#ughfhfhh

I guess in theory you could treat milk as a suggestion of a water content threshold for what does and doesn’t burn Ranboo. If we put milk at somewhere around 87% water (first number I pulled off the internet), then the average water content of urine (91-96%) is much higher than that baseline and is more likely to burn him, similarly for tears which is somewhere around 98%. I have no idea how I’d calculate the water content of fictional video game potions. I’m sure it’s possible, but I’m not in the mood to figure it out.

If we want to assume Ranboo’s urine doesn’t burn him, but his tears do (or in the case of your headcanon, would if he produced tears?), then that puts the water content tolerance threshold somewhere around 91-96%, but lower than 98%. Unless endermen have a lower content of water in their urine.

Following whatever bullshit I’ve got going on above, beer is what, 95% water? So if the 91-96% range is the threshold, Ranboo would be fine. If it’s the 87% from the milk, then beer is off limits, same for coffee and tea, which are mostly just hot water (actually, those would be off limits either way). Looking up the water content in wine gave me numbers around 80%, 85%, and 90%, so if milk stands as the highest water content tolerable by Ranboo, then perhaps he could actually drink wine, but not beer. He’d be completely fine if the max water content is 96%.

This would affect other things too, like what desserts or fruits he can eat, how he washes his hands and bathes (which the fandom has already explored and of which I subscribe to the dust bath theory), how humidity affects him, etc etc.

I guess also, in theory, he could be allergic to the microscopic things found in water, in which case purified drinking water would be fine? Maybe?

I can’t think of a justification for why he could drink something but not touch it off the top of my head, though I’m sure someone could with enough thought and energy. If his body responds to a neutral like water as an acid or a base, then ingesting it would like. Tear his stomach lining open depending on how much that pH difference affects him, or would give him a similar effect to bleach poisoning. If his water aversion is an allergy, then he could experience anywhere from itchiness and a sore throat to full anaphylactic shock. The answer to exactly why Ranboo can’t touch water would also affect how much my water content theory actually, uh, holds water.

If you wanted to really ignore canon then you could play with the idea that his fear of water is more of a mechanical issue than a chemical one. Maybe, since the End has no water, endermen have evolved to get their needed fluids from things like chorus fruit, and therefore don’t consume a lot of liquid water. So they 1) can’t swim, and 2) can’t properly swallow liquids, needing to get fluids from thicker substances. In that case the enchantments Ranboo wears might make him more buoyant or something, but again, that would be ignoring a lot of canon.

All that is to say: bro I have no fuckin idea what the hell’s up with this fucked up lookin cat, but you should make it so that he drinks a lot of wine because it’s the only alcohol he’s able to drink (of the deadass just two that I looked up)