Never ever in a million years i thought i would come back to my blog to share this . Its been years since Iâve been active on here but Liam Payne was a huge part of my life . HUGE . I just want to hug every single one of you because only we know how much this is hurting. rest in peace Liam Payne , like i said millions of years ago i will love you forever .
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Twenty-eight weeks pregnant. Almost five months since the world ended. Thirty-seven days since we lost the house. Three and a half months without the group. Without Daryl.
It was not all bad. We had good moments. Each one had kept their own car and we could carry a lot of things with us, things that made us safe and comfortable. We had weapons, food, water, and we got good in finding shelter. Basements were our spot of choice and we could stay in a place for about a week until all resources from said place were gone or if we were overrun. Our little four-way group, just like it had been when it was just Michonne, Andrea and I, worked great together. The three of them kept on looking at me for the most important decisions, but most part of time we all thought like one, sometimes we didnât even need to speak.
Merle was⌠Adapting. And incredibly more capable of adapting I would have ever thought he was. Not being on drugs or even drinking anymore had changed him. Well, of course, he was still Merle. Hot headed, foul mouthed, surely an asshole. On the first few days he came on to Andrea and Michonne like a thirsty man at the sight of water, but was slowly letting it go, respecting them more. But one thing he did from the first day on the road as protect. Merle was like our body guard, not that we needed it too much since the three of us were more than capable of fighting, but he took upon himself that this was his role, he would protect and defend us. This I had always known about Merle. Even when he was a bad person, heâd always had my back, had always protected me. The man was loyal to a fault. It was a Dixon thing. I would never forget how at the simple sight of me Merle had turned his back to the bandits heâd been working for, given up on a big, thriving community with all the comforts that came with it, and walked away with us to live the perils of homelessness in the apocalypse, all to be near me again. Not that I understood it completely. I didnât really know why he was such a loyal friend to me. Not that I was complaining, of course. Having him around was good, he was even able to make me laugh and was showing the good parts of his personality.
He also made me feel somehow closer to Daryl and, incredibly, made me keep the positivity that one day weâd find him. My hopes went down many, many times, to the point I could give up and just accept Daryl was in the past, but Merle would have it. He was certain weâd still find him, just like heâd been certain he would one day find me and his brother. Merle had always though heâd find us together, at the same time, and not separately, but still. He believed it for real and made me keep faith as well.
That day we had been driven away from the bank weâd been holed up in for nearly a week by a small heard and the fact that the place was stinking so bad it was getting hard to breathe in, so we were on the road again. We had taken to drive only two cars and tow the others with ropes as a form of saving gas but still having all the cars.
It was a dirt side road, much like where our previous house had been, and there was an untrimmed, overgrown long hedge that went on for like fifty or sixty yards until there was a wide opening at a corner. I slowed down to a stop, looking at it. Seconds later, Andrea stopped her car by our side and I could see she and Michonne were also observing the same thing I was.
âWhat ya thinkâs inside?â Merle asked by my side.
âLetâs find out,â and I moved with the car again until we parked in front of the opening.
Inside we could see it was a paved street that elongated into the area, trees all around it and two or three houses barely visible, one of them pretty close to the opening. It was very quiet. The four of us came out of the cars, all thinking the same. We would do the same thing weâd been doing for so long: check, clear, loot, and if it was good, stay for as long it was possible.
It was a huge square shaped area, streets on two sides with the gateless opening right on the corner, and dense woods on the other two sides. It took us a while to round it all and make sure it was all closed â it wasnât, really, there was a small metal fence gate on the back that led to the woods, weed overgrown nearly covering it all, rusted and locked tight. Â Getting back to the opening, we slowly and silently made our way in.
Before we could reach the first house, though â it was a mobile home styled house, we could see now, walkers came out of the trees and from around the house itself. Many of them. Refusing to shoot because of the noise, we dealt with over a ten of them before getting to the minuscule house porch. More were coming when Merle busted the door opened, no time to check for sound or look through the windows this time, and we entered. There were two more inside, which Andrea and Michonne killed off as Merle and I dragged a couch to secure the door with its ruined lock. Walkers outside tried to get in, loud groans and nails scratching the wooden door.
