#two week aftermath

RS: hey.

RS: so dirk came to see me and told me what happened.

RS: said you were probably okay but i wanted to make sure.

TT: Oh.

TT: Yeah Im fine.

RS: i'm not sure he gave me the whole story.

TT: Whatd he tell you?

RS: that the place we're on got infiltrated and y'all got mind controlled. the captain's in a coma. dave's best friend died.

RS: that's what i know.

TT: Yeah.

TT: Sounds about right.

RS: what exactly happened with the whole mind control thing?

RS: he didn't go into that.

TT: Prolly cuz it was real fucked up.

RS: did they make you do something or...?

TT: Nah. They just

TT: Made us see some shit.

TT: Made us think it was real.

TT: But it wasnt.

TT: So.

TT: Whatever.

RS: derek.

TT: What?

RS: you're not acting like it was whatever.

RS: i'm not getting an okay vibe either.

TT: Well it is.

RS: uh huh.

RS: what are you doing right now?

TT: Nothin much.

TT: Goin for a stroll.

RS: on the ship or outside?

TT: Outside.

TT: Why?

RS: cuz.

RS: about how far?

TT: Not far. Just outside the ship.

RS: okay stay there.

TT: Uh alright.

RILEY: -fUCK THE POLICE AND TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE SYSTEM!!!!! okay but no, this is a prime opportunity to test some boundaries and get the fuck outside for the first time in...months. has it really been that long? she doesn't even remember how the rest of the ship looks so getting outside is a little difficult. she may have gotten lost a few times, but eventually she makes it out, even if derek has been

RILEY: waiting a while. and great...they're...in some caves? whatever. she carefully manages to head outside, going straight ahead and making sure no one else is around that could possibly throw her in the brig-

DEREK: *he's perched on a boulder when she arrives, throwing pebbles at the cave walls*

RILEY: -and there he is, on top of a boulder. somehow, typical. she approaches the rock and looks up at him- hey.

DEREK: *looks down at her from his BOULDER THRONE.* Sup.

RILEY: -she crosses her arms and keeps watching him- you know. just thought i'd come watch you throw rocks at walls.

RILEY: high level entertainment compared to where i've been.

DEREK: Ok but it really is.

RILEY: touche. you gonna come down or do i gotta climb up there?

DEREK: *smirks down at her* Id kinda like to see you try to climb up here.

RILEY: how did i know? -sighs a little overdramatically before ATTEMPTING to scale this boulder. it's maybe a little promising at first, but she definitely slips and slides back down- okay you gotta give me your hand or your foot or something.

DEREK: *snorts*

DEREK: *sticks his leggy out*

RILEY: you're so weird.

RILEY: don't think i'm not going to try to use that to get up there.

DEREK: Im as serious as you are.

RILEY: -gives him a look before actually ATTEMPTING TO GET UP THIS boulder by grabbing his foot. what a fucking mess-

DEREK: *grinning at her the entire time. this is incredibly stupid. it isn't working quite the way he imagined and he's slipping a little.* Shit.

RILEY: -this is SO stupid. and yet, here she is doing it anyway. she's not really getting any farther than she did before but she sure as hell is not letting go- man, this is so effective.

DEREK: *tries to lift her up by pulling his leg in, scooting himself back at the same time.* Its gonna work.

DEREK: Were doin this man.

DEREK: Were makin it hapen.

RILEY: -she doesn't get the reference, but whatever. she's going to attempt to grab onto his lower leg now and hold on tight- i can't fucking believe this is a thing right now.

DEREK: *well they're going to have to fix that. but for now... riley: ascend.*

DEREK: Cant you though?

RILEY: -sHE'S TRYING to also use one hand to grab at the top of the boulder but that might do more harm than any kind of good- shut up.

DEREK: *snorts at her again and shows her mercy by also offering his hand*

RILEY: -she takes his hand and tries to use her other hand to hoist herself up there. here comes me-

DEREK: *LIFTS her, which of course brings her a little too close for comfort, but he's 'polite' enough to give her some space*

DEREK: You climbed that whole mountain.

RILEY: -finally. and whoops, when he lifts her that means he's kind of RIGHT THERE but only for a brief moment, so they're good. we're good. she moves so she can sit on this boulder and shakes her head- somehow, yeah. -she can't help but laugh a little at that whole experience.-

RILEY: you just gotta make things ten times harder than they gotta be.

DEREK: I gotta make em more interesting you mean.

RILEY: debatable. -but he's right.- so. what are you out here for?

DEREK: To throw rocks at the wall. *returns to that*

RILEY: obviously, smartass. but you have to be thinking about something.

DEREK: What makes you think theres anything goin on up there?

RILEY: there's always something going on up there.

DEREK: Nah. *chucks rock*

RILEY: bullshit.

DEREK: *sighs* I dunno what to say alright?

RILEY: i know. but maybe you need to say something. even if it's just like a part of it.

DEREK: ... *shrugs* It

DEREK: Really freaked out Dave.

DEREK: ... Both of em.

DEREK: I dunno if Dirk saw what we did.

RILEY: -her expression softens.- i haven't even heard from dave.

DEREK: I aint seen much of him since then either. *chucks another rock*

RILEY: -she watches the rock hit the wall and slide down before talking again- what did you guys see?

DEREK: *pauses, just tossing a rock up into the air and catching it a few times* A lotta death.

DEREK: Like some psychological horror shit.

RILEY: -her eyebrows furrow slightly with concern at his description- yeah?

DEREK: *shakes his head* It rained dead fucking birds. And there was a river of bodies. And some... piece of shit monster that tried to eat us?

DEREK: Fuck this sounds stupid.

RILEY: -listening to this, she's a little horrified at the prospect of derek and dave witnessing some of this. she can't even imagine it.- stupid isn't the word i would use. and they made it so it all felt real?

DEREK: *nods slowly* Yeah.

RILEY: that's. really fucked up.

DEREK: *shrugs about it. yeah, there's more to say, but...he doesn't really want to get into that.*

RILEY: okay just because you shrug about it doesn't make it less of a big deal.

DEREK: Of course it does. A shrug is universally understood as a signifier of shit not being a big deal.

RILEY: but it is a big deal. from what you're telling me.

DEREK: It aint a big deal for me. Its fine.

RILEY: then what's got you so off?

DEREK: Its-- Ugh.

DEREK: Im just worried about Dave. *at least thats half true*

RILEY: he's in really bad shape then?

DEREK: His best friend fucking died after going through bullshit clown murder dreamland. Of course he is.

DEREK: *throws rocks aggressively*

RILEY: -she frowns slightly hearing all of this. and regardless of how he's acting, she knows this is still affecting derek- did you know him? his best friend?

DEREK: *shakes his head* Not really. Ive seen him around of course. But I dont really...

DEREK: Know any of Daves friends.

DEREK: Not that well.

DEREK: Pretty sure they all hate me anyway.

RILEY: i highly doubt that's true. but that's beside the point.

DEREK: *ehhhh...*

RILEY: so you and dave and dirk all saw the same thing when you were being controlled?

DEREK: I dunno what Dirk saw. Mightve been the same. But I didnt see him there.

RILEY: -she's quiet for a little while- i'm sorry that you all went through that. i had no idea it even happened until the next day.

DEREK: ... Well thats a relief honestly.

DEREK: Glad they didnt get to you.

RILEY: yeah but it still sucks for you guys.

DEREK: Ill live. *arm flops into his lap before he can toss another rock* If youre gonna fuss over somebody though it should be either of our boys.

RILEY: -glances at him- sounds to me like they got plenty of people to fuss over them.

RILEY: you? not so much.

RILEY: besides, i don't even know if talking to dave is going to hurt or help at this point.

DEREK: Maybe not. *looks over at her*

DEREK: But I dunno if you should be worrying about me.

RILEY: doesn't really matter if i should or shouldn't.

RILEY: i still do.

DEREK: *goes quiet* Guess I cant stop you.

RILEY: good fucking call.

DEREK: *sits there in silence, kicking his feet over the edge of the boulder*

RILEY: so i'm gonna ask again. and i want to know about you this time.

RILEY: honestly, how are you doing?

DEREK: ... Honestly? I dont...

DEREK: I dont know.

RILEY: -she nods, accepting that for now because it's at least better than just saying fine and shrugging- that's to be expected.

DEREK: Ive been through some shit but nothing like that.

RILEY: -she really hates what trolls are capable of and a darker side of her still possesses some prejudice there. she holds her tongue, though, because derek's kid happens to be a troll also. instead, she sighs- so it was like some kind of horror movie setting?

DEREK: It was some Silent Hill level bullshit.

RILEY: enough to scare you?

DEREK: *scoffs* I wasnt scared.

DEREK: ... Just kinda. Fucked up.

RILEY: -gives him a look and says nothing-

DEREK: *AVOIDS LOOKING AT HER*

RILEY: -keeps looking at him. feel the stare.-

DEREK: *sweats*

DEREK: Quit starin at me.

DEREK: Goddamn.

RILEY: so you're trying to tell me you were fucked up but not scared.

DEREK: Yep.

RILEY: -raises an eyebrow at him and goes back to staring-

DEREK: *shoves her lightly* Aint you grilled me enough for one day?

RILEY: hmmm.

RILEY: no.

DEREK: I think you have.

RILEY: i forgot your grilling capacity was real fucking low.

RILEY: -she's smiling at him though-

DEREK: *smirks a little back at her, shrugging* I aint interested in playin no 20 questions baby.

RILEY: -she rolls her eyes- i know. but someone's gotta try. just know if there's anything you need to get out of your head, i'm here.

RILEY: and not going anywhere for at least a little while longer.

DEREK: ... Ah. Yeah. With the captain outta commission you should probably make your escape huh?

RILEY: already told dirk i ain't leaving until things settle down.

RILEY: can't leave you guys with all this shit happening.

DEREK: *frowns* What? Sure you can.

DEREK: I dont want you goin through any of this too.

RILEY: nah. i don't want to leave yet. if i can be of some kinda support i'm gonna.

RILEY: it's the least i can do.

DEREK: ... *grunts* Well I guess youre gonna do your thing.

DEREK: Unless I hoist you over my shoulder right now and dump you on whatever ship these rebel folks got laying around.

DEREK: Good fucking bye.

RILEY: damn right i'm gonna do my thing. man, what a beautiful way to leave.

DEREK: *snrks* Yeah youre welcome for the experience.

RILEY: oh my god. -she grabs a rock from on top of the boulder and throws it against the wall- hey, this is kind of fun. bet you i can throw higher than you.

DEREK: Yeah right. *tosses another one, nice and high*

RILEY: -attempts to throw another one even higher. it doesn't work. he's taller than she is and he has a better arm- fuck. hold on.

RILEY: -try number two. she throws it in the air just about vertically and it comes right back down, barely missing hitting derek's shoulder-

DEREK: Holy shit. *LEANS*

DEREK: Tryin to take out the competition I see.

RILEY: oops.

RILEY: gotta do what i gotta do.

DEREK: Here watch my form. You watchin? *reels back and throws another rock*

RILEY: yeah, i'm watching. -watches him go-

DEREK: *HE GETS SOME UNREAL AIR* See? Now just do the same.

RILEY: -grabs another rock, squints in focus and bites her lip in concentration. she ATTEMPTS to mimic derek's style-

DEREK: *WATCHES*

DEREK: *eyes emoji*

RILEY: -it's a lot better than the last one, that's for sure. derek's throw is still higher-

RILEY: hey, that was better!

DEREK: *laughs* Whatd I tell ya?

RILEY: i'm betting you do this too much to have this down to an art.

DEREK: Heh. Yeah well I cant really argue with that.

DEREK: Practice makes perfect.

RILEY: mmhmm. -she tries again, using the same strategy, and this time the rock gets so high it's hard to tell if it met derek's or not-

DEREK: Ohhh shit.

DEREK: Look at you go.

RILEY: give it a few more tries and i'm going to annihilate you.

DEREK: Oh you think youre gonna wreck it? *waggles brows*

RILEY: i'm going to fucking wreck it.

DEREK: *wheeze laugh*

DEREK: Well see about that.

DEREK: *COMMENCE MORE ROCK THROWING*

KANAYA: -She merely sits next to him, quiet for the most part, not wishing to interrupt. She doesn't have much to add to this scene, anyway, nothing that they aren't already feeling together, except for the one thought she has. But that can wait, at least for a time.-

KARKAT: =his shirt is also scorched a little from the attempted revivals=

DAMARA: =It's happening all over again. First Mituna, and now Karkat. At least Mituna had been in a concious state, still able to be saved, but Karkat? There was nothing, and as always she has no clue how to respond to such things except anger. She's pacing back and forth, tears stinging hotly against her eyes, but she's too stubborn to have them fall just yet.=

DAMARA: 愚か！ くそ！ [[ Stupid! Fuck! ]]

DAMARA: だから、弱いです！ 止めろ！あなたを許すことは決してありません！ていないこのために！[[ So weak! Stop it! I will never forgive you! Not for this! ]]

KARKAT: =WOW thats just rude=

TEREZI: k4rk4t? -She knelt quietly, her clothes not even daring to rustle while her fingers pressed against the burnt clothing, the singed flesh. With her other, she scooped her hand under his neck, trying to smell all that was HIM underneath all the blood. The blood that was coming from his NOSE. She didn't have to ask how this happened because deep in her heart she knew. She read about it right in front of him when this happened the first time, and she knew how much chucklevoodoos pushed and pushed and pushed. And she knew some neophytes who were shoved right over the edge for fighting it. Everyone, EVERY LEGISLACERATOR knew you weren’t supposed to fight chucklevoodoos. Not head on. Had she ever told him this? With a pang in her heart it dawned on her she hadn’t.-

DAVE: -he'd already given dove back to jade and all he can do right now is just stand here, helplessly, a bit behind everyone else because he doesn't want to get too close. if he's too close, it's more real than he can bear right now, not to mention these people have all had relationships with/known karkat so much longer than he has. he's just left feeling conflicted and silent.-

TEREZI: -dave dont be an idiot-

TEREZI: -Is what she would think if it was any situation but this-

KARKAT: =come on dave, just stroke my cheek or something=

DAVE: -FUC K U DUDE-

KARKAT: =WOW thats not his kink plz=

TEREZI: -When his head lolled flaccidly backwards, muscles slack and without resistance, it became the single poppyseed that tipped the scale of her calm and put so much strain on her psyche that she swore she heard it crack inside her skull. In broken fragments of Alternian, both the language and the vocalizations, she blubbered futile pleas.-

TEREZI: no no oh no...pl34s3 PL34S3!

DAMARA: =Her outcries are thick from fighting tears, her hair standing up on end from uncontrolled kinetic energy sizzling off her skin.= 愚か者！それはあなたが何であるかです！[[ A fool! That's what you are! ]

DAMARA: =Her hands go into her hair, hands curling into fists against her scalp.= 何もしませんでした！これを防ぎますか？[[ Could do nothing! Prevent this? ]]

DAMARA: =She tugs her hair, hands knocking down on her head for every word.= 馬鹿！ ばか！哀れな！[[ Fool! Moron! Pathetic! ]]

KARKAT: =Guys, yall ur making him feel bad. From beyond the beyond=

KANAYA: -she's just. quiet still. she doesn't know what to say... and being here with everyone else right now actually isn't making her feel better.-

TEREZI: -Damara's own cries in East Beforan (though she did not know what they meant) rooted her to ground and to the room. Something built up in her chest and her face twisted in pain.-

TEREZI: -She tried everything she could think of. She slapped his cheek, blew air on his face, poked him where it tickled, stuck her finger up his nose.-

TEREZI: th1s 1snt r34l, 1t c4nt b3 r34l! -She finally glanced up at the others- th1s 1s just 4noth3r 3xt3ns1on of th3 chuckl3voodoos

TEREZI: w3 h4v3 to w4k3 up... w3 h4v3 to w4k3 up NOW!

