The truth is I'm a wreck. I haven't eaten hardly at all in 2 days because of the stress and because how could I possibly think of food? Holding you. Being still near you. Listening to you breathe. These are all things that have kept me up for days on end the last few months wondering if I would ever feel them again. You have a piece of me that is so big there will be no healing. There will be no recovery. I will live the rest of my life without it if you're not with me and for the first time in months I felt it again when you kissed me. I'm trying to do what's right. What's right by me and what you need are two different things. I can't speak words anymore about a future that's pending. Can't you feel me breaking? How can we ever have "one day" when today you pull away from my touch? As if it would be wrong for someone to see you loving me? Like it's going to ruin your chances to be seen? Like you haven't been shouting my name since I left stumbling around with a drink in your hand. Like you haven't been filling your moments with distractions to try to feel one ounce of the love I gave you from someone else. Now I'm here and it doesn't even matter. You're drowning so hard from your mistakes that you can't even breathe. You have no peace. No comfort and a restlessness so strong it's energy is keeping me awake miles down the road. I feel you. I feel your pain. I'm choking on it. I'm letting it in with no regard for myself because it's you baby. You're everything. I'd rather hold your heart in my light and warmth while it beats for another then let it ever get cold. I'd rather swallow my pride while you cry for them, then ever let you feel alone. Why not? I'm already too far gone to ever stop loving you.
