You told me that you wondered if the new would wear off of us...
Iāve wondered if that didnāt happen for you months ago. You can go a week without speaking to me... my little girl brain remembers when you were as excited to talk to me as I still am each time you message me, I remember staying up most of the night talking.
I wonder why you no longer need to hear my voice. I wonder why you no longer tell me to send you pictures. I wonder why you stopped sending them. I wonder why you no longer want naughty phone playtime between our times together. I wonder why you no longer ask about my water intake, why you no longer want to see my socks, why you no longer tell me to remove my panties, or play for you...
I understand going into your own thoughts, sometimes I can feel you leaving, going to that place. But, sometimes I donāt know if thatās whatās happening. Sometimes, I think youāre just tired of me, bored with me... that you realized Iām not special at all, only just a girl... that the new wore off of this shiny penny...
You said I am enough, your her, the one you want to share your life with, the only one you physically want. What kind of woman, what kind of submissive am I if I donāt give you my trust? Youāve said and done nothing to make me lose faith. I tell myself itās only my history, my fears bubbling to the top...
The green grass only grows where itās watered and tended. My fear is that if you donāt reach out to me, you will eventually reach out to another. You either water and tend our relationship, or you tend one with another...
I still text you frequently. My fears are bigger than my courage, so I donāt ask the questions in my mind. I tell myself to let you have room to breathe, to be patient and let you come back to me. Donāt be too needy, donāt be too much. Donāt drive Him insane, or He will leave.
You know that I am beside myself wanting to hear your voice. You know I crave phone playtime. You know that you are my priority, that you are respected, wanted, cherished and adored. You know that I trust you with my life, my heart, and my little subby soul.
I tell you that I love you simply so you know, typing it is easy since it already escaped my mouth. If something was to happen to me, a wreck or sudden illness, I donāt want you left wondering. Iāve asked, and you said you know, that you always feel loved...
All of those things that I said I want, I meant. All the things you said are in our future, I try so very hard to believe you still mean those things... They are my daydreams, my little hearts deepest desires...
But did my shine fade after giving myself to you... am I no longer the shiny penny...