TEREZI: -If they woke, Eridan would be in one piece and Karkat would be walking, yelling, breathing, living.-

KANAYA: No

KANAYA: Terezi

KANAYA: We Are Not Going To Wake Up

KANAYA: Karkat Is Dead

KANAYA: And You Know This

KARKAT: =preach=

DAVE: -nope, nope. this is too much to process. so instead of doing anything worthwhile, or yelling at him, or trying to get him to wake up, he just quietly leaves. and it will hit him right when he enters the ship, but for now, he has to get away.-

KARKAT: =You're gonna stroke his gd face dave=

DAVE: -nOPE-

KARKAT: =just a good ol platonic touch to the face=

DAMARA: =Maroon tears spill from her against her will. They're hot against her cheeks, and the sensation makes her slowly comprehend just how crushing this situation is. Terezi's denial and Kanaya's stating the obvious so plainly makes her cry out in anguish. A blast of kinetic energy sending a chair flying loudly into one of the walls.=

DAMARA: =She turns to the rest of them, face twisted with anger as her tears continue to fall. Her hands gesturing furiously to her words.= 彼は弱い馬鹿です！それは彼が何であるかです！どのように彼は死ぬあえて？どのように彼はこれを行うあえて！私は彼を許すことはありません！決して！ [[ He is a weak fool! That's what he is! How dare he die? How dare he do this! I will never forgive him! Never! ]]

KANAYA: -she has no idea what Damara is saying...... but she has a few guesses-

KANAYA: Im

KANAYA: Sorry

KANAYA: But I Think Now Is Not The Time To Avoid Reality

TEREZI: -Kanaya receives such a GLARE....but...but Terezi's shoulders drooped, and when Dave turned and walked away, her gaze fell.-

TEREZI: -Yes, she knew they’d been freed from it. There weren’t foreign thoughts lashing around in her skull like an unwanted hiveguest. They were free. And Kanaya was right. Karkat was dead.-

TEREZI: -Supporting his head so it didn’t fall back lifelessly like the dagger of confirmation it was, Terezi's hand clenched in the cloth of his shirt, her lips pulling back into a grimace. The chair crashing into the wall made her flinch, and she wished she could bring him back through sheer willpower alone. Of all the times she almost died and pulled through....She would give all that will to him if he would juST WAKE UP!!!-

TEREZI: -He was so much lighter now – souls were such heavy things – and the simple movement of his arms falling limp against her body deepened the growing fissure in her mind.-

KARKAT: =some would say to snap back to reality=

KANAYA: Terezi

TEREZI: -She doesn't say anything in response, but she began to tremble, despair slowly churning into rage at the pit of her stomach. It wasn't directed at Kanaya, but everyone...EVERYONE that had attacked them, betrayed them, turned their backs on them, denied them, left them for dead or for worse...-

DAMARA: =The apology rings hollow. It didn't matter if she was sorry. If any of them were. It wouldn't change a fucking thing. He's dead and gone, and they hadn't been able to do a thing to prevent it.=

DAMARA: =Her face grimaces with her fury and grief, turning away unable to keep looking at his limp body in Terezi's arms.=

DAMARA: =Damara's voice is stiff. Hollow as she does what she is good at. Pushing. Pushing herself, her emotions, other people away from her. Having nothing, that's when you're able to be strong.= これをした人々の。その近くのものはどれも息をするではありません。[[ Of those who did this. None of their close ones are to breathe. ]]

KANAYA: -She's just. Taking breaths. The others weren't quite ready to see this yet, and she wasn't sure if she should say what she wanted to say until they seemed, at least, to be on a more rational plane of thought. If she redirected them with a new possibility, it might feed even further into the irrationality of the situation, to keep them from digesting it at all, and that wasn't what they needed. They needed to be on the same page, to fully accept what was happening, to be ready to deal with it. So she waited.-

TEREZI: -she would so agree with you, Damara if only she knew what you were saying.-

TEREZI: -She let the anger take over, because at least she was feeling something else other than unspeakable grief. Gently placing Karkat back down (she was being careful, so careful to avoid evidence that he was limp, that he was a corpse) Terezi stood, glancing down at him forlornly-

TEREZI: on3 mom3nt

TEREZI: 1ll b3 r1ght b4ck

TEREZI: -Then she walked around him, clenching her fists so hard that her claws came back teal. Strangely she couldn’t feel the sting in her palms. She continued walking. There. Across the room. Past the chairs and the tables where Karkat's murderer had fallen .-

DAMARA: =As she pushes, she can only hear a little of what Terezi says before the words are out of her ears and fallen to the ground. She is weak, that was the truth of it, not able to be there for those that needed it. She couldn't be there for Terezi or Kanaya either, her grief and anger esclated so highly it appeared to have fizzled out on itself to apathy. She strides out of the room, her arms tense and fists clenched.=

