#utsr

“-rgil? Virgil!” 

Virgil felt a pressure on his arm and jerked away, but he relaxed by a notch when he saw Dee raise his hands and take a step back. 

“It’s okay, Virgil, breathe.”

Virgil managed a few deep breaths, and grimaced up at Dee. 

“I’m sorry, I–”

“Nothing to apologize for, Virge,” Dee said with a wave of his hand. “You wanna tell me what that was about though?” 

Virgil shrugged, stuffing his hands in his hoodie pockets. He glanced around, then frowned when he saw that Thomas and Remus, who’d been with them a moment ago, were no longer standing nearby. 

“I had Remus take Thomas down to the main hall,” Dee said. “Now c’mon V, what’s going on?” 

“Thomas has asked about archery before,” Virgil said. “I keep telling him no. I’m sorry he dragged you into it too, I–”

“Why?” Dee interrupted, tilting his head slightly to the side.

“What?” 

“Why tell Thomas he can’t learn archery? He’s old enough, if we make him a modified bow. It wouldn’t be much good at first, but he’d be able to use it to build up his strength eventually and–” 

“No!” Virgil said, shaking his head. “I...I mean...no, it’s...it’s not ‘cuz I don’t think he could do it, I just...” Virgil sighed, running a hand through his hair. 

“You just what?” Dee prompted, and Virgil looked away. 

“I don’t want him knowing what this feels like, Dee,” he said quietly. He reached up and touched the locket around his neck as he spoke, running a finger absently along the edge. 

“This?” 

“This!” Virgil repeated. “What we deal with every day; what we face down every time we have to go out there for supplies. I don’t want him to have to look into someone’s eyes and make that choice, because it isn’t a choice, how could it be, but you still have to pull the trigger and–” 

Virgil’s breath hitched, and he shook his head firmly, blinking back tears. 

“I don’t want him to ever have to carry this guilt around,” he said. “I don’t care if he hates me for it in the meantime.” 

There was a beat of silence, then Dee shook his head.

“Yes, you do.”

“Sorry?”

“You do care, Virgil, I can tell,” Dee said with a sigh. “I know you think you’re doing him a favor, but you’ve already lost everything else. Do you really want to lose your relationship with Thomas too?” 

“If it keeps him safe,” Virgil insisted, and Dee shook his head again. 

“Safe was out of the picture a long time ago, Virge. We both know it. We can hide behind the relative security we have here all we want, but the fact of the matter is that Eden is only somewhat safe in the first place because the people here know how to defend themselves.”

“Thomas shouldn’t have to defend himself!” Virgil exclaimed. “He’s nine, Dee, he’s a nine year old who watched his mom die in front of him!”

“And you’re an eighteen year old who shot your own mother to keep him safe,” Dee said gently. “None of this is fair, V. And as long as he’s here, everyone here will protect him, I promise you that. But he should still learn how to protect himself. Besides,” he added with a small smile. “He desperately wants to be useful around here; he’s a child who’s been forced into an adult’s world. He needs to feel like he has some kind of control in his life.” 

“You’re probably right,” Virgil admitted, ducking his head and wiping at his eyes. “But that doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

Dee shrugged. 

“Never said you did.” 

“...okay,” Virgil said finally. “You can teach him. But he’s not taking that thing with him on raids until he’s older.”

“That’s perfectly reasonable,” Dee agreed. 

“And...and I want to be there, for the lessons,” Virgil added. “So...so I can keep an eye on him.”

“Why Virgil, are you saying you don’t trust me?” Dee asked, his voice dripping with mock hurt. 

“Never,” Virgil deadpanned.

“You’d never say that, or you’d never trust me?”

“What do you think?” Virgil asked with a smirk, and Dee nudged his shoulder. 

“There’s that snark I missed so much.”

“There’s that pain in the ass I know,” Virgil shot back.

Dee laughed, and the tightness in Virgil’s chest loosened, if only a little bit. 

Thomas does not ask to learn to shoot a bow again.

He does ask Virgil to watch while he proudly notches his first arrow and pulls back on the string as hard as he can. His elbow is too high and he squints too much and the arrow lands three feet away from the makeshift targets by the lake, but Virgil still claps for him while Dee adjusts his form and murmurs instructions in his ear. 

Thomas notches his second arrow, and Virgil breathes. 

Things may not be fair, but Virgil thinks that they just might be okay anyway.

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