I have been relatively silent. But I feel like...I need to speak and I need to be very blunt and honest here. I can only speak for myself, so this is your disclaimer that I speak for no one but me.

I have been on a relative hiatus. I did not get involved for drama. I got involved to prevent more occurrences. To speak up. Because I felt, and feel, it was the right thing to do.

I have been depressed, my seasonal depression hit hard and the things that came after the post were not easy. It has been an effective litmus test and sadly I have lost people I thought were friends.

And then, this week as I was preparing myself to return, my mother told me she has lung cancer. My boyfriend's mother fell and has a pretty bad concussion. His dad relapsed. My cat was in the hospital and almost died from a urinary blockage. I myself was diagnosed with skin cancer two days before the Born from Blood shakeup when Berrod and I had to make some huge decisions and I was given a crash course in actually leading.

To ice the cupcake of utter crap, this week, at a long overdue eye appointment, I was told I have lost over half the vision in my left eye. My eye structurally looks great, so now I have to go for a scan of my brain to make sure I don't have a tumor pressing on my optic nerve.

I've seen posts. Your own mental health absolutely comes first. If you don't have the ability to handle it or see it, absolutely avoid. ABSOLUTELY PUT YOURSELF FIRST.

I've had...a couple weeks that I wouldn't believe actually happened if I didn't have forms, receipts, appointment cards. I have been depressed with brief flickers of thoughts of self-harm and suicide. I have no spoons or forks to give right now and my health, my wellbeing are first.