Still silently, we checked the house and found it was clear. It was a tiny one-bedroom trailer, fully furnished, with just the one door as a way in. I was already opening the kitchen cabinets trying to find anything useful and it was all there, like someone had been living there before the world ended and left without packing anything. There were bags of chips and pasta and cans of soup, meat and sauces. In the bedroom Andrea found a dresser filled with menâs clothes.
Merle was already sitting on the couch, groaning at his aching legs, when we all gathered there, the walkers outside still trying to get to us. Right by the door there was a table and booth and a window above it. Sliding into the booth and taking my knife out, I opened at the window a crack and hit the knife there on the windowsill to get their attention off the door. Using the crack, I started stabbing their heads, making them drop one by one. Michonne quietly approached and gestured me to let her do it after around ten minutes Iâd been doing it, and kept on going. The number of walkers increased, their own kind attracting the attention of others, and then dropped again until no more were heard around the house. Outside, there was a pile of dead, fetid corpses.
âLetâs get the cars in,â I told them, the first word Iâd spoken in hours.
We had to skip over the walkersâ bodies to get out of the trailer and then went back outside to get the cars. The noise of the engines attracted more of them.
âSon of a bitch, motherfuckers just keep cominâ!â
âWeâll do the same again,â I said from his side in the car. âGo further, to the next house.â
The second house was a little larger than the first, and it looked a bit more well taken care of. The owner was still inside, a chubby little old lady who might have been a cute grandma once. It was not hard putting her down. This house was a two-bedroom, cozy little home with flowery curtains on the kitchen window and what had been daisies now dry in a vase.
Right across the street there was the largest of the three houses, painted in olive with white windows and a more spacious porch. This house was the next one weâd go in, but it was probably going to be the last one because it was going to get dark soon. We crossed the street on a quick run and tested the door before busting it open and found it unlocked. Al usual, Merle went in first and froze right there, the three of us hovering around his shoulders.
âMove Merle!â Michonne told him as we eyed the walkers that were coming close to our backs.
Instead, Merle put his arms up, his knifed stump in the air as he said, âNo need to shoot, man.â
Fuck.
Looking around him, I saw there was a man inside, a .12 shotgun pointed right at Merleâs chest.
âIncoming!â Andrea warned us and I had to turn away from the living man threat to deal with the dead ones. Still under the manâs aim, Merle didnât move to help us, but he did step away from the threshold and back onto the porch. We were lucky there werenât many of them on this tide. Finishing the last one, I ran back to Merle and rounded him as I dropped my bush axe and stood in front of him.
âFuck you doinâ?â Merle reacted.
âHey, we mean no harm!â I told the man who looked from Merle to me. He looked like he was trying to be firm but his eyes betrayed him. He was scared as hell. âWeâre just looking for a safe place, same as everyone else! Weâll just go,â and I nudged Merle with my back to his chest to make him take a step back, which he did.
âWill?â
Okay, what? It was a female voice, weak and sounding real old, coming from the inside of the house. The man, Will, turned his head nervously to look at the direction it came from and them back at us.
âDâyou have company, dear?â she spoke again.
âNo, Ma!â Will said nervously. âWas just someone at the wrong house. Theyâll be goinâ away now!â
âOh, okay. I just made lemonade, if they want some!â
âGo!â Will ordered.
âYou got a group?â I asked him.
âSam, letâs just go!â Michonne whispered from behind me.
âNo group, but this is our house and youâre not welcome!â
âItâs just you in this place?â
âThat I know of.â
âWe ainât a threat, Will,â I told him, trying to sound calm, my hands still in the air. âWere just looking for a safe place. We might stay in one of the other houses for the night, if you donât mind.â
âHow can I be sure you ainât a threat?â he asked and his voice shook a little.
