.

“I was human then, and I need more,” he almost growls back at Jan.

In a blink of an eye Nace is in front of Jan, who startles and recoils a couple of steps. Nace usually goes away when he feels his grip on his instincts weakening, but this time he's allowing himself to give in. Two weeks of self control are enough, now he just wants to bite and feed on what he wanted and craved for all these days.

“Why do I want you so much?” Nace's voice sounds almost desperate.

Jan raises his hands in front of him to stop him and calm him. 

“Breathe, Nace. It’s…it’s normal. It’s our bond. And you are feeling it harder and stronger because you got turned into a vampire a couple of weeks ago.”

“But why is this so intense? I-I don’t like it,” some tears run down his face. He's panting, his mouth open displaying his pointy fangs.

Jan cups his cheeks and strokes them. 

“Breathe, my love. In and out, follow me.”

“Why can’t I control it?” Nace is crying, his voice trembling because of the various sobbing. “Why can't I control my thirst? My feelings? I want to know, Jan!”

“It’s ok,” a small smile outlines on his lips. Guilt appears on Jan's face. “I felt the same when I first saw you, centuries ago. It's how this kind of bond works, but I don’t have an explanation because it’s so intense. I’m sorry, my love.”

“I-I need you, Jan-”

The black-haired vampire is about to reply, but Nace is faster and bites him on the neck. 

Jan whines, his hands grab Nace's shoulders, trying to push him away, but Nace's grip is stronger and steadier. He wraps Jan's body with his arms, grabbing his clothes and almost ripping them apart with his claws.

When the first drops of blood touch Nace's tongue, he moans out of pleasure. Jan's blood tastes like pure ambrosia, the food of the Greek gods. He bites even harder, sucking more blood, greedily. He wants more, he needs more.

Jan moans, he surrendered completely to Nace's will, he doesn't even try to free himself from his grip. And Nace's vampiric instincts rejoice, his “prey” accepted his fate, it’s giving up.

In a few seconds they end up on the ground, Nace on top of Jan, fangs still sunk into Jan's neck, blood flowing down his throat and into his body.

“N-Nace…” 

A feeble whisper pushes away the vampire in Nace, the heavy fog that enveloped his mind, clouding it, just leaves and his rationality takes over him. He opens his eyes, the first thing he sees it’s the ground covered in dead leaves. 

“Nace, p-please…stop-”

That whisper comes back, this time he hears it more clearly. It’s Jan’s voice.

Nace slips out his fangs and moves so he can see Jan’s face: his eyes are half closed and bleary, he’s breathless, his heartbeat is slow. 

“Jan?”

Nace tries calling him, his voice worried.

“Jan!”

He shouts while trying to shake Jan to wake him up. He shouts his name again and again, but Jan closes his eyes and never replies.

Oh god, did he kill him? Did he drink too much blood?

He glances around him, nervously, looking for an answer or a tip on how to behave, on what to do now. He remembers that Majda and Gaspar still exist, that they are both vampires, maybe they know what to do or what to suggest to Nace.

He searches for Jan’s phone in his jacket pockets and in the trouser’s one too, frantically. Where’s his phone? He remembers he has one.

Oh, found it! He grabs it and immediately turns it on. Jan switched it off to not make it shut down because of the low battery. He looks immediately for Vita or Kiki in the contacts list. When he finds Vita's number, he calls her immediately.

As soon as he hears a voice on the other side, he speaks, his voice full of despair and tears.

“Help! Please, come here! I-I attacked Jan and he’s-”

“Nace?” Vita calls him. “Breathe, Nace. Breathe. Don't let the panic take over. Breathe.”

Her voice is gentle, calm. Nace tries to follow her, to breathe in and breathe out with her. He feels immediately calmer.

“What happened?” She asks again, her voice still gentle.

“I-I bit Jan and drank his b-blood, I couldn’t resist-”

“He’s alive, I can hear his heartbeat.”

“B-but he’s not waking up!”

“He just needs some blood,” she replies, Nace can hear a smile in her voice. “We’ll bring some blood for him, and for you too, Nace. Do you know where you are?”

“Jan said that we are somewhere north, not so far from London…”

“We’ll get to you. Stay with Jan in the meantime, please.”

“O-ok…” he even nods. 

The call ends and Nace keeps staring at Jan, who is still lying unconscious on the ground. He did that. He almost drank him dry. He almost killed his mate because he’s not able to control his thirst. Maybe he truly is a monster.

* * *

“Will Jan be ok?”

This is the first thing that Nace asks Vita once she and Kiki arrived. 

Vita takes Nace with her far away from Jan, but Nace keeps looking back, extremely worried for him.

“Why are you taking me away? I need to stay with Jan-”

Vita cups his face with his hands, a gentle but firm grip.

“Breathe, dear. Yes, Jan will be ok, just let Kiki do his thing, he just needs to drink some blood. And you need to breathe. Panic won’t help you, dear.”

Nace looks her in the eyes. She's so calming and confident in what she's saying that somehow Nace's panic fades. It's still there, but it's just a distant shade.

Vita frees Nace from her grip, then keeps looking at him.

“The mate bond snapped, am I correct?” She asks.

“Y-yes…I suppose?”

Vita smiles tenderly. “This is why you are panicking right now, it's not just the fact that you are a baby vampire. The bond makes you more unstable.”

Nace sits on the ground, then grabs his head between his hands.

“It’s intoxicating. I-I can’t think, it’s so hard to focus on anything else a-and I just feel the need to be with him-”

He feels a hand on his shoulder, the touch is delicate and comforting. 

“It’s completely natural, dear,” Vita starts talking. “The bond is strong and runs deep inside us, you just need time to learn how to control it. And how to live with it.”

Nace looks at her. “What if I can’t control it? What if I’m…too weak to control everything?”

She shakes her head. “No, you are not weak, Nace. You controlled yourself for how long? A couple of weeks? You could have jumped on Jan sooner, but you didn’t. You are strong, you just need time. And maybe a different teacher, because Jan isn’t the right one. He barely manages to take care of himself.”

Nace giggles at that affirmation. She isn’t completely wrong, even though he remembers how Jan took care of him when he was sick, just right after Eurovision. 

“Well, sometimes he does manage to take care of the people he loves.”

“Once in a while, yeah,” she giggles too. “Don’t be afraid, my dear Nace,” she continues, grabbing one of his hands. “We are here right now and we’ll help you. You and Jan will be fine and you’ll be back together as soon as possible.”

* * *

Fortunately, what Jan did with Nace wasn’t all bad. The only problem was his presence, as Nace said. Having his mate around made it impossible for Nace to focus on other stuff but him. With Vita he showed so much control and self awareness. Vita recognised these elements in him, even during that “panic attack” when the two lovebirds got separated. 

Nace is indeed fully aware that he’s a vampire, that he’s now so much stronger and faster, that he’s a predator, that he needs blood to survive and that every other living being around him could be a potential prey, but this fact doesn't give him the permission to attack every living creature he meets.

Keeping the two lovebirds separated was the hardest task Vita and Kiki had to face since they met Jan in ancient Vrhnika. They needed to be around each other, to feel each other's presence, to breathe and inhale each other’s scent and get high off of it, only because the bond just snapped. 

So Vita and Kiki allow them to reunite after five long days of being apart. 

As soon as they see each other, they run and once they are in front of their mate, they simply kiss, Nace putting his hands on Jan's shoulder and Jan cupping his face. They keep kissing and undressing each other. The need to feel their mate is so strong and irresistible.

And so they have their first sex as vampires in that frenzy caused by those five days of separation.

Once they are done, they stay on the ground, completely naked, but happy to be there with their mate. They cuddle, exchanging sweet kisses and tender looks.

Nace is so happy to have Jan by his side,  finally together again, he can't hold his tears of joy. Unfortunately, guilt strikes him back.

“I-I’m so sorry, Janči-”

“It's ok, Nacko,” Jan interrupts him. “You didn't do it on purpose. I forgive you.”

Nace then wraps Jan with his hands, holding him tight against his chest.

Some minutes later, Vita decides to break that magical moment between them.

