The Puking Incident - Dad!Matt [au] feat. Uncle Chris⋆˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆˚ ｡
⋆˚｡⋆ Placed in the past; Emerie’s around 7 months old ⋆˚｡⋆
You had just finished feeding Emerie, and now she was in her uncle Chris’s arms, laughing her tiny head off as he lifted her up and down like a human dumbbell.
“Dude,” Matt warned from the couch, shooting his brother a look. “I just said like literally five seconds ago, she just ate. You might wanna chill with the whole ‘throw the baby in the air’ thing.”
Chris scoffed, completely ignoring him. “She loves it, bro. Look at this smile!”
Emerie giggled wildly as Chris lifted her up again, her tiny hands grabbing his face.
Matt exhaled. “Chris. I’m serious. You don’t wanna do this.”
“Relax,” Chris said, rolling his eyes. “She’s having fun with her favorite uncle, aren’t you?” He cooed to his niece who was dying of laughter .
Nick, sitting cross-legged on the arm of the couch with a bag of chips, smirked. “Yeah, yeah. Keep ignoring him. This is gonna be great.”
Matt leaned forward, looking his brother dead in the eye. “Listen to me, man. You do not understand how a baby’s tiny body works. basically a human blender right now, and Emerie is full of milk. Stop lifting. Her.”
Chris waved him off like an idiot. “Dude, it’s not that deep.” But just as he finished his sentence Emerie made a sudden little gurgling noise. Her eyes slightly red and her chubby cheeks puffed up.
She unleashed a full on tidal wave of baby puke, splattering directly onto Chris’s face. And not just a tiny dribble, no. This was a monsoon. A flood of warm, half digested milk, coating his mouth, nose, and even getting into his hair and clothes.
For a moment, time froze.
Nick dropped his bag of chips. “OH. MY. GOD.” He gagged between bouts of wheezing laughter, half horrified, half dying.
Chris just stood there, completely still, his arms stretched out like he was in shock. His face dripped with baby puke. His mouth hung open.
And Matt?
Matt looked the smuggest you had ever seen him. He leaned back on the couch, “Jesusss. If only someone had warned you.”
Chris finally snapped out of it, making a choked sound. “IT’S IN MY MOUTH,” he screamed, staggering around like he had just been shot. “IT’S IN MY MOUTH.”
Nick gagged. “STOP TALKING ABOUT IT!!”
Chris turned to you in pure betrayal. “HOW DO YOU LIVE LIKE THIS?”
You bit your lip, trying so hard not to laugh as you took Emerie back, wiping her tiny mouth. “Oh, sweetheart, did we make a mess?” you cooed at her, kissing her cheek. She responded with a happy little hiccup, completely unbothered by the carnage she had just caused.
Chris was dry heaving at this point. “This is the worst day of my life.”
Matt stood up and clapped Chris on the shoulder, looking so pleased with himself. “Just feel lucky it wasn’t the other end.”
Chris gagged again. “I’m gonna be sick.”
Nick waved him away. “You need a shower.”
Chris bolted to the bathroom, disappearing down the hall.
Nick shook his head, still laughing but also looking disgusted. “That was both the funniest and the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen.”
Matt grinned and leaned down to Emerie, tapping her little nose. “That’s my girl.”
And with the way Emerie giggled, kicking her tiny feet, you knew she definitely had her dad’s sense of humor.
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