DAMARA: =Time to go clown hunting.=

TEREZI: -Stumbling forward, Terezi ripped her cane in half and discarded one of the blades to the side. Just behind the table lay the long, thin corpse of the deadest clown ass she’d ever encountered, and she wished with all her heart she hadn’t helped give him a kind end. This was her mercy at its finest hour, where doing the right thing paid her back in full! She said to the captain that she did not wish to sink to the level of their enemies and be no better than the ones hunting them – that there was room for mercy. She was such a fucking. Idiot! Seeing chucklevoodoos used against members of the crew should have taught her better. Having chucklevoodoos used on her all those sweeps ago should have taught her better! She should have killed them all on sight!!-

KANAYA: ... Terezi -it's a little softer this time-

KANAYA: There Is Nothing More To Be Done

KANAYA: Nothing That Could Have Been Done

TEREZI: -THAT got a reaction out of her. She laughed aloud, tittering and what could have sounded jubilant if not for what was already known.-

TEREZI: OH Y3S TH3R3 1S!

TEREZI: -with a twisted, rictus grin that slashed through her face unnaturally, she positioned herself crosswise from the clown and just....began going to TOWN on his corpse.-

KARKAT: =The rebels have a mess enough to clean up in here GOSH=

TEREZI: -she's being SO inconsiderate to the cleanup crew-

KARKAT: =Honestly, would Karkat want her making this mess? NO=

TEREZI: -at least she isn't doing this on the ship-

KARKAT: =This is worse she's a guest here. A guest making a mess=

TEREZI: -another of their guests died under their roof, so this p much cuts even-

KANAYA: ....

KANAYA: -she's looking down at Karkat, now.- Im Sorry

KARKAT: =It's ok=

KANAYA: I Know That You Did Not Want This

KANAYA: But I Think They May

KANAYA: Need Some Time

KARKAT: =It's not like he's going anywhere so he can wait=

TEREZI: -she has since stopped her butchery and stood in the mess of guts and severed limbs, breathing heavily with teal tears cutting clean tracks through the blood splattered on her face.-

KANAYA: ... -at least that's. something. she's quiet for a bit, still.-

KANAYA: I Think That We Should Move Him

TEREZI: -she moved quietly across the room, her eyes to the floor. Wiping off her blade and her hands on the clothes of another dead clown, Terezi stooped to pick up the other half of her cane and stored it away.-

TEREZI: -Returning to her initial position, Terezi knelt beside her dead matesprit and sat back on her heels, her back hunched.-

TEREZI: ....y3s...

TEREZI: -she wasn't ready to say goodbye. She hadn't gotten a chance to tell him before he left. But...at least, she told herself, that she had said everything important to him that mattered. He knew how much she loved him, and of all the things she regretted, she was glad she took advantage of telling him that over and over and over.-

TEREZI: stup1d qu3st1on but

TEREZI: -she stroked his cheek-

TEREZI: do you suppos3

TEREZI: th3 1nf1rm4ry or th3 morgu3

KANAYA: -she's just watching her, frowning slightly.-

KANAYA: That Is

KANAYA: Something I Intended To Bring Up Actually

KANAYA: I Think That We Should Take Him To Kurloz

KANAYA: I Do Not Know The Precise Odds But There Is A Possibility That

KANAYA: ...

KANAYA: He Could

KANAYA: Pupate

TEREZI: no mor3 clowns -her words were choked as her throat constricted. even though he gave her no reason to be wary, she was not sure if she could...trust herself.-

TEREZI: -her words sounded feeble, and Kanaya wouldn't have to do a great deal of convincing-

TEREZI: h3y k4rks

TEREZI: 1f your3 4 ghost, now would b3 4 gr34t t1m3 to g1v3 us 4 s1gn

KANAYA: ... I Do Not Know If It Is That Simple

KANAYA: With Regards To Either Of Those Statements

KANAYA: The Possibility Is One I Would Not Like To Forfeit

KANAYA: And I Do Not Think That You Would Either

TEREZI: -she pulled her hand from Karkat's face. kanaya was right, of course.-

TEREZI: wh4t 4r3 th3 ch4nc3s of th1s f41l1ng? -they were missing rather key components, here.-

KANAYA: I Suppose Its Hard To Say

KANAYA: This Isnt Well Tried Method

KANAYA: But It Helped Aradia

TEREZI: 4r4d14s soul w4s r34d1ly 4v41l4bl3

TEREZI: ...wh4t 1f his body com3s b4ck w1thout h1m?

KANAYA: I Dont Know

KANAYA: I Suppose We Have No Choice But To See

KANAYA: If It Does

TEREZI: -she bit her lip and squeezed her eyes shut-

TEREZI: ...

TEREZI: ...4t l34st...1ts b3tt3r th4n w4tch1ng h1m rot 4w4y

TEREZI: or l34v1ng h1m for th3 b34sts to 34t

TEREZI: or... -She leaned against the wall and stared up the ceiling, covering her face with her hands-

TEREZI: god...