“Since Nace is now able to control himself, what if you go back to the boys? I bet they are worried about you two,” she suggests, smiling tenderly.

“Are you sure, Vita?” Nace asks, a little bit worried.

“Majda, we are naked!” Jan shouts.

“Nothing I haven't already seen, Jan. And yes, Nace, you can control yourself. You showed me so much evidence of it.”

“He still may be tempted to attack if he smells fresh blood though,” says Kiki.

“Jan's there and ready to act, if he's not too busy eye-fucking Nace,” she replies.

“Majda!” Jan whines like a child with his mother. Nace notices that he's all red.

“Well, you know I’m right,” she glances at him.

Nace giggles, then kisses Jan on the cheek before laying his head on his shoulder.

Even if he's not showing it, Nace is worried because he will have three humans in front of him at the same time. He saw only one human since he was turned into a vampire.

“We’ll stick around, so you can call us if you ever need some support,” Vita reassures them. “But I’m pretty sure you won’t need us,” she smiles at Nace.

The newly born vampire gets closer to her and hugs her, hiding his face against her neck. 

“Thank you, for everything,” he whispers.

“Oh, dear Nace. You are part of our family, it’s the bare minimum,” she smiles. When they split apart, she looks him in the eyes. “And take care of Jan, he needs it.”

Nace giggles. “We take care of each other,” he turns to look at his mate.

Jan smiles at him, tenderly. He’s looking at Nace with so much love in his eyes, Nace almost melts on the spot.

He still needs time to adjust to his new life, to his new nature, but he’s glad he has Jan by his side. He’s not alone. And he can count on his friends too, even if they are humans. 

“Let’s go back to the guys,” Nace says, taking a deep breath.

Jan grabs his hand, intertwining their fingers. 

“I’m with you. Together forever, remember?”

Nace smiles. This is their “motto” when they were at Eurovision, last year. It’s silly, it sounds so cheesy and so teenagerly, but it’s theirs and describes their whole story, since their first meeting in old Vrhnika.

Nace lays a quick and tender kiss on Jan’s hand.

Vem, da si bila enkrat že v peklu (I know you've been to hell once) in da nazaj več ne bi rada šla. (And that you don't want to go back there) Slišal sem, da hočeš it do konca sveta (I've heard that you want to go to the end of the world) in da me več ne rabiš za sopotnika. (And that you don't need me as you companion anymore)

Vse kar vem in kar znam, je, da ne boli, (All I know is that it doesn't hurt) ko me tvoj objem zakriva. (When you embrace me with your arms) Kaj je prav me ne bremeni, (What is right doesn't burden me) ker s tabo svet ne izpodriva me. (Because with you the world does not displace me)

Vse Kar Vem - Joker Out

May 2023

Jan is sucking blood from a blood bag. This evening there’s the second semi final of Eurovision 2023 and they will play their song in front of the whole continent of Europe and Australia. He needs a further dose of blood, even if he fed on Kris yesterday. He took a small amount of blood, he didn’t want Kris to get tired.

“We have five minutes, Janči,” Kris tells him while looking at his phone. “The bus has just arrived.”

Jan drinks faster, emptying the whole blood bag, then he hides it in his suitcase. He will get rid of it later.

“I’m ready. Do I have blood on my face?”

Kris looks at him. “Lick your lips,” Jan does it. “Ok, we can go.”

They join the band in the hall of the hotel a couple of minutes later.

“It’s the big day today!” Jure says, excited. “Let’s make Slovenia proud of us! Let’s go to the final!”

Jan exchanges a quick smile with Nace, then the whole band goes on the bus. Every artist on it is nervous, even a normal human can feel it. The chatting bruise is annoying and their fast heartbeats are deafening, so Jan tries to lock out all that noise. He even attempts to breathe less, their scents are intense and soaked in anxiety and anticipation. It is not easy, unfortunately. 

He starts fidgeting with his fingers nervously once he’s sitting as a way to decompress and focus on anything but the bus. A hand grabs his own. He turns and sees Nace sitting by his side.

“Remember? You are not alone on that stage,” Nace smiles tenderly. “I’m with you. And the others too.”

Jan lays his head on Nace’s shoulder and closes his eyes. He focuses on his fast heartbeat, so familiar and so nervous, yet so calming at the same time, and on his scent too. It’s a relief for his heightened vampiric senses. 

Nace’s anxiety slowly decreases. Jan chuckles in his mind. What a weird reaction from Nace's side, he didn't think that their closeness could help both of them relax in such a tense moment. He’d like to get even closer to Nace, plant his face against his neck, breathe in his scent from there, but this simple contact between their hands is all that he allows himself to enjoy, for now.

The bus starts moving once everyone is on board. In a few minutes they will be at the arena. They have been preparing for this in the past months. Joker Out will show to Europe what they are capable of on a stage, their talent and their dedication to music. And hope for the best outcome.

* * *

The presenters are announcing the countries that will go to the grand final. Cameras keep coming to their green room, but no one of them hears the word “Slovenia”. Their hope is slowly being crushed by those false moments of joy.

Jan is sitting between Nace and Kris. The half Dutch continues checking on him, more worried by his friend’s wellbeing than the results of the semifinal. 

“We did good, Janči. And we can get drunk, if we don’t go to the final,” Kris chuckles.

“Oh, absolutely. I need a lot of alcohol.”

In that moment cameras set in front of them. There’s only one place left for the final.

“Grab the flag,” says a man next to the camera. And they do so. This is it? Are they about to announce their country? They all embrace one another, their hearts galloping in their chests.

And then Slovenia is announced as the last finalist. 

The next moments are so rushed and surreal that they feel like a fever dream. They jump on the couch of their green room, shouting and celebrating, happiness radiating from them, then a huge hug and the whole band almost falls on said couch. In seconds they are brought to another room where they draw a piece of paper from a bowl: they will perform in the second half of the grand final. Further screams of pure joy. Before being able to change their clothes, a part of the band is busy with a brief press conference, meanwhile the rest of the group gets interviewed by the Slovenian international broadcast.

Jan is trying so hard to not cry on national television. And to not let the vampire out. He’s stunned. He’s still trying to process what just happened. His head is spinning. Everything is so unreal and unbelievable. Nace is talking on the microphone, focusing all the attention on him, but Jan can’t even hear the words he’s saying. He doesn’t even realise that the interview is over until Nace wraps his shoulders with his arm. He lays his forehead against Nace’s and closes his eyes.

“We did it,” he whispers so only the bassist can hear him.

“We did it, yes, Janči,” he cups his cheek with his hand. 

Now Nace is in Jan’s little bubble.It’s only them, every sound, every scent, every heartbeat, everything else just disappears instantly. Jan lays his hand on Nace’s chest, he feels the beatings and the vibrations of his heart. 

Mate. 

He’s about to kiss his neck, maybe even bite it to mark him so the entire world can see that Nace is his, but a familiar voice breaks that spell and brings him back to reality.

“I’m sorry to interrupt your private moment, but the van is right outside the arena and it’s waiting for us to bring us back to the hotel,” Kris says to them. “Change quickly, they won’t wait for us forever.”

Jan opens his eyes while Kris goes away, leaving them alone. Jan and Nace look each other in the eyes for a bunch of seconds, then they enter their changing room.

* * *

At the hotel the rest of their delegation welcomes them with loud celebrations and so many hugs. Among them there are also their families. Jan recognises Bojan’s father and Kris’ parents, but he notices someone else he knows very well.

“Maj-Vita, Kiki, you are here.” Jan remembers that his two fellow vampires changed their names. He still calls them by their original name, sometimes.

“How could we miss our baby conquering Europe with his music?” Replies Vita before tightly hugging Jan.

“You did good, Jan,” adds Kiki, smiling. “We are proud of you,” he joins the hug.

“We still have the grand final.”

“You’ll get a good result even there, don’t worry,” Kiki replies. 

Kris approaches the three vampires and greets them. Jan told him about Gaspar and Majda too. Jan always introduces them as his dear friends and with their new (and more modern) names, Kris is the only one who knows the truth.

