#uswnt reader

No. 15: CHILDHOOD TRAUMA

Painful Hug | Moment of Clarity | "I did good, right?"

After years of hard work, you finally made it to the big stage, the World Cup. The US had been dominating and you had scored a few goals that lead to the team being here- in the finals. Not only that, you had been chosen to play the full 90. This was unheard of for someone of your age, but you were so grateful for the opportunity. 

The first half came and went in a frustrating blur that ended with no goals for either team. You jogged to the bench, grabbing your water bottle and sipping as you scanned the crowd. Your eyes were glued to one specific section, scanning where other players’ families and friends sat, and where old teammates were to cheer you all on. Your eyes frantically scanned the seats until they landed on the two empty seats. 

You knew your parents weren’t going to show up, they rarely did. You didn’t even want them to show up, they always had critiques for you. Still, though, you wanted them there. 

An arm wrapping around your shoulder pulls you from your thoughts, Mal siding up to you. 

“I’m sorry,” she says simply. 

You sigh, “I knew they weren’t going to show up. I’m just disappointed, I guess.”

She nods her head silently, allowing you your moment to wallow in pity. 

Eventually, still keep her arm around you, she guides you to the locker room. There’s the usual game review, planning for the next half, and hype session, but you can’t pay attention to any of it. It’s silly really, you think, that the people who thought about you the least spent the most time occupying your head. 

There’s still a few minutes left before the game resumes, and Mal drags you out with her to say hi to your old teammates. A smile grows on your face as you think of the girls waiting for you, and you and Mal climb the barricade to see them. 

Alex, Kelley, Christian, and Tobin all manage to get seats together, and you and Mal hurry to them before throwing yourselves at them. You have just a minute before you need to be back down on the pitch so you allow the girls to praise the two of you before climbing the barrier and jumping back down to the pitch. 

You turn around to wave one last time when something catches your eye. The two seats that had been so obviously empty were now occupied. The occupants looked unwilling with pinched faces, but they were there. Your parents had finally shown. 

It’s like a match had been lit under you during the second half, determined to make your parents proud. Your passes were strong and accurate, and you raced down the pitch effortlessly. The whole time, your eyes would migrate to the stands, trying to make eye contact with either of them. You never did. 

Still, though, you pushed through the fatigue that threatened you, pulling air into your lungs when you felt like you couldn’t. Pumping your legs just a little bit harder. And it all came to a head when the ball landed at your feet in the final moments. 

You act on autopilot at this point, rearing your foot back to slam the ball into the back of the net. It’s silent before the crowd roars. You scored. Not only that, you scored the only goal in the final seconds of the World Cup. 

You were tackled instantly, teammates piling on you. You laughed with them, a grin on your face. Pushing your way slightly out of the center of the group, you looked to the stands. 

The seats were empty. 

The rest of the game finishes quickly, and you don’t pay attention as you do a quick lap of the pitch. You’re led through the medal ceremony, and, once again, Mal has to wrap an arm around you and lead you away.

She takes you to where the four women had gathered on the pitch, pushing you into the nearest arms. Despite how dirty and sweaty you are, you feel multiple arms wrapping around you. 

All of the girls are talking about the highlights of the game, the love of the sport in all of them shining through. Their voices grow and overlap until you chime in in a quiet voice. 

“I did good, right?”

The conversation stops. No one knows what to say. They had heard about your complicated relationship with your parents and they had seen them today, but they assumed that the thrill of all of the events had outweighed everything. 

Clearly, it hadn’t. 

Christen takes your shoulders, pulling you so you were standing in front of her. She squats slightly to be at your height and locks eyes with you before speaking. 

“You did so, so good, sweetheart. We’re all very proud of you.”

That’s exactly what you needed to hear, throwing yourself into her embrace for just a second before pulling away. 

Updated: 04 January 2024

I have no clue why I did this, I just love this writer sm and wish I could check everything in one place since I keep re-reading the fics lol

PS: If the writer wants me to delete the post and send it to you so you'll post it, feel free to message me! I just love the fics and felt like doing this :D

It didn't fit everything so check out @woso-fan13 for the other masterlist with the rest S2

Sicktember 2023

Number 1: Hopelessly Bad at Self-Care

Number 2: Quest For A Cure

Number 3: “What Happened To Your Phenomenal Immune System, Huh?”

Number 4: Hiding an Illness

Number 5: Preventative Measures (Not Taken)

Number 6: Sick & Injured

Number 7: “You’re A Jerk When You’re Sick”

Number 8: Persistent Fever

Number 9: White Coat Syndrome

Number 10: “The Only Place We’re Going Is To The Pharmacy”

Number 11: Beginner’s Guide To Faking Sick

Number 12: Home Remedy/Old Wives Tale

Number 13: Anxious Stomach

Number 14: “I shouldn’t be worried about you, but for some reason I am.”

