#ubsurdlove

Before I sleep, I want to say something…

You know what? I realized a lot of things from the past days. And I could really say that there were just some reasons I could not explain why things happen. From the day I met you, there was a reason and I realized that without meeting you, I wouldn’t know how much worth I was for somebody. It was certain that I’ve felt a small part of your love for me even in just a short span. You showed me how a girl should be taken care of. You gave me sweet words just to let me know that I was being valued. You never hesitated to introduce me to your group of friends even though you knew I don’t like them. But then I realized that that wasn’t enough to say you’ve given me love because in the first place, you don’t know me too well. Anyway, I thank you for letting me feel your sweet care. I appreciated the effort, if you call it such.

There was a reason why you came back. It wasn’t because you were deported by the state where you live in but because it was for me to know that your true colors also fade like everybody I know. You tried to hide your feint covering yourself with a mask full of lies. You never let me see what it would be like if you were you and I couldn’t imagine how I came through the flow of your betrayal for knowing you. I became aware when I came to reflect on things why you kept on coming on and off the scene. And there I saw the evidence of your mendacity that almost caught me to menace. It was killing me, you know that? It was killing me to go with someone carrying his mask and refusing everyone to gaze on his own façade, even just a peek.

Now. 

Now that I know the true colors behind your mask, I can’t even take a peep on your face as you finally unmask it. I hate the way I see your face thinking that all the things you’ve showed me from the pasts were all lies. Your face becomes stale, filthy, and futile garbage from a waste bin. I never imagine you becoming such but I guess you are the ones making yourself look like one. I cannot believe that all this time, I was once caught by a useless crap putting my five years of love to waste. It still rings in my ears how I stood so stupid to let go of those precious persons who would actually become my best lovers. It’s implausible that I almost gave up everything just for you to come back to me. And look at me now. I’m seeing you happy with another woman. It’s funny to see a stale, filthy and futile man wrapping his arms around the same stale, filthy and futile woman. I don’t envy you because the truth is, I’m angry at you. I’m so mad at you because you initiated the issue of us getting back together and then now, I find out that you coated lies from me not knowing the truth about your so-called “new” relationship with another woman. 

It sucks! It really does...

I’m asking you now. Why don’t you tell me straight in the eye that you can’t love me back? That you needed another woman? Why do you even bother me again when you know that you can’t love me back? I’ve been asking you a lot of questions even as before. But why didn’t you reply? Tell me why!