“It’s good to see you two here,” the half Dutch says right before hugging them too. He’s like a son to them.

“You were amazing too, Kris. All of you!” Exclaims Vita, smiling.

“Is Jan behaving properly?” Kiki asks immediately after, a serious expression on his face.

“Yeah, he’s good,” Kris giggles, wrapping Jan’s shoulders with an arm. “He’s a good leech.”

Jan rolls his eyes. “I told you to not call me that. I hate it.”

“You know I just like to piss you off sometimes,” Kris ruffles Jan’s hair.

“You enjoy it a little bit too much, though. I remind you that I bite.”

“Oh, what a threat!” Jokes Kris and makes the three vampires laugh.

Their funny moment gets interrupted by another laugh, Nace’s. Jan turns, his eyes are filled with love when he sees Nace having fun with Martin and Bojan. His laugh is so contagious, he wants to join too for no reason at all.

“You should talk to him, Jan.”

“Majda, it’s ok. I’m fine.”

They don’t celebrate much longer, the band is tired and needs some rest. Jan is the first one to go back to his room, followed by Kiki who gives him a bag with some blood bags directly from the hospital. Jan will need more blood for the grand final. He thanks his friend, then goes to his room and immediately drinks dry one of those bags.

Someone knocks on the door, making Jan startle. “Who’s there?”

“Janči, it’s me, Nace. Are you ok?”

He quickly hides the blood bags in his suitcases, licks his lips and goes to the door to open it.

“Yeah, I’m ok. Why?”

“You usually stay longer when there’s a party, I got worried.”

Their eyes meet. Oh, Nace, you will never change, won’t you?, he thinks. 

“I’m fine, don’t worry. I’m just a little bit tired. The adrenaline rush disappeared.”

“Fair enough. Then, I’ll go to my room. Good night, J-”

“Would you like to stay with me? We can…I don’t know, lie on the bed and just stare at the ceiling together,” he suggests. Weird way to ask for company, maybe Kris infected him with his awkwardness.

Nace giggles. “Ok, I’ll stare at the ceiling with you. Jan.”

And thus, they lie on Jan’s bed, one next to the other, but they don’t stare at the ceiling, they look at each other. And they start talking about anything that comes up in their mind. The main topic of their conversation still remains music, but they also range over nature, food and others, and Jan loves seeing that small spark in Nace’s eyes when he’s passionate about what he’s saying. They truly do look like a couple. 

They keep talking until both of them fall asleep, holding one hand, without even realising it. 

* * *

The next morning Jan wakes up first. He’s embraced by Nace’s scent. He turns his head a bit and sees Nace right behind him, still asleep. They are spooning, Nace’s arms are around his waist and his face is right against his neck, he feels his warm breath tickling on his skin. He looks for other heartbeats in the room, but theirs are the only ones he can hear. Kris’ scent is feeble. He must have slept somewhere else, maybe with Bojan since Nace was sharing his room with the singer.

Jan lays his hand on Nace’s and gently caresses its back with his thumb. It’s weird but also pleasing at the same time being back with his beloved human. 

He chuckles, he really thought he could avoid him, being just simple friends for once. Oh, he was just a fool dreamer.

He’s almost drifting off when Nace’s breath and heartbeat change pace, signalling that he’s waking up. Jan then turns, so he can face the bassist. He finds his face in front of him, still some signs of slumber on his expression. He instinctively smiles.

“Good morning.”

“‘Morning to you, Janči. Did you sleep well?”

“Amazingly. You?” Jan replies while laying a hand on his chest.

“Me too. Your bed feels more comfortable than mine, honestly,” he chuckles, even though Jan perceives a hint of embarrassment in his voice.

Silence falls again in the whole room. They keep staring at each other, their glances go from their eyes to their lips and back. They are so close, very few centimetres divide their lips. Jan moves one hand and slightly touches Nace’s lips with the tip of a finger. 

Jan did this a million times, and yet he’s so shy with him. He’s stalling, hoping that maybe Nace will make the first move and kiss him because he’s afraid of his love not being requited, even if they're meant to be. He doesn’t want to ruin the relationship they have despite it being only a “simple” friendship. 

But Nace seems to have other plans. He gets closer to Jan, their noses are basically touching. Jan’s hand, still on Nace’s chest, allows him to feel his heartbeat getting faster and faster. They are about to kiss, their lips are on the verge of touching, shivers run down Jan’s spine in anticipation, but their moment gets interrupted by the door opening. They recoil, Jan even sits up.

“Oh, you are already awake,” says Kris. “It’s weird for you, Jan. Are you ok?” Kris half closes his eyes, suspicious. “Did I interrupt something?”

“No!” Jan replies before Kris could finish his sentence. 

“Yes,” says Nace at the same time.

Jan hems. “No, we were about to stand up and Nace to go back to his room,” he corrects the bassist, quickly glancing at him.

The bassist glances back, then sighs and nods. “Yeah, Jan is…right. See you…later, then.”

Nace stands up and quickly reaches the door. Before leaving the room and closing the door behind him, he glances at Jan.

“Be honest, you were about to kiss,” Kris asks as soon as the door is closed and Nace is no more in the room.

“You saved me from a mistake.” 

Kris sighs, then sits next to him. “He’s clearly into you, Janči. You should really talk to him about this situation. Why don’t you allow yourself to just…be happy with him?”

“Because I’m tired of losing him, Kris,” he looks him in the eyes. “Yes, I do love him, and yes, I do want him, but you won’t understand. Last time we met, he-” 

Jan closes his eyes, his voice stutters. In his mind that memory comes back with so much violence and it feels like a dagger right through his heart.

North-East Italy (Kobarid/Caporetto), October-November 1917

You're the cause The antidote The sinking ship that I could not let go You led my way, then disappeared How could you just walk away and leave me here Light the night up, you're my dark star And now you're falling away

Dark On Me - Starset

Jan and Ignac were forced to join the army to fight, they didn’t even know the reason till this day. The only thing they did know was that the other option they had when they were drafted was a quick execution, a bullet right in the head. Jan accepted just to protect his human. 

The attack began two days before. They were quickly conquering Italian land, kilometre after kilometre, pushing the enemy towards another river and leaving their homeland Slovenia behind their backs.

Jan stayed near Ignac, keeping an eye on him. Always.

That day they were on the front line, exposed to every shot the enemy might throw at them. It was dawn, today’s attack began when it was still dark. They were advancing on the ground, they ran fast with their rifles in their hands.

This wasn’t their first assault. They both knew that their regiments would be halved by the end of the attack. Ignac prayed to come back home safe, Jan prayed with him. Even during this assault.

Suddenly, a mine exploded in front of them. Jan, thanks to his vampiric reflexes, managed to cover himself. He thought he covered Ignac too, but an intense smell of familiar blood caught his attention.

He opened his eyes wide and turned. Ignac was gasping for air, one hand was on his neck. He was on the ground.

“No, no, no! Ignac, no!”

He kneeled next to him, threw away his rifle and touched his neck. His hand got immediately soaked in blood. His first instinct was to bring his wrist to his mouth to bite it and give him his blood to heal, but he stopped mid-air. He was in the middle of an assault, he was surrounded by other soldiers, other humans. He couldn’t give Ignac his blood to heal him, to save him. If someone saw him, he would be dead, and Ignac with him.

“J-Ja-”

“No, no, don’t talk,” he whispered. “I’m with you, Ignac,” he grabbed his other hand and intertwined their fingers. “I’m here, relax.”

He was bleeding fast. A shard cut his throat, for sure. Ignac clenched Jan’s hand, but his grasp was getting weaker pretty fast. Jan leaned down and wrapped Ignac with his arms, then planted his face against his bleeding neck and kissed it.

“I’m so sorry, I couldn’t protect you. I’m sorry, Ignac, I’m so, so, so sorry,” his voice trembled, he was crying. With one hand he caressed his hair while rocking him.

Jan managed to say a feeble “I love you, Ignac” right when his heart stopped beating. His body lost all strength, but Jan kept him tight against his chest. He was a sinking ship, but Jan couldn’t let it go. He’d prefer to sink with him and die.

