#ultradumbledore

My friend and me were on Google Earth, and there was a street called Maipu... I have no idea how it snowballed into this strange attempt at writing. (I may also be really lazy and never finish my stories properly...) Maipu the fat Mexican sighed sadly as he gazed at the sombrero shop, envying his friends at their tiny heads. His entire life, he had been searching for a sombrero that would fit on his overly large noggin, and was still to succeed in his quest. Steeling his resolve, he marched into the shop, determined that this would be the day that he found his sombrero! After several minutes trying to push the door open, only to find the clear sign labelled ‘pull’, Maipu found himself walking past hat after hat, searching for just the right one. The woman at the counter regarded him coolly, waiting for him to approach. As he came nearer, she couldn’t help but grimace at the smell that wafted off of him, for he was homeless due to the fact that no one would hire a sombrero-less Mexican. She began to speak in an all-knowing voice when he stood before her: “My dear Maipu; you are seeking a sombrero, yes?” Maipu gasped in shock. “How did you know my name?” “All those in the sombrero-business know of you and your plight, but I am here to help you. Have you heard of the Golden Sombrero of Hewei?” “Yes, but I thought it was naught but a myth.” Maipu said in disbelief. “It is no legend young Mexican: The sombrero is real, and it is the only sombrero that will ever fit your massive cranium, for the sombrero fits all!” “I accept your quest!” Was all that he said, before turning on heel and moving to leave. “Actually there is no quest: I have it in the backroom.” The lady said flatly, making Maipu stop in his tracks. “Oh.” The lady quickly lead the way, reaching a room with towering stacks of boxes that stretched farther than Maipu could see. (He had recently lost his glasses.) She moved to a great, wooden crate and lifted the lid, dust flying into the air around her. She lifted the sombrero from the crate, casting the room in a golden glow before she delicately placed it on Maipu’s head. He smiled. ************************************************************************************ Maipu strutted proudly through the crowded streets, people stopping to stare at his glorious hat. He had several beautiful women following him, and his friends were astounded. He had even been offered a job as an important manager at the local help-line offices, for none could withstand the lure of Hewei the sombrero. “Hewei; you have improved my life greatly.” Maipu said to the sombrero one night, and to his surprise, Hewei spoke back. “I am grateful for your company Maipu; you too have made my life so much better.” “You can speak.” Maipu dropped to his knees before the hat, staring with awe. “Yes, but until now, no one had been able to hear me. You are the only one to ever hear my voice.” “Hewei… I am honoured.” Maipu said gently, lifting the sombrero to place it on his large head, feeling greatly satisfied that it did not immediately fall off. “It is I who should be honoured, for your ability is the sign that you are the chosen one!” Maipu looked in the mirror, shock seeping into his features as he was admiring the beautiful sombrero. “Chosen one?” The sombrero did not reply, no matter Maipu’s questioning, and he soon gave up, deciding to speak with the golden hat about other things, finally coaxing Hewei out of his silence. His pleasant conversation was interrupted as his brother, Yupu, suddenly flung the door open, running into the room and locking the door behind him, beginning to secure the windows as well. “Brother, what are you doing?” Maipu cried, grasping his brother’s small shoulders, and found that the other was shaking. “Maipu! They took my wife!” He cried, clinging to his brother’s stained shirt as he wept. “Who took your wife?” “The berets.” Hewei replied simply, but there was fear in his voice. “The berets?” “Yes. This is what you were chosen for, Maipu. You must save your brother’s wife and become the ultimate Mexican!” The hat said with excitement, while Yupu stared at his brother in confusion. “Maipu, who are you speaking with?” He asked cautiously, and Maipu waved him off. “It does not matter! We must save Ourpou!” He leapt up, before running out the door, his brother following reluctantly. ************************************************************************************ “Duck!” Maipu heard the sombrero cry, and he dropped to the ground; just as an arrow flew over his head. He glanced up at his sombrero in awe. “Hewei… You saved me.” “It is nothing.” “No. I will repay you one day.” “You already have; you are alive.” The sombrero said distantly, and Maipu felt something towards the hat that he had never felt before. He wondered if Hewei felt it too… But there was no time to ponder these strange feelings: He had a mission. He leapt forth, Hewei instructing him to dodge incoming projectiles, and before he knew it they were in a strange building. He rounded a corner, before feeling something hit the back of his head, and everything went black. ************************************************************************************ Maipu awoke to the feeling of the ground moving gently. He opened his eyes and found that he was in darkness, and he began to panic. “Shhh. Maipu; I am here.” The Mexican heard Hewei say quietly, and suddenly he felt calm. He lifted the sombrero off of his head, and held it close. “Hewei, where are we?” He asked fearfully. “On a ship.” Came the reply, and Maipu shivered lightly as he felt the temperature drop slightly. Wherever they were headed, it was surely cold. Maipu spent hours holding the sombrero close, until suddenly light flooded the room as the door slowly opened, and two thugs wearing berets roughly grabbed him, the men dragging him towards the top deck. He was soon loaded onto a truck and driven across a snowy landscape towards a great ice fortress. The men returned, taking him into the massive structure, leading him to a vast room. The sombrero growled as they entered and Maipu looked to the throne at the centre of the hall, finding a pink beret sat upon the throne. On the beret, there was a Barbie logo. “So Hewei, we meet again.” The beret drawled, and Hewei quietly asked Maipu to spit at the base of the throne for him. “Dianriea! What are you doing?” Hewei asked bitterly, and the beret laughed viciously. “I have spent years trying to find you, Hewei, and now you have fallen into my trap! I kidnapped your friend’s brother’s wife, knowing that he would come save her, and he would bring you with him!” “Don’t you dare touch Maipu!” The sombrero shrieked, and the beret laughed. “Oh, I have a much better way to make you and the chosen suffer. Guards! Take them away!” Dianriea yelled, and the brutes advanced. Maipu smirked, and ran towards the throne. “Fool, what are you doing?” The beret asked in fear as he approached, her guard too slow to catch him. The Mexican grabbed the hat, and ripped it in twain, before leaving the room to find his brother. ************************************************************************************ Maipu lead Yupu and Ourpou into a dark cave; the four having escaped the fortress after Maipu bravely defeated the evil beret of power. They huddled together for warmth, but Maipu was saddened as his brother had been gravely injured during their escape. He would not last long. As Hewei had predicted, Maipu’s brother soon passed, bringing many tears to the Mexican’s eyes. Suddenly, Ourpou spoke. “Maipu… We must eat him if we are to survive.” “But why?” “This is a wasteland; he is our only food source and we need the energy to last through the cold.” “It must be done.” Hewei said solemnly, and Maipu bowed his head sadly in resignation. Then, to his horror, he found that they had matches, but nothing to light. Hewei took a great breath before he spoke next. “Maipu; burn me. Use me to survive.” “No Hewei! I won’t lose you!” “If you don’t, we will all die!” “But Hewei… I love you!” “I love you too, Maipu.” The sombrero cried, before dislodging himself from his love’s head, landing softly on the floor before him. Maipu let out a wail as he took the matches, using them to light his love on fire. Soon, there was nothing but ash as they consumed his brother’s flesh; and to Maipu it tasted of naught but his tears and the sombrero: The only sombrero that would ever fit him. Later that evening, Ourpou had food poisoning and died, leaving Maipu to continue alone. When he returned, he found out that without his scent to repel the wild beasts of Mexico, the village had been massacred, and then the animals, growing stronger, went on to destroy the rest of humanity. THE END! (Aka: I couldn’t be bothered to continue after this took over an hour…)

I hope I've done this right! :P