#tw: hyperventilating

I feel like I should add a few warnings before saying more. Today's GMM involved breathing noises, hallucinations and hyperventilating - all of which may disturb some people. I will discuss these things in this post, because they were the theme of the episode.

I have a severe panic disorder diagnosis, and although it in my case manifests mostly as an inability to leave my home, I definately have had panic attacks before, and I know how hyperventilating normally makes me feel. I also have severe social anxiety, which in turns means that I have literally stopped breathing when I heard someone walk outside my door in an apartment house. I could say breathing is quite problematic for me.

When I first realized Rhett and Link were going to perform a breathing exercise in order to induce hallucinations, it didn't sound like a good idea. In fact, for a split second I was annoyed by the idea that people would do something like this on purpose, when there are so many people who'd give anything to never experience another panic attack.

But then, I remembered that learning to control your breathing is a way to actually learn to control your panic attacks. I've learned about correct breathing in physiotherapy, and my mantra in "you can always breathe". I've done breathing exercises to relax and ground myself before, and this is just another way of grounding I wasn't familiar with before.

At first I thought R&L were overexaggerating their sensations for comedic reasons, but since the tingling feeling during hyperventilating, like what Link described, is so familiar to me, I think they were really experiencing all of those weird things. I know your mind easily drifts away during relaxation sessions, so Rhett's quarry fantasy was probably authentic - at least until the two sheriffs got involved. I couldn't help but wonder if Link got uncomfortable with losing control like this - I think he started commenting his sensations in order to not completely lose it at the most intense moment. Letting go can be difficult, even without the cameras.

The whole experience seemed to be pretty intense. It was hilarious how they were so drained after, and couldn't even spin the wheel. And in More, Chase had to direct the conversation with the instructor because the guys were just babbling, when usually they are so talented at having an informative conversation with their guests.

I may actually try this myself despite being specifically told not to by Rhett. I'm open to trying anything if it relieves my anxiety or helps me ground myself. But I'll leave out the candles, dj Breath and the guy with halitosis and a bundle of smoking sage stuffed in his mouth.