#usabilityhell

“A man may take to drink because he feels himself to be a failure, and then fail all the more completely because he drinks. It is rather the same thing that is happening to the English language. It becomes ugly and inaccurate because our thoughts are foolish, but the slovenliness of our language makes it easier for us to have foolish thoughts. The point is that the process is reversible. Modern English, especially written English, is full of bad habits which spread by imitation and which can be avoided if one is willing to take the necessary trouble.” George Orwell

I have Literally written a blog post…

Stop reading now.

Literally.

If you keep reading it will ruin your life and you will become like me. I can’t not see this now.

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Even people that use 'Literally' right, are using it wrong.

OK I admit it - I know I’m not fucking normal but this irritates the hell out of me. The moment someone says 'literally' - I automatically do a mental check. I am a dick to people that misuse it - even in polite company.

I think less is more - specially with copy. I think words should be used sparingly, efficiently and accurately (I also hate ‘the initial so’ but wont elaborate here).

The misuse of 'literally' is driving me insane - and not only in the way you think.

And yes I know the Oxford English Dictionary now includes the 'incorrect' use of literally; but if you use it that way you look like an idiot.

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For starters…. Andy Weir's recent book, “The Martian”, soon to literally be made into a Hollywood movie - is an excellent case study for overuse - and misuse - of the word.

(I misused literally above).

He uses literally 10 times in his book; it's very distracting after a while.

Some of his uses are good, eg

“For normal potato farmers, it’s not worth doing because they’re working with literally millions of potato plants.”

Potato farmers are often working with literally millions of potatoes, and saying ‘millions’ can be a figure of speech. Two thumbs up Andy.

Another…

“The Hab's atmosphere is 90 times as dense, so it turns to liquid at much higher temperatures. The regulator gets the best of both worlds. Literally.”

Not bad, quite clever in fact.

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I have devised two tests to see if literally is being used correctly (I'm sure I'm not the first person to do this).

Firstly

The obvious one.

Do they really mean literally? Is it literal?

The cricketer Sir Ian Botham said in 2007 that batsmen surviving appeals for leg before wicket had been “getting away with murder, literally”.

Lets hope not.

Recently he also literally posted a photo of his dick on Twitter by accident. I wish I was misusing literally here.

But I digress. Another…

In a recent episode of John Gruber’s Apple leaning ‘The Talk Show’ podcast, Guy English referred to his past blog posts as “literally little fireballs”.

Gruber said “we’re literally armchair quarterbacks here”.

Were his blog posts *literally* fireballs?

Was he *literally* an armchair quarterback?

I will leave you to evaluate those examples - though getting an armchair onto an American Football field would be fun to witness. And I’m not sure how flame retardant my MacBook Air is… (actually I am; it’s not).

This is the case where people misuse ‘literally’ to emphasise something.

Secondly

We passed the first test. The phrase *is* literal. The next test….

Are people likely to be confused whether what we are saying is a metaphor - or literally true.

Just because something is literally true - doesn’t give you cause to use ‘literally’.

Back to The Martian…

“Hermes will have their EVA specialist, Dr. Chris Beck, suited up and ready the whole time. If necessary he will literally grab the probe with his hands and drag it to the docking port.”

Ohhhh, you didn’t mean metaphorically grab the probe with his hands?!

Here literally is verbiage.

This is better: “If necessary he will grab the probe with his hands and drag it to the docking port.”

Once you begin to see this literal abuse, it’s impossible to ‘un-see’ it. I’ve become a dick and I can’t stop myself.

Here’s some more…

“But then you got on a giant bomb that blasted you to Mars. And I mean that literally.”

No you don’t. Actually this is wrong in a different way. He is specifically saying something is literal - when it actually ISN’T. This gets an honourable mention as a third category.

He wasn’t put on something designed to explode. A rocket isn’t a bomb, although they share characteristics.

more…

“I felt that way all damn day today. 5km/h is literally a walking pace. And I drove that speed for eight hours.”

It might be - but I didn’t think you metaphorically meant a walking pace. GAAAA.

“We're going to have to literally blow up one of the doors, Lewis explained.”

Oh jesus fuck.

I literally just shat my pants.

I mean metaphorically. I need some metaphorical adult diapers.

A good one from Guy English to end on: