#ttibs

He knew he couldn’t prevent Y/N from popping in and out of his life, knew that his time was almost up but he couldn’t stop himself from hating it. It felt like the longest goodbye, like in one of those shitty romance films Mina liked so much when you just knew the main character was going to leave and you were just waiting for it to happen. It was a shit situation but Katsuki was determined to make the most of the time he had left, even if it was only a handful of minutes.

Fuck.

When did his life become the plot out of one of his shitty romance novels?

As if summoned by the thought of her a loud pop sounded through the room. Katsuki didn’t bother looking up from the stove, shouting over his shoulder as he flipped over the pork cutlets he had frying, “if you want food you better hurry up and get your ass in here. The idiot squad is coming over and you know Denki won’t leave you anything”. He didn’t think she would still be there when the idiots turned up and he still hadn’t told anyone about her but it was nice to pretend for a second. He imagined it’s what it would be like a few years from now when she was actually there for squad night. The way she was with his cooking Katsuki could imagine her and Denki fighting over it like they hadn’t eaten in weeks, the other blonde pouting when she undoubtedly won.

Silence answered him, the only noise the sound of food frying. Frowning he glanced over his shoulder, expecting to find her leaning against the counter and smiling at him, just watching him as he moved around the kitchen. It had been annoying at first but then he had realised she just liked watching him cook, making light conversation with the occasional question about what he was doing and he liked having her attention so he had never told her to stop. She wasn’t there though, the space annoyingly empty and he frowned in confusion. He had heard it, that loud pop that signalled her arrival so she was definitely in the apartment so where the hell was she?

“If you’re naked just grab something from the bedroom,” he shouted, turning his attention back to the food. It wouldn’t be the first time she had turned up part way undressed and he had learnt quickly to keep a spare set of clothes in his office after the underwear incident. Mina had been suspicious as fuck when she had bumped into him on the way out the store and Katsuki had thankfully been saved from having to explain the bag of women’s clothes he was clutching by a call from the old hag, something he had never thought he would be grateful for. Still there was no answer and an uneasy feeling settled deep in his gut. Surely she hadn’t popped in and out of his time in the same breath?

Katsuki turned off the hob, moving the pan back so the cutlet wouldn’t burn. He snatched up his glass of water off the edge, taking a sip as he headed out of the kitchen in search of the woman. “Hey dumb ass you better appreciate my amazing skills or I’ll let your ungrateful ass go hungry,” he grumbled, turning the corner and stepping out into the living room, hoping the untrue implication he wouldn’t feed her would get her to come scurrying out of her hiding place.

Katsuki came to a sudden stop as he stepped further out into the living room, finally catching sight of the woman. The glass slipped from his fingers, smashing against the floor and sending glass and water flying. Y/N coughed, her head lolling to the side and resting against the wall she was sitting against. Her lips pulled up into a pained smile, blood clinging to her lips. “Hey blondie,” she gasped out, dissolving into a coughing fit that had more blood spluttering from her lips and dripping down her chin.

Katsuki’s body jerked into action, sprinting across the room and dropping to his knees next to her. “Shit, shit, shit,” he chanted, hands scrambling to cover hers that were loosely pressed against her stomach. There was so much blood, her hands and stomach slick with it and it was quickly covering his own hands as he pressed down on the gaping wound he could see peeking out from between her splayed fingers.

His heart slammed against his chest, his ribs and lungs hurting with it as his breathing picked up. Panic and fear gripped hold of him, sinking their nails in and making him feel sick. The bleeding wasn’t stopping, the warm blood bubbling up from under their hands. Cursing Katsuki let go of her and instantly her hands slipped, like his hold had been the only thing keeping them there and exposed the wound even more. It looked like she had been stabbed but by something much larger than a knife, the hole in the left side of her stomach the size of a tennis ball.

He yanked off his top, scrunching it up and pressing it down against her stomach in an attempt to stop the bleeding. She groaned loudly, her back arching slightly as he pressed down hard. He was hurting her, he knew that but if he was going to keep her alive long enough to get help he needed to stop the bleeding before she lost too much and it wouldn’t matter anymore. He needed his phone, needed to call an ambulance but he had stupidly left it on the kitchen table having abandoned it when he started cooking. Maybe if he was quick enough, he would be able to grab it and be back in a matter of seconds. He had to try, couldn’t just sit here and watch her die.

He was about to get up, the pressure on her stomach easing when he felt wet fingers brush against his wrist, stopping any plans he had of moving. “’m sorry,” she slurred and Katsuki’s gaze snapped up to her face, confused as to what she was apologising for. “Last minute, couldn’t tell you,” she mumbled, eyes hazy and distant. It was only then that Katsuki noticed she was in her hero costume, the black and blue fabric ripped and scorched, her deathly pale skin dirty and splattered in blood. Realization sank in like an ice cold blade to the heart. She didn’t know it was him. She thought it was her Katsuki and he felt a surge of rage towards his older self. They had clearly been together so why the hell hadn’t he protected her?

“So pretty,” she whispered, a shaky hand slowly lifting up to cup his scarred cheek. Even through the slightly tacky blood he could feel how cold her skin was and his worry spiked once more. He needed to get help and he needed to do it now. She hummed softly, her hold on him going lax and her hand sliding from his face, smearing blood down his neck and chest. Her hand landed in her lap with a dulled thud, her eyes fluttering closed as her whole body went lax.

“Hey,” Katsuki snapped desperately, taking a hand away from her stomach to cup her neck, smearing blood across the pale skin as he shook her. She groaned, eyelashes fluttering as her eyes opened slightly. He could see that she wasn’t focusing though, her eyes not really seeing what was going on around her. She looked like a rag doll, arms limp at her sides and slumped against the wall, her chin resting on her shoulder. He couldn’t leave her like this, knew the minute he let go of her to get his phone she would slip into unconsciousness.

He sucked in a deep breath, turning his head towards his front door. “HELP!” he screamed at the top of his lungs, the desperation clear as his voice wobbled. It was a long shot but he had to try, had to see if he could get someone’s attention. He had to do something, he couldn’t just let someone else die when he was supposed to be the hero.

“Third floor,” she mumbled. “What?” Katsuki snapped, jerking his head back round to look at her. “West wing,” her eyes began to droop again, that distant look just getting worse. “Second on the left,” she coughed out, body jerking and lips wet with blood. Her breathing was rapid and shallow, her skin seeming to get even colder under his hand. He didn’t understand what she was saying, her words slurred and made no sense. “Love you,” she breathed, her eyes finally closing.

Katsuki sucked in a sharp breath, shaking her again but nothing happened. “Wake up,” he pleaded, letting go of her stomach to grab her face with both his hands and shaking a little more forcefully but nothing happened. “Come on stop fucking around,” his voice trembled, tears welling in his eyes as he gripped both her shoulders and shook her again. Her head lolled back, her body completely lifeless in his hold and still she didn’t open her eyes.

This couldn’t be happening.

A loud pop cut through the room like a whip cracking and suddenly Katsuki found himself falling forward, the body underneath him vanishing. His hands slipped against the hardwood floor as he lurched forward, his arms buckling and dragging through the large puddle of blood that had formed on the floor. The smell hit him then, thick and metallic, invading his senses and coating his tongue. Katsuki gagged, the putrid smell suffocating him as it forced its way down his throat.

Eyes wide Katsuki pushed himself up, hands slipping once more as he scrambled backwards until his back hit the opposite wall. His stomach churned as he looked on in horror at what lay before him, the puddle of blood smeared across his floor and a dirty and bloody handprint standing out against his white wall along with a smear of blood where she had sunk down to the floor. Katsuki tipped to the side and emptied his stomach across the floor. His stomach ached with it, his throat burning as his lunch forced its way up, hitting the ground with a wet splat. His body heaved, nails scratching into the varnished wood, the putrid smell rising up and chasing the stench of blood away.

When there was nothing left to empty he slumped back against the wall, bringing his hand up to wipe at his lips only to stop short when he caught sight of the state he was in. Blood, so much blood. His hands were covered in it, the red liquid smeared across his arms and standing out against his skin. He stared down at his hands in horror, holding them up before him and watching them tremble.

His mind raced, trying to work through what had just happened but his mind kept getting stuck on her pale body limp in his hold, her normally warm skin cold like ice. This couldn’t be happening, his mind refusing to accept what he had just witnessed. It had to be a nightmare, his twisted mind mixing all his fears with what he felt for her. It couldn’t be real, it couldn’t because if it was then that meant she was, that she was. A lump formed In Katsuki’s throat, like he had swallowed a rock and his mind refused to finish the thought.

No, she had still been breathing when she vanished, her pulse there just faint but alive nonetheless. She didn’t have long though, it would have only been minutes before she had lost too much blood, until it was too late. His mind chose then to catch up, supplying him with every possibility but none of them were good. What if she hadn’t made it? What if she went back there and he was too late? He might find a lifeless body, cold to the touch and smeared with his own bloody handprints. Maybe he wouldn’t find her at all, her body hidden beneath rubble and left to rot all alone.

She could already be dead and he wouldn’t know for years to come.

Katsuki couldn’t move, paralyzed by the thought and staring at his blood soaked hands. It kept replaying through his mind again and again, his tears freely streaming down his face now. He wouldn’t know, not until it was too late and he would have to live through meeting her, loving her with the fear of this day creeping ever closer. Briefly he thought of being able to prevent it, imagined being able to protect her from whatever harm came her way but deep down he knew it was impossible. He didn’t even know her location, what they had even been doing. His future self had already lived through this day and yet it had still happened, seemingly as inescapable as his own pain. He had already failed before he even got the chance to stop it from happening.

He didn’t know how long he sat there for, his mind going numb but the sun was setting, the blood dried on his skin and his body cold. It was like he had given up, his body unable or unwilling to move, to even twitch. What was the point any more, if she was already dead?

That was how Eijirou found him.

Katsuki didn’t even really register the knocking on the door, the muffled voice calling through it, nor the rattle of keys in the lock. “Hey man you home? I tried knocking but there wasn’t an answer,” Eijirou yelled, voice echoing along the corridor. “Bakubro you…KATSUKI!” he heard the jangle of keys hitting the floor, the thud of knees as Eijirou dropped down next to him. Insistent and panicked hands frantically searched Katsuki’s body for injury and he just sat there letting him. Hands gripped his face, tilting his head up and Katsuki blinked, the movement pulling him slightly from his own mind as his eyes tried to focus on the redhead.

He looked worried, fear in his eyes as he stared down at Katsuki. “Tell me where you’re hurt,” he demanded. Grunting Katsuki knocked his hands away from him. “Not mine,” he mumbled and Eijirou frowned, eyes darting across his blood covered skin. “It’s hers,” he grunted, jerking his head towards the opposite wall and the bloody handprint that was clearly too small to be his. Eijirou turned his head, eyes darting around the space and taking in the mass of blood, the vomit, the broken glass and the long since dried puddle of water.

“Who’s?” he asked wearily, his body tensing and eyes darting around again. He was looking for a threat, Katsuki recognising his demeanour but he wouldn’t find anything. There was no threat here. No, the threat lay years away in some unknown location and having claimed a life already. Katsuki mumbled her name, Eijirou’s face scrunching up in confusion. “Who?” he asked again and Katsuki made a pained noise, hands twitching against his thighs.

Katsuki crumbled in on himself, not caring as he buried his bloodied hands in his hair and brought his knees up. “Please Katsuki, you need to talk to me. Who’s blood? I can’t help if you don’t tell me what happened,” Eijirou begged, hands landing on Katsuki’s shoulders. “Can’t help her,” he choked out. He couldn’t help her, he didn’t even know who she was, where to fucking find her to warn her. He knew nothing about her apart from the fact she liked cheesy romance novels, took her tea black with two sugars, liked spicy food and had a persistent sweet tooth. She likes to cuddle on the sofa at night whilst they watch shitty TV, and likes to walk around in oversized sweatshirts and fluffy socks regardless of the weather. He knew a lot of things about her as a person but nothing that would help him find her in the here and now.

“Why not?” Katsuki just shook his head, a lump forming in his throat. “Katsuki, why can’t we help her?” His voice was hard, a slight edge to it like he was implying Katsuki had done something and the blonde felt the fragile hold he had on himself snap. “BECAUSE SHE’S GONE!” he roared, shoving the redhead away from him and scrambling to his feet. Katsuki’s heart was back to thumping away, hands shaking as he stood there and glared down at his friend sprawled across the floor, looking up at him with wide surprised filled eyes.

“She’s gone and I couldn’t do anything to save her,” Katsuki cried, gesturing to the blood stains and breathing heavily, tears in his eyes once more but refusing to fall. Katsuki had failed. Yet again. Katsuki had failed and now someone else was dead. Katsuki screamed, anger consuming him. He spun around, slamming his fist into the wall and letting his palms spark. The drywall cracked, giving way and crumbling, his hand throbbing. He screwed his eyes shut, letting his head fall forward to thump against the wall, his body thrumming with anger. How could she have let this happen, how did he let it happen to her? Heroes were supposed to save lives. He should have been there, should have protected her. If he loved her even only as much as he did now he would have given anything to keep her safe, so how had she ended up bleeding out on his floor?

Strong hands wrapped around his wrist and hand, gently pulling his hand from the wall, his voice gentle as he spoke, “you did what you could Katsuki, everyone knows that. The girl…” Katsuki snarled, yanking his hand out of the other man’s hold as he spun around to look at him. “I’m not talking about the kid,” he growled out angrily. He knew what had happened that day wasn’t his fault and had spent hours in therapy to accept that. He could understand though, why Eijirou would jump to that conclusion. He didn’t know anything about Y/N, didn’t even know she existed and that was his fault too, wanting to keep her to himself when he should have told someone from the start. Eijirou would have understood, he always did.

“She’s my…we are…she’s…” Katsuki couldn’t get the words out though because they weren’t anything. He was nothing to her other than a ghost of the man she knew and she was just the promise of what was to come to him. Groaning, he buried his hands in his hair again and tugged at the strands painfully. Eijirou grabbed his hands, easing them from his hair before he could yank any strands free. “Okay,” he said calmly, looking Katsuki straight in the eyes and the blond sighed, letting his body go lax as he slumped forward into the other man. He fisted his hands in his shirt, head resting on his shoulder and just pulled in one shaky breath after another. Eijirou wrapped his arms around him, hugging him tightly as they just stood there in silence.

Katsuki didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t call the cops, whatever happened hadn’t happened yet so there was no crime he could report. The police had the same access to records as Katsuki did so if he hadn’t been able to find her then neither would they. He was fucking useless, unable to do anything and left with an uneasy feeling that he had just lost the most important thing in his life. Pathetic, useless piece of shit. What good was knowing what was to come if he couldn’t fucking stop it from happening?