âYou got an elder here, man,â Merle answered instead of me. âWouldnât harm an old lady.â
His shotgun went down just a little as he said, âJust stay away from my house!â
âWe will!â I assured him and told the others over my shoulder, âGo on guys, letâs go back across the street.â
Behind me I felt them move backwards, Merleâs chest not touching my back now, and I saw as Will licked his dry lips nervously.
âYou got any food?â he asked.
âNot much, but I can spare you some if youâre hungry,â I told him. âBut only if you stop pointing that gun on us.â
He looked to his side into the house again and back at us nervously before doing so. We were still outside.
âSheâs 97,â he told us. âShe ainât got a clue whatâs happeninâ.â
âI understand, Will. My name is Sam, this is Merle,â he looked at Merle who was hovering over my shoulders. âAndrea and Michonne. We really donât mean any harm, okay?â
He nodded nervously, swallowing hard.
âShe didnât really make a lemonade, ya know.â
âThought so,â I tried smiling at him, but my heart was still accelerated. âItâs just the two of you?â
âNo, my sisterâs out there, went looking for food. We wanted to go in the other houses but thereâs always dead people inside. Canât get bit and leave Ma alone.â
âOkay, just make sure your sister doesnât shoot us when she comes back home?â I asked him and he nodded. âWeâll get you some cans, alright?â
âYa sure âbout that, darlinâ?â Merle asked me. âMan just had a fuckinâ shotgun pointed at my chest a minute ago.â
âYeah, and we tried to break into his house. Youâd do the same.â
âYa sure ya can spare?â Will asked and eyed my stomach. âI see ya need it.â
âWouldnât give it away if we couldnât spare it.â
I did give him some, weâd found a good amount in the first house and had all that weâd been carrying with us in the cars. We were good. We didnât get to see his old mother then, we just went back to the house across the street and stayed there. Sun went down and we arranged a quick dinner â there was still gas in the gas canister outside, so we could warm the food up and boil the water that came out of the faucet. It was a clear water but you never know. After eating we make sleeping and lookout arrangements.
Merle wouldnât take his eyes off the window and the house across the street. We could see the light of oil lamps in there and shadows inside. Once I could see three of them, which meant the sister had come back without us seeing it. Maybe the house had a back door. They didnât get out or did anything else, though, but I could see Merle was worried and if I knew him well, he wouldnât be leaving that window any time soon.
The house went silent and we lit a few candles to be able to see anything. I stood by Merle, looking out as well. There were crickets and cicadas singing outside and it reminded me of the quarry camp, the tents, and Daryl. As if on cue, the baby moved and I rested my hand on my stomach and I saw Merle look down at it quickly before looking out again.
I thought of when we were on the road and stopped at a gas station, right after we left Savannah. Daryl and Merle were bickering and I heard Merle tell Daryl not to hit on me and I hadnât wanted to hear it that time, but now thinking of it I knew Merle didnât approve the idea then. Thatâs why I hadnât told him yet. Heâd get mad at Daryl for doing what he told him not to do. For some reason⌠But I wanted to tell him, he deserved to know, especially if we were gonna find Daryl sometime in the future. I didnât want it to be a surprise to Merle when I jumped on Daryl right in front of him.
âHey,â I said quietly and Merle looked at me. I pointed at my stomach where my boy was moving quite energetically. Merle didnât understand, so I reached out for his hand and pulled it so heâd feel it. His eyes went wide when the baby jumped under his palm. Heâd never felt it before. âThis baby? Thatâs your nephew,â I whispered. âDaryl may not have made it, but he wanted it. And I wanted it to be his too, so it is. Thatâs your nephew.â
His look was unreadable, expressionless, but his large, calloused hand still rested there. The baby stopped after a few seconds and I let his hand go and he withdrew it, but still looked at me.
âI know you told him not to,â I moved on. âBut we did get together. For a whole four days before that fuckinâ night. And it was real. It was that real thing people talk about and I never believed Iâd find.â
Merle looked out the window again, thoughtful. âThought so,â he told me. âThe way you talk âbout âimâŚâ
âI love him, Merle,â I told him firmly yet gently.
