An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
In this chapter: Toshinori and Izuku share painful experiences through OFA. Izuku forgets, and hurts himself. Cue Dadmight.
Warnings: Self-harm, self harming behavior, blood, cutting, emotional turmoil. Lot's of heavy stuff so please be careful when reading this, and skip this one if it'll trigger you.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
â Live Streamingâ Interactive Chatâ Private Showsâ HD Qualityâ Free Actions
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
I feel really emotionally hurt. Some of my so called close friends are staying quiet about another friend who was making cutting jokes. And I think I just literally feel so invalidated that it makes my skin crawl. I feel like Iâm obsessing but Iâm not Iâm just taking attention of real things that have happened it helps me to feel better, so Iâm just not making this all up. But I made a post on FB saying how I wonât tolerate cutting jokes and they didnât react to it, or any of my others posts since Iâve cut off my old friend Jenna. And theyâre on social media. They have viewed my stories on Instagram and Snapchat. Theyâre liking other posts. Youâre not telling me they havenât seen my FB posts? /Whatever Iâll say their names. /Brooke posted on her IG story a Mental Illness quote about treating everyone with kindness and love. And Iâm like ?? If youâre going to support mental health and illness then fucking stand up for me when someone makes cutting jokes and donât choose a âneutralâ side you spineless, basic, white bitch đ this shouldnât even be controversial?? Grace nor Brooke even acknowledged my feelings and how this affects me. Jenna saying âlol slit your wristsâ all day, and Brooke responding âoh she didnât mean to hurt your feelings, she feels bad and loves you!â. OK but what about my feelings ? Nobody came to me and said âIâm sorry you feel hurt and upset by these jokes, how can I help?â. I WANT an apology but Iâve never gotten them my whole life so why really expect anything now.
I cut off one of my âbest friendsâ because she kept making jokes about cutting, and it hurts even worse because some of my other friends donât stand up for me, which makes me feel like theyâre okay with it. And itâs not okay.
I feel like there are certain double standards when it comes to cutting. Like, if you need to be in stitches to feel anything ever, like thatâs a problem. But like, Iâve cut before. But, I never go deep. And I always make sure the blade is clean, and that I clean the cut afterwards. And, when I do it, it actually legitimately helps my mental state. Iâve managed to refrain from it for about a year, but yeah.
I think people make such a big deal of it, because itâs considered a deviant behavior. Like, other forms of self harm are not stigmatized, and people donât try to shame you for doing it. Working over 50 hours a week, giving yourself no breathing time? âGood on you! there need to be more people with your work ethic and discipline.â Having a cancerous nicotine habit? Drinking yourself into a stupor every weekend? âWell, everyone has their poison. Itâs your body. As long as you arenât hurting anyone else.â Or the idea that women have to only eat salad if they want to be feminine?
My point is that there are so many self harming behaviors that people donât make a deal out of. Being a workaholic fits well within social hegemony. Adhering to unrealistic body standards fits within social hegemony. Substance addiction doesnât, but so long as you arenât using anything illegal, people are so fucking lackadaisical about it. The main difference between the things I just said and cutting is that people think itâs deviant. Youâre a freak. It means that you have violent impulses or something, and maybe youâll cut someone else some time. Thatâs how people see it.
I canât conclude that cutting is fine, but I feel like we hold it to a different standard than other forms of self harming behavior. So like, if you know someone who cuts, maybe, maybe, donât freak out on them? Donât flip their shit about it. Youâll make them more upset. Then, theyâll want to cut more. Theyâll just get better at hiding it. Then what? You strip search them anytime youâre suspicious??
I started off around 16. I did it for attention at first. But then I realized, it was one thing that I knew I could do if I felt like absolute shit, give me something to do. Make the pain go away. So I kept on doing it, but started hiding it. As far as most people know, I stopped when I was 17. Itâs been a year and one month since Iâve cut. But the way I see it, I havenât stopped cutting. Iâve just slowed down. Itâs not a matter of if I will, but when I will.
I donât want to end on such a down note. Iâm venting mostly, but I hope that this post is a source of help, not harm. There are other ways to cope. And, I donât want to encourage cutting or other self harming behaviors. Itâs just, be nice to people. I see shaming or making a big deal out of it for someone who cuts as the same as shaming or making a big deal towards someone with an eating disorder. Youâre. not. helping. Maybe Iâll hit myself with a rubber band or something. Something that a therapist recommended a while back.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
â Live Streamingâ Interactive Chatâ Private Showsâ HD Qualityâ Free Actions
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
THE CYANIDE
Honesty, Dissolving Regret, Pouring out the Poison
âŚYou read the label, neatly penned, as though it were a bit of rosewater or a daily vitamin: Cyanide. And now, it speaks to you. âI have been collecting your poison for many years. Your self doubts, your regrets, the punishments you never deserved. Give me your last drop.â
Sharp Objects: Female anger, trauma and small town horror
âDonât tell Mama.â
During the first episode of Sharp Objects, I already suspected that the series wouldnât become what it appeared to be at first sight: a straightforward murder drama told from the standpoint of a somewhat unreliable protagonist. And I was right. The fantastic HBO series was an exploration of inherited trauma and female anger.
