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“Hiccup, I’ve been thinking… If I trained a chicken to ride a dragon, does that make me the chicken’s chief?”
🐉 Tuffnut 🐉
"...What?! No, I don't think trai-- Chickens don't even have Chiefs, Tuffnut! If anything, you'll have made Chicken a lot more mobile."
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“Hiccup, what if we’re actually just tiny Vikings living in a dragon’s dream? Think about it.”
🐉 Tuffnut 🐉
"You know, sometimes I wonder just where you come up with these things, Tuff... Then I realize, it's really probably best if I don't know."
“Hey, Hiccy? I have a question for ya. Do you ever just stare into the distance and wonder if dragons judge us as much as we judge them?”
🐉 Tuffnut 🐉
"I...no? Tuffnut, are...why are you judging dragons?"
“Wow! What an accusation! We have clearly changed since that time in history. You of all people really shouldn’t bring up people’s pasts, Hiccy. I mean, you weren’t exactly a role model in your younger days either,” Tuffnut said with a snort.
🐉 Tuffnut 🐉
Hiccup sighed, lifting his hands in exasperation, "Yes, I am well aware of that, Tuff..."
"But do you or Ruffnut really want the, the responsibility being chief comes with? I mean, just think of the Grievance Days alone. You'd have to sit there and listen to the entire village's woes. Not exactly something either of you would readily do."
“Exactly! You have a Night Fury to *protect you*,” he said, dramatically making air quotes to further prove his point. “You also have a strong woman for a girlfriend who can *protect you*. Sooooo no? I just don’t see it. But don’t worry, with my training and guidance, we can turn you into a proper boyfriend.” There was a proud, mischievous smile on his face.
🐉 Tuffnut 🐉
Hiccup looked at his friend in shock, his jaw dropped.
"You, you do realize I spar with Astrid pretty frequently, yeah? And have managed to hold my own pretty successfully, without Toothless' help, and Astrid holding nothing back? Because I feel like you should, given that you and Ruffnut often observe the matches."
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“Wait… people ship you and… Ruffnut?! Yeah, no. That won’t do,” he said, one hand on hip, the other waving in the air. “You’d be better off marrying a yak than being with that disaster.” He placed his hands on his friend’s shoulders, a very serious look on his face. “Hiccy, we can do better. Stick with your obvious mate of choice. At least she could protect your pathetic form if the need arose.”
🐉 Tuffnut 🐉
"Well, I wouldn't say she's a disaster, but I love Astrid, so--" His eyes widened, "Pathetic? Wait, I'm not--you really think I still need protecting? I have a Night Fury, Tuff! I built a sword that lights on fire! You do realize I can protect myself, don't you?"
“Bro. Bro. Listen. I know this is supposed to be your day, but honestly, it’s kinda my day too. Because I helped prepare you for fatherhood. You’re welcome.
Remember all those times I caused chaos, disappeared mid-battle, got stuck in a tree, or made you question your will to live? That was training. For Zephyr and Nuffink. You’re basically overqualified now.
Also, I tried to get them yak milk ice cream but it exploded, so instead I wrote you a poem.
‘Roses are red, Dragons breathe flame,
Your kids are cool,And I take the blame.
For everything. Probably.’
So happy Father’s Day to the best dad/chief/bro I never biologically had.
P.S. I taught Nuffink how to climb on the roof. You’re welcome again.”
🐉 Tuffnut 🐉
"You...you what?"
Arching a brow, he placed his hands on his hips. Hiccup was skeptical at first, but the more Tuffnut spoke, the more it started making sense. That alone surprised Hiccup, but Tuff was right.
All of the chaos he put Hiccup through really helped to prepare him for just about every situation.
The poem made him laugh, closing his eyes and shaking his head. The other dragon rider was one of his best friends, and rightfully so. They had certainly been through a lot together.
"You know what, Tuffnut? You're right. You truly helped me be prepared for fatherhood. And that is why my kids are lucky to have you as their uncle."
His eyes widened, "Wait, you what?! Tuff, you know that Nuffink thinks he's indestructible!" Hopping on Toothless, he flew home, begging Thor that Nuffink was not on the roof, but safe and sound.
Okay, listen. What if—just hear me out—we replace all the saddles with giant spoons? You just sit in a spoon, cradle-style, and let the dragon do all the work. No more uncomfortable saddles. Just smooth, spoon-riding luxury.
- Tuffnut -
Hiccup arched a brow, crossing his arms. "Spoons?" Bringing his fingers to his brow, he shook his head. "Tuffnut, wouldn't metal be less comfortable than leather? For both people and dragons? And what about those tight turns? The spoons--and us inside--would be likely to fall off. Not to mention the fact that it'd be less aerodynamic."
Placing a hand on his friends shoulder, he said, "You do have great ideas, don't get me wrong, but just keep practicality in mind when brainstorming."
