#uncat

i care for you in ways i can’t undo, like rain caring for the earth even when the flood comes. i want to say i forgive you, and maybe i already have, because forgiveness feels lighter than the burden of holding onto what hurt me. but forgiveness doesn’t mend the place where trust once lived. that part of me feels hollow now, like a house stripped of its windows.

you see, trust isn’t a thing you rebuild—it’s a thing you grow. and the soil between us, once rich and fertile, has turned to salt. not because i wanted it to, but because some wounds never stop whispering their truths.

i wish it could be different. i wish i didn’t flinch at the memory of your voice, at the way promises sounded so certain before they shattered. but wishing doesn’t change the shape of what’s already broken.

Default White Pillows for Fighting

by alverdine

"The Freys slashed her throat from ear to ear. When we found her by the river she was three days dead. Harwin begged me to give her the kiss of life, but it had been too long. I would not do it, so Lord Beric put his lips to hers instead, and the flame of life passed from him to her. And... she rose.  May the Lord of Light protect us. She rose.”

I have always been annoyed that Lady Stoneheart fanarts mostly depict a sad zombie cougar. I wanted to draw the ravaged thing described in the books, before life got put back into her and UnCat as we know and love her was inflicted on the world:

Her cloak and collar hid the gash his brother’s blade had made, but her face was even worse than he remembered. The flesh had gone pudding soft in the water and turned the color of curdled milk. Half her hair was gone and the rest had turned as white and brittle as a crone’s. Beneath her ravaged scalp, her face was shredded skin and black blood where she had raked herself with her nails. But her eyes were the most terrible thing. Her eyes saw him, and they hated.

Style: Fruited pLambic Aged In Cabernet Sauvignon Barrels

4.9% ABV

From: Newmarket, NH

Brewery’s Note: “Our interpretation of a 4.9% abv pLamic (pure culture) aged on apricots. This version was fruited heaviest of all, then aged in Estate Cabernet (American oak) barrels from Korbin Kameron wines before undertaking even more apricots before bottling.”

[So… apparently, my glass wasn’t clean. Went through the same cleansing process I always do, but hey, sometimes you fuck up. With that in mind, my appearance review is kinda moot, and keep the uncleanliness in mind for everything else. I’ll talk a little about color though.]

you say you’re sorry, and for a moment, i believe you. like the way a narra tree believes in the rain—welcoming it, craving it, until it comes too heavy, too much, flooding the roots and breaking the trust of the earth below.

i want to scream at you, shake the ground you walk on, show you the map of scars you’ve left on me. but instead, i smile. i forgive. i let you back in, only to watch you undo me again and again, as if my anger means nothing.

how many times can a heart fold itself into forgiveness before it tears? how much more can i give before there’s nothing left of me but the ache of what used to be whole? i wonder if you even see it—the toll, the weight, the way my hands tremble each time i pick up the pieces you’ve scattered.