#txred

Just a quick update: We have crossed $3,000 in donations but are still well short of our $10,000 goal. Please donate if you can and if you are not in a position to donate, please re-blog to raise awareness.

@texasred43 is resting comfortably after coming home from the hospital and two nights ago actually slept 12 hours in a row! If you know @texasred43, you know that is incredible as she is usually up all hours of the night. She said she can now drink liquids easily which was not the case before her recent hospital stay so there is some progress.

Please continue to keep her in your thoughts and prayers, I know it means a lot to her.

You told me that you wondered if the new would wear off of us...

I’ve wondered if that didn’t happen for you months ago. You can go a week without speaking to me... my little girl brain remembers when you were as excited to talk to me as I still am each time you message me, I remember staying up most of the night talking.

I wonder why you no longer need to hear my voice. I wonder why you no longer tell me to send you pictures. I wonder why you stopped sending them. I wonder why you no longer want naughty phone playtime between our times together. I wonder why you no longer ask about my water intake, why you no longer want to see my socks, why you no longer tell me to remove my panties, or play for you...

I understand going into your own thoughts, sometimes I can feel you leaving, going to that place. But, sometimes I don’t know if that’s what’s happening. Sometimes, I think you’re just tired of me, bored with me... that you realized I’m not special at all, only just a girl... that the new wore off of this shiny penny...

You said I am enough, your her, the one you want to share your life with, the only one you physically want. What kind of woman, what kind of submissive am I if I don’t give you my trust? You’ve said and done nothing to make me lose faith. I tell myself it’s only my history, my fears bubbling to the top...

The green grass only grows where it’s watered and tended. My fear is that if you don’t reach out to me, you will eventually reach out to another. You either water and tend our relationship, or you tend one with another...

I still text you frequently. My fears are bigger than my courage, so I don’t ask the questions in my mind. I tell myself to let you have room to breathe, to be patient and let you come back to me. Don’t be too needy, don’t be too much. Don’t drive Him insane, or He will leave.

You know that I am beside myself wanting to hear your voice. You know I crave phone playtime. You know that you are my priority, that you are respected, wanted, cherished and adored. You know that I trust you with my life, my heart, and my little subby soul.

I tell you that I love you simply so you know, typing it is easy since it already escaped my mouth. If something was to happen to me, a wreck or sudden illness, I don’t want you left wondering. I’ve asked, and you said you know, that you always feel loved...

All of those things that I said I want, I meant. All the things you said are in our future, I try so very hard to believe you still mean those things... They are my daydreams, my little hearts deepest desires...

Can't we be brave...

Can’t we believe...

Because maybe that's all we need...

A little courage.. a little hope... a little belief...

Maybe love has no boundaries if we choose to not see them..

Maybe love is unlimited if we're just brave enough to decide that love is limitless...

Being His means I want to protect Him as He protects me... honestly, the most difficult person He will ever have to protect me from is me.

I'm my own worst critic... I can feel guilty about anything and everything... I'm great at justifying the actions of others and can find a way to make them my fault... Had I said X, had I done X...

In protecting Him, I find myself protecting Him from me... in doing so, I realize (like five minutes ago I realized) that I'm not submitting.

Protecting Him from me, is actually me protecting myself. It's fear of rejection, fear of being too needy, fear of being judged, fear of losing Him.

I was trying to figure out where I put hurt... where do I put fear... where do I put dread... where do I put insecurities... I think, I'm not to put them anywhere. I think, that's why we harp on open and honest communication. I think I kinda suck at communicating, though part of that is I know how easily texting can be misunderstood.

I know He's never fussed at me... I know the fears involved in "big" conversations have always been far worse than they should have been... I know He sees me differently than I see myself... I know He's never said anything to hurt me...

I also know I want to be a good submissive... which means, I will have to stop protecting myself and learn to communicate...

You can’t unfeel my adoration, you can’t unfeel acceptance, you can’t unfeel my need... you can’t unhear my appreciation for things you considered insignificant... you can’t unsee panties and pearls... you can’t unsee watching my imagination whirl with your pleasure in mind... You can’t unfeel being my priority in life...

You can’t unsee the look in my eyes... you can’t unhear my whimpers and gasps... the symphony of sounds you created...

You can’t unfeel my kiss, my touch, my response to yours... can’t unfeel being in my mouth, can’t unfeel being buried inside of me... can’t unfeel your power over my body, of owning my orgasms.

You can’t unfeel your need to be with me, to keep me safe... the peace you gave me, and that I gave you...

You can’t unfeel being respected, appreciated, cherished, adored and my love...

You can’t unhear my daydreams... or unhave your own...