Knocking on the door startled Katsuki out of his spiralling thoughts, jerking back from Eijirou like he had been burned and looking anywhere but at his friend and the mess on the floor. The other man gripped his shoulders, holding him still and looking at him with a glum face. “I’ll take care of it. Why don’t you take a shower and get a change of clothes,” Katsuki sucked in a shaky breath, managing to nod his head once. He had forgotten that the others were coming and the thought of them seeing him like this left him feeling sick. He was supposed to be strong, to be an unmovable and unwavering symbol of justice. He wasn’t supposed to show weaknesses and here he was, breaking apart when in reality he should be the one holding all this shit together.

Eijirou squeezed his shoulders before gently nudging him towards the bathroom as the knocking came again. Katsuki trudged away, his body feeling heavy as he slipped inside, closing the door behind him with a soft click just as the mumbled sound of talking reached his ears. He moved out of habit, turning the light on and taking the few steps to the sink. His red hands stood out against the white porcelain as he gripped the sides, his knuckles cracking from how tightly he gripped it. Taking a deep breath he looked up, his eyes meeting his reflection.

He looked like shit, his eyes red rimmed and skin blotchy and pale. There was so much blood, the dark red substance streaked through his hair and smeared down his neck and chest, it was so thick on his hands and arms that it almost looked like he had gloves on. Shakily he lifted a hand to his scarred cheek and the dried bloody handprint that covered it. Lightly he traced a finger along the slightly raised marks, remembering the ghost of her hand there, delicately tracing his scars and telling him how handsome he was, how beautiful she thought him. What if that had been the last time he ever got to hear her say those things?

Katsuki’s skin itched, every place where her blood lay burning like it was acid. He shoved away from the sink and quickly yanked his jogging bottoms off, tripping over them in his desperation to get to the shower. He turned the water on as hot as it could go and frantically started to scrub at his skin, the water turned red, swirling down the drain and left Katsuki feeling sick once more, stomach churning but his body having nothing left to give.

Off, he needed to get it off. His skin prickled, turning red and stinging as he scrubbed and scrubbed at every inch of his body, even after the water ran clear. He was desperate and even though he could no longer see it he could still fill her blood on him, the feeling having sunk into him and seemingly impossible to get rid of. His breathing was ragged, his heart aching with how fast it was beating against his ribs and the feeling of nausea growing with every second.

His legs buckled and Katsuki went crashing to the floor, pain shooting from his knees and up his legs as he crumpled in on himself. His hands clawed at the tub, his head bowed forward and the steaming hot water hitting his back and sliding off his stinging skin. He sucked in a breath, eyes screwed shut and he just opened his mouth and screamed. His ears rang with it, eyes stinging as fat tears rolled down his face. Soon enough his scream cut off into gasping sobs, his throat feeling raw and hands aching as he pounded them against the tub.

He felt helpless, like everything was out of his control. There had to be something he could do, anything to warn her, save her. Anything. “Please,” he choked out, pleading to anyone that was listening. She had to be alive, she had to. He couldn’t have lost her before he had even gotten the chance to know her.

The water ran cold, his tears stopping but still Katsuki stayed huddled at the bottom of the bath, his body shivering from the cold. He knew he had to get up, knew he couldn’t stay there but he didn’t want to get out, didn’t want to go out there and see her blood all over his floor and face the reality that she was gone. He could hear Eijirou moving around outside, his heavy steps stopping outside the bathroom door and probably listening in to make sure Katsuki was still breathing.

Oh god Eijirou.

He owed the other man an explanation, something more than the garbled mess that had come out of his mouth. If he had been in the redheads shoes Katsuki would probably have called the police, would have had him dragged off to a hospital and fucking sectioned for having lost it. Eijirou had trusted him though and Katsuki at least owed it to him to do the same in return.

Cold and still shaking Katsuki slowly pulled himself up, shutting off the water and stepping out onto the rug. He took his time rubbing himself dry and pulling on a clean set of clothes, trying to put off going back out there. He didn’t look in the mirror, didn’t need to see his reflection to know he looked like shit, rung out and empty. He stood at the door, hand curled around the handle and pulled in a deep breath, trying to ready himself for what was still out there.

Katsuki’s eyes instantly went to the wall when he stepped out, expecting to find blood and vomit but instead he found the floor clean, the broken glass gone. He could see that Eijirou had tried to clean the wall but despite his best efforts there was still a slightly pink smear on the white paint. He would have to paint it, repaint the whole wall and get the other one re-plastered. Hide away the evidence of his outburst and her death like it had never happened. Like she had never happened.

“I thought you might want a drink,” Katsuki turned slowly, finding Eijirou coming toward him from the kitchen with two steaming mugs, an uneasy and small smile on his face. “Thanks,” Katsuki mumbled, accepting the cup and trudging over to the sofa, sinking down into the corner, his back to the wall so he would have to look at it and see her still slumped there, bleeding out and dying. Eijirou followed, sitting down in the arm chair and watching Katsuki intently. He didn’t look at his friend, staring ahead at the blank TV and cupping his hands around the cup, letting the heat seep into him. “What happened Katsuki?” Eijirou finally asked, his voice gentle yet leaving no room for Katsuki to try and get out of it. Groaning he rested his elbows on his knees and leant forward, taking one shaky breath after another.

He told Eijirou everything.

He let Katsuki talk for ages, the words tumbling from his mouth in a rush, like they had been waiting to get out. He listened intently, asking the occasional question when Katsuki rushed over something but letting him explain things for the most part. It felt good to finally get everything out there, to tell someone else about the woman who had been such an important part of his life for the last year. Some things were harder than others, Katsuki not wanting to dwell on the circumstances that had led to his scars but most of it came easy, Katsuki actually smiling and laughing about some of the situations he had found himself in over the last twelve months.

They fell into silence when Katsuki finally finished, the implications of how Eijirou had found Katsuki hanging heavy between them. “Shit,” Eijirou mumbled, slumping back in the chair and running a hand through his hair, messing up his spikes. Katsuki just grunted, his tea now stone cold having been forgotten as he talked. He felt lighter having told Eijirou everything but that didn’t change the fact there was a tight and heavy ball of worry in his stomach, the not knowing leaving him feeling twitchy.

“At least you know where she is though,” Katsuki frowned, turning his attention to his friend. “No I don’t,” he grunted. Eijirou looked at him in confusion, like it should have been obvious. “Sure you do. Third floor, west wing, second on the right,” he said with such certainty and Katsuki scowled even more, his anger building. “That could be fucking anywhere. It means jack shit to me,” he spat out. He didn’t know where she was or what she sodding meant. He didn’t have a clue and it wasn’t like he could do anything here, trapped three years in the past and so fucking useless.

“Well not now but then, in the future,” he scratched at his chin, looking thoughtful and Katsuki just stared at him. “What?” he snapped, the redhead having lost him. “You said you thought she was talking to future you but what if she knew it was you and was trying to pass on a message. She was telling you so, well, the you then would know”. Katsuki stared as his friend's words sank in, blinking slowly.

Could that be it? His future self didn’t know she was there so she told him, trusting that Katsuki wouldn’t forget and would be there waiting for her when she got back to her own time. Maybe he wasn’t too late but too early instead. Maybe he still had a chance. Maybe she was still alive. Katsuki grabbed hold of the small sliver of hope with both hands, clutching at it in his desperation. She was out there somewhere waiting for Katsuki to save her life. He would save her, had to save her and he would spend the next few years making sure he was the best he could possibly be to make that a reality.

Eijirou stayed, the two of them spending the night at opposite ends of the sofa and Katsuki telling him everything he knew about her and the little bits of information she had let slip about the future, including the fact that he and Mina had gotten married, the redhead blushing as he admitted to have been thinking about asking her. It was nice, to have the time to actually talk to one another in a way that they hadn’t really gotten to do since school. It was a distraction though and when he finally crawled into bed the image of her limp in his arms came back in full force, his skin itching like he still had dried blood on him.

He didn’t sleep that night.

The next day Katsuki left Eijirou asleep on his couch as he headed out to work, knowing the other man had the day off and didn’t need to be anywhere any time soon. His heart stuttered as he walked past the faded smear of blood on his wall, the image of her flashing through his mind and he made a mental note to get paint on the way home, knowing he wouldn’t sleep that night so he might as well do something that had to be done. He tried not to think about her, tried not to walk around tense and ears straining for that forsaken popping noise. It didn’t work though, Katsuki was constantly on edge and just waiting for something to happen.

Nothing did though and as the weeks dragged on Katsuki found himself losing hope. Every day that went past and she didn’t show left Katsuki falling deeper into himself, growing quiet and just going through the motions. His nightmares came back except a thousand times worse because it wasn’t just the little girl any more. No, now she held hands with Y/N, the child pale, her face blotchy and purple and Y/N looking like death, dripping blood and demanding to know why he let them die.

He tried, he tried so fucking hard to carry on but three weeks later and Katsuki felt like he had aged twenty years. He had come clean to his shrink a week ago, Eijirou making him after Katsuki led him on a half an hour wild goose chase after he thought he had seen her in the crowd. He wasn’t coping and though his behaviour hadn’t been as self-destructive as when the child had died it was still detrimental to his health, Katsuki only still going because he knew that was what was expected of him, knew that was what she would have wanted but every morning it was getting harder to get out of bed and he had spent his last day off hidden away in his bedroom, huddled under the sheets and rereading one shitty romance book after another.

Katsuki glared at his closed office door, leaning against his desk and just wishing the day was over but he was only half way through his shift, his afternoon patrol still to come. By some strange twist of fate he had found himself paired with Eijirou, the man on his way from his own agency to accompany him. They had sprouted some bullshit about a joint agency thing but Katsuki knew it for what it was. They were worried about him, about what he would do as he closed himself off and they wanted Eijirou to keep an eye on him, assuming a friend would have better luck than some random. He should be thankful he hadn’t ended up with Deku again but the nerd was busy, assigned the task of showing the new hero the agency had acquired around for the week. Katsuki had been avoiding them all day, not wanting to have to deal with Deku’s bubbly attitude and whatever poor sod was being forced to trail after him.

POP!

Outside he could hear people talking, everyone sounding so fucking happy as they went about their day and Katsuki wanted to open the door and yell at them. He didn’t want people to be happy when he was in mourning. He wanted quiet, he wanted darkness, he wanted to be on his own but most of all he wanted to grieve his loss. He hated that he was having to pretend that nothing had happened, hated that he had to act like he wasn’t grieving. He wanted to scream and rage but he felt like he didn’t have the right to. She hadn’t been his, still wasn’t so what gave him the right to act like she was?

He would have to go through all this again. Years from now when he had been allowed to love her, to hold her every day and weave her into his life. He would be able to mourn her then though, when he put her in the ground and laid her to rest. He was going to lose her twice but at least the next time he would get some form of closure, wouldn’t have to live with her death hanging over his head like it was now. How was he supposed to let this woman into his life knowing that he would only get a few short years with her before he lost her? How was he supposed to go through life knowing someone he cared for was going to die and that he wasn’t able to stop it from happening?

“If you glare at it hard enough maybe it’ll explode”. Katsuki startled, pushing away from his desk and spinning round to where the voice had come from. She was watching him from where she was leaning against the wall, her eyes full of amusement and an easy smile on her lips. She looked fine, her skin flushed with life and no sign of blood anywhere to be found. “Hey blondie,” she greeted, pushing away from the wall and Katsuki was on her in seconds.

He wrapped his arms around her shoulders, yanking her against his chest and holding her tightly, burying his head in her neck. She laughed, the sound bright and happy as she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him back. Fuck he had missed that sound. Relief crashed into him, the tension he had been carrying around for the last few weeks vanishing in an instant. “You’re alive,” he sighed, his voice muffled by her shoulder. She was alive and okay, solid and whole in his arms. “All thanks to you,” she whispered, carding her fingers through his hair and gripping at his back.

Her words sank in slowly just like the heat that radiated off of her. He had saved her. Katsuki had saved her. His heart lurched, eyes prickling as his emotions crashed through him. The relief he felt at having her here, knowing she was okay was almost palatable. Katsuki felt almost overwhelmed by it all but she grounded him, kept him tethered to the moment instead of letting it all pull him under. She was real. She was real and here and alive. He hadn’t failed.

She started to shift and reluctantly he let her pull away, his hands falling to her hips and keeping her close still. She smiled up at him, lifting a hand up to cup his scarred cheek. A memory flashed through his mind, a cold and bloody hand following the same jagged lines and Katsuki’s stomach churned, his skin feeling like it was burning under her hand. “Thank you Katsuki,” she said sincerely, cutting through the image and jerking him back to the version of her that stood before him. “I didn’t do anything,” he mumbled, his tongue feeling heavy in his mouth. “You will though so thank you,” she smiled softly, “you are quite literally my hero now”.

Katsuki’s hands twitched at that, his chest puffing out in pride whilst also feeling undeserving of her praise. The mix of feeling was short lived though, Y/N letting out a hiss of pain and her face contorting with pain. “Shit,” Katsuki jerked back, snatching his hands away from her as he looked down at her stomach in panic. She looked fine but how long had it been for her? Time was never consistent for them, the weeks that had stretched between her visits to him only being a couple of days for her, if not ours sometimes. She was wearing leggings and one of his hoodies, all soft and loose fitting and things that wouldn’t aggravate a still healing wound. “It’s fine, just got released today so everything’s a little tender still,” she explained, smiling reassuringly at him.

Katsuki nodded and took a step back, wanting to put some distance between them and not wanting to risk causing her any more discomfort but this time she was the one who didn’t let him get far, her hand darting out to grab his and pull him back towards her. “I’m okay, you don’t need to worry. You can still touch me,” she gave him a pleading look, her eyes wide and shimmering and not for the first time in the last year he felt like she wasn’t talking to him now, trying to convey something that his future self wasn’t quite getting.

Grunting he laced their fingers together and let her step back into his space. He placed his other hand on her hip, the side that she hadn’t been bleeding from and urged her a little closer. He made sure to be gentle, his touch light and thumb gently brushing against her side. She sighed, placing her free hand over his heart, her fingers toying with the collar of his top.

The atmosphere seemed to shift, it becoming heavy and gloomy. She looked sad, a frown tugging at her lips as her eyes roamed across him, like she was trying to commit him to memory. “This is the last time,” he grunted. It wasn’t a question, the realisation coming to him suddenly and he glanced at the clock above his door. He hadn’t noticed the time she had turned up but he knew her last appearance had only lasted for about ten minutes. His grip on her hand tightened, as if that would somehow keep her with him. A sad smile tugged at his lips but she didn’t deny it.

A loud shout came from outside and her attention darted to the side, stepping in closer to him as if to try and hide herself from anyone who might come through the door and eyeing it uneasily. That was his fault, hiding her away and making her feel unwelcome in his life when he should have let her roam free. She shouldn’t have to hide just because he was a selfish and possessive bastard. “It’s fine, Deku’s showing some new hero around and everyone’s acting like idiots,” he mumbled. Something flashed through her eyes at that, quicker than Katsuki could identify but it left them sparkling with a knowing glint and a wide smile on her lips spreading across her face.

She laughed, Katsuki frowning in confusion but before he could ask what was so funny she was pulling him into a hug, her arms wrapping around his shoulders and tucking her head under his chin. It took him a second to react, startled by the sudden change in atmosphere but soon enough he was relaxing into it, looping his arms around her and burying his nose in her hair. She already smelt like him. Like home.

“I’ll be seeing you blondie,” her breath tickled against his neck and sent a shiver down his spine. He tightened his hold on her, not wanting to let her go, not wanting this to be over just yet but it was out of his control. She would be vanishing from his life any second now and he didn’t want to taint their last moments together with his shitty attitude. “Soon?” he asked, voice muffled in her hair. He sounded hopeful, waiting for an answer he didn’t expect to get. She had never told him before when he asked so why would she start now.

With a laugh she pulled back, cupping his cheek and tracing her thumb along the scars under his eye. He mimicked the action, his hand seeming big as she turned her face into his touch. “Sooner than you think,” she teased, winking at him. Katsuki frowned at her in confusion, mouth opening to ask her what she meant but before he could get the words out a loud pop cut through the room and she was gone, her laughter echoing through the room before that too faded.

Katsuki let his hand fall, feeling cold at her sudden loss. So that was it then. She was gone and he was alone for however long it would be before she came back into his life. He felt exhausted, the emotional whiplash of finding out she was alive and having to let her go all over again taking its toll. At least he knew now that despite everything she would still be there at the end. He wouldn’t be left standing over her grave and trying to work out where he had fucked up.

“Hey Bakubro, you ready to go?” Eijirou called, knocking on the frosted glass even as he opened the door. Katsuki turned towards his friend, the redhead frowning slightly as he dragged his eyes over the blonde. “What happened?” he asked cautiously, closing the door behind him and letting his eyes dart around the room. “She’s alive,” he said simply, his voice rough and gravelly.

Confusion flashed across Eijirou’s face before understanding set in and a massive grin split his face in two. “That’s fantastic,” he exclaimed excitedly, taking a few long strides across the room and yanking Katsuki into a bone crushing hug. Katsuki groaned, shoving the other man away from him as he sucked in a much needed breath. “What the hell shitty hair, you trying to kill me?” he barked, rubbing at his arms where the other man’s arms had dug in.

He laughed, pulling away and looking sheepish as he rubbed at the back of his neck, “sorry man, got a little excited but this is good right? She’s alive!” Eijirou’s enthusiasm was infectious and Katsuki soon found himself beaming at his friend, “yeah”. It was good, better than good. She was alive and safe and Katsuki wouldn’t have to bury her. Eijirou nudged him in the shoulder and Katsuki’s smile fell as he stumbled to the side slightly, turning to glare at his laughing friend. “Come on, got work to be doing,” he grumbled, shoving the redhead out the way as he stalked over to the door, Eijirou’s laughter following behind.

He felt lighter now, like a weight had been lifted not only from his shoulders but also his heart. Sure he would have to wait for her to be part of his life but at least now he knew he wouldn’t have to go through their entire relationship waiting for the day she would die. He was excited for the day when he finally met her, frustrated he would have to wait but it would all be worth it in the end. Katsuki didn’t do anything by halves and he sure as hell wouldn’t start now. When he finally met her he would make sure to sweep her off her feet and treat her like the fucking princess she was. He wouldn’t let her go, ever and that was a promise.

He yanked the door open, striding out of his office with a new found determination and walked right into someone as they walked past. “Watch where you’re going dumb ass,” he snarled, catching himself on the doorframe so as to not fall back on his ass. “Said the guy who just walks out without looking,” the person he had walked into snarked and Katsuki’s head snapped up recognising that voice instantly. His eyes widened as he found Y/N glaring at him, dressed in her hero costume and arms folded across her chest. “You’re back,” he breathed and her brows furrowed, looking at Katsuki like he had a screw loose. “Right,” she said, eyeing Katsuki suspiciously.

It sank in then, the slight differences. She looked a little younger, her stance a lot more closed off than he was used to and her face blank instead of filled with the fondness and love that he was so accustomed to. Her hero outfit was the same except there was no electric blue, everything just black. His eyes dropped down to her stomach, landing on smooth unmarked skin instead of scars or bandages that he had been expecting. It was her, his times version of her and he had just yelled at her and called her a dumb ass. Shit.

She went to step back but Eijirou got there first, reaching around Katsuki to offer her his hand and introducing himself, “hey I’m Red Riot”. Her attention snapped to him, her scowl easing into a smile but Katsuki could tell it was forced, it not quite reaching her guarded and cold eyes. She introduced herself and he knew he should be listening but everything was white noise as he stared at her intently. Here, she was here.

Silence fell between them as she let Eijirou’s hand fall and the redhead nudged Katsuki in the side startling him out of his stupor. He fumbled as he yanked his glove off, reached out his hand to her as he let the garment fall to the floor, “I’m Kats…” he started but she cut him off, ignoring his outstretched hand as she took a step back. “Yeah, not interested,” she said dismissively, turning her attention back to Eijirou. “It was nice meeting you though,” she smiled, nodding her head politely at the redhead and then she was gone, stalking off down the corridor and not looking back once.

Katsuki stood there staring after her, mouth working but nothing coming out. As first impressions went, that had been bad, not the worst Katsuki had ever done but considering he wanted to date this woman it probably could have stood to go at least a little better. She hadn’t even wanted to know his name. Shit how had he fucked up in a matter of seconds?

“Soooo, was that her?” Eijirou asked, staring in the same direction Katsuki was. “Yeah,” he grumbled, finally finding his voice. The redhead laughed, clapping Katsuki on the shoulder, “well at least you know she eventually likes you”. Katsuki yanked his shoulder out from the other names hold, ignoring his laughter as he stalked down the corridor in the opposite direction she had. She had said sooner than he had though but he hadn’t even hoped to imagine it would be this soon and he had already gone and fucked things up.

Eijirou had a point though. Katsuki knew that they would end up together, knew that somehow he worked his way into her life. He just had to carry on with his original plan. He should probably apologise to her first though, maybe offer her a coffee or tea or something that he knew she liked. He just had to be himself but less of an asshole and then maybe in a week or two he could ask her out to dinner. He knew they both liked that curry place that had opened a few weeks ago so as far as first dates went at least he wouldn’t have to worry about her not liking the food.

Shit he felt giddy, like one of those stupid women in his romance novels who were just waiting to get swept off their feet. He couldn’t find it in himself to care though. He had been waiting for this moment for over a year and he wasn’t about to let a bad first impression get in his way.

Things did not go to plan.

If possible things got worse, the second time he saw her finding him angry and drenched in slime, yelling and swearing and threatening to kill someone. Someone had scoffed and he had spun round, full of rage and ready to rip someone a new one only to have it all drain out of him in the blink of an eye as he found her looking at him with amused disgust. Before he had even been able to get out any form of explanation or apology she had been gone, disappearing into the lift and vanishing from sight.

The next two times he saw her were at meetings and though he had paid attention to what was being said he had spent the whole time stealing glances at hernin hopes that he would catch her eye but she never once looked his way, keeping her eyes fixed on the whiteboard at the front of the room. He had tried to catch her before she left but the whole sodding universe seemed to be working against him, everyone getting in his way and allowing her to slip through his grasp once more.

His friends were no help either, the idiots spending more time laughing at his failed attempts than actually offering anything constructive. He had caved after three weeks of getting nowhere, telling his idiot friends everything when he had let slip about his latest fuck up where he had accidently spilt a fresh cup of coffee over her rather pristine and white blouse she had on for a meeting. That had gotten him some stunned silences and pitying looks but it had passed quickly, all of them focusing on the fact that he had managed to con some poor woman into dating him. Their words not his.

Katsuki finally got his chance about a month after she started at the agency, the two of them ending up stuck in a lift together. It had been awkward at first, Katsuki not knowing what to say and her shutting him down every time he opened his mouth. After an hour though something had seemed to shift and when Katsuki offered her one of his protein bars she had accepted it with a mumbled thanks and a small smile.

What had followed was three hours of casual conversation, Katsuki finding out things that she had outright refused to tell him when he asked her future self. It was difficult to keep the two versions of her separate, Katsuki having to backpedal a couple of times when he said something he really shouldn’t know. By the time the lift got moving and they made it safely to the ground floor they both knew a lot more about the other and as she disappeared out onto the street she had even looked back over her shoulder, smiling shyly.

Afterwards he found out the electronics in the whole building had been overloaded and the next time he saw Denki the idiot looked way too happy with himself.

Things moved quickly after that, quicker than he had expected and just a week later he asked her on a date. He could have probably picked a better location than the training room, Y/N pinned beneath him panting and sweating after a round of sparring but the words had just come rushing out before he even noticed his mouth was moving. She had started up at him, their faces way too close to be anything other than intimate but she had smiled, something soft and private and she had said yes.

Work had been hectic and it wasn’t until a week later either of them had an evening free. He took her to the curry place, ignoring everyone who insisted he take her somewhere fancy. Things had gone well, the two of them falling into easy conversation as she sipped at her wine and Katsuki swirled his whisky around. They got along well but Katsuki had known they would, both of them having the same sense of humour and the same drive when it came to work.

The date had gone well enough that he had been granted another one and another one and another one until a month had passed and Katsuki had finally asked her to dinner at his place. He had cooked, done the whole romantic shit with candles and gentle music playing in the background and when all was said and done she had led him by the hand towards his bedroom, smiling coyly as she pulled him inside and pressed him against the door, her lips finding his instantly. She had stayed that night, the next night as well.

Eight months later she moved in.

Katsuki knew it was coming but it didn’t change the fact that living with someone else could be difficult. They argued a couple of times, Katsuki getting angry and her being stubborn and sometimes a little childish. He had stayed at Eijirou’s a couple of times and she had gone off to one of her friends when they had needed space but moments like that were few and far between.

Life was good, Katsuki happy with his life in a way that he hadn’t really ever been and the memory of how she came into his life faded slightly and Katsuki forgot to keep track of how much time was passing or the events that were going on around him. He was enjoying his life and the woman he now shared it with so he didn’t think anything of it when she got hit by an unknown quirk, well nothing outside of the usual worry, Katsuki hovering over her and glaring as she was checked over by doctors. He got in the way, annoyed the hell out of the nurse but he stayed put until she was given the all clear.

She had brushed off his fussing, sending him away as she went to finish her half of the paperwork, promising to see him at home. Katsuki hadn’t thought to join the dots, letting the day’s events just roll off of him. There had been a couple of times over the years that he had thought it was going to happen but it never did so he just assumed this one was a false start just like the others. He was too preoccupied anyway, their two year anniversary fast approaching and Katsuki trying to work out the best way to ask her to marry him.

Later that evening when he had heard that gods forsaken popping noise Katsuki had stiffened, a cold dread running down his spine as he was bombarded with all the memories that had faded to the back of his mind, now all in bright technicolour and as loud as a club.

So this was it. The clock had started ticking down and his time was already running out. Katsuki had no idea how long he had, she had never told him how much time passed for her but that didn’t matter. He had a death to prevent, a life to save and no clue how long he had to do so.

He went out the hall, finding her standing there looking shocked and a little uneasy. He pulled her in, kissed her on the lips and told her that her precious shoes were in the closet before heading back into the living room. He poured them both a drink and sat down on the sofa, waiting for her to snap out of it and join him. He had a lot he would need to explain tonight and he would have to tread carefully so as not to change anything that had already happened.

She sat down next to him, snatching the drink off the table and downing it in one before pouring herself another one. Katsuki took a sip of his own, trying to work out what he was going to say but she got there first, turning to look at him with wide and confused eyes, her voice sharp and full of disbelief, “what the hell just happened?”

Fuck.

He wasn’t ready for this shit.

His wounds heal though and Y/N is there for it all, offering him someone to talk to and letting him whisper his fears and secrets against the slope of her neck as he holds her close.

She goes with him to his first appointment with the shrink, sinking into one of the plush chairs in the waiting room and offering him warm and encouraging smiles. She’s there when he gets the stitches out of his face, the skin still tender and afterwards, when he’s worried about what people will think, self conscious about the stairs and whispers she had pressed a kiss to the tangled mess under his eye and told him he was beautiful, the hottest guy in the room and left him blushing and thinking more about her lips on his skin than the feel of people’s eyes.

He knew that it was all a coincidence, her turning up when he needed that support the most but he was grateful for it, finding it easier to accept her help than Eijirou or Deku’s. She already knew everything there was to know about him, accepted his weird likes and gruff personality and still seemed to want him in her life. She’s more tactile with him now, cuddling up to him on his sofa or holding his hand as they walk through the city and he returns the attention, coming up behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist, burying his face in her neck and just breathing her in.

He knows that it’s probably breaking some kind of rule, that she is probably only doing it because of what he has been through and allowing him to push at the boundaries of what was acceptable to offer him some comfort but he can’t find it in him to complain about the affection she is granting him. Katsuki knows that it’s dangerous, that with every visit he falls more for her and technically he hasn’t even met the woman yet and knowing her as the person she would become would make it harder when he finally met the woman she was now. He finds himself swinging between not caring, wanting her around as much as possible to wishing he would round the corner one day and just walk into her and finally get the chance to have her in his life always instead of these painful glimpses. Katsuki would take what he could get though, filling the silence of his home with the sound of her off key singing and gentle laughter when she was with him. There was just one problem though.

Her visits were getting shorter.

The sofa sank under her weight as she sat down next to him, handing off a steaming mug of tea to him that Katsuki accepted with a mumbled thanks. Her gaze was fixed on the TV, eyes sparkling with amusement and a smile on her lips, laughing gently at whatever was happening. She settled against his side, curling her legs under her and getting comfortable. This wasn’t an uncommon thing these days and Katsuki draped his arm along the back of the sofa, pulling her closer against him like he had done many times before.

Her last visit had barely lasted two hours, disappearing halfway through a conversation. He knew it would happen, she having explained that as the quirk ran its course the time she was in the past would get less and less until one day she just wouldn’t come back. He would be a liar if he said he didn’t worry that one day she would pop out of his life and he would be left with a void in his life. She wouldn’t tell him when they would meet or how it happened, nothing and the thought of having to go months without her made his stomach churn and his chest hurt.

His eyes flicked over to the clock, watching intently as the seconds ticked past. She had been with him just over an hour, easily slipping in next to him as he made dinner like it was nothing, like she had just gotten home instead of being ripped out of her own life. He would be lucky if he had another thirty minutes left before she vanished again. Everything always seemed quieter after she went, emptier and always left Katsuki feeling on edge, worried about where his mind would go without someone there to keep him from getting lost in his own thoughts.

On more than one occasion he had gone to Eijirou’s, not even attempting to make excuses for his sudden appearance and the redhead had let him in, making up the couch for him and both of them acting like Katsuki wasn’t afraid of being alone. Sometimes he wouldn’t want that though and would head to the gym, running miles on the machines and lifting weights until his body was sore and he was too exhausted for the nightmares to come. Other times he just walks around the city, hood pulled up and hands shoved in his pockets as he people watched. It helps ease some of his tension, helps get him out of his own head and Katsuki always feels a little lighter when he finally gets back home and falls into bed. The feeling doesn’t tend to last once he awakes but it’s enough to let him sleep without waking up in a sweat and a pained cry on his lips.