He was gone, again. His star just got dark for the umpteenth time. He was used to this, so why was he so desperate this time? Why was he crying so much? Why did he shout to the sky out of anger and frustration and despair? 

How many more pieces could his heart afford to lose? 

“Last time we met, he died in my arms,” Jan looks Kris in the eyes. He’s back in the present days. “I held him in my arms, bleeding, listening to his heart beating slower and slower until it stopped. It was during the first world war, in the trenches. I could not save him without revealing my true nature, so I just held him while he was dying, terrified. I held him while shots and cannons and machine guns were firing, deafening me.”

Jan stops talking while tears start running down his cheeks until they die in his beard. He takes deep breaths.

“I saw him die over and over again. I’m used to losing him, but…his last death, the place we were, what we were facing-after his death I buried him and then I ran away, disappearing in the woods. I was a deserter, a traitor of my army and my homeland. His death scarred me in a way I couldn’t think possible. I love him, but I can't, Kris.”

“You keep getting stuck at this point, Jan. Anything won't change unless it's you the one who makes something change. You know the whole situation, you are the only one who can do something.”

“I fucking know, Kris!” He shouts. “For fuck's sake, I know! I'm stuck because Ignac doesn't want to become like me! And I'm not the monster who turned me without my consent. If he doesn't want to, then I can't do anything.”

“Then you'll be stuck forever in this limbo. And you'll continue suffering, doomed to repeat everything.”

“I know, Kris. Believe me, I know,” Jan's voice is tired. “I want to stop all of this, but my hands are tied. Some entity makes us meet over and over again and I can’t escape from it. I simply gave up. I welcome whatever happens and then move on, or at least I try to. And I try to not make mistakes which will make me suffer even more, like that almost kiss.”

Jan shakes his head, then stands up and goes directly to the door. “I go out for a walk. Call me if you need me,” he announces before opening the door. 

He starts roaming Liverpool ignoring where he’s going. He just needs some time alone to think, or to clear his messy mind. Unexpectedly, he finds himself in a park. Very few people are there. Understandably, people have jobs to attend to. 

He sits on a bench and silently starts observing the humans that are in the park. There’s a grandad with two grandchildren, two small boys who are showing him rocks that they found on the ground. The grandad smiles and congrats them for every rock and they smile back, proud of their work. There’s a young girl who is running while listening to music, Jan wonders what she’s listening to. There’s another lady who is taking her dog for a walk, a wonderful and joyful golden retriever. He smiles, he thinks of Bojan, the band usually describes him as that kind of dog thanks to his extrovert personality. 

The hearts of these human beings beat, they all have different ages, different hobbies, different aspirations and different lives. He wonders if the older ones have ever experienced a love so strong like the one he feels for Nace, if they have ever suffered from that same love or if they had been lucky enough to have good relationships and good partners. 

Jan tucks his hand in his trousers pocket and grabs a necklace he always has with him. It has a cameo pendant, a white cat on a black background framed by a silver mount. Ignac gave it to him the third time they met, somewhen during the 15th century. “You remind me of a cat,” he said that day. Yeah, Jan always had a cat-like behaviour. He brings the necklace to his chest and closes his eyes. Kris is right, he’s stuck in this endless loop, but what can he really do to improve his situation? Nace is his mate, he’s drawn to him even if he tries to escape from him, that almost kiss showed it. 

“Missing someone?”

A female voice wakes him from his thoughts. He raises his head and sees an old lady in front of him. She’s new in that park, he doesn’t recognise her.

“You are clenching that necklace like you’ll die if you let it go, so I suppose you are missing the person who gave it to you.”

“Y-Yes, I do. Kinda.”

“If this person isn’t dead, I suggest you go to them and spend as much time as you can with them,” she smiles. “Listen to an old lady, regrets are no good when you're old.”

“But being with him will bring me pain, in the end.”

“Oh, a boy?” She giggles. “Listen, the pain of not being with your beloved prince will be greater,” she says while sitting next to him. “If he gave you this necklace, you mean something to him. And if you miss him this much, you love him. Being parted does no good to two lovers.”

“I’m afraid of suffering because of our love.”

“Pain and sorrow are just part of the human experience. The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and… bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant(1). I’d pay whatever amount of money to be with my husband again, who unfortunately died last year, but I can’t, so I just think about our moments spent together, the laughs we had, the travels, the adventures, but also the bad moments when we were there for each other.”

“What if…the amount of painful moments is bigger than the amount of happy moments? What if I just want to…not go on with our relationship because it’s too painful?”

“Then you have two choices: you can try to rethink your relationship and create happier moments with him from now on and just seize the day with him, simply say ‘fuck off’ to the bad moments, or just leave him, if you can’t stand the pain. If you chose the second option, please talk to him and explain your decision. That said, if he deserves it. I just hope he’s not abusing you.”

“Oh, no, no!” Jan replies quickly. “He’s the most handsome and charming and…wonderful man I’ve ever met in my life. His smile brightens up a whole room, his laugh makes my heart explode with joy and-” he stops because his voice started trembling with emotions. “I love him so, so much, from the first moment our eyes caught one another, years ago. But our relationship has been a continuous on and off, like waves on a shore. And the moments without him are the worst.”

“Oh, I get it,” the old lady nods. “You two are that kind of people, where the passion is so strong and violent that you need to take some time for yourselves.”

“Kind of,” Jan sighs. Well, at least it is this way for him. Vampires love with so much depth and intensity.

“Try to find a balance between you two. The way you talk about him…I bet your prince is your soulmate. Don’t lose him,” she turns and looks him in the eyes. “It’s rare to see two people loving each other so much like you two. Don’t waste your chance. Talk to him, find common ground and you’ll be both happy. Don’t let your prince walk away for good.”

“I-I’ll talk to him. Or I'll try to.”

“You are a good boy,” she smiles than stands up. “Good luck, I root for you and your prince. And please, remember to smile. You have such a sweet smile!”

Jan chuckles then nods. “Thanks for the chat. Have a nice day.”

“You too, young man.”

* * *

Jan is improvising some riffs on his guitar while Jure is testing his drums. They have a gig that evening and they are doing their soundcheck.

“You look better, Janči. That walk really helped you,” Kris is next to him.

Jan stops playing. “Yeah. Let’s say it helped me clear my mind. And I’m sorry for shouting at you, before.”

“Don’t worry. It’s fine, you were right in the end. I just want you to be happy, that’s it. Seeing you like this…it’s not easy.”

Jan smiles. “Thanks, Kris. I’m glad to have you as my friend.”

“Ajde, fantje,” Bojan calls them. 

Everyone takes his position and the soundcheck begins. They manage to play a couple of songs. Jan smiled more than usual, and the whole band noticed it, so they address it once they are in the backstage.

“Someone is happy thanks to yesterday's result, eh?” Jure giggles while looking at Jan.

“Well, it’s an amazing result! Why shouldn’t he be happy?” Bojan joins the conversation while wrapping Jan’s shoulders with his arm.

“It’s just sad that we didn’t get to celebrate in a proper way,” replies Jan. His cheeks are a little reddish.

The vampire feels Nace’s eyes on him, so he turns and finds him smiling at him. He smiles back, maybe a little too fondly.

No one of them spoke a single word about their almost kiss, so Jan decides to not break this silent deal between them. He wants to follow the suggestion he was given by that old lady, to just appreciate the moments he can share with him, to seize the day and enjoy whatever Fate and the future will offer to him and Nace. Or at least he'll try to, the fear of losing him and opening up his heart is still there. It will take some time, for sure.

* * *

Unfortunately, Slovenia doesn’t win Eurovision. They still have a lot of fun performing and partying with the other artists during the event and after it. The whole band runs to Käärijä to cheer him up, they wanted him to be the winner so badly. Bojan even goes with him to his hotel to spend one last night with his dear friend. None of them knows when they will meet again, or if, so they want to make the most out of the little time they still have.

The rest of the band is going back to their hotel, when Jan catches a weird note in Nace’s scent. He looks weird, too.

“Is everything ok?” He asks him, worried.

