i wanna love you, but i don't know how | Edward Guinness x OC | House of Guinness | Part 1 |
He moved closer, inch by inch, closing the distance that felt so far - between us.
It felt like everything was happening incrementally, I could feel his eyes scanning my face, as if to ask if it was okay, what he was doing.
His warm breath whispered across my cheek, making me feel hot and flustered, and causing me to flicker my eyes briefly away towards the fireplace.
The fireplace burning was a metaphor for how we, or certainly I was feeling, the smoke billowing just like a building fire.
Our lips hovered, mere centimetres from each other, wanting to act on the impulse we both felt.
I could feel the desire echoing from both of us just as we closed the divide and finally our lips met in an unspoken dance of tongues.
Our hands employed the task of tenderness and inclination, roaming each other like the Irish fields of emerald green.
Our eyes meeting each other once more as my breath hitched, seeing the flecks of green in the hazel hue of his eyes.
The fire between us wasn't stoked, even now. Not before not after, even if we walked away, there was something else, something more.
Before this I couldn't remember last we spoke, we were denying ourselves the incredulous freedom that we craved.
“I can’t do this Maeve” he admitted, pulling away agonisingly.
“Why? Because i’m just a ‘maid’” i spat furiously.
He didn’t respond, just stayed calm and quiet.
It fueled my anger even more, this was tedious, lust and frustration was rushing through my veins and i couldn’t handle it any longer.
“So fucking a Fenian is fine but when you want to fuck your old maid thats off limits to you and your morals? Or lack thereof... Huh, Edward? (Irish swear)”
I stormed off but Edward cornered me again, walking slowly, first he had frustration on his face before he pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration and uncertainty.
"Look... You're not just a maid and you know that, you've never been just a maid, Maeve. You know you're more than that, you've always meant more to me... I, God... I don't know how to do this, I've never known... I'm not good at this" he explained, sighing and looking off into the distance, pondering.
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They don't know how my blood boils from the depths of Cloonboo that I came from.
I started working at the Guinness house when a job came up after I'd travelled into the city from the small dwelling from which I originated.
I had managed to get a job as a leech collector for my mother who helped with Guinness' household’s doctor’s treatments with the traditional medicine that they could only access from the small township.
It was a messy and tiring job but it's the only one that paid even a small amount, and got my mother and I through the famine, when the rest of our family had passed from sickness, fatigue and starvation from which I had never recovered.
After the Great Hunger, my mother got too sick to function, after the rest of my family had passed.
I had no idea what caused it but some said it was the grief that so many were struck down by, like a dagger to the heart after the events and their turmoil surpassed, leaving just me - so I was promoted to my mum's role.
The death of my siblings destroyed my mother to no end, she was haunted by the death of my siblings and father, that’s what i think ultimately killed her and i needed vengeance.
Then with everything I had saved, and through the ‘charity’ of the Guinness’ I was able to have a formal schooling, but it was mostly of my own hard work.
What happened was my mother worked for them and all she wanted after everyone passed and she got sick, was wanting me to get a formal education.
Benjamin Guinness brought that dream to fruition, under the proviso that I stay as a maid, working for them to pay off my mother’s debt, and for that I hated them.
I think somewhere in his soul, this was his way of ‘repaying’ my mum and trying to be nice, but it hurt and I felt like some sort of slave.
He was ruthless and there was no doubt about that, he was the richest man in Ireland of course.
His children were ruthless in their own ways too but one of them, Benjamin, or Ben, as i call him - was a sweetheart but the black sheep of the family.
He was troubled deeply, and was on ‘the bottle’ significantly, making financially ill decisions that cost him a lot, including his pride, image, freedom and sanity.
Ben didn’t let that stop him and he still went out and did god knows what, he would make a deal with the devil if it helped his cause, misguided he was.
Then there was Arthur, the eldest and by far the poshest.
He liked everything to go his way and if it didn’t there was hell to pay, you wouldn’t know what hit you if you crossed him.
Many people envied his power and wealth, but they didn’t know his secret, i didn’t have a problem with it, the rest of society would.
It would have dire consequences, especially his upcoming campaign for Parliament.
Unlike me, I would never purposely spill it, but it was good to have under my belt.
He liked the finer things in life, baths, exotic foods, arts, leisure sports, pins, the more than modest use of electricity, fur, etcetera and he got it when he wanted it.
Edward… He was different, he needed everything to be right and in its place, and if it wasn’t he would lose it, he was a brat, not as bad as Arthur, but he was very particular.
He was highly strung, blunt, fastidious and he annoyed me very much.
More than the others, he was such an arrogant person, nothing got in his way.
Some say like his sister - that he had a kind-heart and would move the world for those he loved,
There was Anne, she was strong willed, but more passive than her brothers, calmer and more charitable, intelligent and just nice… I didn’t mind her.
I was her head maid and I attended to her every need, which was alright because she didn’t yell at me like the other two, minus Ben.
They still completely had no idea the carnage that their family had caused, the mayhem, the grief.
