#unbkc

Sometimes I think back to when we first met, just a few weeks in, maybe a month. We were sitting in my apartment taking, getting to know each other. I started to take my shoes off and out of nowhere you asked “Do you have ugly feet? You always keep your socks on in the house.” I was taken aback, you had zeroed in on a lifetime insecurity like a master archer on their target. I was hesitant to respond & you caught that too, “What’s wrong with your feet”, you asked. Mortified and not wanting to respond I said, “I just hate my second toe. My brother always made fun of me growing up so I’m insecure about it.” Not skipping a beat, and without consideration for my obvious discomfort, empathy for a childhood insecurity, or shame in your lack of boundaries, you said, “take your socks off, I need to see what I’m dealing with here.” I didn’t want to take my socks off. I didn’t want to be having that conversation. But I did and you laughed, saying my feet were totally normal. That you had seen some ugly feet but mine were fine and that my brother was an idiot…

It'll be fine by dusk light I'm tellin' you, baby

These things eat at your bones and drive your young mind crazy

But when you place your head between my collar and jaw

I don't know much but there's no weight at all

And I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't

'Cause if I say I miss you I know that you won't

But I miss you in the mornings when I see the sun

Somethin' in the orange tells me we're not done

To you I'm just a man, to me you're all I am

Where the hell am I supposed to go?

I poisoned myself again

Somethin' in the orange tells me you're never comin' home

I need to hear you say you've been waitin' all night

There's orange dancin' in your eyes from bulb light

Your voice only trembles when you try to speak