Alien Medicine - We're the Aliens
Ttomalss studied the report that had come up from the Moishe Russie Medical College. Based on our present knowledge of Tosevite physiology and of available immunizations, the physician named Shpaaka wrote, it seems possible, even probable, that the specimen may, after receiving the said immunizations, safely interact with wild Tosevites. Nothing in medicine, however, is so certain as it is in engineering.
After more mutters, he telephoned Kassquit. âI greet you, superior sir,â she said. âHow are you this morning?â
âI am well, thank you,â Ttomalss answered. âAnd yourself?â
âVery well,â she said. âAnd what is the occasion of this call?â
She undoubtedly knew. She could hardly help knowing. That she asked had to mean she was unhappy about proceeding. Even so, Ttomalss explained the news heâd got from the physician down on the surface of Tosev 3. He finished, âAre you willing to undergo this series of immunizations so you are physically able to meet with wild Big Uglies?â
âI do not know, superior sir,â Kassquit replied. âWhat are the effects of the immunizations likely to be on me?â
âI do not suppose there will be very many effects,â Ttomalss said. âWhy should there be? There are no major effects to immunizations among the Race. I had most of mine in early hatchlinghood, and scarcely remember them.â
âI see.â Kassquit made the affirmative hand gesture to show she understood. But then she said, âStill, these would not be immunizations from the Race. They would be immunizations from the Big Uglies, for Tosevite diseases. The Big Uglies are less advanced than the Race in a great many areas, and I am certain medicine is one of them.â
âWell, no doubt that is a truth.â Ttomalss admitted what he could hardly deny. âLet me inquire of Shpaaka. When he gives me the answer, I shall relay it to you.â He broke the connection.
On telephoning the physician, he got a recorded message telling him Shpaaka had gone to teach and would return his call as soon as possible. His own computer had the same kind of programming, which didnât make him any happier about being on the receiving end of it. Concealing annoyance over such things was part of good manners. He recorded his message and settled into some other work while waiting for Shpaaka to get back to him.
After what seemed forever but really wasnât, the physician did call back. âI greet you, Senior Researcher,â Shpaaka said. âYou asked an interesting question there.â
âI thank you, Senior Physician,â Ttomalss replied. âThe question, however, does not come from me. It comes from my Tosevite ward, who is of course most intimately concerned with it.â
âI see. That certainly makes sense,â Shpaaka said. âI had to do some research of my own before I could give the answer: partly by asking Big Ugly students of their experience with immunizations, partly having some of them consult Tosevite medical texts so they could translate the data in those texts for me.â
âI thank you for your diligence,â Ttomalss said. âAnd what conclusions did you reach?â
âThat Tosevite medicine, like so much on this planet, is primitive and sophisticated at the same time,â the physician told him. âThe Big Uglies know how to stimulate the immune system to make it produce antibodies against various local diseases, but do so by brute force, without caring much about reducing symptoms from the immunizations. Some of them appear to be unpleasant, though none has any long-term consequences worthy of note.â
âI see,â Ttomalss repeated, not altogether happily. If the immunizations were likely to make Kassquit sick, would she want to go forward with them?
Shpaaka said, âI tell you this, Senior Researcher: finding your answer has been one of the more pleasant, enjoyable, and interesting things I have had to do lately.â
âOh?â Ttomalss said, as he was plainly meant to do. âAnd why is that?â
âBecause the medical college has been cast into turmoil, that is why,â the physician replied. âYou may or may not know that some miserable individual who thought he was more clever than he really was devised the brilliant plan of making the Big Uglies pay for the privilege of exercising their superstitions, which has provoked disorder over wide stretches of Tosev 3.â
âYes, I do recall that,â Ttomalss said in faintly strangled tones. Shpaakaâs sarcasm stung. Fortunately, the other male didnât know he was talking to the originator of the plan he scorned.
âYou do? Good,â Shpaaka said. âWell, someone then decided on the converse for the medical college: that no one who failed to give reverence to the spirits of Emperors past would be allowed to continue. What no one anticipated, however, was that many Big Ugliesâincluding some of the most able students, and even including the hatchling of the Big Ugly for whom the medical college was namedâwould be so attached to their superstitions that they would withdraw instead of doing what we required of them.â
âThat is unfortunate, both for them and for relations between the Race and their species,â Ttomalss said.
Shpaaka made the affirmative hand gesture. âIt is also unfortunate for the Tosevites these half-trained individuals will eventually treat. They would have done far better by choosing to stay.â
Ttomalss hadnât thought about infirm Big Uglies. Heâd seen plenty in Chinaârather fewer in the Reich, where the standards of medicine, if not high, were higher. âWell, it cannot be helped,â he said after a brief pause.
