#twys

The second time Maggie spends the night Alex wakes up disorientated and cold. Turning on her side Alex reaches out, for Maggie's warmth, for Maggie's body, for Maggie's soft touch but instead she's greeted by an empty space and cold sheets.

And Alex panics because she should have known. She should have known that eventually Maggie would realise that she deserves better, deserves more, deserves someone other than her.

Stumbling out of bed Alex frantically searches for her phone, needing to call Maggie, needing to hear her voice, needing to know that she hadn't fucked up the first real relationship she had ever been in.

Tripping over the shirt Maggie had slowly, so slowly, peeled off of her mere hours ago while memorising every inch of skin revealed, with her eyes, her hands, her mouth, Alex's entire body slumps as she figures that maybe last night had meant so much more to her than it had done to Maggie.

Frantically glancing around her living room Alex almost misses the mug resting on her kitchen island, almost misses the bright pink post-it note peeking out from under the mug.

Morning beautiful -  Sorry I had to run, work called!  Believe me when I say this - I'd have given anything to stay wrapped up in you.  Have a good day! Call me when you wake up!  - Mags

And Alex's entire body sighs in relief, sighs in sheer happiness, because Maggie wanted to stay, because Maggie wanted to wake up next to her.

Because she hadn't messed this up.

-

Months pass and the collection of pink, blue and green post-it notes Alex keeps in her bed side drawer grows each day.

Grows with each good morning beautiful, with each I'll miss you, with each I swear to God you were trying to kill me last night wearing that dress.

And Alex treasures each and every one, treasures the secret romantic that is her girlfriend, treasures the welcoming feeling of home whenever she reads them.

But the one she treasures the most? The one that sets her heart racing, the one that steals the breath from her lungs, the one that she found stuck to her favourite mug that morning simply reads -

Maggie is wearing a suit.

Her girlfriend, her super hot, super beautiful girlfriend, is wearing a suit.

And Alex can't breathe, and Alex's mouth has ran dry, and Alex feels like she'll never be able to form another coherent thought ever again.

Because Maggie is wearing a suit like it was made specifically for her, and Maggie is wearing a suit better than any other person Alex has ever seen in a suit, and Alex feels that maybe this is what heaven looks like.

That maybe her heaven is standing in the middle of her apartment, surrounded by candles, surrounded by dozens of roses, surround by Maggie.

And Alex had never known that this could be possible, that she could be this happy, that she could be this in love. That someone could care enough about her to recreate an entire night that had been such a disaster the first time.

But here she stands, here she sways gently, here she rests her forehead against Maggie's, against the woman she loves, and all Alex can think is finally, finally, she understands every single cliche she's heard since she was a child.

Finally she understands what it's like to love someone, to truly love someone, other than Kara. And the realisation steals the breath from her lungs, brings tears to her eyes, makes her heart pound wildly against her ribs.

And Alex knows that they haven't been dating that long, knows that they haven't even known each other that long, knows that yeah maybe her world is shiny and new right now, but she also knows that Maggie is the woman that she wants to spend the rest of her life with, that Maggie is the woman that Alex wants to spend the rest of her life loving.

"I love you."

And with no space left between them Alex can feel the shiver run through Maggie's body, can catch the hitch in Maggie's breathing, can see the tears pool in Maggie's eyes.

She hadn't meant for everyone to hear, hadn't meant to shout it so loudly, hadn't meant for the first time she said those words to be in the freaking control room of the DEO surrounded by agents.

But there Alex stood with her arms folded, and there Alex stood glaring, and there Alex stood asking, demanding, to know why Maggie cared so much about her choice to stand in front of a ten foot alien for supergirl. To know why Maggie cared so much about her.

And Maggie couldn't take it anymore, couldn't bite her tongue anymore, couldn't stop the words from flowing out of her mouth anymore, because god she loved this woman and she'd be damned if Alex didn't know how much she cared.

If Alex didn't understand how much she cared.

