#undertale crack

“you don’t know how i know asgore? but you’re the captain of the guard, our jobs directly intersect,” Did Asgore just… Not mention who he was? Why? 

“How do our jobs intersect? You sell hotdogs and snow, dude,” Asgore seriously didn’t mention him. He’s somewhat bemused, simply because that’s just such an Asgore thing to do.

“what, you think i bought that house by selling ‘dogs? nah, i’m talking about my other job, the one that asgore apparently didn’t tell you about for some reason,” He explains. 

“WHAT other job?” She asks, fidgeting with the sword Alphys made her. (And by ‘fidgeting’ he means ‘swinging it around wildly and knocking things over’)

“ehh, y’know, that thing i do where i’m the Judge and stuff,” Undyne spits out her tea. (she still made some, she just didn’t give Sans any)

“YOU’RE THE JUDGE?” She exclaims.

“yeah, yell it a little louder, i think there’s some people in the ruins who didn’t hear,” he confirms peevishly.

“Oh, sorry,” she says, not sounding sorry at all, “I guess that explains why you were so confused when I wouldn’t let you be a sentry, though,” She pauses for a moment.

“Wait, but I wouldn’t let you be a sentry because- HOW ARE YOU THE JUDGE??” Sans is really glad he doesn’t have eardrums some days, because really, Undyne.

“uh huh, low stats, i know. i guess i might as well tell you, since you should know anyway,”

“Tell me what?” She asks, steepling her fingers because she thinks it makes her look cool.

“actually, it’d be simpler to just show you,” he prevaricates, getting to his feet (not that it makes him much taller) and holding out his hand to Undyne. She quickly stands up and takes it because she can’t stand missing out on prime gossip material like this.

He takes them to the Judgement Hall because it’s a good place to show off away from prying eyes.

--

A few moments later, he’s grinning (not like he wouldn’t be otherwise, but it’s the thought that counts) and Undyne’s jaw is practically on the floor.

“by the way, no one’ll ever believe you if you tell ‘em about this,” A few people probably would, actually, but he has no plans that involve this becoming common knowledge, so he doesn’t mention that.

“so, about that sentry position…”