#user toxic

Your letter is the easiest, yet the hardest to write.... I think because I have so much I want to say to you, and you were someone I was so invested to. We were family.....and then just one day, nothing. I hope that you change your ways, I hope that you someday, can put yourself before a woman. There is NO reason why you and your eldest can’t get a place, and just stay that way for a while. I know relationships are run and exciting....but seriously....SLOW.THE.FUCK.DOWN. Allow yourself to slow down and heal. It’s almost like your “relationships” are just “rebound after rebound” you don’t do relationships, you do rebounds....there is a big difference.

I am sorry that your family sits back and enables you, I know that has to be hard. I mean, really..... remember when your mom asked you to run to the liquor store for you when we were at the cabin...... who says that to their son who is trying to maintain his new sobriety???

I am sorry that I believed you. I am sorry that you fed me lies for months, and I had no idea. I am sorry that you still to this day have exes of yours controlling your life- the only time you change your social media picture is when one of your exes tells you to..... its funny, but its kind of sad at the same time.

I am sorry that one night after work you told me you were on your way home, and me and your oldest followed you to the local liquor store, watching you walk out....what a let down. You told me you were trying to get sober, and I did EVERYTHING to help you maintain that...from pouring all my alcohol I had in the apartment out, to scheduling appointments and attending family therapy... I did this because I WANTED to.

I am sorry that kids were involved. But I am not sorry that I got to know your kids. My love for them, will never change. I think about them daily, and hope that they are doing great.

Things were looking up for a while. But my point is, I was always so focused on you and your family, and your families needs, that I was putting them before my own.....and got lost. Luckily, I am okay and losing myself was one of the best things I could have done, because this person I found that exists today, is kicking ass!! OVER AGAIN, and we both agreed we were done having babies...So this whole thing about you having another baby makes me feel really sad. Not sad for you, not sad for your family, but for this poor baby who is going to be put in your chaotic life. Absolutely selfish. You only desire something if you get something out of it. This blog is helping me out more than I thought. I don’t know if you will ever see this, but it feels SO good to let it out.

All the “what about....”

Times you put yourself first- like when you slept through her school concert because you were drunk, but me and my kids were there. What about that time you showed up drunk to my friends house while I was at work, what about that time you had me fill out your divorce paperwork, just so you could completely change the answers without telling me, or all those times you would talk to your ex behind my back, calling her from your work phone so I wouldn’t see(your words). What about that time you made out with one of your exes RIGHT before you dropped your kids at my kids’ birthday parties...Jesus and kept it a secret for THREE MONTHS until SHE told me on Valentines Day. you are such a catch!!  I still have that screaming recording.....I’m sure people would love to hear that. SHAME ON BOTH OF YOU. What about that time you cheated on one of your exes with your OTHER ex.....while she was PREGNANT...... careful Quatro...even if you’re preggers with his baby, that won’t stop him.....yikes!! Why do you still talk to women that you were “interested in”? What about that time you couldn’t even talk to me like an adult, so you went to our phone carrier and claimed me and my two daughters phones as STOLEN...Pretty sure that HAS to be illegal some how..but I don’t want to look into it, cause I don’t want shit to do with you. That’s okay...the same person who you went to, I talked to the next day..... you tried getting off, but you still had to pay off the phones 😂😂😂😂 What about all the crying selfies you would send of yourself to me, after a fight? baaaaaaaarf.  What about last Father’s Day?.... Or do you not remember?, I still have the text from that stolen phone,ya know..  What about all the Uber rides I paid for, so your child could continue going to their school? I added that up the other day, unreal but not shocking. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ Why didn’t you tell me you got FIRED.......How long were you holding that one back?... No big deal, I pay for everything anyways. What did you do with all the gifts I got you? What about that time you gave me a promise ring?...just another one of your broken promises.

SO MUCH MORE TO COME.......WORK IN PROGRESS FOR THIS ONE.