Nace turns. “Yeah, I think so. I’m just tired. You know what happens when adrenaline declines,” he chuckles. “I just need some sleep.”

They enter the hotel. In a few minutes they are in front of their rooms. Jure and Kris go immediately in, leaving Jan and Nace in the corridor. 

“So…good night, then, Janči,” Nace says while smiling at Jan.

“Good night, Nacko,” Jan smiles back, then joins Kris in their shared room, still with that fond smile on his lips.

He feels again like a teenager when his crush just noticed him and greeted him with a hand. 

“Did you and Nace kiss?”

Kris brings him back to reality. “No, why?” He replies.

“You are basically shining like a diamond and I can bet I saw small hearts radiating from you.”

Jan chuckles. “No, like…he smiled at me, nothing new,” he explains while blushing and lowering his gaze, embarrassed.

Kris throws him his pyjamas and he grabs it. “Come on, smitten vampire, we have an early flight tomorrow morning, go to sleep.”

“Party pooper.”

“No, I’m just trying to keep you on planet Earth. Your mind already roams freely in his own world without being affected by Nace.”

“Still, you are a party pooper.”

Jan takes a quick shower, then grabs a couple of blood bags to drink before going to sleep. Kris is lying on his bed while watching Jan feeding.

“Do types of blood taste different to you? I’ve always wanted to ask you this.”

“Kind of? I can’t recognise them, though, because its taste changes based on so much stuff. This one is A positive and this other one is AB positive, they taste different like two chocolate bars can taste differently.”

“So you don’t have a favourite blood type.”

Jan shakes his head. “We base our preferences on people. I like your blood, for instance. I’d like to taste Bojan’s because he smells amazing, and…ok, don’t look at me in a bad way, but…Žare smells better than Bojan. It’s so hard for me to have him around.”

“Žare, seriously? Our producer?” Kris chuckles.

“Yeah, Žare. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. It’s just…I didn’t think of him being your favourite snack.”

Jan throws one of his pillows at him, hitting him in the face. Kris bursts out laughing.

“I knew I shouldn’t have told you anything at all!” 

Kris continues laughing, so Jan stands up from his bed, puts the empty blood bags in his suitcase and goes on top of him, grabbing his wrists and blocking them on the sides of his head. He straddles his lap. Kris stops laughing immediately and blushes. It’s not the first time that Jan behaves like this with Kris, but the half Dutch can’t really get used to it. His heart is galloping in his chest. Jan in the end is still a vampire, a predator.

Jan chuckles. “I adore how it’s so easy to make you stop laughing.”

“It’s not fair, you use your vampiric charm. I have nothing to fight you!”

Jan lays down right next to him and frees his wrists. “You know I will never harm you, Krisko,” he kisses his shoulder. “You are my friend, and part of my nest.”

Kris runs his hand through Jan’s hair. “Yeah, I know, Janči,” Kris sighs. “It’s also because of your attractiveness. You know you are a sexy vampire.”

“I’m just an average vampire,” he replies, giggling. He then asks him something. “May I sleep with you tonight? I just need someone by my side tonight.”

“Fine, grown-up kid,” Kris teases him.

“Thanks, Krisko,” he replies, then hides his face against his neck just to inhale his scent. He even kisses his neck, gently, making Kris shiver. A simple act of love for a vampire, and also trust from the human side because he’s a predator and could kill him without thinking twice. Kris is used to this and isn’t afraid anymore. They cuddle until they both drift off.

* * *

“Kris, Jan, wake up.”

Jan opens his eyes slightly and turns his head. “Ignac?” That’s his scent. And his voice is weirdly harsh. He hears his heart skipping a beat.

“Wake up. We have our shuttle to the airport in an hour.”

Why is Ignac’s voice even harsher now? He doesn’t understand. And why is his scent different?

“Don’t make me call Bojan to wake you all up.”

“I’m awake!” Exclaims Kris who grunts right after. “Don’t make him come here, please. I don’t want my day ruined.”

“Good. We meet in the hall in an hour, then,” and Ignac goes away while coughing, closing the door of the room with a little bit too much strength.

“Why was Ignac here?” Jan turns to Kris.

“Nace,” he corrects him. “I gave him our spare key because he usually wakes up before us all. I don’t want to miss the flight.”

“Fair enough,” Jan smells the air again. “Nace's scent is weird.”

“What do you mean?”

“It's weird, not like his usual. It was the same last night.”

“We'll check on him later, we have our luggage to prepare…ugh, I just want to go back to sleep.” 

Jan kisses Kris' neck, then stands up, followed by the half Dutch, who keeps whining. “Ugh, my back. You slept on me and I couldn’t change position.”

Jan chuckles. “You’ll have plenty of time to rest once we are back in Slovenia,” he kisses his cheek, then starts preparing his luggage and himself.

In less than forty minutes the whole band is in the hall of their hotel. Well, almost the whole band. Bojan is still missing.

“I took care of his luggage,” says Jure. “And I tried to call him, but his phone seems dead.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, he’s still with Käärijä, isn’t he?” huffs Kris. “He will miss the shuttle and then the plane, I’m sure of it.”

“Does anyone know in which hotel Käärijä lodges?” Asks Jure and nobody answers.

Jan in the meantime is silently observing Nace, who is sitting on a couch. He seems off, so he gets closer and sits right next to him.

“Is everything ok?”

Nace shakes his head. “I feel awful. I might have caught something,” and coughs.

Jan lays a hand on his forehead. It’s burning. “Yeah, you got a fever.”

Jan takes off his fur coat and hands it to Nace. “It’s warmer than yours.”

“But what will you wear if-”

“I’ll take yours. Low temperatures don’t scare me. And you need more warmth than me right now.”

Nace accepts the offers, so he takes off his coat and gives it to Jan, then wears his fur coat.

“Ok, you are right, it’s warmer.”

Jan chuckles, then puts on Nace’s coat. He’s immediately wrapped by his scent and for a second his head spins. It’s so intense, even if it’s slightly different from the usual because of his sickness.

In the end, the band and the Slovenian delegation leave the hotel without Bojan. They tried to contact him, but in vain. They can’t delay their departure for him.

On the plane back to their country, Nace and Jan sit one next to the other. Jan grabs Nace’s hand, meanwhile the bassist lays his head on the guitarist’s shoulder and sleeps during the whole flight. Sometimes Jan cuddles Nace, especially in those moments when he seems to be having bad dreams because of the fever.

Once they land, Jan volunteers to bring Nace back to Kranj, since he went to the airport with his own car. Nace insists on going back on his own, but the fever is now really strong. Jan doesn’t change his mind. He doesn't want Nace to end up in a car accident because he's stubborn. Thus, Jan is driving Nace home. In the car there's silence.

“Thanks, Janči,” the bassist whispers. “I just feel bad because you can't go home directly.”

“Don't worry. You are more important right now. I have plenty of time till the next gig to rest in my bed.”

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

Sunsets, Sunrises, Living the dream, watching the leaves, changing the seasons Some nights I think of you Reliving the past, wishing it’d last, wishing and dreaming Seasons they will change, life will make you grow, death can make you hard, hard, hard Everything is temporary, everything will slide, love will never die, die, die

I know that birds fly in different direction I hope to see you again Birds fly in different directions So fly high, so fly high

When the moon is looking down Shining light upon your ground I’m flying up to let you see That the shadow cast is me

I know that birds fly in different directions I hope to see you again Birds fly in different directions So fly high, so fly high So fly high, so fly high So fly high, so fly high

Birds - Imagine Dragons feat. Elisa

1.346 AD

Jan, Gaspar and Majda are back to the lands where they were born. Many things have changed since their leaving. Nauportus now has a German name, Ober Laybach, and Aemona is now Laibach. 

The aristocratic families have changed too, Jan can’t recognise any of the new names in charge of ruling those lands. He feels like a stranger in a strange land, even though he lived there centuries ago.

They stop the carriage in front of an inn, then Jan gets down. He inhales deeply the new smells. Everything is so new and unfamiliar.

“I'll go in and see if they have two vacant rooms for us,” announces Gaspar while getting down the coach.