KANAYA: ... I Know

KANAYA: -she frowns down at Karkat again, and she's not sure how she feels.-

KANAYA: -then she looks over at Terezi, sweeping her gaze over her blood-splattered body.-

KANAYA: ... I Could Carry Him

TEREZI: -she slid her hands from her face and pressed down all the rearing emotions threatening to breach. She had time for vengeance yet.-

TEREZI: ok4y

TEREZI: -she didn't want to feel him lifeless like that. how limp he was, how gone he really was. If kanaya could go through it, Terezi wasn't going to complain.-

KANAYA: -she nods, just slightly, and then she blinks down at Karkat again. Suddenly, she's remembering a long time ago when she had first changed, first woken up, the smell and the taste of his red blood. It's hanging in the air now, and despite everything, she can't quite keep herself from thinking about it. But she's not the person she used to be. Neither is he. So she carefully slides her hands under his limp body, blinking several more times than she intends to feel the pliant shape of him in her arms, and she lifts him. In the back of her mind, she knew this would happen one day, too. She just had not believed it would be so soon.-

TEREZI: -before they left, Terezi paused to kiss him on the forehead. There was the very real possibility that this wouldn't work, and Terezi knew this would be the last time, the last chance she got to say goodbye. She didn't want to live her life with could have beens. Moving her face a couple inches she deeply took in the scent of his hair before it was too late. Death and blood had already begun to take over, and Terezi wanted something to remember before it faded completely. Stepping back with a deep agony buried in her chest, Terezi said,-

TEREZI: ok4y

TEREZI: w3r3 r34dy, k4n4y4

TEREZI: ...l3ts go

KANAYA: -She said nothing, stood still as Terezi moved in closer, saying her goodbye in the way that she could. Kanaya didn't need to understand what it meant, but she understood the need for it. And once she had been given the confirmation, she nodded, taking another breath and slowly beginning to walk him out.-

KANKRI: *Kankri had his back to the door as he was sitting at his desk with headphones on watching some random episode of the human show Glee when he heard the sound of someone suddenly coming in and jumped from a startle reflex.* P9rrim I t9ld y9u n9t t9--! *He pulls of his headphones and whirls around in his swivel chair only to find that it wasn't Porrim barging into his room and instead someone he was

KANKRI: n't expecting.* R9xy? *He clears his throat and shuts his computer. Kanki looks like he hasn't been sleeping much but that is the only sign of distress he is allowing himself to make noticable.* S9rry I did n9t mean t9 yell. What can I d9 f9r y9u?

ROXY: its cool and probably some rest would be great

ROXY: 4 you i mean

ROXY: *walks on in and looks around*

KANKRI: *The room isn't really personalized. Asides from his desk that holds his husktop and mutliple journals and files, there is a couch, the provided reclining platform, a dresser and another table that holds a portable electric tea kettle and two different sets of mugs.* Hm. Well. Make y9urself c9mf9rta6le, can I get y9u s9mething t9 drink? *He avoids her comment on him sleeping and is already standin

KANKRI: g up from his chair.*

ROXY: im not really plannin on stayin long 2 be all sociable *she's pretty short which is uncharacteristic of her*

ROXY: i was just comin to check on you

KANKRI: 9h. I see. *Kankri doesn't know Roxy all that well, but he did vaguely remember her being less curt. He frowns slightly at her short tone.*

KANKRI: Well. The 9ffer still stands if y9u change y9ur mind.

KANKRI: ...H9w have y9u 6een? *He asks her a bit slowly, knowing likely there is no probable chance of her actually being decently okay with what has happened.*

ROXY: well given how everyones been kinda shitty im on par with that

ROXY: but i mean

ROXY: whatre u gonna do

ROXY: anyway you dont look like uve been sleepin much

ROXY: if at all

ROXY: its kinda lla over ur face

KANKRI: I supp9se I cann9t say y9u are wr9ng. 6ut I d9 n9t find myself feeling the desire t9 d9 s9. *That clown vission bullshit fucked his dreams up fierce.*

ROXY: right course not

ROXY: *sits now* whens the last time u tried

KANKRI: *He is going over to start heating up water anyway in case she does want tea, and also he is getting the craving for something to drink anyways. Its also a bonus that this is an excuse to keep his back to her so its easier to answer these questions about his personal wellness.*

KANKRI: Recently.

ROXY: and howd that go

KANKRI: 96vi9uslly n9t entirely ideal. *Pours hot water into a mug and adds only honey to it.* Are y9u certain I cann9t get y9u anything?

ROXY: *lifts a bottle and shakes it, shes good on liquid* next time try bunkin with someone

ROXY: its a hell of a lot less shitty to wake up with someone than alone

KANKRI: *He looks over his shoulder and slightly squints at the bottle. What is it filled with?* I did c9nsider it. I 9riginally spent s9me time with an 9ld aquaintence. 6ut I vacated their 6l9ck n9t t99 l9ng after their signficant 9thers returned. I did n9t want t9 9ccupy their space f9r t99 many extended h9urs.

KANKRI: *He then turns around completely to face her again, leaning against the table as he sipped at his hot flavored water.*

ROXY: *None of your concern broseph* im sure theyd understand

ROXY: as much as it sucks to "intrude" thats your friend so

ROXY: ykno

ROXY: ur kinda allowed to need some attention or assurance from them when u cant sleep in the middle of the night

ROXY: u think dirk gives a fuck about crawlin in me and eridans bed?