“If you keep on staring at the clock like that I’m going to start thinking you want me gone,” her teasing voice has Katsuki jerking his head back round to look down at her, eyes narrowing as she smirks over the rim of her cup. “Tch, couldn’t get rid of your dumb ass even if I tried,” he grumbled, turning his attention towards the TV and taking a sip of his tea. “Lucky you,” she nudged her shoulder against him, Katsuki grunting as the action had his drink sloshing around in his cup. Yeah he was lucky, at least he would be, eventually.

“What time’s your appointment tomorrow?” she asked casually and Katsuki stiffened for a second before relaxing back into the sofa. “Ten,” he grumbled, taking another large gulp of his drink, the thing still hot and burning as he swallowed but it helped to ground him. He still got a little cagey when it came to talking about his visits with the shrink, still a little awkward about admitting to others that he needed help. Eijirou and Deku were the only two he really spoke to about it other than Y/N, the others surprisingly giving him some privacy and space but it still left him feeling exposed when it was brought up, like it was something shameful that should be hidden instead of exposed in general conversation. He knew that was stupid, knew that thousands of people went to therapy every day and it was nothing to be ashamed off but the feeling still persisted despite his best efforts.

“It’s your last one right?” she asked, shifting next to him as she leaned forward to place her cup on the table and turned her attention to him. Katsuki just grunted in answer, refusing to turn and look at her. His appointment the next day would mark six weeks since he started seeing the guy, almost ten weeks since his suspension and Katsuki was itching to get back to work. Depending on what the doctor said he could be back at work as early as next week and as far as Katsuki was concerned it couldn’t come soon enough.

He wasn’t stupid enough to think that everything was somehow magically fixed but they had made progress despite Katsuki’s original reluctance. It had been good for him to talk to someone who knew nothing about him, who listened to everything he had to say regardless of what it was. The guy knew when to push and when to let him sit in silence whilst he muddled through his thoughts, knew that Katsuki expressed himself in anger and that he wasn’t that good with talking about his emotions. As much as Katsuki hated the idea of therapy he knew it was working for him and he also knew that he still had a long way to go before things were fine.

“Gonna still see him,” he admitted, voice gruff as he still kept his eyes on the TV. It was the right decision, he knew that and regardless of what the doctor decided in regards to his return to work Katsuki would continue to work on being better, the best he could possibly be. He would be pissed if he didn’t get the okay to return to work though. He had been practically counting down the days till he would be back doing his job, the thing he loved doing and had spent his entire life striving towards. “Okay,” she said simply and finally Katsuki turned to look at her. She was smiling softly at him, understanding and acceptance in her eyes and it was then that he realised she already knew. Of course she bloody knew.

There were a lot of things she knew about him and his future that she didn’t share.

Katsuki had spoken to his shrink about her, well no not exactly her. He had spoken about the fact that someone close to him had known something would happen and hadn’t done anything to stop it, he hadn’t said that it was his girlfriend from the future that had known because he didn’t want to sound crazy. They had spent a long time talking about it, Katsuki getting angry and frustrated with the guy when he had defended her decision and Katsuki had no choice but to sit there and listen.

What if she had saved the kid, then what? Maybe Katsuki would have been the one to die, maybe it would have been her instead of Uravity or Deku, maybe even just some random person on the street below. Maybe the kid would have grown up and become a villain, slaughtered hundreds in his wake. Maybe because he had lived someone else would not have accomplished something that changed the world for the better. Sure she could have saved the life of one child, saved him suffering through that ordeal but at what cost? He had said it wasn’t down to them to play god and as the events had already happened what right did they have to change the path of fate.

It was all very philosophical and had left Katsuki with too much to think about, a headache pressing behind his eyes. The shrink had said to ask her, if it was bothering him that much. Sit down and ask her straight up why she didn’t tell him, why she hadn’t done something to prevent all this from happening and Katsuki had meant to, he had but every time the question was on the tip of his tongue he couldn’t bring himself to ask. As much as he wanted to know why, Katsuki didn’t want to argue with her. He didn’t want to drive her away, the time they had was already limited and dwindling and he didn’t want to sour it. So he kept his mouth shut and kept it to himself, safe in the knowledge that he must get past it if they start dating.

Gentle hands cupped his cheeks and Katsuki startled, blinking as he dropped his gaze down from where he had been staring at the wall to Y/Ns concerned eyes. “There you are,” she smiled, thumb gently brushing across his scar-covered cheek. Her touch is delicate and light, treating him like he was something precious and Katsuki didn’t think he would ever get used to it, the way she didn’t think about treating him with care and love. He couldn’t help but wonder if he would still feel the same years from now, when she was a constant in his life and this became an everyday thing.

“Where’d you go?” she asked, that soft smile still on her lips even though he could see the slight edge of worry creeping into her eyes. This would be the perfect time to ask her, to find out what she had been thinking but like always Katsuki found the words sticking. “Work,” he grunted, taking her hands off his face as he shrugged. She knew it was a lie, he could see the slight frown that tugged down the corners of her lips, her eyes narrowing for just a second. She didn’t say anything though, her face smoothing out as she settled back into his side after retrieving her tea.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, both of them watching the trashy reality show that was playing, a love triangle coming to light amongst the six contestants. It’s absolute trash but she seemed to like it, the two of them having watched it a couple of times now and despite thinking it was stupid and utterly ridiculous Katsuki annoyingly found himself getting invested in it, knowing way to much about the six random extras.

“Are you looking forward to going back?” she didn’t look at him, her tone casual and still watching the TV. “Be good to get back to normal,” he answered awkwardly, taking a large gulp of his rapidly cooling drink. He didn’t know why he felt so on edge. They had talked about work hundreds of times before, just last week she had listened to him grumble about how much paperwork he would probably have waiting for him whilst joking about his perpetual hate for the stuff. Apparently some things never changed but as they sat there huddled on his sofa in the dark, watching shit and drinking tea that she had brought him Katsuki felt nothing but dread, a sinking feeling in his gut that with his return to work everything he had gotten used to over the last two months would suddenly vanish. Good to get back to normal? Katsuki wasn’t even sure he knew what normal was any more.

She hummed softly, sipping at her tea and then casually she said, “It was weird not seeing you on the news”. Katsuki turned to look down at her, eyes wide and disbelieving. “What?” he croaked out. She shrugged, not even bothering to look at him, “you are kind of famous Katsuki and were on the news a lot but then you weren’t and it was weird”. Katsuki just stared down at her, unsure what to say. She was out there somewhere, right now, noticing Katsuki’s absence. It was the first thing she had really said in the last eight months that alluded to her life now, to the person she was in Katsuki’s time.

He had tried looking, of course he had. Tried to find something about her but there hadn’t been anything and she had always been so careful about giving anything away. He didn’t know her age, her quirk or even her last name, didn’t know anything about her now but here she was saying she had missed seeing him on the news. He had thought she wasn’t even in the country yet but she had to be, she was most likely even in the city at this point and that meant he was that much closer to finally meeting her for real.

Licking at his dry lips Katsuki knew that he had to tread carefully if he was going to get any more out of her. “Yeah? You like seeing me yell at idiot reporters,” his voice was gruff as he spoke, turning his head back towards the TV but kept his eyes on her, watching every reaction as he tried to work out his strategy.

She huffed in amusement, “was the highlight of my day, seeing them trying to censor you as you cussed them out on live TV, getting all flustered when they asked if you were seeing anyone. Especially liked the time you blew up the news van when that one reporter asked you out”. Her eyes darted up to his, a cheeky smile on her lips and eyes sparkling as she winked at him. Katsuki smirked, lifting his hand just enough to lightly smack her on the back of her head. “Cheeky brat,” he chided lightly as she laughed. That had been maybe four months ago, the woman seemed to think the fact he had only sworn once and was actually answering questions meant she could push her luck. Needless to say Katsuki hadn’t taken it that well and had blasted her news van sky high, every other word that came out of his mouth a profanity as he told the reporter where she could shove it. The agency had gotten a lot of complaints and Katsuki had to go on yet another public relations cause to learn how to act when giving live interviews.

He had thought it all bullshit but now he knew she had been watching, probably smiling and laughing as he raged about none of that shit being important. She had found him in the agency changing room that day and after hearing him get chewed out for his behaviour she had spent the next three hours making thinly veiled digs about his dating life. Fuck, she must have been sitting on them jokes for years, probably having thought up half that shit before they even knew each other. It made his chest tighten, his heart rate pick up just that little bit to know that he was already a part of her life, even if it was just through the telly. Maybe in his next interview he could mention something that would seem unimportant and uninteresting to anyone else but she would know was directed to her. It was a long shot, flirting with someone that technically didn’t know him through interviews but maybe it would make her interested enough to seek him out. He didn’t know how they met but for all he knew this would be it, her being drawn to him with some off hand comment.

“We should celebrate,” she exclaimed suddenly and the small smirk that had been on his lips fell as confusion set in. “Huh?” he said dumbly. Surely he hadn’t been that preoccupied; he had missed her talking about something that warranted celebrating? He couldn’t even think of what they would need to celebrate. The last few months had been shit and that was putting it lightly. Nothing about his life warranted celebrating and he couldn’t understand why she would want to.

“Your return to work Katsuki,” she explained, turning to look at him with fond exasperation. “Why?” His return to work wasn’t anything special and he wanted it to just go like any other day. Outside of the inevitable meeting he would need to have with his boss Katsuki didn’t want anyone to treat it any differently to any other day of the week. He wanted to go in and do his job, wanted to go on patrol and catch criminals, yell at the press for invading his privacy and asking stupid questions. He wanted to just get on with it and if they celebrated it, it would make it anything but a normal work day.

Huffing she rolled her eyes at him, “why are you always so difficult with this kind of stuff,” she mumbled. Katsuki narrowed his eyes, about to tell her he didn’t need that pointless shit in his life but before he could even open his mouth she was taking his cup and putting it on the table along with hers and snatching up his hands into hers. At some point they had both turned towards each other, their knees pressing together and even though he had jogging bottoms on, Katsuki could have sworn he felt the heat of her naked thigh seeping into him. Suddenly he became very aware that she was in a pair of sleep shorts and an oversized sweatshirt that was half hanging off her shoulder.

“Come on-” she whined “-we can go to that curry place you like so much, the one by your agency”. Katsuki knew what place she was talking about, and had been interested in trying it since the signs went up. The only problem was it wasn’t due to open until next week, the building having been delayed due to a villain getting chucked through the glass storefront. At least he now knew the food was going to be good. “Please Katsuki. You never let me treat you,” she pleaded, her bottom lip jutting out as she looked up at him from under her lashes and Katsuki felt his resolve start to crack.

Fuck. He was going to say yes. He knew it, the word already on the tip of his tongue. He gritted his jaw, his hold on her hands tightening as he tried not to give in to the ridiculous look on her face. She was a grown ass woman, she shouldn’t look so goddamn cute whilst pouting. “Fine,” he grumbled and her face lit up instantly, a smile spreading wide across her face that looked almost painful with how it was stretching her cheeks. “YES!” she exclaimed loudly, tugging her hands free and spreading her arms wide as she lurched forward, every intention of hugging him. Katsuki pressed back against the arm of the sofa, arms spread as he braced for the lap full of women he was about to get but it never came.

A loud pop echoed through the apartment and suddenly she was gone, disappearing before she could even get an arm round him.

Sighing, Katsuki slumped, his arms falling to his lap as he looked over at the clock. An hour and a half, that was how long she had been with him. That was the biggest drop of time yet and it would only get worse from here. Someone on the TV laughed, a shrill sound that an hour ago Katsuki had been taking the piss out of but now it felt like they were laughing at him, at the sinking feeling of dread and loss that was sitting heavy in his stomach. Suddenly losing all interest in the show Katsuki turned the TV off before dumping the still half-filled cups in the sink. He didn’t even stop to think as he shoved his feet into his running shoes, yanking his hoodie on and grabbing his phone and headphones before heading out into the city, hoping the late night run would help get rid of the feeling and clear his head.

The next few weeks went almost perfectly to plan. His shrink signed him off, clearing him for active duty once more though he agreed that Katsuki would benefit from continued weekly visits. His boss was happy to have him back but annoyingly wouldn’t let him work alone so at least for the next few weeks he had Deku trailing after him, his happy disposition irritating Katsuki almost straight away but he managed to keep a lid on his anger, calmly asking him to be quiet. Well he had growled out for him to shut the fuck up but it was the same thing really and got the same result so who cared.

Katsuki apologised to the stupid sidekick he had punched as well. That had been difficult, mainly because the guy was still scared he was going to end up with a broken nose again but he accepted Katsuki’s growling words and promises that it wouldn’t happen again.

For the first week Katsuki was on the graveyard shift, twelve am to six am. He knew it was done for a reason, to ease him back into it after so long off the field and normally he would be pissed but the nights were still difficult for him and strangely enough he found it easier to sleep during the day without waking up due to nightmares. He had been prescribed sleeping pills to help but Katsuki was loath to use them, not wanting to become reliant on them. The late shift also meant less reporters sniffing around but a few of them still came looking for a scoop.

The first one who brought up his scars had Katsuki going stiff, the colour draining from his face. He had forgotten about it, his mind preoccupied with the job and listening to Deku prattle on about some new hero the agency wanted to sign for months now but had been undercover until recently. Katsuki wasn’t really paying attention though, only catching snippets about their quirk as the other man dissolved into mumbling. He had frozen under the reporters insistence about knowing about his scars and Deku had had to shoo the woman off, glaring at her as he tugged Katsuki down the street, using One For All to quickly get them further away.

It was stupid, he knew that but suddenly he could feel everyone’s eyes on them, judging him for them and imagining everyone whispering as they stared at him. The three on his shoulder were almost completely exposed, the thin lines jagged and pink, his shoulder aching with the memory of sharpened metal slicing through his skin whenever he thought someone was looking. The ones on his face were hidden mostly by his mask and hair but it started to itch, his fingers twitching as he tried to keep himself from scratching at them. He found himself staring at them in the mirror, disgusted by the ugly twisted flesh, his fingers prodding and pulling at them. After his always came the phantom feeling of Y/Ns, gently tracing the thick glossy lines before she brushed her lips across them and whispered beautiful against the marks.

His shrink said to hold onto that feeling, said that they were an important part of him and that he shouldn’t be ashamed of it and shouldn’t let people make him feel like he had to hide them. He told Katsuki to remember how good it had felt to have her look at him with love, accepting all he was, scars and all. That was fine, he could do that, Katsuki holding onto the feeling with a grip like steel whenever he felt someone’s eyes on him but as the weeks went past it became harder to remember, the whole situation not helped by the fact that it had been almost three weeks since he had seen her.