Jan nods. “I’m going for a walk in the city. I want to see how much it's changed.”

“Be careful, Lord Jan.”

He smiles back at him. “I'm always careful, my lovely Gaspar.”

He finds himself in a market on the outskirts of the city. Many farmers and merchants are there to sell their products, so he seizes the opportunity to take a look at the various stands. The fabrics are luxurious, probably from the Flandres. The jewels shown on a stand are made of gold and amber from the Baltic region, so they are pretty expensive. Jan even tries some food offered by the vendors and buys some sweets for Majda and Gaspar, they’ll love them. 

Jan’s attention gets captured by a weirdly familiar scent. No, that’s impossible, he’s dead! Why is there his scent here, in the middle of a crowded market? He looks around, looking for him frantically. And then he finds him. He’s standing there, talking to another man. He’s so young, but he could recognise that face everywhere.

Ignac Jordan is there, alive, breathing, heart beating. He can hear his voice too while he replies to the person who is his friend, Jan supposes.

He died in his arms, centuries ago. He was there when they buried him. And he’s human. How can he still be alive?

Without realising it, Jan’s walking towards him, pulled by God knows what spell.

“Hey, man, what are you looking at?” Ignac's friend asks Jan, dragging him back to reality.

Ignac turns and glances at Jan. Their eyes meet and shivers run down his spine. It’s him, it's actually him, he could recognise those eyes everywhere. And his scent is so intense that Jan’s head almost started spinning.

“S-sorry,” he answers a few seconds later. “I thought you were someone I knew.”

Jan turns immediately and goes away. He catches a “foreigners are always weird” coming from Ignac’s friend, before starting to run towards the inn where he left his two traveller companions. He basically bursts into Majda and Gaspar’s room. He’s hyperventilating.

“Lord Jan, what hap-”

“I saw Ignac at the market,” Jan interrupts Gaspar. “Ignac was there.”

“Ignac died centuries ago.”

“I know!” Jan raises his voice. “I know, Gaspar, but I saw him! I’m not insane! He was there, his voice, his eyes, his scent-he’s alive! And younger!” He looks at his friend right in the eyes.

“Lord Jan, breathe and have a sit, please,” Majda attempts to make him calm down, talking with a slow and caring voice. 

Jan sits on one of the chairs around the small table in the room.

“Tell us what you saw.”

And he tells them everything, describing every small detail. He sees that Majda believes him, while Gaspar is sceptical, his facial expression is eloquent.

“Why would he be alive? Is he some kind of sorcerer? Is he born again?” Gaspar asks.

“He’s human. I didn’t smell magic around him. He’s completely human.”

“Then this doesn’t make any sense. Why is he here?”

Jan grabs his head between his hands and closes his eyes. “I don’t know, Gaspar,” he whines. 

It has been over a century since the last time his mind showed him Ignac. He thought he was over him and his feelings for him, but those few seconds destroyed the fortress he built with so much difficulty inside his mind to prevent his past memories from making him suffer again.

“What if we look for him?” Suggests Majda.

“We don’t know his scent, and Laibach is a big city,” replied Gaspar, sighing.

“I know his scent,” Jan joins the conversation.

“Lord Jan, it’s an awful idea letting you go around the city while searching for this phantom Ign-”

“He’s not a phantom!” Jan shouts, his eyes are red and his fangs are on display. “I know what I saw, he was real!” 

Gaspar recoils and lowers his head. It is so unusual seeing Jan using his authority over his loyal friends. After all, he was their sire, he turned Majda and Gaspar and they were still a step below him in this “hierarchy”. 

“I will go looking for him, and you won’t stop me.”

“Yes, My Lord.”

Jan knows it is the worst choice possible, but he needs to see him again. He knows that his mind and his ability to think straight are clouded. He knows these are his instincts that took control over his rationality. Nothing was ever rational when Ignac was involved. No demon of the night can think with sanity when they fall in love. Yes, because he fell in love with Ignac centuries ago, and he’s still in love with him. 

When they settled in the Flandres, Jan talked with a local demon of the night, Niklas. He told him he fell in love with a human girl a couple of centuries before. And he almost completely lost his mind because of his feelings towards this human, just because she was his mate. He was lucky though, because she loved him back and she accepted to be turned and they had been together ever since. Niklas was surprised by Jan’s control over his feelings, but he warned him that someday, even if he locked his memories in a corner of his mind, all that might come back like a storm in the open sea. And he won’t be prepared. Something always makes a demon of the night snap. They are animals, in the end, and their ability to control themselves is always on thin ice because they are creatures guided by strong emotions and intense desires, especially when their mate is involved. Jan remembers a conversation he had with Niklas.

“So…you think he was my mate?” Jan asked.

“He might have been,” Niklas nodded. “But you didn't get the chance to taste him, so the bond didn't start, or explode, actually.”

“Taste him? What do you mean?”

“The bond is there, but tasting your mate with a kiss or drinking their blood will fully trigger the bond. You might snap, but it won’t destroy you because you won't have the chance to smell his scent again. Maybe something will make you think about him and you’ll be confused or uncomfortable, but it will last maybe a couple of days.”

But Niklas didn't imagine what the future had in store for Jan. This new fleeting and unexpected encounter made Jan snap. He needs him, he needs to see him again, smell his scent, even bite him for the first time, just to taste his blood at least once before losing him again.

He stands up and exits the room in silence, going back to the streets and looking for his human, the urge to be with him guiding his every movement.

He walks the city, smelling the air trying to detect Ignac’s scent. The sun is set when he finally finds a familiar trace. He follows it until he reaches a tavern that has few tables outside. One of them is occupied by young guys. Among them Jan recognises Ignac’s friend, but Ignac isn't there. And yet his scent is there. 

He covers his head with the hood of his cloak before getting near the tavern. He catches his scent again, so he follows it with quick steps. He doesn't want to lose him.

He finds him just in time: two huge men grab him and push him against the wall of a building. One of them has a knife in his hand and is pointing it against Ignac’s chest.

“Let him go,” he orders while unsheathing his dagger and lowering his hood.

“Oh, another moron to rob, it's our lucky night,” laughs scornfully the one with the knife.

“Don't underestimate me,” Jan shows a daring smile.

One of the toughs attacks Jan, but the demon is faster and stronger, so he dodges him and with a quick move grabs his arm and breaks it, making him scream from the pain. At that point both run away, leaving Jan and Ignac alone. Ignac sighs.

“Thank you, you saved me.”

“You're welcome.”

“Wait, you are the foreigner from the market,” he recognises him. “Are you following me?”

“No, no, I…was just taking a walk. I can't sleep. By chance I was here.”

“Thanks again, then,” Ignac smiles and Jan's heart almost melts. He missed his sweet smile more than he missed his scent.

“May I accompany you to your accommodation?”

“Oh, uhm…yeah, sure,” says Ignac, even though he’s a bit hesitant. Jan can smell his insecurity from where he stands, in the end the human doesn’t know him.

They begin walking, side by side.

“You talk in a funny way, like you studied an older version of our language,” Ignac tries to chat to his “companion”.

“Yeah, I know. I was born in the North, my ancestors moved there to work, they were merchants, but they both tried to teach our language to their children and so I know this weird Slavic language,” Jan explains. Well, it’s neither entirely false nor completely true.

“Why did you decide to come back to these lands?”

“I wanted to see where my ancestors were born and raised.” And I missed my home, he mentally adds, but he can’t say those words out loud.

“If I may ask, where are your ancestors from?”

“Nauportus-” he stops and whispers a curse. “No, it’s Ober Laybach, I keep mixing the old name.”

Ignac giggles and Jan blushes.

“Don’t worry, in my hometown people keep using the Latin name because they despise the German one. I’m from Chrainburch, or Carnium, however. My parents told me about an ancient ally my family had in Nauportus.”

“An ally?”

“Yes, a man from the local aristocratic family, some Peteh.”

“Jan Peteh?” 

“Yes, him!” Ignac exclaims.

“He’s my ancestor. I’m a Peteh, too.”

Ignac’s eyes widen for the surprise. “Really?”

“My name is Jan Peteh, I was named after my ancestor.”