ROXY: cuz he doesnt really

ROXY: and yeah sure

ROXY: ur different people

ROXY: but if its somethin u need then i dont think itll be a problem

KANKRI: I was n9t aware Dirk Strider d9es that. 6ut that is Dirk Strider and n9t myself. Als9 I used the term aquaintence instead 9f friend. We are cl9se due t9 kn9wing each 9ther s9 l9ng 6ut I have n9 desire t9 9ccupy an 96scene am9unt 9f her time, 9r placate t9 her desires 9f "m9thering" me 9n a regular 6asis.

KANKRI: ....Als9 I d9 n9t particularly get al9ng with her quadranted partners.

ROXY: so ur gonna suffer silently and sip on salt tea?

ROXY: if shes motherin u just tell her what u came for and this aint it

ROXY: communications works like that

ROXY: im sure shed be able to hold off until we were freshly kicked in the ass

ROXY: ((werent

KANKRI: I just really d9 n9t wish t9 imp9se 9n her, R9xy. She is dealing with en9ugh.

KANKRI: And I am c9ntent with keeping t9 myself as I have 6een.

ROXY: there isnt anyone on this shit that isnt "dealing with enough"

ROXY: tht doesnt mean you isolate yourself when you might need support

ROXY: there are enough assholes tryin to off us lets not make it any easier

KANKRI: I am n9t saying that I am c9mpletely is9lating myself. *Okay now he is getting a little defensive about it and speaking over the rim of his mug. If this was the one reason Roxy was here, to critisize his way of handliing his emotions, Kankri wasn't so sure he wanted her to be.*

KANKRI: I am just taking time t9 think and reflect 9n what has happened, with9ut risking my pers9nal feelings 9n the matter adding t9 the flames 9f any9ne else.

ROXY: *blinks dryly* alright so youre basically gonna let it stew

ROXY: reflect on all the fucked up things thatve happened solo because talking to someone about it will be relatable 2 them

ROXY: because they went through the same thing in the same room with u

ROXY: right

ROXY: am i getting it

KANKRI: I am getting the feeling y9u d9 n9t agree with my ch9ice 9f acti9ns, R9xy.

ROXY: youre sense are very keen

ROXY: ((senses

KANKRI: I d9 take pride in them 6eing s9.

KANKRI: Y9u are n9t the first t9 disagree with h9w I handle myself.

ROXY: im not surprised

KANKRI: 6ut given the fact that I went fr9m grieving the death 9f my wh9le planet and cullifact9r, t9 the l9ss 9f a friend. I think I am qualified as t9 h9w I c9pe. Just as y9u are with y9ur 9wnself. *He then pointedly nods at her bottle.*

ROXY: *looks to her bottle then back up at him before standing and approaching him* let me tell you something

ROXY: im sorry

ROXY: honestly

ROXY: i really am

ROXY: no one deserves to lose all that

ROXY: no one deserves to go through what weve gone through and then be expected 2 chug on

KANKRI: *His grip on his mug grows tighter as she gets closer to him.*

ROXY: it happened and it fuckin sucks which is the understatement of the century

ROXY: but you know what? youre alive

ROXY: im gonna try and make sure that you stay that way even if you dont wanna

ROXY: i didnt come here to get on ur nerves or lecture you or judge you

ROXY: i came to make sure u were bein taken care of or taken care of urself

ROXY: i nap every day at noon

ROXY: eastern wing

ROXY: room 512

ROXY: its in the corner its quiet

ROXY: *puts the bottle on the desk* come by if you want

ROXY: *turns to leave*

KANKRI: *Okay now he is just squinting at her. Hard.* ...Trust me I am quite aware 9f the fact that I am alive. And I never said that I didn't want t9 6e. Trust me when I say that seeing images 9f fl9ating c9rpses in a river 9f g9re has never made me feel any m9re afraid 9f death then I already was. And I am n9t av9iding sleep t9 punish myself, trust me if I was a6le t9 g9 thr9ugh a full sleep cycle I c9u

KANKRI: ld 6ut that can 6e quite difficult when I just keep seeing repeats 9f images I w9uld rather regret 9r just plain haunting mem9ries that f9rce me t9 alertness when my actual pulse starts t9 race. *He looks at the bottle as she places it there and begins to walk away.* .....

KANKRI: R9xy I appreciate y9u attempting t9 check 9n me.

KANKRI: 6ut I d9 n9t require it.

ROXY: *shrugs as she walks* see you in two days *lalonde laleaves*

PORRIM: *that entire day has been spent sleeping. porrim is much too depressed and drained to even think about moving. not after the uncertainty of eridan's situation, and karkat's mysterious passing. but she stirs when she hears the knock and goes to answer it, looking incredibly tired* Oh...

PORRIM: Kankri... Hey.