He would be lying if he said he hadn’t panicked about that, constantly looking out for any sign of her but there hadn’t been any. Deku had noticed, the nerd way to observant for his own good but Katsuki had brushed off his concern like it was nothing. He had thought they would have more time before she completely vanished from his life, had hoped that when it did happen he would have already met her in his own time. He had thought he might have been able to say goodbye at least.

Katsuki had shoved it down, trying not to think about it and get on with his life. It had all been on borrowed time anyway, her not having been his anyway. He had worked hard, got better at handling the press and continued to make progress with his therapy and if he came home at the end of every shift and sat on his sofa just waiting to see if she turned up it was no one’s business but his own.

When she did finally turn up Katsuki had been asleep for most of it.

He had been exhausted, having worked three double shifts in a row. He had been having nightmares as well the last few nights so despite his reservations Katsuki had taken his sleeping pills, desperate for a good night’s sleep and safe in the knowledge that he had the next day off so it didn’t matter how long he slept for. It had been hot so he had stripped down to his boxers, popping one of the pills before sinking into his bed in the hopes that he would have at least a solid eight hours sleep.

He hadn’t even realised he was awake, his mind still hazy and heavy from the pills. The room was still dark, daylight not even poking round the edges of the curtains yet. His front was warm, pressed tight against the back of the person he had held in his arms. His face was buried in their hair, one arm under their neck and the other draped over their stomach, their bare legs tangled together. It felt so right, comfortable even, to be like this as the smell of his shampoo mixed with the familiar smell of Y/Ns perfume filled his senses.

A dream, he was having a dream and it was the best possible one he could have hoped for.

Sighing he buried his head in her neck, nuzzling against her soft skin as he pressed tight against her back. It was only as his hips shifted forward that he even became aware that he was hard, his dick slotting nicely against the cleft of her ass. Katsuki moaned softly as he buried his head further into the crook of her neck, his hips rocking forward ever so slightly as a hazy arousal began to cloud his still sleep heavy mind.

She made a soft humming noise, head tipping back as she arched her neck, offering him more space. He couldn’t help himself, lips parting to drag his teeth lightly against her, a rumbling moan making its way between his lips as she gasped softly, pressing back against him. Katsuki shifted forward, trailing light and lazy kisses up along her jaw and all the way to her lips, happy when she turned her head to brush her lips against his. The kiss was slow and gentle, lips moving against the others, her arm wiggling its way between their heads and the pillow so she could lightly card her fingers through his hair. It felt good, her lips delicate and feather light against his, her body warm in his hold.

She didn’t tell him to stop when the hand draped over her began to wander but why would she. This was a dream and in it she would be open and welcome, letting his hand wander like he had a right to be touching her. She hummed as he slid his hand up her stomach, fingers slipping under the hem of her top as he worked his hand up higher. She pulled her mouth away from his with a gasp as the tips of his fingers stroked against the underside of her breasts, his touch light as he teased her, letting his fingers explore.

It was still dark, too dark to really make anything out but this close Katsuki could see she had her eyes closed, her mouth open slightly in an invitation he couldn’t resist. He pressed his lips back to hers, swallowing her moan as he pinched at her hardened nipple. She swallowed his own groan as her hips rolled back, pressing her ass against his straining dick and grinding slowly.

The kiss deepened, Katsuki’s tongue slipping across her lips as he demanded entrance and she granted him it willingly, her hold on his hair tightening slightly. Katsuki cupped her breast in his hand, gently needing it as he let his tongue explore her mouth, sweeping it along her teeth and sucking on her tongue, muffling both their noises as their hips continued to rock against the others. Soon enough though he had to breathe and reluctantly he pulled his mouth away from hers, sucking in a breath before ducking his head down to instead suck kisses along her exposed neck and shoulder.

There was no rush, the dark and hushed silence of the room keeping him in his sleep heavy state. His limbs felt both light and heavy as he gave her nipple one last pinch before his hand retreated back down her stomach. There was no rush, no frantic desperation to rip each other's clothes off, just the gentle exploration of his hand and lips and the feel of her pressed against him. It was perfect and he wanted to stay in this moment forever.

Katsuki’s fingers teased at the hem of her shorts, finger tips just dipping under the band as he ran his fingers gently from one side of her stomach to the other. She whined, tugging at his hair and pressing her hips forward, impatient and seeking more and who was he to deny her anything she might want from him.

Her legs spread slightly as he slipped his hand into her shorts, two of his fingers brushing against her folds. She was already wet, her curls damp as he gently ran two of his fingers along her, pressing ever so slightly harder with every sweep of his fingers until they slipped easily between her folds. He moaned loudly, muffling it against the curve of her neck, gently biting down as his hips bucked forward.

She was hot and slick, his fingers easily gliding across her as he continued to gently run his fingers along her opening. He pressed harder against her clit, delighting in the little gasps and moans that tumbled from her lips. She was so responsive, her body trembling when he pressed down harder, the tips of his fingers just dipping into her entrance before he pulled them away and continued to tease her. He wished he could see her, wished that suddenly it was bright daylight so he could watch the pleasure dance across her features but it was still the dark of night and instead Katsuki could only listen and feel, his eyes closing and just letting everything else wash over him.

Her hips hitched forward as his fingers slipped down, sinking further inside her than he had intended and they both moaned, Katsuki not bothering to slip his fingers free as they were surrounded by her warm wet heat. He kept his fingers pressed as deep inside as he could get, his thumb rubbing gently across her clit and just enjoying the way her walls fluttered around his digits. He couldn’t help but imagine how good she would feel around his dick, tight and warm and so fucking perfect. His dick twitched against her ass at the thought but he pushed his own arousal aside. He wanted her to cum on his fingers first, wanted to feel her clenching around his fingers as she soaked his hand before he yanked down both their shorts and finally got his dick inside her.

She whined, high pitched and needy, her hips rolling, trapped between his fingers and his crotch and not getting the relief she was after. Katsuki shifted his other arm that lay trapped beneath her body, splaying his hand out across her stomach and pressing down in an attempt to keep her still. He shushed her, trailing kisses up her neck to nip at her jaw and finally he slowly pulled his hand back, fingers sliding so easily from within her until just the tips remained. He held them there for a second, enjoying the way she squirmed against him. He waited for her to whine again, her hand flexing in his hair and as the sound tapered off he pressed his fingers back inside her, a sudden gasp falling from her parted lips.

He kept his pace slow and languid, burying his head in the crook of her neck and just enjoying the feel of her around him. She was breathing heavier, her laboured breath’s dotted with moans and gasps as he continued to work his fingers in and out of her, his thumb constantly rubbing against her clit.

It was a good dream and definitely not the first time he had had one like this but unlike the times before this felt different, more solid, real even. The heavy fog of sleep was slowly lifting, Katsuki becoming more aware of how hot and clammy he felt with his chest pressed tightly against her back, noticing just how wet and slick his hand felt, the smell of her arousal thick in the air and her pulse thundering away under his lips. Normally his dreams failed to supply the specifics, his imagination not that good but as he felt her muscles tense under his hand, her inner walls fluttering around his fingers Katsuki started to get the feeling that something wasn’t quite what it seemed.

Whatever doubt he had started to feel was quickly chased away by Y/N unceremoniously shoving her hand into his underwear, her arm awkwardly twisted behind her so she could wrap her hand around his straining member. Katsuki groaned loudly, biting down on her shoulder as his hips jerked forward and forced his dick through her tight grip. Her breathless laughter rang in his ears and he bit down harder on her shoulder in retaliation, sucking harshly. Her laughter stuttered off into a moan, her hips rocking once more.

The angle was awkward, her hand in the wrong position to really do anything but Katsuki found himself not caring, rolling his hips forward to fuck the tight clutch of her hand, her thumb pressing down on his dripping head and spreading his pre-cum along the top side of his shaft. His own hand sped up, a third finger sliding in easily next to the other two, her walls tightening as she moaned, her hand mimicking the action and had Katsuki grunting, hips jerking forward.

They descended into a mess of panting and moaning, the relaxed pace completely forgotten as they raced towards their climaxes. Katsuki’s hand flexed on her stomach, nails digging in as he pressed her back against him. Her own hand tightened in his hair, tugging his head back from where he had been worrying the bite mark, making it darker and more noticeable. He growled at the sharp sting of pain across his scalp but she swallowed it up quickly, crashing their mouths together in a sloppy and hungry kiss. Teeth clashed, tongues probing and licking as they both tried to devour the other.

Everything was hard and desperate, his fingers pumping fast and hard as he ground the pad of his thumb down against her sensitive bundle of nerves. Her hand twitched, her hold tightening around his head and Katsuki snarled, leaning forward and pressing his weight against her, pushing her more onto her front and effectively pinning her to the bed as he fucked into her fist. This wasn’t how he wanted to cum, wanted to have at least been inside her but he was too close now to stop, his stomach tightening and balls drawing up as he got closer to cumming.

She yanked her head away from his as he felt his hands crackle and heat up from the tiny sparks he let off. “Katsuki,” she moaned loudly, her body rigid as her legs and hands clamped down. She was right on the edge, so close to tumbling over and taking Katsuki with him. It was right there, he just needed a little more, needed to feel her cumming on his hand first.

There was a loud pop and suddenly Katsuki found himself falling forward with a startled grunt, the body keeping him up suddenly gone. Katsuki led face down in the sheets, his hard dick and hand trapped beneath him. His heart was racing, his body trembling as his climax edged away from him and the reality of the situation sunk into his suddenly wide awake mind.

Not a dream, not even remotely close. Fuck. Shit. Bollocks. That had been real, she had been real. Moaning and gasping as she clung onto him, his fingers buried inside of her and driving her towards climax. Honestly he was surprised something like this hadn’t happened before but as far as he knew this was the first time she had jumped whilst asleep. Shit she had been asleep, probably thinking it was her Katsuki with their fingers inside of her and grinding against her ass like a desperate animal. She had probably popped right back into their bed, moaning and gasping as her orgasm ripped through her, all because of him and that bastard got to see it, Katsuki denied the pleasure. Quite literally.

Groaning Katsuki rolled onto his back, staring up at the darkened ceiling above him. His dick was still hard, the last few tendrils of his lust still clinging and suddenly he became aware that his left hand was still wet, slick with her release. His dick twitched in his boxers and before he could talk himself out of it Katsuki was yanking down his underwear with his clean hand and wrapping his slick one around his straining member.

He groaned loudly at the first touch, eyes closing and head tipping back as he set a hard and fast rhythm, working himself back up quickly as he let his mind recall how she had felt against him, clenching down on his fingers and moaning so wantonly for him. His mind ran wild, conjuring up images of what could have been if she hadn’t disappeared, if she was already his and he got to keep her in his bed, spread out beneath him and begging him for more, for everything and he would give her everything she asked for willingly, desperate to see her fall apart for him.

It didn’t take long before his muscles were tensing, dick twitching as he came across his abs and chest, her name a breathy gasp as it spilled from between his parted lips. He felt pathetic as he led there, chest heaving as he tried to get his breathing back to normal, his cum rapidly cooling on his hot skin. He was being ridiculous, jealous of his older self and feeling guilty for getting off to the thought of a woman who was already his girlfriend but he couldn’t help but feel guilty, remembering how well she had felt against him. She had thought she was with her Katsuki, not him and he felt almost like he had taken advantage of her, crossing some line that he shouldn’t have.

He hadn’t even bothered trying to go back to bed, stripping off the sheets that smelled like her and spending way too long in the shower as he scrubbed at every inch of his skin until it was red and stinging as he tried to get rid of the feeling of her pressed against him. The sun was only just rising when he finally got out and Katsuki had quickly shoved on his work out clothes and headed to the gym to work off his frustrations.

He didn’t see her for another week, turning up in his office whilst Katsuki grumbled his way through a stack of paperwork. It had been awkward in a way it never had been before, both of them clearly embarrassed and conversation stilted. She had been trapped with him, unable to go wondering unless someone found out about her and Katsuki had felt on edge the whole time she had been there, waiting for her to call him out for being a pervert, for taking advantage of her sleeping form for his own pleasure. It never happened though, Y/N just making awkward small talk about work.

The visit hadn’t been long though, barely an hour having passed before she was gone. He should have been relieved that the heavy silence was finally gone but instead he had found himself staring at the clock above his door, watching the seconds tick by and that feeling of dread and inevitability twisting painfully in his gut.

It only got worse as the months went past, her visits getting shorter and shorter and Katsuki found himself quickly forgetting his embarrassment as he clung onto her, desperate to keep hold of her whilst knowing that soon enough she would disappear for good.

He asked more questions, trying to piece together when she would come into his life but either she was being too stubborn to tell him or his future self was keeping it to himself how soon after her last visit Katsuki finally gets to meet her. Either way it was pissing him off and they had had more than one argument about it. It took him to long to realise he was wasting time and by the time he pulled his head out of his ass her visits were down to just minutes, her last one having only lasted the fifteen minutes it took him to get out of his hero costume and into his street clothes, their conversation about dinner cut short by that annoying pop sound that he had now come to dread.

Far too quickly a year had passed since she had first come into his life and Katsuki’s attitude had noticeably soured. He didn’t know what to do and he hated it, feeling like he was being haunted by the ghost of her presence. Some nights he wished to go back to the night they first met, wished that he hadn’t opened the door, hadn’t even gone home in the first place. Not knowing would surely be better than this, feeling like an important part of his life was slipping through his hands, like he was trying to hold onto sand with his fingers splayed wide.

The next time she had turned up Katsuki had been halfway through dinner, shouting over his shoulder that she better hurry up before it got cold. When there had been no answer he had gone looking for her, making some smart ass remark about her not appreciating his cooking. He hadn’t been ready for what he found.

Katsuki was in his bedroom, half way through getting changed and only in his underwear. It had been a long day and he was actually looking forward to squad night. Eijirou and Mina had arrived at his place just seconds after him, Sero and Denki not far behind and he had left them in the living room so he could get changed whilst they argued over what takeaway they would get and if they should watch a movie or play video games. Katsuki hadn’t thought anything about leaving his bedroom door ajar, all of them having seen him in his underwear enough to not be bothered by it.

He should have known that something was going to happen.

He was bent over, awkwardly yanking his jeans off his feet when the loud pop came. Katsuki froze, eyes going wide with panic as he tried to work out where the sound had come from. There was no high pitch screaming coming from Denki so it couldn’t have been in the living room and it had sounded too close to have come from the kitchen. “Now that’s a welcome I could get used to,” came a teasing voice from behind and Katsuki quickly shot up, spinning around to face the woman.

She stood at the end of his bed, dressed in light denim shorts and a short sleeved shirt that she had tied at her stomach and was unbuttoned enough to show off the swell of her breasts. She had a bottle of beer in one hand and a pair of large sunglasses perched on top of her head. She looked good and it was an effort not to let his eyes linger on her chest or the slither of skin that was exposed between the shirt and the top of her shorts.

