#typomap

The thing is with me and you Michael, is that you did this to us, and from the looks of it, I'm the one that has picked myself up from our rut of a relationship or whatever the fuck it was, and it looks like I'm in a much better place than you. I've got so many friends now and all you've ever posted on your tumblr since is how crap you've been feeling. It's strange though because I almost threw myself in front of a train because of you. Remember that time I came to sit in the diner but you totally ignored the fuck out of me? Yeah? After that I broke down completely behind a tree in the middle of Wicksteed, and took myself down to the train tracks in the butterfly park. 15 trains passed before I managed to carry myself out of danger. Every time a train passed I ran a scenario in my head of what my body would have looked like splattered on the front of the train and all over the train tracks. What kind of sickens me is that fact I thought all of it would blow over and we'd be best friends again. I can't help but think that if you had never had met Emma, we probably still would be. It's strange because it happened again to me 4 times this year. People that I thought were my best friends completely turned on me and took sides with someone they had only just met. But I never got to the point that I did with you. Trying to kill myself each time, I probably would have succeeded with that aswell, 4 attempts in a short amount of time, like 3 months or something would have been more than enough for my body to give in. But no, because I actually had other friends to help me through it; unlike with you when you completely left me with no-one. I was so alone and my whole family had just moved up to Scotland. Idek what I'm trying to get at with this post. College has been a real eye opener for me, it's made me see that life can not be completely based around work, like how you see the world. You always told me to think with positive thoughts and stuff, but let's be realistic here, there's not always a positive side to every situation. I still struggle to believe that you pretended to be my bestfriend for all those years just to keep me happy. I can't think of anyone who is sick enough in the head to treat someone like that and then bring their whole world down when they need you the most. I smoke, I drink and I've done drugs and honestly they were some of the best nights I've ever had. I've played drums and guitar and sang at roadmender, and I've even played at the Royal Albert Hall, and not many people can say that they've done stuff like that. Thing is you said you'd support me on this music course, and that we're still friends, but it's been months since I've heard from you and every time I mention I'm playing a gig or something, you steer well away from it. It was always like that when were close. You never came to my AS art show, and you knew how much it meant to me because it's something I'd put all of my passion into for the whole year and you just showed no interest in anything I did. I really don't know any more. I'm a lot happier with you, and I miss you I guess but I don't want to because it comparing you to how my best friends treat me now, it's unreal. You've made me always assume the worst of every situation and I probably will for the rest of my life.

Shut the actual fuck up about your positive thinking. You think you know everything but you don’t, you never have and never will. Just leave me alone.