#unknowndate

O castigo e mal estar que sentia ao me tocar, aquela noite me tocou. Tocou em mim sem nem ao menos as mãos usar. Vozes altas, gemidos que não cessavam. Era como um excesso do que tanto uso para provar toda minha sujeira. Girava em minha cabeça, gemidos e vozes, repetitivos, altos, insistentes. Tortura.

Repensei meu toque, será mesmo errado?

Feeling alone for such a long time that I thought it was the highest level of loneliness.

But it's not. It never was.

Being alone is the highest one. Not being able to share cause there's no one to hold on to. That’s the highest one.

Can't talk. You might wanna scream but guess what? There's no one to listen. So go on, scream! Nobody's gonna give you a hand.

How many more times are you going to cry, so deeply, on your bed? How many more nights are these tears going to be invisible?

Nobody's watching you, nobody never watched, actually. You never let them.

And now you're here, again. That's the second night in a row. The second night in which this horrible feeling come here to visit us. And it hurts when I remember us walking here and there, all alone. Always alone.

So many problems you think you have. You can't even write anymore. This used to be your passion, now your notes are roaming there, at home. Everybody could read it, but nobody does. You know why? We seem to be uninteresting, nobody wants to know a thing about us.  We live in drama, whining, crying inside - I cry more than you do and I was supposed to be the stronger one. What are you doing to us? We want to be the victim, it was always like this. You can't change it, you're weak. You let people let you down, you let people let ME down. Why don't you fight against it? Why don't you struggle anymore? You used to be a warrior, now you just another victim. Nobody care for victims and you know that. So why you keep this label? You must show them who you are, where you came from and where you are now. Stop showing your weakness to people that do not want you to grow. Grow by yourself!

Nos dias que amanhecem morte não há dualidade o sentir se ausenta, ou melhor, se apresenta de maneira não usual para dar espaço ao pensar.