#two for two!!!!

Last night, I had a sex dream about you. I was wrapped in his arms, but we were sloppy-mouth, skin-on-skin in my sleep. It’s been months since I stopped confusing fascination for infatuation so I wonder why I’m finding it so hard to stop thinking about you. I guess I just don’t know when to stop.

I do not feel trusted or trustworthy, but all I really want is just to hear your secrets. I’m not naive enough to think that your sadness is beautiful, but god knows that you are, and I am drowning in my own inability to distinguish safe feelings from the ones that leave me cold-sweating in your sheets.

And when he left in the morning, and I was left without arms to hold me back from my own fantasies, I was colder than I have ever been, but avoided your skin as well as I could. And I know that cold is the only temperature you come in, but I am adjusting to the winter. I have never been so afraid of finding heat in the cold.

You invited me in but I waited on the threshold, not sure I’d be able to leave once I entered. When I finally found myself on your floor, I was playing off-key Noah and the Whale on your ukulele and that song makes me think about kissing you. A lot of things make me think about kissing you. I’m sorry, I still think about kissing you.