Number 15: Sick in an Inconvenient Place

Number 16: Consulting the Internet/Web MD

Number 17: Magical Remedy/ Healing Potion

Number 18: “Wear Your Coat, You’ll Catch a Cold”

Number 19: Curled Up With a Pet

Number 20: Cramping Pain

Number 21: “But if you stay, you’ll get sick too.”

Number 22: Terms of Endearment/Nicknames

Number 23: Coughing Fit

Number 24: “Did you just sneeze?”

Number 25: Confused/Disoriented

Number 26: Forehead Kisses

Number 27: Uncooperative Patient

Number 28: “I should have stayed home”

Number 29: Side Effects/Adverse Reaction

Number 30: Patient 0

WHUMPTOBER 2023

Number 1: “But now this room is spinning while I’m trying just to fill in all the gaps.”

Number 2: “I’ll call out your name, but you won’t call back.”

Number 3: “Like crying out in empty rooms; with no-one there except the moon.”

Number 4: “I see the danger, It’s written there in your eyes.”

Number 5: “You better pray I don’t get up this time around.”

Number 6: “Do or die, you’ll never make me; Because the world will never take my heart.”

Number 7: “I paced around for hours on empty; I jumped at the slightest of sounds.”

Number 8: “I’ve got soul, but I’m not a soldier.”

Number 9: “Learning everything ain’t what it seems, that’s the thing about these days.”

Number 10: “Can’t you see that you’re lost without me?”

Number 11: “All the lights going dark and my hope’s destroyed.”

Number 12: “I haven’t slept in days but who’s counting?”

Number 13: “It comes and goes like the strength in your bones.”

Number 14: “Feed me poison, fill me ‘till I drown.”

Number 15: “I don’t need you to help me, I can handle things myself.”

Number 16: “Would you lie with me and just forget the world?”

Number 17: “You’re the lump in my throat and the knot in my chest.”

Number 18: “I tend to deflect when I’m feeling threatened.”

Number 19: “I’ll take one final step, all you have to do is make me.”

Number 20: “People don’t change people, time does.”

Number 21: “See the chains around my feet.”

Number 22: “They never saw us coming, ‘til they hit the floor.

Number 23: “It’s gonna get me by the end of the night.”

Number 24: “I’ve got a head full of chemicals; mouth full of ridicule.”

Number 25: “You’re not delivering a perfect body to the grave.”

Number 26: “Sometimes I get so tired; I don’t even know myself.”

Number 27: “You drew stars around my scars; But now I’m bleeding.”

Number 28: “We might not make it to the morning; so go on and tell me now.”

Number 29: “I only sink deeper the deeper I think.”

Number 30: “It’s okay, just to say, ‘I’m not okay’.”

Number 31: “I thought that I was getting better.”

Comfortember 2023

Safe

Sweater Weather

Leaves Changing

Warmth

Treehouse

Notes

Sick/Illness

Grief/Mourning

Aftermath

Sadness

Comfort Show/Movie

Dreams

Baking

Late Night Phone Calls

Plushies

Coffee/Tea Break

Heirloom

Cuddles

Loved Ones

Shopping

Relapse

Cry

Anxiety

Blankets

Rain

Friends

Soup

Flashbacks

Sleepover

warnings: angst but with a fluffy ending

word count: 889

summary: prompt #16 ‘I can’t do this anymore!’ ‘I’m sorry but I can’t.’ with arsenal and USWNT reader who breaks up with jill because she’s afraid to get her heart broken

a/n: requested by @oneofourown-awfc, i couldn’t quite get all the details of your request but i tried my best so i hope you like it

She Means The World

‘Look Jill I can’t deal with the distance. You’re going to be in Germany and I’ll be here…’ You begin.

The Dutch girl shakes her head, ‘Please liefde. We can make this work-’

‘I can’t Jill. I’m sorry but I can’t.’

Tears fill her eyes and your heart breaks a little more but you resist the temptation to pull her into your arms and apologise, taking back your earlier words.

Stepping away from a devastated Jill, you quickly walk out the door, leaving her alone with her half packed boxes.

******

It hurt to be apart from Jill and it hurt even more knowing that you could no longer call her yours but it had to be done. Distance was something you found nearly impossible to deal with and you were sure that you would fall even more in love with her if you had let the relationship go on. You had to protect yourself from the potential heartbreak.