Katsuki made quick work of yanking his jeans off and stormed over to the door, looking out to check that no one had noticed the other woman’s arrival and sighing in relief when he found them all preoccupied by whatever they had on the TV. “Oh, is it squad night?” she asked as she appeared behind him, her hands warm on his waist as she pushed herself up to look over his shoulder and into the room beyond. Her body was a solid wall of heat behind him, her lips next to his cheek and her breath puffing out across his suddenly sensitive skin.

Katsuki panicked.

He shoved her back, his hand splaying across her stomach to do so and he wasn’t surprised to find she was warm there as well. “Will you shut up,” he hissed, shutting the door quickly but quietly so as not to get anyone’s attention. She was laughing at him, not loud enough for it to travel through the door but it was still too loud for a room that should only have him in it. He spun round to glare at her, arms crossed over his chest. She had moved over to the bed, sat on the end and leaning back on one hand as she sipped from her bottle of beer. He could see her smiling around the bottle, her whole face alight with it though her eyes were firmly fixed on his chest where his arms were pushing his pecs together.

Katsuki had never felt self conscious a day in his life but underneath her intense gaze he became aware of how little he had on and suddenly felt the need to cover himself up. It was ridiculous, considering he knew by this point that they had slept together, the woman letting it slip that she knew about the small scar he had on his left butt cheek, something she would only have seen if they had been naked together. She had probably seen him naked loads of times before but not him like this, at this age. It was weird and stupid but he didn’t like the idea of her seeing him like this and then going back to her version of him and it changing how she saw him.

Fuck this whole thing was messed up.

“I love squad nights,” she stared at the door, a fond smile on her lips and Katsuki had to wonder if maybe that was where she had been before she had been pulled to him. It left him with more questions, wanting to know what his friends were like in the future, if Eijirou had worked up the courage to ask Mina to marry him, if Kyoka had ditched Denki’s ungrateful ass yet and if Sero had actually managed to con some poor unsuspecting woman into dating him. He wanted to know how she fit in with his closest friends, wanted to know if she liked them and if they liked her in return.

“Someone has to,” he grumbled as he strode across the room and towards his draws, yanking out a pair of black sweat pants and a matching tank top. He needed to figure out what he was going to do and fast, there was only so long he could stay hidden in his room before Mina started to get suspicious and came looking for him. He could always pretend to be tired, exhausted from the day and not really up to anything tonight. Denki and Sero would pitch a fit but after a little shouting on his part and sulking on theirs they would leave and Katsuki would be able to relax. Yeah that seemed like a good plan, his most realistic option and would leave him with the smallest headache.

When he turned round Katsuki expected to find her still sitting on the edge of the bed but his eyes landed on empty space, her sunglasses abandoned on the grey sheets and her beer bottle on the floor. His eyes snapped to the door just as she cracked it open, the sounds from the living room filtering in and her eyes lighting up as she smiled, opening the door wider as if she was going to go out there.

Katsuki moved quickly, dropping his clothes to the ground and darting across the room. He grabbed at her elbow, yanking her backwards as he used the other hand to slam the door shut. He whirled her around, pinning her against the door with his body. He muffled her yelp with his palm across her mouth, the hand on her elbow sliding up to her wrist as he pinned it to the door above her head. “The hell do you think you are doing?” he hissed angrily, red eyes locked with her wide ones.

They were so close, Katsuki’s body pressed tight against hers with a knee shoved between her legs. He became aware of every place they were touching all at once, his skin prickling where it was touching hers. He sucked in a breath, his anger giving way quickly as he realised how well she fit against him, how if his hand wasn’t there she would be at the perfect height for him to lean in and steal another kiss, just like she had done to him all those weeks ago.

It was like he was in a trance, his hand slipping off her mouth and going to her naked waist, holding her still as he pressed closer. She licked at her lips, Katsuki’s eyes falling down to her mouth to follow the movement. It wasn’t a conscious decision to lean in, his eyes flickering up to hers as she sucked in a breath but she didn’t tell him to stop, her eyes going wide as he got closer. Katsuki‘s eyes fell shut, his lips brushing ever so slightly against hers in a tease, a promise of what would come next.

A loud knock came on the door.

Katsuki’s eyes snapped open and he jerked back, letting go of her and putting some much needed distance between them. “Hey, erm Bakubro? You okay in there man?” Eijirou called through the door, sounding worried and a little hesitant. Katsuki licked at his lips, watching as she pushed off the door and rubbed at the wrist he had been gripping. She looked down at her feet, an appealing red flush on her cheeks as she nibbled on her lips and moved further into the room. Katsuki felt torn, wanting to storm back over there and continue with what he had been about to do whilst also feeling guilty for trying something with someone who he knew was already taken, even if it was by him.

Shit this was all so complicated. It wasn’t like it would be cheating if she was already dating him, just an older version of himself. It was still him goddammit so why did he feel like such an asshole?

“Katsuki man, you okay in there?” Eijirou called again, his worry more noticeable this time. The handle rattled, the thing starting to lower as the redhead went to open the door. “Yeah shitty hair I’m fine, just tripped over my jeans and fell into the door,” Katsuki shouted the first thing that came to mind, quickly moving back to the door and pressing all his weight against it to keep it shut. She scrunched up her face, looking at Katsuki like he was an idiot and he just scowled back at her. “Okay man, as long as you’re sure you’re okay,” Katsuki barely suppressed a groan as Eijirou kept talking, wanting to fling the door open and prove he was fine but he couldn’t, not with her there anyway. “I said I was didn’ I,” he snapped out in frustration.

He stood there glaring at the door, waiting to see if Eijirou would say anything else but when the silence stretched on Katsuki knew that he had returned to their friends, the four of them probably bitching about his foul attitude. Sighing he slumped against the door, a wave of relief crashing over him though it was short lived. “Well aren’t you just delightful,” she mumbled, her voice dripping with sarcasm and Katsuki’s patience snapped, his eyes narrowing as he glared at her.

“This is all your fucking fault,” he snarled as he went back to his clothes and snatched the discarded garments off the floor. This whole stupid situation was all her fault and it was about time she took responsibility for it. He yanked his sweats on angrily, continuing to glare at her as she rolled her eyes at him. “I don’t see what the problem is unless...” she trailed off, her eyes going wide and a smirk tugging at the corners of her lips. “Katsuki, am I your dirty little secret?” she asked gleefully and Katsuki just glared at her harder, pulling his top on and choosing to ignore her laughter as he made his way over to the door.

“Stay in here,” he growled, pointing at the floor like she was some kind of dog. She scoffed at him but she sank back down onto the edge of his bed and picked up her half empty bottle of beer off the floor. “Yes sir,” she saluted him with two fingers before winking as she took a swig of her drink. Katsuki huffed, giving her one last scathing look before he yanked the door open just enough for him to slip out and pulled it closed behind him.

All eyes turned to him, the four of them watching as he stalked across the small space. “How was your trip?” Denki smirked, Sero snorting at the other man’s teasing. Katsuki snarled as he shoved at the other blonde, the idiot slipping off the sofa and onto the floor. “Hey!” he squawked but Katsuki ignored him and dropped down into his vacant seat, snatching what was probably his bottle of beer off the table. “Shut up dunce face,” he grumbled before taking a swig of the lukewarm liquid.

“Someone is extra grumpy today,” Mina chirped as she got comfortable down the other end of the sofa, laying her legs over Eijirou’s. Katsuki narrowed his eyes at her but didn’t say anything, just clenched his fists and took another swig of the drink. “Leave him alone babe, you know how stressful this week has been,” Eijirou came to his defence, looking down at Mina with slight disapproval. The pinkett mumbled something, looking chastised and it was almost funny to see someone react that way to Eijirou telling them off.

The redhead was quick in getting the evening back on track before anyone could irritate Katsuki more than he already was, chucking a controller to Denki and informing Katsuki that pizza was on its way. They lost themselves in the game quickly, yelling out suggestions and abuse as the two men raced around the track and by all rights Katsuki should be joining in as well, chewing Eijirou’s ear off as he missed a corner and letting dunce face overtake him but he couldn’t keep his attention off the woman hidden away in his room, his eyes constantly darting back over to his door as if he was expecting her to try and get out.

What was she even doing in there?

“Be back in a minute,” he mumbled, not waiting for an answer from any of them as he got up and strode across the room to his bedroom. He slipped inside quickly, closing the door behind him and pressing his back against it. She was led on his bed, legs out in front of her and crossed at the ankles. She had one arm behind her head and a book held in the other, looking comfortable amongst his sheets. She looked good, all that skin on display and led back against his pillows. Too good if he was being honest.

When he didn’t say anything, just standing there staring like an idiot, she raised an eyebrow at him, her lips curling up into a smirk. “See something you like?” she teased and Katsuki snapped out of his stupor. He scowled at her, pushing away from the door and stalking over to the bed. “What you reading?” he grunted, dropping down onto the bed and snatching the book out of her hands. He recognised it instantly, a shitty romance novel about a princess who was kidnapped by a barbarian king and the two ended up falling in love.

Katsuki blushed with embarrassment.

He didn’t leave that shit just lying around, his small collection hidden under a loose floorboard just under his bed but she had known where to look, had known about one of his most embarrassing secrets. Fuck. Katsuki had never told anyone about his fondness for the trashy romance novels, treating them like he was smuggling drugs into his home when he had a new one delivered because he always ordered them online instead of buying them himself in a shop. He had an image, something he had worked hard on and he didn’t need it getting out that he liked this kind of shit. It could damage his reputation, affect his rankings, hell it could even cause issues with his friends and he didn’t need that kind of shit. Yet here was this woman, knowing exactly where he kept his most shameful things and clearly not bothered by it in the slightest.

She shifted, pushing herself up and shuffling closer to him. She practically pressed against his side, one leg folded under her and her other bent behind him, pressing against his back. “This ones my favourite,” she whispered, slipping her arms through his and leaning her head on his shoulder, the both of them looking down at the front cover of the book he still held tightly in his hands. “Is that so?” he mumbled, not even bothering to look at her. She hummed in answer, nodding her head and pressing tighter against his side, cuddling against him as if that would make him feel better and maybe it did three years from now it did but all it did now all it did was make him feel like even more of a sappy bitch.

“Want to know a secret?” she whispered teasingly, lifting her head and nudging at his shoulder, attempting to lighten his suddenly sombre mood. “Sure,” he grunted. He felt exposed, like every aspect of himself was on display for her to see and he didn’t know how he felt about that. He wanted to shove her away and storm from the room but also wanted to lay back on the bed with her in his arms and read the fucking thing to her.

“The barbarian king always reminded me of you, strong willed and fierce, determined to be the best he can for his people and unapologetic for it. He is a fierce warrior who goes into battle with his head held high and determined to win, just like you every time you face a villain”. Katsuki turned, tilting his head to look down at her. She looked back up at him with a soft smile and eyes full of sincerity. He didn’t know what to make of that, his chest tightening uncomfortably.

She didn’t care about the books, enjoyed them herself if he was to believe what she was saying. He should feel happy, knowing that the person he was going to end up with had accepted a part of his personality, something that even he had trouble doing but all it did was leave him feeling sort of numb, like this wasn’t real. How could he have been so lucky to end up with a woman he seemed to accept every part of him unconditionally? Surely it couldn’t have been as easy as it seemed? Surely she was fucking with him, right?

Her soft smile shifted, her eyes glinting with mischief, “plus he had a massive dick and we both know that you….” Katsuki growled, cutting off whatever she had been about to say, throwing the book to the side as he pushed her away from him, his fingers digging into her sides as he began to tickle her. She laughed loudly, squirming on the bed under him and trying to force his hands away from her sides. “Kat…stop…I…can’t…mercy,” she gasped out between laughs, her head thrown back and tears clinging to her lashes. She looked beautiful in that moment, all bright and sunshine, radiating heat like she was the actual sun.

Katsuki didn’t hesitate this time.

She made a surprised squeaking noise when Katsuki pressed his lips against hers but she didn’t push him away so he pressed his lips against hers harder, deepening the kiss. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders, her fingers sliding into his hair as she moaned encouragingly. He had been right the first time, kissing her was good. Her lips were soft and firm against his, parting instantly when he swiped his tongue along them. She tasted like the beer she had been drinking and something sweet like honey and he wanted more of it. Katsuki moaned, swiping his tongue along her teeth and swallowing her own small moan when he pressed himself tighter against her.

“Bakubro pizzas here,” Denki shouted as he banged against the door, startling both of them. Katsuki only pulled back enough so they are no longer pressed so tightly together, breathing the others air in. “Yeah, I’m coming,” he yells, voice slightly rough as he turned his head toward the door. Denki just lightly raps his knuckles on the door, the idiot thankfully not opening it because there was no way Katsuki would be able to hide the woman in his bed or what they had just been doing.

Under him she shifted, her hands sliding down to his shoulders and shoving him back gently. Katsuki gets the gist, pushing himself off of her and sitting back on the edge of the bed. Shit, what had he been thinking? Sure he had gotten to know her better over the last couple of months and sure he liked her but that didn’t mean he had any right to start getting handsy. She wasn’t his, well she was his but not his now and he had no right to be touching her, kissing her, wanting her. Normally he had great self-control but he was finding it harder and harder to deny himself when he knew that soon enough she would be his.

Fuck this was all so confusing.

“You should probably get back out there before Mina decides she is done waiting. I’ll make sure to put the book back before I go or at least hide it under the covers or something,” she mumbled, sitting back up and shifting up the bed, putting even more distance between them. The whole atmosphere seemed awkward now, neither of them looking at the other and acting guilty, like they had done something wrong.

Katsuki grunted, getting up from the bed and trudging towards the door. He paused when he gets there, hand curled around the handle as he turns back to look at her. It felt wrong just walking out on her like that, made it seem even more like a sordid and shameful secret. “It's fine Katsuki, go spend time with your friends,” she smiled reassuringly, any awkward tension seeming to melt right off of her. Katsuki dragged his eyes across her, his gaze lingering on her lips before he nodded and slipped back out into the living room.

The game had been paused, four boxes of pizza sat on his coffee table and bottles of beer dotted between them. No one looked at him as he came out of the bedroom apart from Mina, her dark eyes eyeing him suspiciously. Katsuki quickly averted his gaze, sinking down onto the floor and grabbing a slice of the pizza that is nearest to him and thanking the gods that it's all the meats with extra chilli and not that weird shit that Denki likes with pineapple on it.

Katsuki tries to get involved, picking up Denki’s abandoned controller and beating Sero in a game of Mortal Kombat but his heart isn’t really in it and once again he finds his attention slipping back to woman locked away in his room and how good it had felt to have her clinging to him whilst they kissed. He was angry with himself for giving in like that, just as angry with her for letting it happen. The whole thing was just one big complicated mess and for once in his life Katsuki doesn’t know what to do.

He hates it. Hates feeling like he has no control and that he is one step behind. She has an advantage over him, knowing him better than he does her and it's frustrating because she knows how he takes his coffee, knows that he keeps a blanket hidden in the cupboard next to the TV because he gets cold in the evenings and he hates being cold. She knows his morning routines and his work out schedule, hell she even knows how he likes his washing done and a thousand other things without him even having to tell her yet he knows fuck all about her and its driving him crazy. It's like pulling teeth trying to get information out of her, every little thing she offers up having to be considered to make sure it doesn’t give anything away.

