#usergray

Rating: General Audiences

Relationship: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)

Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, this is kinda 6x07 spec ig, bucks in his breakdown era, Getting Together, this is the ending of the sperm donor subplot

Summary: In which Buck tells Eddie he was going to be a sperm donor

WC: 2.4k  |  Read on ao3

It’s empty. The walls around him he’s supposed to call home echo nothing but the quiet buzz of the fridge and the ringing in his ears. His feet are rooted to the spot, their words still running through his head over and over and over and over. ‘We’ve decided not to use you as our donor’. 

They thanked him and he left with the promise to stay in contact. He doesn’t remember getting in the jeep, walking in the front door, or how long he’s been standing here. Everything that was burning beneath his skin has now settled, cold and heavy. 

The gym bag he’d dropped by the kitchen counter two days ago catches his eye. It’s still packed from the movie night with Eddie and Chris, everything he needs to escape it all for the night. His fingers itch. He tears himself from his place in the middle of the room, throws the bag over his shoulder, and snatches his keys from the counter. 

He doesn’t know where he’s going when he starts the car, he just goes.

It has really been the same story from the moment he was born. 

Defective parts. Not enough. Unwanted. 

Running, always running.

What is he worth if he can’t even help the people who need him? The people he cares about? What does he have to offer when every time he tries to help it’s never good enough; he’s always broken, too late, and never the first choice. 

His chest is hollow and heavy.

The roads are quiet. He lets his speed creep up. He breathes a little easier.