******

Being in the same country as her for the first time in months gave you mixed feelings. Part of you wanted to run away but the other part of you wanted to see her. You couldn’t trust yourself to do that though because you weren’t convinced you could stop yourself from running to her and begging for her forgiveness if you so much as caught a glimpse of her.

Fate had other plans and you soon found yourself riddled with anxiety once it had been decided that the USWNT would be playing against the Netherlands for the quarterfinals.

******

The moment you walked onto the pitch and her hazel eyes met yours, you stumbled.

She swallowed hard and looked away immediately as Sonnett nudged you forward.

‘Get it together! We’ve got a game to win.’ She hissed.

Had you not kept your eyes firmly on the ground, you would have seen that she looked back at you, eyes tracking your every movement.

******

You had stayed as far away as you could during the game, succeeding in avoiding her until she was subbed off. Honestly you were glad because it meant that you could better focus on defending against your Arsenal teammate, Vivianne Miedema who you knew was absolutely lethal on the pitch.

******

It didn’t surprise you that the match went on into PK shootout because you were well aware of how good the Dutchies were. As Viv walked up to take the first penalty kick, you squeezed Rose’s hand tightly, praying that Alyssa would save it. The goalie looked wholly unbothered, clapping her gloved hands in anticipation.

When Viv failed to get her kick in, your heart beat a little faster because you and your teammates knew the semifinals were now within reach. When Alyssa saved Anieke’s kick you felt your heart lighten. You were going to the semifinals. It meant the world to you to make the Olympic roster and it had been your dream since you were little to win an Olympic medal.

And now as you walked up to take the last penalty kick for your team you realized that every step was bringing you closer to achieving that dream.

Taking in a deep breath, you lined up your shot before feinting left and kicking the ball hard. The ball sailed cleanly into the top corner despite Sari’s efforts and you heard your teammates explode into shouts of joy behind you.

You did it. You were going to the semifinals and Jill…

Turning around, you were just in time to watch her face crumple as she stood on the sidelines.

Fuck.

Mal excitedly jumped on your back, screaming something in your ear but all you could think about was the girl who was rapidly losing the battle with her tears.

Shrugging Mal off, you ran past your celebrating teammates, straight towards Jill.

She seemed almost lost, standing alone while the other Dutchies broke down around her.

Instinctively pressing a quick kiss to her forehead, you wrap your arms tight around her as a heaving sob escapes her.

‘I’m sorry. God Jill I am so sorry.’ She flinches and you make to let go because why would she want you to comfort her but she buries her head in your shoulder, arms wrapping tightly around your neck.

‘Don’t go. Please don’t go.’ Jill cries and mentally you curse yourself. How could you possibly have broken up with her? She was kind and good and no one could ever replace her in your life. Fuck you were such an idiot to have walked away from her.

‘I won’t. Never again schatje.’ She cries even harder and you find yourself tearing up.

‘I’m sorry.’ You say again. You were sorry. Sorry you had hurt her. Sorry that she now had to go home with shattered dreams and no medal. Sorry that your team had defeated hers for the second time.

You stroke her sweaty hair back, eventually sinking down onto the grass and letting her cry it out in your lap. Her fingers twisted in your jersey, gripping you like you were her lifeline.

Your teammates are still celebrating the win but you can’t bring yourself to care because it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter that it meant the world to you to play for your country because Jill is your world. She is everything to you and nothing could come close.

Dutch Translation:

liefde - love

No. 7: ONLY FOR EMERGENCIES

Unconventional Weapon | Magic with a Cost | "It's us or them."

Alex and Kelley make eye contact over your head, fighting to keep their composure as they watch you squirm in your seat. 

Your eyes are glued to the floor, refusing to look at either of the women. 

“You know,” Kelley starts, “just because you don’t want to do something, doesn’t mean you won’t have to.”

“Mommy,” you whine, stretching out the word, “don’t wanna!”

“I don’t know Kel,” Mama says, “she says she doesn’t want to go to bed but she seems pretty sleepy. What do you think?”

“No nap!” you shout, your frustration clear. 

Mommy gives you a look, quickly silencing your complaints, “certainly sounds like she needs one.”

You try to slip out of your chair at that point, determined to run away. You frantically toddle about two wobbly steps before arms scoop you up. You look up to see Mommy cradling you like she used to when you were a baby. 

It’s comfortable, you can admit that. And the way she starts pacing around the room is making you feel a little sleepy. And your eyelids start drooping just a little bit as she starts patting your bottom and whispering quietly to you. 

But you’re not that sleepy, and you’re a big girl. You don’t need a nap. 

