#uncle ernest

This is basically how the train ride went, right?

~~~~~~~~~~~

November 14th, 2000

I was 17 and on my first train ride with Baba Jacob and ‘Uncle’ Ernest.

Ernest Cantadoro is Baba’s long time boyfriend, they’ve been a thing for longer than I’ve been alive.

A tall, lanky man with grey/black hair on the sides and bald on top. A thick, handlebar mustache making his upper lip disappear.

Dark grey eyes that always look like he’s ready to tell someone off for whatever he thinks is absolutely ridiculous or unnecessary.

Squat, short nose and plenty of frown lines and forehead wrinkles.

He has his red shirt tucked into his pants pulled up high on his waist and black suspenders.

He rustled my hair before lighting a cigar,”Hey there, Kiddo. How’re those fancy college classes going, Smarty Pants?”

I laugh a bit and fix my hair,”Uncle Ernie, please. You know my hair is impossible to work with.”

“Come on, Ernest. Leave her be. She’s not only here for fun.” Baba said as he walked over with a briefcase.

“Oh? If you’re not here to hang out with your favorite people, what are you doing tagging along?” He teased, a deep inhale followed by him breathing out smoke through his nose like a dragon.

“My History of Commercial Engineering class has a public speaking assignment. I’m going to observe and compare the differences between classic steam powered engines and newer diesel engines.” I said excitedly.

I’ve always wanted to ride this train!

He smiles and pats my shoulders,”You want your big strong Baba to chaperone you?” He teased.

Baba adjusted his sweater vest back over his belly.

He didn’t listen to Granny when she said he’s gotten fatter and now he’s a little embarrassed.

I snort a little bit,”I’ll be ok.”

A couple hours later, I return to a the smoking car and smell Uncle Ernest’s cigars and hear their favorite argument.

Whether Marlon Brando or Elvis Presley was more likely to be gay, and who would’ve had a chance to get with their respective crush.

I hang outside the door to listen because if I go in, I will be forced to pick a side on something I have no opinion on.

Both were conventionally handsome back in the day, but aren’t my type.

“I’m telling you, Ernie, Marlon Brando and Richard Pryor had something going on.”

“You’re fuckin’ crazy, Jack. Listen, even if there was something, and I’m not saying there was, but IF there was something, I doubt he’d wanna hook up with some Jewish Polish Prick from the boonies.”

“And you think Elvis Presley was more likely to be gay?”

“Jailhouse Rock.” Ernest blows a puff of smoke

“Oh, here we go with Jailhouse Rock again! You ALWAYS pull out Jailhouse Rock!”

I snort and try to keep quiet. Leaning against the wall to keep my weight off my bad leg.

I wish Joshua was willing to have this kind of fun back and forth with me.

He’s very quiet when it comes to me.

He likes me quiet and bashful.

He doesn’t like me embarrassing him when we’re around his friends.

So I try and be agreeable for him, but I’m open and ready to joke when it’s me and my friends or when he’s not around.

Uncle Ernest starts to sing, and even in his old age, his voice has this lively and bright tone that’s so infectious.

He pulled me out of my thoughts as I listen.

“When we kiss, my heart's on fire

Burning with a strange desire

And I know each time I kiss you

That your heart's on fire too”

I glance around the corner and I see them dancing together like a couple of teenagers.

Baba Jacob laughing his gravelly, belly bouncing laugh.

“So, my darling, please surrender

All your love so warm and tender

Let me hold you in my arms, dear

While the moon shines bright above~”

Baba showed me a photo of Uncle Ernest when he was younger.

He was an Elvis Impersonator in Vegas and Baba had went on a guys trip.

While he didn’t actually look much like Elvis aside from how he styled his hair, according to Baba, his voice blew him out of the water.

They danced the night away.

“All the stars will tell the story

Of our love and all its glory

Let us take this night of magic

And make it a night of love~”

Baba laughs even harder,”Not the lip!”

Uncle Ernest couldn’t do the Elvis lip and Baba thinks it’s the worst part of his schtick.

But he laughs anyway, because even now, Ernest still flirts like they always have.

I can’t hold it anymore as I just start cackling.

The singing stops and Baba opens the door, buttoning his shirt up.

“Damn, Baba, if I knew you two were about to get frisky, I would’ve just went to the dinner car.” I laugh.

“Sorry, Kid. I’m just trying to win an argument.” Uncle Ernest apologized, putting out the nub of the cigar into the ashtray compartment.

I coughed as I got close to the doors,”Jesus, hotboxing cigar smoke. Real romantic, Uncle.”

“Where’s that Dinner Car, Teybele?”

“Of course you wanna eat, you fatass.”

“Hey, all that dancing worked up an appetite.”

“Walking up the stairs works up an appetite.”

And they start their back and forth again.

Tossing insults and arguing back and forth like they always do.

I watch them as we get to the dining car, their gentle warfare made the other passengers confused. Especially since I just looked happy to be there and happy to watch them.

I know they’re crazy about each other.