They had brought hell to the inhabitants of Cloonboo, taxing them large amounts, evicting them, not providing them with any food or water.
My mother was trying to provide for the whole family, my two older brothers, my dad and my baby sister.
But unfortunately there was nothing that could be done and they passed on, not peacefully - but in agony.
Their frail and twisted bones, thin veins, barely pumping heart and their malnourished bodies.
We all tried eating anything we could, all the families nearby were gaunt and dying, no hope for any of us, but it was the luck of the draw who would live and who would die.
For some cruel reason I was left alive to suffer, suffer through my own mental anguish, the pain of losing my family and the sadness of losing my friends.
In my mind, they had to pay, it was the only fair option, nothing could change that, not even the niceties of Anne.
I was still filled with rage at the family, they treated others as if they were lesser than them and had no self-awareness, which made them ignorant to the problems of society, and the problems of today.
They thought I would be useful in the main house, but I still had to pass the interview to become a maid, mainly, but who had other knowledge, although I was shaky nonetheless, being at the ripe age of 17.
Working up through the ranks was hard and took a long time.
Most of my childhood, I had no fun, just lessons all the time, and then work.
It was agonising, but it was what I had to do for her, for my mother, for my family, for those who never made it.
Sir Benjamin didn't approve of me but respected my mother and her work, seeing her as hardworking, and had some sliver of compassion in his heart.
That compassion was somewhere, god knows where, to keep me on as a staff member; but he was overtly distrustful, to most of the staff... Especially me, even though he did favours to show he was grateful.
Only to counteract the evil he had done and to shut my mouth and pay me off in the form of more schooling so I wouldn't reveal the truth to anyone, it absolutely made my blood boil.
He said I was to work for the family forever, until I passed or got sick enough to the point that I couldn't work anymore.
That just added to the hatred, the burning feeling of anger that overtook me whenever I had a spare moment to think, I was enraged.
The theme of his was keep his friends close and his enemies even closer - and it worked, very well.
He had a habit of working people to the bone, or treating them as such so they couldn’t rise up against them because they had been pushed to death’s doorstep or further.
So many workers had been injured or killed but he had covered that up too, so now the men were working under more favourable conditions - it was like nobody knew, because no one would dare bring it up.
Coming from cloonboo he labelled me as a Fenian, as he was a Unionist, but really, I was neither.
They had a strong angelical faith, and practiced catholicism and they were also Unionists.
If they were truly Catholic then they would be so much kinder, they would follow Jesus’ footsteps and work and think in the image of God.
God would be ashamed, there were ten commandments and they broke more than all of them.
Doing what I needed to do to survive was paramount and my only goal... Other than purehearted revenge.
The only solace I had was my friends, Aisling and Finley.
I knew Aisling from the job and she had been my friend for years, more recently I had made friends with Finley and sometimes it had gotten to the stage that we appeared like more than friends but we had never done anything or acted on the urges - mainly because I was too scared or because I was being approached by Benjamin.
Benjamin always had a soft spot for me, looking after me when he could, although those times became few and far between when he turned to the drink... And the opium.
The sweet boy he was, almost vanished completely and taken over by a drunken, dependant and disheveled man, if you could even label him as such.
He acted like a little boy, so cruelly and attentively ripped apart by the bitterness of his dad, and his siblings, but his sister didn't help.
His sister Anne, was a lovely woman, forward thinking, selfless and kind, but dismissed by others as she wasn't one of the men, put down to just her marriage, childbearing abilities and nothing more, but has wit like a sly fox, although she wasn't.
She has time for everyone and everything, even at one point Mr. Rafferty, but no one brought that up unless they had a death wish, especially not in front of her brothers, especially not Edward.
I was the one who breached the subject, being forced into submission by the eldest, Arthur, against Benjamin's dismay and even Edward wasn't best pleased by my inquisition, but was even more displeased by the truth I spoke.
They debated punishing me for keeping it from them, Benjamin stayed as hushed as a mouse as he downed even more liquor, so as not to stir and provoke the situation.
But his sister Anne, came to my defence, begging and pleading that no harm would come to me as I was instructed to uphold the confidence by her…
Plus Mr. Rafferty naturally struck the fear of God into me.
Plus, she had convinced them that I was a trusted employee and one day they would make good of me with my ‘talents’ and whatnot, but even in that moment I was simply just a dispensable maid.
Ben rolled his eyes before infamously passing out, just as usual.
Anne was picking at the hem of her very well tailored dress and shaking as she downed a glass of poitín.
Trying not to make eye contact with the two more sensible of her remaining brothers as they decided what the next undertaking would be and if I would come to any penance.
I uttered a quick but polite “is there anything else Sir’s. I must go to light the fires in the main bedrooms and tend to the uh - um, to make sure Lady Anne is ready for bed” and bowed.
Arthur flew into a rage and stormed out, slamming the large double doors behind him “I guess that just leaves us then…” Edward mused, tapping on the crystal glass he held, with his fingers so it was making a ‘clinking’ noise.