So she shouted that she loved Alex, that she was in love with Alex, that she couldn't imagine her life without Alex.

And Alex just gaped at her, and the entire DEO fell silent, and Maggie held her breath in fear. Held her breath in hope. Held her breath until Alex's entire face just glowed with happiness. With love.

"You love me?"

"God Alex, how could I not? You have met you, right?"

And the entire DEO is filled with Alex's laugh, is filled with cheers as Maggie pulls her closer, is filled with J'onn's deep voice shouting at everyone to get back to work.

The smell of freshly baked cookies was not what Alex had expected when she finally trudged through the apartment door. Sure she had expected multiple things, had expected to find Maggie curled on their sofa in her Stanford hoodie, had expected to find a pizza warming the oven and beer in their fridge, hell she had even expected to find Kara eagerly waiting to welcome her back after her hellish week away but finding Maggie dancing around their kitchen with flour on her cheeks and her bare legs on show was not what what Alex had expected.

Not expected but definitely not unwelcome.

Definitely, definitely, not unwelcome as Alex's eyes fixate on the sway of Maggie's hips.

It had been a long week.

"I didn't know you could bake babe." And Alex basks in the shriek badass Detective Maggie Sawyer lets free as she's startled by Alex's voice.

"You're home!" Maggie's grin is infectious, is breathtaking, is the most beautiful thing Alex has ever laid eyes on.

"Yeah, I'm home." Alex whispers as she pulls Maggie closer, as she buries her fingers in Maggie's hair, as she kisses Maggie deeply. As she kisses Maggie lovingly.

The beeper on the oven pulls Maggie from Alex's arms and Alex can't help but whine, can't help but pout at the loss of Maggie's warmth, at the loss of Maggie's touch.

"Not that I'm complaining babe, because those look heavenly, but why are you baking enough cookies to feed the entire DEO?"

"Well Kara's been missing you a lot, if the amount of times I've found her here curled on our sofa this past week is anything to go by, and I figured what would make her happier than you turning up at her apartment with enough chocolate chip cookies to feed the entire DEO?" Maggie looks up at her shyly, bashfully, lovingly.

And Alex has never been more in love.

Because her girlfriend, the love of her life, the person she can't wait to spend the rest of her life with is thinking of nothing more than making her little sister happy, is thinking of nothing more than making her happy.

"I love you."

"Getting soft on me Danvers?"

"You love it."

Maggie had always prided herself on keeping her cool, on keeping her emotions in check, on never being jealous.

But that was before Alex.

Before Maggie knew how softly Alex would kiss her awake each morning, before she witnessed how unbelievably beautiful Alex looks pottering around in her kitchen, singing loudly, in nothing but her NCPD workout shirt and simple boy shorts.

Before Maggie truly understood the definition of pride, a definition she quickly learned as she watches Alex come undone under her; because of her. Pride because Maggie had been the one to show Alex how good it could feel, how good she could feel.

Before Maggie realised that she had never came close to feeling even an ounce of what she felt from just looking at Alex for any other women she had dated.

So yeah Maggie had never been the one to be jealous.

But with Alex came Supergirl. And with Supergirl came jealousy.

And Maggie knows she gets the softest parts of Alex. Gets the sleepy edge to Alex’s voice at the end of a tiring day, gets the softest kisses from Alex after a nightmare; gets the beautiful way Alex whimpers her name as Maggie bites down on the smooth skin of her thigh.

But Supergirl gets the rest of Alex. She gets Alex’s strength; gets her unexplainable worry even though supergirl is bulletproof. Gets her undivided attention; gets her entire lack of self-preservation whenever supergirl’s life hangs in the balance.

Her undying devotion.

But Maggie isn’t jealous.

(Expect she totally is.)

So Maggie tries to keep her jealousy from flowing over, tries to be civil towards supergirl; tries to convince herself that they are just friends but walking into Alex’s apartment after a particularly difficult day Maggie didn’t expect to see her girlfriends arms wrapped securely around the superhero’s waist, didn’t expect the two of them to jump at the sound of Maggie’s duffle bag hit the ground.