He nodded and was silent for a long moment until he finally said âTold him not to come onto ya.â
âI know. Just donât know why.â
ââCause we Dixonâs no good,â he said bitterly ad looked sideways at me. âKnown that my whole life. Thought ya could do better.â
âThatâs not true, Merle. Fuck do you mean, no good? You two have been rocks in my life since that fuckinâ night at my place. Having my back, protecting me, being my friends, my family. Even before when you were a sonofabitch all the time, you were my friend.â
âEven when I tried to get you ta drink?â
His voice was so bitter when he said that, that I knew heâd been thinking about that night. He felt guilty, ashamed for what heâd done. And he should, it had been a shitty move.
âYou did wrong then, Merle, but ya different now. A sober Merleâs a whole different person. I guess you just didnât know that âcause youâd been drunk and stoned for too long.â
âGot told that ma whole fuckinâ life,â his voice sounded like a low thunder. âOld Will Dixon?â he said taking an unconscious look at the house across the street where the other Will lived. âAlways sayinâ we were just likeâim.â
âYeah, I know all about the old Dixon,â I said angrily. âWhat he did to Daryl⌠And to you, getting you two to believe you were pieces âo shit like he was. He just wanted his boys not to be better than him and you both believed it. You even kept telling Daryl those things yourself, âcause you believedâem,â and then I turned fully to Merle, arms crossed. âWell, ya know what? Old Dixon had no fuckinâ idea what he was on about. He didnât know his sons the way I do now. Ya good enough, Merle. You good enough to be my family and Darylâs good enough to be my man.â
I donât think nobody had ever said good things to Merle before. I donât think anybody had had his back. Nobody had been kind to him and thatâs why he got fucked up like he still was, believed himself a piece of shit and therefore acted like it.
He was silent for a long time and I let the moment stretch. He was thinking hard.
âWe had a sister, ya know?â he finally said.
âI know. Georgia.â
He nodded, âMeningitis,â he told me. âShe was seven, just one year older than Daryl, I was fifteen. Ya reminded me oâ her,â I nodded, wordless. Heâd called me Georgia up on the roof in Atlanta. âIf that baby thereâs my nephewâŚâ he looked at me. âThat means ya my sister.â
My eyes filled up with tears. That was it, this was my brother. I had a family. I had two sisters who were sleeping right now, and now I had a brother as well.
âNot that ya takinâ Georgiaâs place,â Merle felt the need to say. âNo replacing that little angel.â
I laughed tearfully, âI know that. And ya know, you my brother, Merle, but Daryl?â I shook my head slowly. âDaryl ainât my brother!â
He laughed too saying âDonât make this gross!â
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Ok so this post is going to be different from my usual art posts.
For the fandom; It is really annoying to see yâall tear each other down over ships. Itâs ok to disagree with a ship, but to straight up start mocking or talking shit to one another is petty and unnecessary. Yâall also need to remember that Carol, Daryl, Connie, Ezekiel, and Beth are not real people BUT Melissa, Norman, Khary, Emily, and Lauren are real people with real emotions and feelings. When you make fun of the character, you are also making fun of the actor, which is really fucking mean. Whether you are a Caryler, Carzekiel, Donnie, or Bethyl (ok that one is weird because that one was a minor/adult ship) *Â Â you shouldnât actively seek out another ship and start talking shit to one another.
*Edit: I have been told that Beth was of age when she was around Daryl. So I apologize for that. Iâm also leaving what I said because people should learn to say sorry when they are wrong. No shame in that yo.Â
So stop fighting already!. Be nice to one another! We canât have nice things because of this petty shit. Remember that the actor is not literally the character they play, and the actor does not deserve your shit or ridicule.
If anything, we should join forces and go after the people responsible for the show because they keep teasing romances between the characters, which causes drama within the fandom, and in the end the show goes in a different direction and puts the characters with someone else. So yâall fought for literally nothing. Go after the show and tell them to straight up say which ship will never happen because teasing fans for views is pretty mean.
Btw this is a piece of art from a BTS photo of Melissa and Norman. Hence why I named it McReedus and not Caryl.