He spun around, making direct eye contact with me, causing me to look down at the floor and awkwardly shuffle, before I realised his glass was empty, so fetched a crystal decanter that matched his glass, filled with, you guessed it - poitín and filled it for him “Sorry Master Edward” I bowed, before placing it back on the table.
I would always run around after him, I despised it and he knew exactly how to rile me up too, that’s why I always had a soft spot for Ben; he seemed more human, more mortal - with his mistakes.
He was the most honest one hare, and the others despised him for it.
“That's not what I was implying… but as you filled it, thank you. As the second eldest and therefore the second in charge” he announced, pausing to emphasize and likely find the words, he once again faced me and directed me to sit.
“Oh for fucks sake” Benjamin groaned, placing a pillow over his head, hearing Edward announce his prestige once too many times (again).
Not that he wasn't aware of it already.
I sat down awkwardly, looking over to Anne who had her head bowed and her eyes looking somewhere else completely in disdain, as if she didn't want to acknowledge her ‘little fault’.
Of course she didn't, and no one, including myself, did.
“it falls to me - as usual - to take the reins and announce… no - decide your punishment, and therefore your fate here, young Maeve” he smirked, seeming somewhat entertained by the power in which was vested in him, which certainly wasn't a new thing but the alcohol, it being his sixth glass, was definitely going to his head.
I'd been around them for years, I certainly knew when they were, sober or drunk… or anything in between - the in between was usually just them being retched pigs, but again, comes with the name and not in any way surprising.
Cloonboo, that's all I had to remind myself of, just work and you'll get your revenge, they'll get what's coming for them, as they all do.
Everyone gets toppled or usurped eventually, their time will come, and I can feel it in my veins for certain, the time is near.
“And my punishment is… Sir?” I over exaggerated purposely, addressing Edward, knowing how much he loved when someone saw through his ego and stood up to him.
“Ooohohohoh” Ben chuckled darkly, “it's definitely on now, ten pounds he'll fire her”, he bet, with money he didn't have.
He could be a real dickhead sometimes, especially with the drink.
“Shut up knucklehead. You don't have ten pounds” Anne scoffed, taking another sip of her drink, before lighting a cigarette.
Of course Ben would speak up now and hurt my feelings, he drove the knife in further by ‘betting’ on it, with his nonexistent money.
Edwards hazel eyes turned even darker than I thought possible, those thick eyebrows furrowed furiously and his jaw clenched, he looked as if he were about to say something but paused.
He gripped the back of the couch, gripping it until his knuckles turned white and then scoffed, before he smirked darkly and smashed his glass on the ground.
Knowing that even despite my nightly tasks, I'd still have to find the time to clean the liquor and smashed glass whilst also trying not to, but inevitably making Anne wait to go to bed.
“Edward you fuckwit!” Ben yelled, about to jump up and fight his brother, knowing that it was just more work I had to do, whilst being caring because he knew I could very well hurt myself.
I sighed, Anne rolled her eyes, “very mature… that's boys for you” she muttered under her breath.
None of them really cared about me and the work I had to do for them, that’d soon change.
Edward stood, smirking, waiting to see my next move “okay” I sighed.
“Everyone out… that includes you Benjamin! I'll quickly clean this mess up and then make my way to your room Lady Anne. Sorry for the untimely and feeble-minded disruption” I emphasized facetiously, looking innocently at Edward but with a smirk that put him back in his place.
He mumbled something before scoffing, and just as he was about to leave he slowed down his pace before he paused and then stopped completely.
By this time, everyone else has already cleared out of the room, even poor drunken Benjamin, even if he did have a tongue as sharp as the glass that I'd been instructed to pick up.
“I think… Miss Maeve. You should fetch me another glass of alcohol. You choose what, I'm not fussy. Then I'll just simply watch you clean up the mess that you made” he instructed me, chuckling, before dusting off his shoulders and sitting down.
Even if he was an arsehole, he’d always get me flustered by saying these sorts of things, he knew that too and played on it.
We had a fierce rivalry that no one could compete with - and they wouldn’t want to, it got ugly at the best of times.
“Yes Master Edward Guiness” I said tongue-in-cheek, knowing he had a fond dislike of his full title being used.
“Don't play smart with me Maeve. You know what I have the power to do. I could just simply fire you here and now” he smirked, raising his eyebrows.
I felt like yelling at him, ‘then do it, bitch’, but I knew my place, and stayed silent.
“Why aren’t you saying anything, come on, i know what you want to say” he grinned, looking up at me with those hauntingly charming, but devious, hazel eyes.
I took a breath, “Oh yeah, well why don't you just do it then and put everyone out of their misery” I mumbled sarcastically, obviously louder than I thought because as soon as I'd said it, I could immediately tell he'd heard me.
“Interesting, I guess we do have a predicament… then” he smiled mischievously.
I rolled my eyes, full well knowing if this was anyone else I would've already packed my bags and been on the next train out of this godforsaken city, maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing.
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Hey guys so this has been a long time coming and I really hope you enjoy it. I've put my heart and soul into it and there's a lot more to come!