But now Mommy’s coming at you with her secret weapon and you don’t even bother resisting. As soon as the tip of the bottle is in your mouth, you latch and start suckling lazily. 

No. 12: STARVATION

Underground Caverns | Cannibalism | "Just a little more."

“I know, buddy,” Tobin almost has to shout for you to hear her over the roaring crowd, “I know you’re tired, but we gotta finish this game.”

The minutes feel like hours as you watch the clock slowly count down. Your face is red as you focus on pulling air into your lungs. The game was almost done, and then you could finally rest. 

You pushed yourself past the point where you thought you could go, spikes digging into the pitch with a newfound energy. As the minutes left turned into seconds left, your legs burned with a ferocity that was only matched with the burning in your lungs. But you pushed through, until the whistle blew and you collapsed to the ground. 

You’re allowed to rest for a few minutes, at one point a sports drink being passed to you. This time speeds by, and soon two pairs of feet appear in front of you and a hand reaches down. 

“C’mon, sweetheart,” Christen’s soft voice breaks the silence, “just a little more and then we’ll get you home.” 

You sigh, latching onto Christen's hand and allowing her to pull you to your feet. You wobble slightly as you regain your balance. Having played the full 90 in 5 games this month alone, you were exhausted. 

Tobin’s face contorts into a pitying smile before moving to squat in front of you. You smile before wrapping your arms around her neck and tightening your legs around her waist. Standing up, she adjusts you slightly before setting off. 

The three of you make a quick lap of the pitch, waving and taking a few photos. As soon as the stands begin emptying out slightly, Christen and Tobin make their way to the tunnel to head back to the locker room. 

No. 17: NOWHERE ELSE TO GO

Ruined Map | Shipwrecked | "We had a good run."

It didn’t even take a minute for things to change completely. Your team is in possession of the ball and you’re not far from the opponent's goal. 

And then a pass’s intercepted. 

In less than a minute, the ball is at your opponents feet in front of your goal. In less than a minute, the ball is hurtling towards your goal and slamming into the back of the net. 

In one minute, you go from confident to completely defeated. 

In one minute, you go from a World Cup contender to a team that didn’t even make it past the first round. 

No one knows what to do, no one knows how to react. Because, in less than a minute, everything changed. 

You plop onto the ground, seemingly emotionless. In actuality, you have so many feelings that you can’t process them, let alone express them. 

Another body sits beside you, a more controlled descent in comparison to your fall. Kelley’s sitting beside you, giving you a sad smile before wrapping an arm around your shoulder. 

“We were so close,” you whisper. 

“Y/N, are you even paying attention?” a frustrated Vlatko sighs. 

Your gaze focuses on him when you hear your name, sitting up straight in your chair. Your cheeks flush and you squirm slightly when you notice that everyone’s attention is on you. It brings back countless memories of getting in trouble at school either because you couldn’t sit still or because you were too deep in your daydreams to follow directions. 

Today, though, you had been on your best behavior. Even though it felt like you needed to move or you would scream, you kept still the entire meeting. Well, mostly still. And you had done your best to pay attention, but your mind was racing and you knew if you had to stay in your chair much longer, your body would start racing too. 

Christen leans over slightly from her chair next to you, whispering,

“Did you take your meds this morning?”

You knew what she meant- it’s probably what everyone on the team was wondering at this point. It was no secret that you had ADHD, but you usually were on top of taking your medications. Except there was currently a shortage on (it seems like) everything, including Adderall. But you would be playing intense soccer for hours a day, and spending your free time in the gym. You really didn’t think anyone would notice if you skipped a few doses. 

You shake your head no, looking at your lap to avoid her eyes. Christen gives a slight nod, looping an arm around you and pulling you closer. She keeps her arm wrapped firmly around you as a grounding pressure, and deposits her other hand in your lap. You get the hint quickly, and start fidgeting with her rings, trying to keep yourself occupied. It wasn’t an ideal solution, and it certainly wasn’t long-term, but it should allow you to sit still for the last 20 minutes of the meeting. 

—-

Almost as soon as the meeting ended, most of the team headed out to the field. Practice was already done for the day, but there was a collective agreement to try and wear you out before the sun went down. 

Becky headed into the back, grabbing a bag of soccer balls. Coming to centerfield, she unceremoniously dumped them out and let everyone loose. You instantly grab a ball and start juggling until someone gently kicks it away from you. Kelley’s standing in front of you, eyebrow quirked in challenge. Honestly, she may only be doing it because she was your roommate and she wouldn’t be able to sleep if you were up all night. But a challenge’s still a challenge. 

