Have you ever sat with a recently widowed woman?
Have you ever listened to a divorced mother speak about her nights?
The nights when the children are asleep, and the house is quiet. When the weight of responsibility presses against her chest so heavily that she struggles to breathe?
Modern-day Muslim women talk so much about ambition, independence, even about carving identities, building brands, and chasing titles.
But sit with the simple woman who has buried her husband, those very women who carry both roles of a mother and father, and you will see what truly matters.
Indeed, every story is different. It is true that not every marriage is happy andsafe. Moreover, not every man is righteous, nor is a woman. But there is a painful truth we rarely dare to say aloud:
The honor of being a daughter.
The sanctity of being a wife.
The blessed weight of being a mother.
Such were never small roles; they were never side roles, nor were they ever backup plans.
They were crowns.
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Let me tell you about a woman who understood this. I pray her story touches your heart enough to make you pause and reflect on how you define womanhood, and how Islam greatly elevated its status.
During the time of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, after the Conquest of Makkah, a woman stood at a crossroads that none of us will ever face.
Her name was Umm Hani رضي الله عنها, yes, the sister of Ali Ibn Abi Talib رضي الله عنه.
Her husband, Hubayrah ibn Abi Wahb ibn ʿAmr al-Makhzūmī, fled as a disbeliever and later died. She was left to carry the weight of motherhood alone, raising her children without a husband beside her.
When her ʿiddah came to an end, her brother, ʿAli رضي الله عنه, saw an opportunity of honor for her and mentioned the idea of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ marrying her.
The Messenger of Allah ﷺ did send a proposal of marriage to her.
And you might think to yourself, who would refuse such an honor?
Who would excuse herself from marrying the most beloved of Allah?
Well, she did, but take note, it was not out of arrogance, disinterest, or modern self-sufficiency,
Rather, it was out of fear that she would fail in fulfilling the rights. She feared standing before Allah, having fallen short on it.
She said:
“O Messenger of Allah, you are dearer to me than my own life. But your right is great. I have orphaned children whom I am raising. If I turn to serve you, I fear I will neglect them. And if I turn fully to them, I fear I will fall short in your rights.”
Pause for a moment, and reflect.
It was not the desire. Umm Hani رضي الله عنها understood that marriage was not romance but amanah.
She understood that motherhood was not a seasonal role but a way of worship.
And the Prophet ﷺ was pleased with her answer. It was then that he said:
“The best women amongst the women who ride camels (Arab women) are the women of Quraysh, who are immensely loving and compassionate towards their young children, and who keep their focus on their husband’s personal desires.”
Read that again slowly.
He did not praise beauty, eloquence, or status.
He praised compassion toward children and attentiveness to a husband’s rights.
This was not weakness or oppression.
This was strength anchored to a woman who knew exactly where her honour lived.
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My sisters in Islam, we must ask ourselves an uncomfortable question:
Nowadays, what do we praise?
Indeed, something has shifted.
We have taught Muslim women to introduce themselves with titles before relationships.
CEO. Influencer. Entrepreneur. Public figure. Independent woman.
And slowly, quietly, almost without noticing;
“Daughter” became ordinary. “Wife” became optional, and “Mother” became something to fit around career plans.
Astagfirullah, we chase validation from the world while neglecting the ranks Allah already elevated.
Islam did not lower women by defining these roles; rather, it elevated them.
The home was never a prison; it was a fortress.
Motherhood was never a setback; it was a legacy.
Serving a righteous husband was never humiliation; it was a partnership in Jannah.
This truth hurts because it confronts the illusion that applause equals success.
Sometimes success looks like a woman who wakes before Fajr to make du’a for her children.
Sometimes it looks like patience in marriage when no one is watching.
Sometimes it looks like choosing presence over praise.
Umm Hani رضي الله عنها turned down the most honorable proposal in history because she understood priorities.
And today, many of us turn down the very roles that Allah designed as our greatest elevations for titles that will not follow us into the grave.
This is not about shaming women, but rather to remind hearts.
There is nothing more powerful than a believing daughter.
Nothing more stabilizing than a righteous wife.
Nothing more world-shaping than a nurturing mother.
These are not “just” roles.
They are civilizations in disguise.
And perhaps the most painful truth of all is this:
The world convinced us to trade crowns for labels.
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And We ask Allah to make us sincere daughters, patient wives, and merciful mothers who honor the responsibilities He has entrusted to us.
O Allah, do not let us trade the dignity You have given us for fleeting titles, and grant us the strength to fulfill our roles in a way that earns Your pleasure in this world and the next.
Amin.
Umm Umar Khaled
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Story was taken from:
• Musnad Ahmad, 2/269