And she definitely didn’t expect the flash of guilt to pass over her girlfriends face.

But the unmistakable sound of her heart shattering? Yeah she had definitely expected that.

Because Alex was smart and brave and gorgeous. And Maggie, well she was just Maggie.

And just Maggie could never compete with someone who could fly, who could catch bullets with her bare hands.

“Oh…I didn’t realise I’d be interrupting. I’ll just go.” Maggie could hear the tremor in her voice, the pain in her voice, and she winced. She had never felt so weak.

Grabbing the duffle at her feet Maggie turns and runs from the open door of Alex’s apartment, runs towards the flights of stairs that will grant her freedom, barely hearing the anguished call of her name.

Half an hour later Maggie cringes as she hears Alex’s pained voice calling out her name. She had hoped that Alex wouldn’t come after her.

She had hoped that she would.

“Maggie please…Mags let me explain.” And Maggie’s heart shatters further at Alex’s pleading.

“There’s nothing to explain Alex, she’s supergirl and how could I compete with a freaking superhero? I think it’d be better if just disappear from your life.” Maggie leans heavily against her door, wishing it were Alex holding her up instead of the solid wood.

“Maggie you don’t understand, it’s not what you-“

“Do you love her?” Maggie has to ask, has to know if she has any chance with Alex.

And any thought of salvaging her relationship with Alex disappears the moment she hears the whispered ‘yes’ Alex lets free.

“You should go Alex, just go.”

“Maggie I love her because…because she’s my sister!.” And Maggie’s head snaps up at Alex’s words, at the fierceness of her tone.

“So yeah I love her but I’m not in love with her. I’m in love with you Maggie and if you’d just open this damn door I’d like to say that to your face.” And it may be muffled by the solid wood of her door but Maggie hears her words as clear as day.

Ripping the door open Maggie’s heart stops altogether as her eyes settle on the dazzling smile Alex is wearing.

“You do?”

“Yes. I, Alex Danvers, am in love with you, Maggie Sawyer.”

And Maggie lets out a sound that’s unquestionably between a sob and a laugh as she throws herself into her girlfriend’s arms. “You’re such a nerd, Danvers.”

“A nerd you love?” Alex chuckles slightly but Maggie can hear the apprehension, can hear the doubt laced in her words.

Alex had known for weeks, months even, that she was in love.

Completely, unapologetically and shamelessly in love with Maggie.

And her love was infused in her every movement, in the way she holds Maggie’s hand, the way she kisses her deeply at the end of an impossibly horrendous day, the way she makes love to her.

So Alex may already know that she’s in love, may have already panicked about the realisation with Kara; multiple times, and may have already came to terms with her feelings.

But the one this she hadn’t done yet, the one thing that made her breath catch in her throat and made her hands clammy, was actually tell Maggie how she felt.

And it’s not that Alex doesn’t want Maggie to know or that she’s absolutely terrified of Maggie’s reaction, because obviously she isn’t, it’s just that Alex wants the first time she says those three words to be special.

Because Maggie deserves special.

But glancing across the candle lit table at Maggie, in that dress, in those heels, the love she feels towards her girlfriend is slightly over shadowed by her lust that had been building ever since she had caught sight of Maggie’s soft thigh peeking out from the slit in her dress.

As if sensing her girlfriends shift in mood, Maggie throws a couple of bills on the table, grabs Alex’s hand and all but sprints out the restaurant.

Fifteen minutes later Alex is pressed against her bedroom door, warm mouth nipping at the soft skin of her neck, hands skimming over the defined muscles of her abdomen.

And Alex can feel the whimper, feel the moan fighting its way up her throat but instead, instead, she lets out a shuddering gasp.

A shuddering gasp that sounds suspiciously like an ‘I love you’.