You chase after the ball, quickly dribbling it back over in front of her. You pause only briefly before taking off, trying to get past her. She manages to get contact with the ball, but only detours it a few feet. You quickly regain control, and just when you think you’re going to be able to get past her, you look up to see Emily waiting behind. 

It’s almost an hour before you finally stop to take a breath. You hadn’t even shot a goal, just circled the field trying to get past people. You laughed at Tobin’s shock when you managed to nutmeg her, and teased the forwards about their lack of defensive skills. You babbled about nonsense, dribbling and tackling, running away with screams of laughter when you managed to get past someone. But, finally, your body and your brain were calm, neither begging to move. 

Sensing that you were tiring, everyone collects the balls and packs up. Tobin scoots up behind you, lifting you up and placing you onto Christen’s back. You wrap your arms and legs around her, your head dropping onto her shoulder. You stick your tongue out at Tobin after she ruffles your hair, but you’re otherwise content.  

—-

You had been dropped in your bathroom and given strict instructions to quickly shower. By the time you got out, there were pajamas sitting on the counter. You dried and dressed, brushing your damp hair and your teeth. 

Exiting the bathroom, you see the door to your room propped open and about half the team already spread out across the beds and floors. Christen and Tobin weren’t there yet, so you plop onto Kelley. 

Soon, everyone else enters the room and a debate about what movie to watch starts. For once, you don’t have much of an opinion. You’re warm, comfortable, and tired. You’ve ended up laying basically on top of Kelley, your head on her chest rising and falling as she breathes. Her hand is on your back, rubbing gentle circles.  

As you hear a movie start playing in the background, the neckline of your shirt works its way into your mouth. As one does, you begin chewing on it distractedly, the sensation soothing. The repetition motion is pulling you further to sleep. 

Seeing what you’re doing, Kelley reaches her arm out to get the attention of Christen from where she had settled next to you. She gently nods her head towards you, and watches as Christen gets the message and leans over to the bedside table. She pulls your shirt out of your mouth, quickly replacing it with a chew tube. 

You had protested when she had originally presented them to you, claiming that you were neither a teething infant or a dog, so you didn’t need a chew toy. But she persisted, sick of your constantly chewed clothing and seemingly ever present wad of gum. Now, you don’t even hesitate when handed one- or, usually, it’s just stuck in your mouth. 

No. 30: “It’s okay, just to say, ‘I’m not okay’.”

Borrowed Clothing | Bridal Carry | “Not much longer…”

Football is life, something you and Dani Rojas clearly agree on. From an early age you had given everything to the sport. In return, the sport has given you a career and a family. 

All that being said, as much as you loved soccer, you had your limits. And sometimes, you were ready to be subbed out.

—-

A lot of this could have been easily prevented. It wasn’t. You could have looked up second sooner and noticed that the other player was also planning on going up to head the ball. Coach could have saved a sub to use in case of emergency. Neither of these things happened.

What had happened was that you collided heads with another player. You both landed on the ground, dazed. Your opponent recovered after a moment, pushing herself to her feet. You moved to do the same but stopped as you felt the world spinning and your vision going fuzzy. Having had too many, you were an expert in concussions and you knew enough to know that you just earned yourself one. 

You stayed seated on the ground, waiting for the medics to come help you off of the field. They were taking a long time. Your teammates must have been thinking the same, as you could hear them voicing their confusion and frustration around you. 

You hear a pair of feet stop in front of you. You look up, ready to let the medic know that you have a concussion and need to be subbed out. You’re instead met with a striped shirt and a whistle. One of the refs, which is strange. 

“The game’s almost over and you’re out of subs, you’ll be fine for the rest, right?”

You want to argue, but he’s gone before you can process what he said. He’s right though, football is life. You can push through the next 4 minutes, you just need to get to your feet. 

You, surprisingly make it almost 3.5 minutes. You don’t actively participate, but you are able to receive and pass a ball, so you’ll give yourself some credit. As the timer moves from minutes to seconds left, though, your brain tries to voice its displeasure. Your vision is wavy as you sway on your feet. You reach out for something to steady you. 

“Shit,” you hear a voice say as an arm moves around your back to support you, “hang on, kiddo.”

You’re not completely sure who’s voice that is. You think it might be Sonny’s, but it’s really a wild guess. 

You must make some sound, probably a groan, because the voice starts speaking again. 

“I know buddy, I know it hurts. There’s not much longer, then we’ll get you out of here. Okay?”

You try to nod in response, regretting that decision as a new wave of pain shoots through your head. This causes your vision to blur completely as you feel arms wrap even more firmly around you. Just as you hear the final whistle, you fall unconscious.