Ignac laughs. “Oh, my lord in the sky, these coincidences are too much. I was named after one of my ancestors too, the one who made the alliance between our family possible. I’m Ignac Jordan.”

“W-What a coincidence, truly,” replies Jan, looking at the human. 

It’s him. He’s completely reborn and he has the same name too. Destiny and deities sometimes have a weird irony in their actions and plans.

From that day on they decided to keep in contact and meet regularly with the purpose to reunite their families. Jan learned that Ignac’s family is made of successful merchants and that he lives in Laibach because he is studying there privately with professors from Venice and Vienna because he wants to improve the family trade. He added that he is also studying how to take care of animals on his own because he likes them. Jan on the other hand told him about his life in the North. Fortunately, he wasn’t forced to lie on that, he just skipped all the stuff connected to his vampiric side.

They quickly become good friends. Jan loves spending time with Ignac, he feels more relaxed when he’s with him, even though his desire to feed on him gets stronger and stronger every day. To keep his control over his thirst, he hunts almost every day, drinking human or animal blood. It’s unhealthy, yes, but he doesn’t want to give him up.

Thus, two years pass. Jan bought a house for himself, Gaspar and Majda where he regularly welcomes Ignac. There they can be freer and not follow the etiquette requested for public meetings between people of high station.

It’s the end of summer. The temperatures are still warm, the sun shines, but Jan and Ignac are in Jan’s living room, sitting so close on a couch. Jan keeps his legs on the cushions, bent behind him, his elbow lies on the backrest and his head rests on his hand. He’s looking at Ignac with dreamy eyes and a sweet smile, like he himself hanged the stars in the sky.

“Have you ever been in love?” Ignac asks all of a sudden.

“Yes, it happened. And I’m still in love right now.”

“How…does it feel to be in love?” Ignac turns towards Jan.

Jan doesn't answer right away. They belong to two different species. What Jan feels is what a human feels? He doesn’t know, but he wants to give him an answer.

“To me, it feels like being in the right place when I’m with the person I love. I feel relaxed, my demons cease to torment me,” he replies while looking his human in the eyes. “Because that person is the light that helps me find my way in the darkness, the only star in the dark night sky on which I can rely because they will guide me home.”

Ignac diverts his look and lays it on his hands on his own lap. “I hope this person knows how important she’s to you.”

Did his voice stutter? Was it shaking? Is Jan smelling sadness coming from him? He’s confused by Ignac’s reaction.

“This person is not a she.”

Ignac lifts his head and his eyes return on Jan. “Not a she?”

Jan shakes his head. “I never mentioned a woman,” this time is Jan who lowers his eyes. “I fell in love with a man, years ago. But I don’t know if he feels the same. I never asked him. I’m too scared of a rejection, so I stay by his side, concealing my love for him,” Jan’s eyes return to Ignac. He can’t decipher his facial expression, and his scent is a mixture of so many emotions. “I’m happy to be by his side, even if I want more from him. But we can’t be tog-”

Jan can’t even finish his sentence because Ignac shuts him up, laying his lips on Jan’s, cupping his face with his hands. After the initial shock because he didn’t expect this, Jan kisses him back, keeping his eyes closed to dive into what he’s feeling in that moment. Shivers run down his entire body, his mind tries to not black out, overwhelmed by Ignac’s taste on Jan’s lips. He’s…he’s everything. He’s…mate.

When they interrupt that intense kiss, Jan lays his forehead against Ignac’s and pants. He puts his trembling hand on Ignac’s chest to feel his heart vibrations caused by its beatings.

All those emotions, all those feelings, Jan can’t hold them inside of him, so he starts crying of joy. He kissed him! He finally kissed him! After three centuries! 

Ignac welcomes him in his arms and wraps him with them. Jan grabs his jacket between his fingers and hides his face against his chest. He inhales his scent, he feels again at home, in his safe space.

“I hope my kiss wasn’t so bad that it made you cry,” Ignac tries to ease the situation after a long silence.

“Y-your kiss was perfect,” Jan replies, lifting his head to meet his eyes. “I’m just so happy that my love is requited.”

They kiss again, this time it’s more tender. And this first kiss leads to another and to another one until Jan straddles Ignac’s lap. He shudders when he feels Ignac’s hands grabbing his waist. He lets out a whine against his lips. The human winces. He’s getting horny, Jan recognises excitement in his scent and it’s intoxicating.

Jan wants. He wants him so much. He wants to sink his fangs in his neck and drink his blood, it must be delicious. He moves his hands in Ignac’s hair and clutches some of his strands, bending his neck so he has free access to it. He kisses his hot skin, inhaling his scent, now more intense because his body is getting hotter and hotter. His mind is clouded by that smell, he barely realises that his fangs are now sharp and that he’s ready to bite him. He opens his mouth and when he’s about to pierce his soft skin and sink his fangs deep into his flesh, someone knocks on the door of the room. Jan stops.

“Who is it?” He almost growls.

“It’s me, Lord Jan. I need to talk with you. It’s an urgent matter,” says Gaspar behind the closed door.

Both Jan and Ignac are panting. It takes Jan a few seconds to regain control over his instincts.

“I-I’m coming.”

He stands up, but Ignac grabs his wrist and pulls him closer to kiss him on the lips again. Jan smiles at him, then goes out of the room to talk to Gaspar. They move to the library.

“What is this urgent matter?”

“You almost bit Lord Ignac. Be honest.”

“I was totally in control.”

“No, you weren’t, Lord Jan. Both Majda and I felt it, and we were downstairs.”

Jan diverts his look. Gaspar is right, but he won’t admit it.

“How much do you want him? And be honest, Lord Jan.”

“...I’m feeding every day,” Jan admits. He usually feeds every three or four days, but he can reach a week if necessary. His thirst got worse since the day he smelled Ignac’s scent again.

“Every day?” Gaspar’s eyes widen. “Every single day?”

Jan nods slowly.

“Why didn’t you tell us? We are here to help you!”

“Because I don’t want you to take him away from me!” Jan raises his voice. “Because now I have the chance to be happy with him! He loves me back, he doesn’t have a family to take care of! We can finally be together!”

“This isn’t healthy for you, Lord Jan. It’s dangerous. You are feeding everyday because you can’t control yourself when you are with him! You will kill him and you won't realise it until it's too late.”

“No!” Jan shouts. “I won’t! He’s too important to me!”

“And you barely manage to control your thirst. Next time you are alone with him, you will slip because your desire to bite is greater than any positive emotion you are feeling towards him.”

Gaspar’s words hit him like a dagger through the heart. Nikolas warned him about this. They feel emotions differently from humans, theirs are stronger, more intense and end up fogging their mind completely to the point that some creatures of the night kill their love interest indeed. 

Jan falls on his knees and starts weeping convulsively.

“I-I love him, Gaspar. I-I met him again because some entity wants us to be together, I can't give him up, not again,” Gaspar kneels in front of him and lays a hand on his shoulder. “I found in him what I lost when I became this monster. I feel human again when I’m with him. I feel loved. The demon completely disappears when he looks at me. Please, I need him.”

“And you also need to learn to control yourself when he’s around, Lord Jan. For your safety and his. It’s better if you don’t see each other until you regain your control. We can leave for a bit and then come back.”

Jan wraps his chest with his own arms. He just got him and he’s about to lose him again, even if it’s for a short period of time.

“F-Fine. W-We’ll leave Laybach,” he consents, defeated.

* * *

They leave the next day. Jan explains to Ignac that he has to go because “some stuff occurred” and he needs to take care of what happened. He adds that he doesn’t know how much time he’ll need, but he assures him that he will do everything to come back to Laybach as soon as possible.

While they are away from every human settlement, a terrible disease from the East lands on the continent. Humans fall ill and die in a few days after the first symptoms, very few of them can barely survive it. Jan, Gaspar and Majda don’t get to know about this pandemic until they come back to Laybach a month after their departure.

The city is deserted, they meet only people dressed in black and with a weird white mask with a huge beak. The smell is loathful, Jan almost throws up, so he covers his nose and mouth with a piece of fabric.