And Alex’s entire body stiffens, tenses as Maggie pulls back slightly and Alex has yet to open her eyes. Terrified she had just ruined the best thing that’s ever happened to her with her god damn feelings.

The deafening silence sickens Alex, makes her tremble with uneasy nerves and she’s ready to bolt from her own apartment when she feels Maggie’s hands softly cup her face, feels delicate fingers trace over her skin. And slowly, ever so slowly Alex lets her eyelids flutter open and she’s rewarded with the most breath taking smile she could ever witness.

And Maggie kisses her hard, kisses her passionately, kisses her like Alex is oxygen and she’s suffocating.

But Alex feels nothing but love.

The nightmares were nothing new, they had been plaguing Maggie constantly ever since her rookie days, ever since she hadn’t been able to save her first runaway, ever since she had faced the harsh reality that she wouldn’t be able to save everyone.

So the nightmares were nothing new but having someone comfort her, having someone love her despite the horrors that wracked her body, having someone pull her closer at one, two, three am when she woke drenched in sweat with the ghost of screams echoing in her ears, well yeah that was new.

Because the first woman Maggie had woken with her cries of terror had uttered soothing words into Maggie’s ear as she fell back to sleep until they became too much, too often, too bothersome.

Until eventually instead of offering comfort she would turn and roll away, until eventually instead of offering comfort she just stopped sleeping over, until eventually she stopped returning Maggie’s calls at all.

And the second, third, forth, fifth women Maggie woke didn’t fare much better.

So Maggie learnt, and Maggie adapted, and Maggie stopped waking up screaming. Instead she woke quietly, woke with silent sobs wrecking her body, woke with her mind begging to scream but her mouth, her throat, refusing. Because she didn’t want to scare another woman away again, didn’t want to be left with nothing but an empty bed and the horrors locked tightly inside her mind again.

But Alex knew.

And Alex knew because she got them too.

Because Alex had seen things Maggie had seen, and Alex had heard things Maggie had heard, and Alex had lived through things Maggie had lived through.

And when Maggie wakes with tears already streaming down her face, when Maggie wakes with her whole body trembling, when Maggie wakes with bile rising up her throat from the visions, the sounds, the smells; well Alex is there. Alex is always there.

And Alex will pull the covers over their heads, and Alex will trace the tear tracks running down Maggie’s cheeks with her lips, and Alex will chant like a mantra -

It’s just us, under these blankets it’s just us. And we’re safe, we’re safe, we’re safe. No one can hurts us here, Mags. No one can hurt us. Go back to sleep love, go back to sleep.

And Maggie will reply, will always reply, with her voice hoarse, under their blankets -

I love you.

Maggie had grown up with regrets, had grown comfortable with them, had filled her entire life with them. She had regretted never standing up to her bullies, had regretted allowing her ex's harsh words crawl so far under her skin.

And turning down Alex in the middle of the alien bar? Well that had been the biggest regret of Maggie's life so far.

But stepping in front of a bullet laced with kryptonite for Supergirl? Yeah, Maggie was sure she was never going regret that decision.

Because ever since she had been trusted with Kara's secret, ever since she had been welcomed into their mix match group of super friends, ever since she had been welcomed into their family, Maggie hadn't been able to see supergirl as anything other than Kara Danvers.

As anything other than the girl who stuffs her face with potstickers, regularly, as anything other than the girl who squeals, loudly, at any animal within a five mile radius, as anything other than her family.

And right now? Well her family was safe.

Because Kara was standing in front of her; alive.

And Alex was gripping her hand so hard that Maggie was sure she'd leave bruises; but still alive.

Both still very much alive. And so was she.

And while her ribs ached, while her head felt like it was seconds from exploding, while her shoulder still burned from the impact of the bullet, Maggie felt the furthest from regret in the longest time.

"I love you, you idiot!" And Maggie chuckles despite her pain, despite being throughly exhausted, despite the worried glances thrown her way from both Alex and Kara, because Maggie knows that it's the closest she'll ever get to a 'thank you' for her idiotic decision.