KANKRI: *He is standing there in front of her door when it opens, hand out stretched as if he was about to try knocking again. He can hardly look at her but once he glances up the panic and pain in his expression is quite clear. As is the fact that he hasn't slept for even a single minute all this time, judging from the bags forming under his eyes and how exaughsted he appears with slumped shoulders. His eyes are wet with pink tears as he had only recently managed to stop really crying.* ........... *He opens his mouth to say something, but flounders with even making a single word before dropping his gaze to their feet again. He wasn't... He wasn't used to this. He didn't know how to handle a series of events like this.*

PORRIM: *did anyone, really? porrim could sympathize, even with everything she'd been through, she wasn't quite jaded to it yet, and she can only imagine how all this must be impacting Kankri. It's all happening so fast. She didn't even care about the issues they had before. It all seemed rather trivial, now.*

PORRIM: Yo+u can co+me in. *stands aside*

KANKRI: *He steps inside wordlessly without a responce. If he even looked as fragile as he felt, he would still look like a timebomb. He only speaks up once he crosses completely over the thresh hold and into her room.* I-Is Mituna 9r Dam-.... they here? *His voice is quite and trails off midway through the first sentence.*

PORRIM: *she shakes her head. they had other places to be at the moment, other people to comfort and to comfort them.* It's just me right no+w.

PORRIM: *moves to take a seat on her bed*

KANKRI: *That is a relief to hear because, while Kankri would have made an attempt to go sit by her any other time, he doesn't feel like he can take another step and instead pathetically sinks to sit right on the floor. His hands already pressing into his eye sockets as he dry sobs.*

PORRIM: *oh... well, she can't stay on the bed now. she's by his side again without a second thought, resting on the floor and wrapping her arms around him tight.*

KANKRI: *This is probably one of the only times they have known each other that Kankri allows her to be this close and physically touching him in such a way. And to make things crazier, he actually turns towards her and hugs her back just as tight as the flood gates open. His entire body trembling with his crying. Kankri knows she must be feeling just as terrible. Possibly even more so. But he has no one else he could turn to and was too terrified of being alone anymore.*

KANKRI: I d-dont-- I'm-- *He tries to speak into her shoulder but its choked out before he can finish a sentence.-

PORRIM: Shh... It's o+kay. *it's easy to try to be a protector, but maybe not quite as easy as it was. and before she knows it, the tears are flowing for her as well. her hold on him tightens, to steady herself as much as for him.*

KANKRI: *Kankri was so much hot air. He liked to boast on how he had his shit together. How near nothing /really/ bothered him personally. And yet here he was bawling like a child when there were those who had far more right to this sort of feeling of helplessness. It had all just been too much. Losing his planet, his home. The mental terror that had been seeing that monsterous contruction of his vanished caretaker. The death, violence and suffering. He wasn't used to anything like this. It was too much and now he couldn't even entertain the thought of leaving, he was trapped.*

KANKRI: I w-want... t-to g-go... h-hhh-ome. *It murdered his pride the moment that phrase slipped from his treasonous mouth. Just kill him now honestly.*

PORRIM: *she winces hearing those words, knowing there's nothing anyone can do about it. he was just as trapped as the rest of them, and unfortunately, it had been his decision. there's a tightness in her chest as sympathy washes over her. so many times she had felt that very same way when she faced uncertainty, and maybe she still did sometimes, at the very back of her mind. what if she had just stayed on alternia in the brooding caverns? what if she had just accepted her fate? sometimes she wonders how things could have been different... but the reality was that she was here with kankri in that exact moment, and to her, that's all that really mattered.*

PORRIM: I kno+w, Kankri... I'm so+ so+rry. *she chokes on the words a little, burying her face into his hair between his horns.*

KANKRI: *They are both full grown adults sobbing about things they can't change and had Kankri ever entertained the idea of this happening before he would have scoffed at it. By this point he stops trying to make words all together, resigning to keep crying into her shoulder as she does into his hair until he is spent and now just a hiccuping mess of watery eyes and shoulders trembling from exhaustion of sobbing so much.*

PORRIM: *as exhausting as it is for her as well, there's a strange relief too. there was so much she was holding inside, but kankri's presence, making himself so vulnerable, seemed to open the emotional floodgates until all the ugliness that had built up was washed away. she draws in a staggering breath, but when she lets it out, she feels much calmer, but her nerves still drove her to impulsively begin playing with the other's hair. petting it back into place after messing it up by nuzzling into it.*

KANKRI: *There is a faint grumbled argument to this hair playing coming from Kankri's hidden face. Which is a clear indication that he must be feeling some level of better if he is already nitpicking the attention. However he doesn't make a move to shoo her hand away and sighs into her shoulder again instead.*

KANKRI: *It did feel good to cry. To get out the emotional garbage clogging him up. Maybe everyone telling him about being more open with his emotions had a point...*

PORRIM: *she can't help smiling a little at the mumbled disapproval. it's a good sign, and not to mention, familiar. strangely comforting, when it's usually such a nuisance. when she feels settled enough, she leans into him again, shutting her eyes as she fully embraces the sleepy aftermath of a good cry. she could easily stay like this, if kankri doesn't oppose too much.*

KANKRI: *He wouldn't oppose even if he wanted to, in fact his arms still remain limply wrapped around her as he tilts his face away from her tear stained shoulder enough to talk.* Can... Can I stay here. F9r a little while.

PORRIM: Of co+urse yo+u can, Kankri. Stay as lo+ng as yo+u need to+. *her voice is soft, as she rubs gently on his shoulder*