#valiiante

5LB BAG OF GUMMY BEARS

       meme.    

 there you have it, ladies & gents. tadashi hamada, genuis, unable to form a  single, comprehensible sentence.  

he remains silent, head hanging and gaze averted from the other’s as he swallows thickly —he’s thought about this for days, weeks, even. he’s seen the newspaper articles, the segments on tv and hell, he’s snuck past the lucky cat cafe moretimes than he can count, just so he could get a glimpse of his brother and aunt.

& honestly ? he’d be better off if he hadn’t. 

hiro was ruined. the energetic, mischievous, little brother who he’d grown to love so much had been reduced to nothing. a former shell of himself, who could only wonder why he was being ( punished. ) first his parents, now his brother … he probably expected something to happen to aunt cass, at this point. why not ? fate had already proved it did notfavor him.  

and aunt cass…she’d done so much for them. she was like a MOM to the two ; she remained strong when they couldn’t, even when she had the world to carry, all the things she had given up for them …& the g u i l t the two must’ve carried …

his friends, too… everyone.

how ironic it was : for someone who had wanted to help so many suffering people, tadashi had inflicted unimaginable pain ( tenfold ) on those he loved. 

the growing ball of twisted guilt, anxiety & regret planted deep in his chest is more ofa punishment than are all his painful scars and burns. injuries heal ; they repair and mend. 

                      emotions & memories aren’t that kind. 

and so he exhales shakily, voice hoarse as he finally musters the courage to answer her, 

❛  i…no! no, of course not …look, there’s nothing more that i want than    to let them know that i’m okay, to be there for them again, to ease   the guilt that was never theirs to carry…

                           … but i don’t know if i can.

   i’ve hurt them all in ways i never thought possible, and to … to  walk back   into their lives, just as they’ve started coping with it all ? i can’t. i don’t want    to hurt them — not again, not ever. 

     and honestly, i’m not sure if i can bear to live with the fact that i’d be inflicting     more pain upon them.

   maybe it’s better if i stay away, watch from a distant —-

same

please fuel my ego and tell me what your favorite thing about me is