#val angst

It should’ve been me. It should’ve been me.

Sometimes I wish I had that middle school experience. Going to a big school for the first time confused who I am. It should’ve been me hopping from friend group to friend group. It should’ve been me starting off shy but discovering who I am. It should’ve been me making that one life long friend who no matter what happened we stuck together and changed like the seasons. It should’ve been me hitting a cringe phase and getting bullied

It should’ve been me. It should’ve been me

Sometimes I wish I had that elementary school experience. Meeting my friends for the first time and playing wolves with them. It should’ve been me scrapping my knees and crying on the playground before getting a sucker for my effort. It should’ve been me learning everything for the first time. It should’ve been me drawing cute pictures and showing them to my parents. It should’ve been me playing hop scotch or doing jump rope.

It should’ve been me. It should’ve been me.

(Sorry if this translates bad I only know a bit of Spanish so I had to Google translate the rest 😭😭)

(This was a random idea, please don't take this as offensive.)

Eres una persona increíble, y lamento mucho haberte odiado antes de saber que en realidad eras una persona genial. Además, Vox es sinceramente muy tóxico, y probablemente deberías dejarlo por tu propia salud mental.

Oh.. uh, that is.. a somewhat true statement, to say the least. Uh.. Vox can't understand Spanish, so I'll just respond in Spanish.

They laid on the hospital bed as doctors rushed around them. They were still texting people but slowly it was becoming harder na harder to focus on what they wrote down.

The room was dark and blurry but their heart was pounding in her ear.

BadumBadumBadumBadumBadumBadumBadumBadum

It was quiet but she heard it. She saw the faces of some people she recognized…Katt looking sad…Cal looking upset…Bella just off to the side to far for her to register well.

BadumBadumBadumBadumBadumBadumBadum

Some people were talking…something about medical history, identity, date of birth.

It was all so boring to her

BadumBadumBadumBadumBadumBadum

How had she even gotten here? What in her life had led her to make the choices that she had? She could’ve done so much with her life yet she didn’t…all because of him

BadumBadumBadumBadumBadum

He had killed his father tonight. With his own bare hands. The man had sat at his feet looking up with a disgusted look. He was obviously still drunk out of his mind.

So he had reached down.

Stuck his hand into his father body

And grabbed his still beating heart

Badum…Badum…Badum…Badum

They wondered if their mother knew. Knew that her husband was dead and killed by her oldest child.

She had already hated them before because they had failed to save her and their siblings.

She believes their father could be fixed through time and love.

She was a foolish woman

Badum…Badum…Badum

He was scared of marriage…scared what marrying someone did to a person like him. Like her. He was just like his mother in the way he to much faith in the people he loved.

And god he had loved

He loved Tim so much, loved Cal with all his heart, loved Bella like she was his goddess, and he loved and loved and loved.

But what if one wanted to marry him?

What if one truly meant “I love you”

What if one looks at him and looks at him with those hopeful hopeful eyes.

Badum…Badum

She was sorry. Sorry to every person she had ever wronged. Sorry to her siblings that she had failed to protect. Sorry to her mother who she had only disappointed. Sorry to be lovers who she had lied to over and over. Sorry to everyone.

She wished she had been a better person.

She wished she had been born in a different family and maybe could’ve lived a happier life.

She wished for so much.

Badum

Everything was so quiet. She could hear anything anymore and couldn’t see anything anymore.

She was scared. So so scared.

Just like she had been when she was a kid.

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