Gaspar stops one of those humans dressed in black with that weird white mask. “What happened here?”

“The Black Death, that’s it. God is punishing us with an incurable sickness. I suggest you go away and hide in the woods. It’s safer there.”

“Incurable sickness?” Jan mutters, in his mind a single name appears. “Ignac!” Then starts sprinting directly towards Ignac’s house.

No, no, no, please, don’t be dead. Please! He thinks, terrified of finding his corpse. When he arrives at his destination, the door of Ignac's house is wide open. He enters the building, but Ignac is nowhere to be seen, and neither is his housekeeper. His scent is feeble, days old. He goes back on the street and meets another of those weird men in black with the white mask.

“Where are the inhabitants of this house?” 

“If you don’t find them inside, they are probably dead or at the nunnery outside the city, up north,” he answers.

Jan then runs to the nunnery. He’s praying whichever god may listen to a damned soul like his. He’s just asking to find his star alive, still shining.

Jan arrives at the destination and tries to go in, a couple of nuns attempt to stop him to prevent him from getting infected. He can’t fall ill because of human diseases anymore, so he just enters the building ignoring the two nuns and immediately starts looking for Ignac. The rooms are filled with camp beds so close one to the other that it’s hard to pass through them without hitting the limbs of a sick person. The rooms reek of death and the smell of rotting blood is piercing, his head spins more than once.

“Ignac Jordan!” Jan tries to call for him room after room. “Lord Jordan!” But no one answers.

He’s losing hope when in the last room a person lifts his shaking arm. He runs to them. His heart stops beating for a couple of seconds when he recognises his Ignac on that camp bed. He immediately kneels next to him and grabs his hand.

“I’m here, my love. I’m here.”

“D-don’t touch me, you’ll get sick…”

“Don’t worry, I can’t get infected,” he replies and then takes a look at Ignac: his eyes are red and tired, his skin is extremely pale and is covered in black enormous pustules, he’s burning. 

Jan leans forward and pecks his forehead, then with his free hand he caresses his cheek.

“D-don’t, Jan, please…”

“It’s fine, Ignac,” he replies with a softer voice. “I will be fine, don’t worry,” he adds smiling.

Jan glances around. Even though they are all ill, there are too many people in that room besides the doctors and the nuns roaming around. He can’t help Ignac, not there.

“I will take you to my home. You’ll be fine.”

Jan grabs Ignac in his arms, bridal style, and takes him to his house. Doctors try to stop him, to convince him to leave Ignac there so they can try to cure him, but he ignores them and gets away with his human.

“Why did you bring me here?” Ignac asks while glancing around frantically.

“Because I need a quiet place to do what I'm about to do.”

Ignac’s facial expression shows confusion and a moment of clarity between the delirium caused by the high fever. He coughs and spits some blood on the bed sheets.

“I can heal you,” Jan starts talking. “I'm not human,” he adds while sitting on the bed, next to Ignac. “And I'm not a demon serving the devil. I just want you to be ok because I love you and I can't imagine myself without you by my side.”

“H-how can you help me heal?”

“With my blood. It has healing properties. You just need to drink it, a few drops.”

“Y-your blood?”

“Yes, my dear Ignac. I can promise you that you’ll be fine,” he caresses his cheek again.

“F-fine…” Ignac nods slowly. “I-I trust you.”

Jan smiles, then bites his wrist with his fangs. He lets a few drops of his blood fall into Ignac’s mouth.

“Now you just need to rest. My blood will do its job.”

Jan tries to stand up, but a weak hand grabs his own. He turns and meets Ignac’s eyes.

“Please, stay, Jan.”

And Jan indulges his request and lays right next to Ignac. He grabs his hand, intertwining their fingers. “Now sleep, my love. You need to rest.”

Ignac falls asleep soon after, exhausted because of the disease. Jan observes him while he sleeps. His heart and his breath are slowly gaining strength, he can hear them more clearly. Jan gently caresses Ignac’s cheek, glad that his blood is healing him. In the end Jan falls asleep too.

When he opens his eyes the next day, he finds Ignac staring at him. His skin isn’t pale anymore, his eyes are more lively and the pustules are smaller. His scent changed too, he doesn’t smell of death anymore. Jan smiles, happy to see him feeling better.

“You saved my life. Again. I won’t be able to repay my debt to you.”

“Ignac, you don’t owe me anything,” Jan cups his cheek. “I do everything because I love you,” then he leans forward to kiss him on the lips, slowly and tenderly.

They keep kissing and cuddling, they missed each other a lot.

“So… what kind of creature are you?” Ignac asks Jan after a long silence between them, interrupted only by the sound of their kisses.

“Men of faith call us demons or spawns of Satan. We just call ourselves creatures of the night.”

“But I saw you walk in bright daylight.”

“We can walk under the sunlight, but our skin burns more easily. We thrive in the night and in the dark.”

“Why do men of faith call you demons? You look like a normal person. I don’t understand.”

“Because we look like demons, when we transform,” Jan looks at him directly while his look changes. “This is why,” he shows him his fangs and his claws.

“May I?” Ignac asks while his hand reaches for Jan’s face.

Jan nods, giving him permission to proceed. Ignac touches Jan’s fangs, then his claws. He cuts himself and some drops of blood stain his skin. That sweet and alluring smell makes Jan’s pupils swell with desire. He still wants to taste his blood so bad, but he gains control over his instincts, even though with some difficulties.

“What do you feed on?” Ignac asks all of a sudden.

Jan lifts his eyes from his wounded finger. “Blood,” he answers. “From humans or animals. Human blood is tastier and more nutritious,” he explains. “But I’ve never killed a human while I was feeding on them,” he immediately adds. 

“Do you want…?” Ignac offers him his bleeding finger. “I saw how you looked at it.”

“Are you sure?” Jan looks him in the eyes.

Ignac nods. “I trust you,” he repeats. “You can take it.”

Something inside of him breaks and mends straightaway. Being accepted so easily by him makes a warm and pleasant feeling bloom in his chest. Is this that feeling that Niklas mentioned, when one’s beloved person accepts a creature for what they are, without any judgement or fear?

Jan smiles, then gently grabs Ignac’s hand and takes his finger in his mouth to lick away the blood. He lets out a moan when the first drop touches his tongue. He closes his eyes, overwhelmed by that delicious taste. He wants to bite him, that desire is strong, it almost takes over him, but Jan manages to control it. No, he can’t, Ignac is healing from that sickness, he needs his blood more than Jan needs it. Thus, he licks his fingertip one last time before letting his hand go.

It's now done, the vampire tasted his mate, fully.

“Am I that tasteful? Y-you moaned.”

Jan nods quickly. “Blood can make us feel pleasure, just like an intercourse.”

“I won’t lie, you look stunning and your reaction was something.”

Jan blushes like a red pepper and hides his face against his chest. “Don’t say those words!”

“Why? They are the truth!” Ignac puts a couple of fingers on Jan’s chin to lift his head up. “You are stunning, Jan Peteh. And I want to spend my whole life with you.”

* * *

Destiny is truly a weird and ironic force. Jan and Ignac's first story began in a good way, but its continuation was constellated with ominous events and ended with the most tragic ending a couple of lovers could have, the premature and violent death of one of the two. 

This time they were lucky enough to spend Ignac’s entire lifetime together. They were forced to move from one city to another because Jan didn’t age, but this was a small price Ignac was willing to pay to be with his lover and to keep him, and himself, safe from people of the Church. 

In all those years, Jan asked Ignac multiple times whether he wanted to be turned, but the human always refused. He loved his immortal demon with all his soul and body, but he didn’t want to live forever. Thus, they tried to enjoy every single moment spent together, knowing that one day Ignac wouldn’t be with Jan anymore.

Jan stayed by his side until his last breath, holding his hand, hearing his heart stop beating, watching while the last sparkle of life left his body. Ignac, once a bright star in the empty and cold world Jan lived in, was now a dark star, without a light to shine on his lost demon. He decided to walk away on another path, remaining human, and leave Jan on this Earth, once again alone. But Jan can’t hate him, no, he loves him and he will forever.