He hates that he has to wait, hates that he has to just keep trudging through the days and weeks whilst waiting for her to suddenly turn up and for it to finally be his turn. He doesn’t have the patience for it yet he knows that it will be worth it but after finally getting a taste he doesn’t know if he can carry on just waiting for her to fall into his life for real. He is an inpatient fucker and he wants her in his life now.

“Okay that’s it”. Katsuki jerks out of his thoughts, head snapping round from where he had been glaring at his closed door to look up at Mina as she stands before him, looking pissed and clicking her fingers in his face. “Fuck off,” he growls, slapping her hand away from him. The room’s gone quiet and Katsuki can feel the other three men’s eyes on him, watching their exchange. “What is going on with you?” she demands, hands on her hips.

Katsuki knows what she is on about but just like every time before he brushes her off, scoffing at her annoyance. “Nothing, now get your fat ass out of my way,” it’s a low blow, Mina sensitive about her figure after a rather scathing article in some women’s magazine and she gasps in shock. “Dude,” Eijirou exclaimed, looking disapprovingly at Katsuki as he stepped up behind Mina and tried to assure her that she was perfect but she was angry now, shrugging her boyfriend off and looking down at Katsuki like she was going to slap him. He wouldn’t stop her, he deserved it after that.

“Shit pinky, I didn’t…” he started to apologise but she cut him off before he could get the words out. “Oh I know you didn’t mean it, that’s the only reason you didn’t get a face full of acid but this-” she gestured at him “-is exactly what I’m talking about. Something is going on with you and I‘m worried”. She stood there looking at him pointedly, waiting for an answer but Katsuki didn’t know what to say. This was his moment, he could tell them about the woman in his bed who wasn’t from this time, he could get it all off his chest and not have to deal with all the crazy bullshit by himself anymore but the words get stuck and instead he finds his eyes going back to the closed door in the corner. That turns out to be a mistake.

Mina notices where his gaze has gone, her own eyes narrowing. “And what is up with the sudden fascination with your bedroom, if I didn’t know any better I would think you were hiding someone in there”. Katsuki’s head snaps back round, his panicked red eyes going to hers, “no,” he snaps too quickly. Mina’s eyes go wide and before he can even get up off the sofa she is already halfway across the living room.

Katsuki catches up to her as she reaches the door, her hands curling around the handle but it's too late, Katsuki slamming into her and the door swings open, the two of them tumbling to the floor and landing in a heap in the doorway. His head snaps up instantly as he scrambles to his feet, panicked eyes going to the bed but she isn’t there. Frowning he looks around the small room but there is no sign she had even been there apart from the slightly ruffled sheets and the half empty bottle of beer on his nightstand.

Mina gets to her feet, Eijirou helping her up and they all shuffle into his room. Denki and Sero have the good sense to stay in the doorway, frowning as Mina checks under the bed and behind the curtains. Katsuki’s heart slams against his chest the whole time, his palms sweating but she doesn’t find anything, her frown just getting deeper. “Satisfied?” he grunted, leaning against the door and crossing his arms over his chest. She looks at him suspiciously but he just stared back at her, unwilling to back down.

Huffing she grabbed Eijirou’s hand and dragged him back out to the living room, stopping in the doorway to scowl up at him. “You’re hiding something Katsuki and I will find out,” she threatens, poking him in the chest as she does so. “Ain’t nothin’ to find raccoon eyes,” Katsuki grunts, lifting his head up and looking down his nose at her, hoping she doesn’t notice how much he is sweating or that his eye keeps trying to twitch. Huffing she carried on past, Eijirou looking at him apologetically as he is dragged behind her, Sero and Denki following after them.

Katsuki sighs in relief, shoulders sagging. He doesn’t linger, gripping the handle and pulling the door closed. He would leave it open like he normally would now that he knows she is gone but he doesn’t want to draw too much attention to it, it would just seem weird if he left the door open now. As he pulled it closed a movement inside catches his attention, the wardrobe door swinging open. His eyes go wide as his visitor uncurls from the inside, her legs swinging down from the shelf she had been sitting on and her hand grabbing the top as she slides out soundlessly and effortlessly like she has done it before. She looks over at Katsuki with a wide smile, clearly proud of herself and winks at him as she closes the door softly. Katsuki can do nothing more than frown before he closes his door and goes back to the sofa, both glad and disappointed that she had seemed to expect that he would want her to hide.

No one brings what happened up, Denki and Sero back to arguing about who the best fighters on Mortal Kombat was whilst Eijirou and Mina whisper to each other down the other end of the sofa to him, the pinkett curled up in his lap. Katsuki doesn’t go to check on her again, regardless of how much he wants to and he purposely makes sure he doesn’t look back at the stupid door. Instead Katsuki finds himself watching the clock, ears straining to hear a pop when he realises it's been three hours since she had arrived but he doesn’t hear anything.

It’s a weird sort of torture, not knowing if she is still there or not and he feels on edge as the minutes tick by, his knee jumping nervously.

They all leave not long after that starts, Eijirou the last out the door and he stops to make sure Katsuki is okay, assuring the blonde that he is there for him if he needs to talk. Katsuki can see the others over the redheads’ shoulder, the three of them huddled together by the lift and shooting glances their way. Katsuki knows that they are talking about him and his strange behaviour and he doesn’t blame them, he had acted like a crazy person when Mina had gone for his room and almost like he was a junky, desperate for another hit afterwards. Katsuki manages an uneasy smile, promising Eijirou that everything is fine and sending his friend on his way with the promise to grab lunch in a couple of days’ time.

His apartment is too quiet with everyone gone and Katsuki moves on auto pilot as he cleans up the mess left behind, putting off going to his room but all too soon he is done and he finds himself standing in front of his bedroom door, his body feeling heavy. He feels tired, like he hasn’t slept for days and he just wants to crawl into bed and sleep but he doesn’t want to have to deal with what’s on the other side of the door. He can’t put it off forever, it's his room after all.

The room is empty when he goes in, no sign that she had even been there apart from the empty beer bottle on his bedside table and the rumpled sheets. His eyes go to the wardrobe but the door is ajar and he can see that its void of any hiding women. He hates that he feels disappointed that she is gone, that he had missed his brief amount of time with her but also glad because he wouldn’t have to deal with the fact that he had treated her like a secret. Like something to be ashamed of and hidden away from his friends.

Wordlessly Katsuki stripped down to his underwear, chucking his clothes into the washing hamper before he yanks back the sheets, every intention of falling into bed and not crawling back out to the next morning. He stopped by the sight of that stupid book in the middle of his bed. Katsuki just stares at it for a long few minutes, contemplating putting it away or setting his whole stash up in flames but eventually he pulls it towards him, planning on leaving it on the bedside table.

There’s a scrap of paper sticking out the top that wasn’t there before.

Frowning, he yanks it out, finding three simple words written in it in handwriting he had never seen before, ‘Call me Y/N”. Despite everything Katsuki can feel himself smiling, something about now knowing her first name at least making him feel like he had accomplished something and also that his behaviour had been forgiven. Surely she wouldn’t give him such a valuable bit of information if she was mad at him. He leaves the book on his bedside table and if after his work out the next morning he spends the rest of the day curled up on the sofa rereading it, then it's no one’s business but his.

Of course knowing her name brings with it the temptation to try and find her and at least once a day Katsuki has to stop himself from doing just that. She finds it all very funny when she turns up again a week later in his office and he complains about her having told him. She laughs even harder when he refuses to call her by her name and instead starts referring to her as princess. She takes it in her stride though and he gets the feeling that he calls her that still in the future and it leaves him feeling funny knowing that things from now carry over to then.

Time passes and she continues to appear, though both of them manage to keep their hands and lips to themselves and they never mention the incident again. He gets to know her better than any of his girlfriends that came beforehand and soon enough they sink into a sort of routine, a comfortable ease between them that Katsuki misses when she isn’t there. They cook together, spar together on occasion and after a hard day she takes his aching hands in hers and massages them with nimble fingers and thumbs.

He gets a glimpse into his future, small fragments of what he has to come and it leaves Katsuki envious of his future self, knowing that he gets this all the time and more whilst all he gets is a handful of hours every few weeks. It was stupid, being jealous of himself but with every visit he found himself getting more and more reluctant to let her go and more inpatient for the day he can finally call her his.

For the most part he is happy though and people have started to notice as his general mood improves, his temper lessening. Mina still eyes him suspiciously but she doesn’t call him out on it again and he thinks that probably has more to do with Eijirou than her desire to give him privacy. Work goes stupidly well, he even manages to give the nerd a compliment after he helps Katsuki take down an annoyingly shitty villain who can duplicate himself, Deku almost walking off a roof in his shock. He should have known it wouldn’t last, should have seen it coming. Nothing ever goes that well for that long, especially not for a hero.

Six months after she had first mentioned it Katsuki finds out how he got his scar.

He seemed to give up after that, sighing and looking at Katsuki like he was disappointed in him. Katsuki couldn’t blame him, he was disappointed in himself as well. He didn’t stay long after, promising Katsuki he would come back the next day and once again asking him to let someone help him. Katsuki didn’t know what to say so he said nothing, not even watching his friend leave.

He sat in silence for a while, nurses coming and going, checking his vitals and pain medication, assuring him he was in good hands. One of them left a mirror for him, the thing taunting him as it sat on the bedside table but eventually he caved, snatching the thing up in shaking hands. He didn’t want to look, didn’t want to see the ugly mess his face now was but underneath it all was curiosity, the desperation to know what had been done to him.

Katsuki ripped at the bandages, letting them fall into his lap in his haste to get them off. The light stung, his eye having been covered for hours and instinctively he closed his eyes against the brightness only to let at a pained hiss as the action pulled at his stitches. He gritted his teeth through the pain, blinking a few times as he became accustomed to the light once more. His hands trembled as he grabbed the handle of the mirror, lifting it up slowly and holding his breath. His fingers came up, gently touching at the edges and hissing in pain.

It was worse than he had thought.

He hadn’t even realised that they had shaved him, so oblivious to everything else other than that dark numbing feeling in his chest that kept spreading out. He supposed they had to, to get to all of it.

There’s four of them, spreading down from his forehead, across his left eye and down his cheek. The two outer ones were small, one running diagonally next to his eye and the other just grazing the side of his nose and top of his cheek, each one only having a few stitches in them. The middle ones though were a lot worse. They ran down from his forehead, down across his eye and over his cheek, ending just above his mouth. There were so many stitches, the skin red and pulled tight together, dried blood clinging to the raised flesh even as new blood seeped out from some of the gaps. The whole left side of his face looked like a horror show, ripped to shreds and pulled back together in jagged and bloody lines.

His shoulder protested, the scars and fresh set of stitches there pulling as he ran his aching fingers up along the ridges. They would scar, be an ugly reminder of his failures and his descent into madness. Every day he would look and see them in the mirror and be reminded of the life he hadn’t saved and the mistakes that had come after. Eijirou had been right, Katsuki was lucky to not have lost his eye, even luckier to not have lost his life but he supposes he had Y/N to thank for that.

The thought of that had Katsuki’s hand stilling, a frown forming and tugging at his stitches. She had known. One of the first things she had said to him was about his scar and apart from those first few night after her second visit Katsuki had never really given it any thought but now as he stared at his reflection, fingers hovering over his face where she had touched Katsuki finally realised that this whole time she had known. She had known and hadn’t said anything.

As if summoned by his thoughts a loud pop echoed through the room, her shadow stretching across his bed as she blocked out his hazy light. She didn’t say anything, didn’t even move but he could feel her eyes on him, watching him with an intensity that a month ago he would have welcomed but now left him feeling like his skin was crawling. He let his hands fall, his grip on the mirror loosening until it fell forgotten on the bed. “You knew,” he whispered, his voice rough from disuse and screaming. “Katsuki I,” she started voice quiet and full of regret but Katsuki couldn’t stomach listening to her stupid excuses about time lines and history. She had let this happen, had let a kid die and all to protect her precious fucking future.

“A kid died!” he yelled, fists clenching and finally turning to look at her as his anger bubbled over. She stood somewhere between the bed and window, her face half hidden by the shadows of the black hood she had pulled up so he could only see the thin lines of her lips. She was in her hero costume, something Katsuki had never seen before and normally he would be trying to take it all in, trying to memorise any bit of information to file away for later but right now he didn’t care. For weeks now he had been shoving everything down, numbing his pain and anger but now it came rushing forward and it was all directed at her.

“You knew and you let that kid die anyway and for what? You could have saved her life and then I could have, I wouldn’t have,” Katsuki’s angry cries choked off as he started to cry, his tears stinging as they hit his stitches. One word, just one word from her and the poor kid wouldn’t have died, Katsuki wouldn’t have got distracted, wouldn’t have lost. Just one fucking word and he wouldn’t be here now, his face permanently disfigured and those wide and terrified blue eyes haunting him every time he closed his own.

Sighing she shoved her hood down, the thing falling to her shoulders and letting him see her face. She had a black mask on, something similar to his, her eyes surrounded in black but it just made her eyes seem to stand out even more, made it harder to miss the sadness and pain shining back at him but underneath there was understanding and resignation. She moved slowly as she made her way to him, sinking down onto the end of the bed and facing out into the room, closer but far enough away to give him space.

Neither of them said anything for a few moments, Katsuki breathing harshly as he rubbed at his eyes, trying to get rid of his tears. The silence was deafening, made even worse by the noise of the bed creaking as she leaned forward, her elbows resting on her knees and head hanging forward. To Katsuki she looks just as broken as he feels and a part of him wants to reach out and pull her in, wrap his arms around her and just hold her tight against him but his anger still simmers away, ugly and bitter in his stomach. A part of him wants her to hurt, to suffer as much as he has. He hates her for her silence both now and then, for the first time he wishes her gone, wishing she would just pop out of existence and never come back.

He’s going to tell her to leave, to get out and never come back but before he can even open his mouth she’s sighing again, a hand coming up to scrub at her face and probably smearing her makeup. When she starts talking her voice is flat, void of any emotion and still she doesn’t look at him, her head lifting only to lock her eyes on the neon lit city beyond his window. “I was still only an intern when it happened, seventeen and full of optimism. There was this girl on my route, this happy little thing that always came out to see me, chattering away about anything and everything, showing off her quirk. She could grow flowers all over her skin but her favourite were daisies but I think that was only because she was called Daisy”.

She stops there, taking a shaky breath and clearly readying herself for what was coming next but Katsuki already knew and he almost told her to stop but once again his voice had left him and all he could do was watch, taking in her words and feeling them twist with his own guilt and pain and hate. Katsuki hadn’t known the kids name, didn’t know who her family were or what her quirk had been. Katsuki didn’t know the kid, she was just some unknown face looking for help that he had failed to give. The relief he felt at that made him feel sick.