âOh, it could be,â Shpaaka said. âAll we have to do is rescind the idiotic policy we are now following. But I do not expect that, and I shall not take up any more of your time advocating it. Good day to you.â
âGood day,â Ttomalss answered, but he was talking to a blank screen: the physician had already gone.
He thought about telephoning Kassquit with the news, but decided to wait and take a meal with her at the refectory so he could pass it along in person. Among the Race, males and females had a harder time saying no in person than they did over the telephone. Ttomalss idly wondered if the same held true among the Big Ugliesâthose of them who had telephones, that is. Eventually, the Race would get around to researching such things. He doubted the time would come while he remained alive, though.
At the next meal, he put Shpaakaâs opinion to Kassquit. âHow do you feel about the notion of bodily discomfort?â he asked.
âI really do not know,â she answered. âI have known very little bodily discomfort in my life here. The notion of illness seems strange to me.â
âYou are fortunateâfar more fortunate than the Big Uglies down on the surface of Tosev 3,â Ttomalss said. âYou have never been exposed to the microorganisms that cause disease among them, and those of the Race do not seem to find you appetizing.â
âIf I were to meet with wild Big Uglies, I would need these immunizations, would I not?â Kassquit asked.
âI would strongly recommend that you have them, at any rate,â Ttomalss said. âI would not wish to see you fall ill as a result of such a meeting.â And I certainly would not wish you to die, not after l have put so much hard work into raising you up to this point.
Kassquit might have plucked that thought right out of his head. She said, âYes, it would be inconvenient to you if I died in the middle of your research, would it not?â After a moment, she added, âIt would also be most inconvenient to me.â She used an emphatic cough.
âOf course it would,â Ttomalss said uncomfortably. âIf you do decide to meet with these wild Tosevites in person, you would be wise to receive these immunizations first.â
âYou very much want me to meet with them, is that not so?â Without waiting for Ttomalssâ reply, Kassquit gave one herself: âIt must be so. Why else would you have gone to all the trouble of raising me?â She sighed. âWell, if I am going to be an experimental animal, I had best be a good one. Is that not a truth, superior sir?â She waved a hand at the refectory full of males and females. âFor all your efforts, and for all mine, I can never fully fit in here, can I?â
âPerhaps not fully, but as much as a Rabotev or a Hallessi.â Ttomalss spoke with care. As Kassquit reached maturity, so did her sense of judgment.
She proved that by making the negative hand gesture. âI believe you are mistaken, superior sir. From all I have been able to learnâand I have done my best to learn all I could, since the matter so urgently concerns meâthe Hallessi and Rabotevs are far more like the Race than Tosevites are. Would you agree with that, or not?â
âI would have to agree,â Ttomalss said, wishing he could do anything but, yet knowing he would forfeit her confidence forever if he lied. âBut I would also have to tell you that, when the day comes when all Tosevites are as acculturated to the ways of the Empire as you are now, the Race will have no difficulty in ruling this planet.â
âMay it be so,â Kassquit said. âAnd you need me to help you make it so, is that not also a truth?â
âYou know it is,â Ttomalss answered. âYou have known it ever since you grew old enough to understand such things.â
Kassquit sighed again. âTruth, superior sir: I have known that. And the best way for me to make it so is for me to begin meeting with Big Uglies in person. You have wanted me to do so since my first telephone conversation with Sam Yeager, and you were surely planning such a thing even before the Big Ugly precipitated matters. Can you truthfully tell me I am mistaken?â
âNo,â Ttomalss said. âI cannot tell you that. But I can tell you I have not tried to force you onto this course, and I shall not do so. If you do not wish it, it shall not be done.â
âFor which I thank youâbut it needs to be done, does it not?â Kassquit asked bleakly. Again, she did not wait for Ttomalss to reply, but answered her own question: âIt does indeed need to be done. Very well, superior sir. I shall do it.â
There in the crowded refectory, Ttomalss rose from his seat and assumed the posture of respect before Kassquit. His Tosevite ward exclaimed in surprise. So did a good many males and females, who also stared and pointed. He didnât care. As far as he was concerned, what heâd done was altogether appropriate. As he rose once more, he said, âI thank you.â
âYou are welcome,â Kassquit answered. âYou may give whatever orders are necessary to begin the immunization process.â
âI shall do that,â Ttomalss said. Heâd almost answered, It shall be done. Kassquit was not his superior. Somehow, though, sheâd made him feel as if she were. He wondered how sheâd managed to do that.