Journalist Camille Preaker (Amy Adams proving sheâs indeed one of the best actresses of her generation) didnât want to return to her home town of Wind Gap. Not even to solve the murder of two girls. But her editor-in-chief wanted it that way, so off she goes to Missouri anyway. She conceals and attempts to flee her past through the liters of liquor she downs and the long sleeves and trousers she wears even in the sweltering sun.
Her mother Adora (Patricia Clarkson) is obsessed with how she is perceived in the eyes of her fellow villagers, and as a result, she is ashamed of everything Camille does and has come to do in Wind Gap. After the murders, she is also extremely overprotective of Camille's younger sister Amma (Eliza Scanlan).
She did the same when Camille was young. Her sister Marian, who has long since died, was constantly ill, and Adora transferred that fear to her youngest child. But the dominant overprotective behavior clearly had an effect on both Adora's daughters.
Camille resisted her mother and Amma rebelled outside of her home by dressing defiantly, partying and drinking. But Camille was overwhelmed by all her internalized anger and trauma after her sister's death and began to drink and cut herself to cope.
And in this, we see a striking example of how women often deal with emotion, especially anger. Whichever way you look at it, women are still often underestimated today. The frustration that comes from this usually isnât expressed out loud. We focus our frustration mainly on ourselves.
But conversely, there is also another problem. Men, even boys, are taught not to show "soft" emotions, such as sadness or fear. Which is why in some cases thatâs channeled into anger and violence, as they think âreal menâ are supposed to.
Itâs also the reason why nobody in Wind Gap doubts that a man killed the girls. they believe, a woman doesnât possess the physical strength to pull out teeth with pliers, as happened with the girls. A prime example of gender prejudices.Â
But the anger of Camille (and Amma) comes mainly from trauma, and their mother is central to that. Strangely enough, thatâs been a theme that has so far been discussed very little in films and TV. Women with "daddy issues" abound, but the relationship between mothers and daughters is at least as important - and can be equally as damaging.
In the vast majority of pop culture, a bad relationship with the father usually in  (a straight) woman rears its head especially when she wants to enter into a romantic relationship herself.Â
But it first and foremost has an effect on the person themselves In the case of a bad relationship with a mother, as is the case with Camille and Adora, the focus is more on how that has changed Camille's personality. Relationships are part of this. Even in that area, there is a difference in representation.
A mother is the first and most important female role model in our lives. Consciously or unconsciously, we want her to be proud of who we are and what we do. And the view about when you are doing just right with your life sometimes conflicts.Â
Criticism or rejection by a mother is usually harder to swallow than that of someone else. This can also cause a lot of frustration. A cracked mother-daughter relationship can at times be loving, but often also hard and irreparably broken. And it's refreshing to see this covered in Sharp Objects.
The series was probably described by many as a slow burn because you donât get the fast progress from plot point to plot point, where all developments are clearly pointed out or repeated. However, Sharp Objects gives you everything you need. Not a single minute, second is wasted. The unusual, flashy editing style hides more information than you will realize at first sight.
We get to know Camille thinks thanks to the flashbacks and dream images. Only afterward do you understand where each moment had its place. This isnât a series that you can put on in the background while reading the newspaper or folding up the laundry.Â
Jean-Marc VallĂŠe forces you to be attentive, to look beyond what you see. And that isnât so difficult thanks to the pace and dosage of information. That's why Sharp Objects feels like a horror movie at certain moments.
Camille feels uncomfortable in the home town where she no longer belongs. That feeling is transferred to us, which at times really makes for uneasy viewing. All characters in Wind Gap seem to be the opposite of our guide to the town, to such a degree that it instantly creates the feeling something absolutely must be wrong.
The slow, hypnotic images of the roller-skating girls - who often seem to be the only people out in public - the close-ups and focus on Adora, Alan and his great love, his music installation, the women in Wind Gap...
With Camille, we get sporadic glimpses of what she hides, but all others remain a closed book. If you then find out that some of them do indeed have something to hide, you feel validated, but not taken aback or disappointed. Because Camille is our anchor point in this world, and she knows better than anyone that still waters run deep.
âI'm here, I said, and it felt shockingly comforting those words. When I'm panicked, I say them aloud to myself. I'm here. I don't usually feel that I am. I feel like a warm gust of wind could exhale my way and I'd be disappeared forever, not even a sliver of fingernail left behind. On some days, I find this thought calming; on others, it chills me.â
â Gillian Flynn, Sharp Objects