“I remember it being sunny, the sky this unrealistic blue and the clouds a bright white. In reality it was overcast and grey, a slight chill in the air but she still stands out all the same with her golden hair and bright smile, eyes as blue as the impossible sky and surrounded by daisies,” she shifts, sitting up straighter, her body going tense like she’s expecting a physical blow. Her fingers fiddle with the cuffs of her jacket, stalling as she worked up to what came next.

“She wasn’t even supposed to be there but her mum had decided to go into the city to shop. I wasn’t a good match for the villain, the guy’s quirk making it difficult to get a hit in but I was stubborn and so confident that I would be fine. I hadn’t been paying attention to what he was doing and it wasn’t until the building came down that I even realised my mistake,” her hands were shaking, eyes wide and full of pain as she stared unseeingly out the window. Katsuki knew that look, had seen it before on other heroes when the world around you fades and you end up back in the past, stuck in the worst moments of your life. Katsuki knew that look and he knew what it was like to be trapped there, unable to do anything but relive your nightmares.

“The area was supposed to be empty but Daisy had gotten separated from her mum and she had seen me chasing after the villain so she followed, knowing I would keep her safe and get her back where she belonged but I… but I didn’t and she didn’t have time to…to,” tears began to fall down her cheeks, her breath coming fast and gasping as her body shook, cutting off her words. She buried her head in her hands as she sobbed, leaning forward until her chest was pressed against her knees.

Katsuki looks at her, watching the way her shoulders shake, taking in horrible gasping breaths that sound like they hurt. He doesn’t say anything, just moves, crawling down the bed to sit next to her. He wraps his arms around her and she comes to him easily, grasping tightly at the front of his hospital gown and burying her face against his chest. He rests his head on hers, holding her tightly like his life depended on not letting her go.

He doesn’t know how long they stay like that but at some point Katsuki loses himself to the sound of her heartache because that’s what it was. She had known this child and whilst still only being a kid herself she had had to watch that light go out in her eyes and know that she had failed someone.

Katsuki had failed someone too.

He prided himself on being the best, on never failing in anything he set out to do and that when the realisation that he had hit him it had torn through him like a tornado, ripping up everything he had thought he had known about himself and turning it on its head. Katsuki had never lost someone like that before. Sure people had died in natural disasters or fires that he had been assigned to but never a kid and never one he had been actively trying to save.

They prepare you for these kinds of things, they have to. Sitting you down and making you watch videos and listen to people yammering on about how to correctly handle grief and trauma. Katsuki had sat and listened, taking it all in because it was an important part of his training but it hadn’t helped for shit when he was faced with his limitations and inadequacies. Every word Aizawa had said, every slide they had been shown had gone from his mind as his emotions consumed him.

Katsuki had been suffering, his pride hurt, the phantom of that little girl following him around and he had made things so much worse, not only for himself but all those around him. He hadn’t stopped to think about what anyone else was going through, what his behaviour was doing to his friends. He had been selfish in his pain, locking everyone out and refusing to talk, denying their help yet here was this woman, so freely sharing with him her pain, her suffering, offering up her worst memories in an attempt to help ease his suffering. She was willingly reliving a nightmare and all for him. Not for the first time in the last few weeks Katsuki didn’t think he was worth it.

Her sobs came to a stop after a while and the two of them just sat there, holding onto the other, Katsuki reluctant to let her go but they couldn’t stay like that for ever and all to soon she was pulling away, rubbing at her eyes with the back of her hands and smearing black across them. Katsuki reluctantly lets her go but still keeps a hand pressed to the small of her back, his fingers rubbing gently at the small bit of skin left bare by her outfit. “Sorry,” she mumbled, turning back to him but her eyes stayed fixed on his chest as she placed her hands on his pecs, frowning at the black wet smudges she had left there. “The last few days haven’t exactly been great and seeing you like that-,” she paused, licking her lips and frowning as her fingers flexed on his chest “-it reminded me of how I found her”.

Katsuki’s hand spasmed, eyes going wide at her words and leaving him feeling sick. He had been a mess, covered in blood and body ripped to shreds, probably looking like a scene from a horror movie. He couldn’t imagine a kid looking like that, especially not the bright and sunny child she had described, couldn’t see past the red smears across his own skin. He didn’t think he would be able to handle seeing something like that now, let alone when he had been seventeen and just on the cusp of adulthood. He pulled her closer wrapping his arms tightly around her once more.

He would have been fine to stay like that but his shoulders aching and as she pressed closer, her hands sliding up to wrap around his neck Katsuki hisses, jerking back at the sudden sting of pain that shoots down his arm as her fingers nudge at his new stitches. She pulls back, apologising quickly and before he can even grasp at her she’s gone, disappearing from the room and leaving Katsuki alone in the dimly lit room. He feels so alone in that moment, hands grabbing at the sheets as he fights back his tears.

She had left him, alone and unwanted and Katsuki couldn’t blame her. He was a failure, a disappointment and a fucking mess, of corse she would leave him. After listening to her story though Katsuki had hoped that she would have understood, had hoped that out of everyone she would see what he couldn’t say but he had been wrong. He was probably a painful reminder of her own mistakes, his own experience too close to her own to be comfortable. Yes he had hoped for understanding, that she would know how he felt and be the one to accept that without trying to make him feel wrong for feeling that way but no, his hope had been misplaced and she had abandoned him, probably too disgusted to even look at him because she hadn’t looked at him, not once since she appeared. He must look even more hideous than he had thought.

The door flung open, a stern looking nurse striding in and Y/N trailing behind her. The nurse flips the light on, Katsuki flinching at the sudden brightness that only gets worse as it pulls at his stitches. The nurse is angry, telling him off for doing too much and taking off his bandages, threatening whoever it was that gave him the mirror whilst shooting the other woman suspicious looks as she moves slowly around the bed and towards the window, leaving the nurse to check him over and start on rewrapping his wounds.

She stands in the corner the whole time the nurse works, not watching him but the city beyond and for the first time that night Katsuki actually looks at her, taking in the outfit she had on. The hood was attached to a long sleeved jacket, black with neon blue piping that only just covered her chest, what looked like a neon blue turtleneck underneath. There were two strips of blue fabric coming out from either side of the jacket, crossing over her stomach and joining together on her back. Her trousers were black and skin tight, the same blue piping decorating them, the things sitting low on her hips just under her belly button. She had a pair of neon blue fingerless gloves on and her boots were big and black, ideal for running and delivering heavy kicks, the souls the same neon blue. He had known she was a hero and he had hoped that if he ever got to see her like this he might recognise her but as he stared at her he still felt as lost about who she was as always, the outfit not even giving away a hint of what her quirk might be. It’s just another reminder that he doesn’t really know her, not yet anyway.

The nurse leaves shortly after, telling Katsuki not to touch his bandages and loudly informing them both when visitor hours were, glaring at Y/N but it’s clear she isn’t listening, not moving even an inch from her spot. The nurse huffs, closing the door behind her with a soft click and then the room falls into a heavy and uncomfortable silence.

Katsuki doesn’t know what to say, thinks about apologising for his outburst when she first turned up but he’s still angry with her for not trying to stop it, even after listening to her talk. He thinks about asking her to come closer, the sudden distance feeling like a chasm between them but he isn’t sure he has the right to, or even if she would if he asked and just the thought of that kind of rejection has his heart hurting. Once again Katsuki doesn’t know what to do and he hates it.

“I should let you get some rest,” her flat voice cuts through the silence and when Katsuki looks up his eyes meet hers in the glass and he realised that she had probably been watching him the whole time. Katsuki just grunts, turning his head away to look down at his hands in his lap. She sighed, her footsteps loud in the otherwise quiet room and even without looking Katsuki could track her movements from one side of the room to the other. His hands gripped at his sheets, his jaw clenching as he listened to the door open, a feeling of panic creeping up on him at being left alone to his own thoughts.

“Stay,” he blurted out, unable to keep the desperation out of his voice. He didn’t look up as she turned the light off, closing the door with another soft click and for a second he thought she had left him, abandoning him to his own mind. Tears welled in his eyes but he screwed them shut, unwilling to let them fall. He wasn’t weak god dam it, wasn’t that pathetic the he needed her to babysit him like he was some fucking useless child afraid of the monster under his bed. He didn’t. So why did he feel so fucking scared about being on his own?

Gentle hands cupped Katsuki’s cheeks, startling him out of his spiralling thoughts. She lifted his head up to look at her, like she was handling glass, like he was something fragile and precious that could break at any moment. He hated it, wanted to yell and shove her away but another part of him welcomed it. No one ever treated him like that before and something about it lodged in his chest. If it was her than maybe it would be okay to show the cracks, would be fine to let her see his flaws and fears but just her. Only her.

She looked back at him with understanding, a small smile on her lips, “always,” she whispered, a weight to that one word that he felt stretched long past this moment. Katsuki sighed, the tension that had been keeping his shoulders stiff easing slightly and lightening the ache of his stitches. He reached out for her, pulling her onto the bed as he moved back and over, settling himself against the pillows. It was asking too much, too intimate for what they were but she didn’t protests, tugging off her boots and leaving them next to the bed before pulling her hooded jacket off and abandoning it on the end of the bed, turning the lamp off before turning to him and plunging the room into almost total darkness.

She fit almost perfectly against him, curling up against his side and resting her head on his cheek, an arm lightly draped across his stomach. He wrapped his own arm around her shoulder, bringing the other up to overlap hers on his stomach, turning his head to look at the city beyond that was the only source of light. Neither of them said anything and Katsuki found himself okay with that, losing himself to the feel of her against him and how her hair felt between his fingers as he ran them through the strands. But as he led there, watching time past he couldn’t stop his mind from going back to what she had told him.

Katsuki had fallen apart, self-destructed as he struggled to accept his mistakes and failures. He probably would have continued down that path if he hadn’t had seen the little Goth bitch and had his face half ripped off but she had seemed fine when they first met, no lingering problems and he knew that he wouldn’t get involved with her to the extent he had if she had problems with drink or drugs. He thought her to be a little younger than him and if that was true than that meant that it had only been a few years for her since her loss so how was she holding it together so well? How could she be full of smiles and happiness every time he saw her with such horrors still fresh in her mind?

“After, how did you, how could you,” Katsuki cut himself off with an annoyed huff, the words getting stuck in his throat. He wanted to know how she managed to drag herself out of bed every day when all he wanted was the world to fuck off. Instead what came out was, “I can’t sleep,” his voice low and grumbling. The arm on his stomach moved, pulling back until she could lace their fingers together over his stomach, her thumb rubbing against his. He wasn’t talking about now but from the way she curled up tighter against him Katsuki thought she probably knew that.

“It will never go away, an experience like that. It stays with you for the rest of your life and for a while it's going to seem impossible to get past but one day you will wake up and realise that the world is still turning and you have a job to do. You’ll make it through the day and then the next and the next one after that and slowly but surely you will start to live again-” she shifted in his arms, sitting up and cupping his uninjured cheek, his arm falling from her shoulder to curl around her waist and her eyes pleading with him “-but you have to want it, have to be willing to try or it will consume you”.

He sucked in a breath, his hold on her tightening. “I don’t know how,” he admitted. His whole life it had been about being the best, the strongest, Katsuki not needing or wanting anyone’s help. He could and would do it all on his own. “Ask Katsuki, its all you have to do,” she stated, like it was that easy and Katsuki screwed his eyes shut, shaking his head slightly and choking off a sob. Over the years he had gotten better, had let people in and learnt how to work as a team but this was different and he couldn’t shake the mentality that it was a sign of weakness, of inadequacy to admit defeat and seek others help. Even now, knowing that he was being pulled under the surface of his overwhelming emotions, his guilt dragging him down until he couldn’t breathe.

“Look at me,” she pleaded but he just shook his head, his breathing fast and heavy. “Please,” she whispered, her voice broken and desperate and Katsuki’s eyes snapped open, finding her closer than before and her eyes brimming with unshed tears. “It's not a weakness to ask for help. It takes courage to admit that there is a problem and that you can’t deal with it on your own and you are the most courageous man I know,” she declared, so sure in her conviction that he was that man.

As he sat in that narrow bed, wrapped in bandages and slowly falling apart Katsuki couldn’t see how she could think that. Couldn’t understand how she could look at him like this and still see a hero, a man worth her time but somehow she did and he didn’t want her to stop looking at him like that. Swallowing the lump in his throat Katsuki nodded and she smiled softly at him, her thumb brushing along the top of his cheek and looking at him with a swirling mix of emotions behind her eyes that he was too tired to work out.

“Come on, you need to rest,” she gently eased him back, Katsuki going easily even if he didn’t expect to actually get any sleep, his body and mind exhausted. He let her push him down but he kept his tight grip on her hand, pulling her down with him. She ended up in a similar position to before, her head on his chest and their joined hands on his stomach, Katsuki’s arm looped around her and holding her close. She gently started to hum, something slow and mellow that he had never heard before and soon enough Katsuki felt himself drifting off, his eyelids getting heavier with every second. Her thumb gently rubbed against his, the small action smoothing the edges of his frazzled nerves. Everything got fuzzy, the darkness creeping in as his breathing evened out and still she stayed against him, a solid point to focus on. It had been so long since he had shared a bed with someone and it felt right to have her in his arms, to feel her breathing against him as sleep pulled him under.

He slept undisturbed for the first time in weeks

When Katsuki awoke she was gone, the sun shining in through the window and lighting up the room. For a moment he thought he had imagined it all, that in his desperation and pain he had fantasised about having someone to understand what he was going through but then he caught sight of the black mass at the end of the bed. When he pulled it towards him he found it was her hooded jacket, the faint smell of his shampoo and her perfume clinging to it. He buried his face in it, curled on his side and eyes closed, remembering how she had felt in his arms and the things she had said to him.

That’s how the nurse finds him and despite her attempts Katsuki refuses to let go of the jacket, keeping it clasped in his hands as his wounds are checked over and his bandages changed. Eijirou turns up not long after, a cheerful smile in place but Katsuki can tell it's fake, the redhead having plastered it on in an attempt to make Katsuki feel at ease.

He chats about random shit, Katsuki half paying attention as he stares down at the jacket he’s still clinging on to. He isn’t weak, he isn’t. He’s strong willed, determined and courageous. He’s Bakugou Katsuki, the hero Ground Zero and he will not let everything he has worked hard for crumble into dust in his hands. He can do this.

All he had to do was want it.

To ask.

“Hey Eijirou,” he said gruffly, the other man falling silent. With a deep breath Katsuki looked up, Eijirou already looking at him with concern. He licked at his dry lips, hands fiddling with the jacket in his hands as he tried to get the words out. He could do this. It was just one simple question. That was all. “I need help,” he rushed out, like if he didn’t get it all out then he never would. Surprise flickered across the redhead's face before it vanished, Eijirou giving Katsuki the first genuine smile that day. “Okay man, whatever you need I got you,” he reassured and Katsuki let out a breath he hadn’t even known he was holding.

He wasn’t weak.

He wasn’t.