#tsss2019

The first Christmas in New Ham was the only thing that had kept everyone going the past few weeks. Since the new leadership, not much had change officially; everyone still had the same jobs, most people were still crammed into houses with at least 20 people, and there was still that feeling of distrust and uneasiness amongst the crowds. One of the most obvious things was the weather. It had gotten cold, really cold. Hardly anyone went out anymore, only to work and the cafeteria was usually empty at lunch and dinner; people seemed to favour eating in their homes safe from the outside world. It hadn’t snowed either. Something that was extremely disappointing for Sam, especially considering that was his favourite part about this particular time of year. Of course, up until a few days ago the thought of Christmas hadn’t even crossed Sam’s mind. He’d been so occupied by Eden and of course, Grizz. The two had been pretty inseparable the past few weeks, much to Sam’s delight, and this dark, December evening was no different. The two hadn’t planned on seeing each other; Eden had taken up a lot of Sam’s time now, especially when he wanted to give Becca a break and Grizz had been spending more and more time hosting secret meetings at his house, something that worried Sam immensely. He didn’t want any more trouble, especially for Grizz. But Grizz had arrived earlier that evening, insisting on an impromptu movie night and there was no way Sam was going to deny himself a chance to be engrossed in Grizz’s arms whilst watching one of his favourite films. After almost 40 minutes of bickering over which film to choose; they’d decided on The Breakfast Club; Grizz wasn’t so sure at first, it was beyond cheese according to him, but one look at Sam’s baby blues and he was convinced. Sam had become quite talented at getting his own way with Grizz.

Midway through the film, the thought of the cold briefly entered Sam’s mind, he started to shiver, only slightly, but Grizz seemed to be so tapped into Sam’s every moment and jolted suddenly.

“You cold?” Grizz immediately sat up, slowly brushing his warm hand over the obvious goose bumps on Sam’s bare arm. Sam’s eyebrows furrowed slightly; he was particular comfy in that position and now that was all ruined because Grizz was also so careful when it came to Sam.

When Sam didn’t respond, Grizz turned over so he was directly facing him, their faces almost paralleling each other. “Sam.” There was a sternness to his usual soft and kind face that Sam hadn’t experienced before, and truth be told, he didn’t hate it.

“I’m fine. Honest.” Sam signed this quickly, trying to get comfy once again, leaning against the headboard. He tried to focus back on the film, but he could tell Grizz was agitated. Sam could feel his eyes on him, knowing that Grizz wasn’t going to let it go. He glanced back up at the boy beside him, giving him a pointed look, waiting for the obvious reply he knew would escape Grizz’s lips.

“One of my hoodie’s in the wardrobe, just by the side.” Grizz nodded towards his wardrobe at the other side of the room, giving Sam a small smile. Sam borrowing Grizz’s clothes, especially his hoodies had become a regular occurrence. He’d always notice at least one or two pieces of clothing missing and knew exactly who the culprit was.

Sam dragged his feet over to the wardrobe, knowing there was no point arguing with Grizz. Browsing through the masses of clothes, he noticed a bright red and green piece of fabric in-between two hoodies Sam had stolen before. Glancing back towards Grizz, who was now engrossed in the film, not even noticing Sam’s eyes on him once again, and then back to the fabric. He yanked it out hard, and his face lit up when he realised what it was.

“What. Is. This.”

Grizz’s eyes were still focused intently on the film, not realising how gleeful Sam looked in that moment. “What is what?”

“This!” Sam boldly held up the costume, smiling to himself at what a wonder he had found.

Grizz glanced up, and Sam knew immediately he was embarrassed, but who wouldn’t be if their boyfriend found a very suspicious-looking Christmas costume in their closet. “Uh…” Excuses started to whizz around in Grizz’s brain, but nothing solid enough appeared.

“Grizz?” Sam raised his eyebrow, whilst slowing tapping his left foot. He was becoming agitated, knowing so clearly that Grizz knew exactly what Sam wanted to know. There was no fooling him.

Grizz stayed silent, becoming seemingly very interested in a pull on the duvet, trying to untangle it from his fingers. Exasperated, Sam pulled the costume fully out of the wardrobe, dragged it across the floor and dumped it in front of Grizz, almost knocking over the laptop as he did. “You own a grinch costume, you won’t tell me why and I’m getting kind of annoyed.”

“Leave it. Just, come on, finish the film,” Grizz signed, almost pleading with Sam. He wasn’t used to this sensation, he liked to think he could be pretty controlled, but this seemed to be faltering. “Sam, please.”

“I might try it on…” Sam mumbled, pulling it away from Grizz’s clasping hands and placing it on top of his own body. He moved around a little as if he was dancing with it. This only infuriated Grizz more, who tried to move towards Sam to grab the costume away.

“No!”

“It’s just a costume…” Mocking him, Sam’s brows furrowed slightly. He really didn’t get why this was such an issue. Grizz was never the secretive type. Recently, he’d been pretty open with, well, everything. Sam had enjoyed that. Finding out all these small, but significant about Grizz, and his life before New Ham had been perfect. But Sam knew trying to get anything out of Grizz about this was going to prove more difficult.

“Exactly; just leave it will you.”

“Someone got out of the wrong side this morning.” It became clear to Sam that Grizz definitely wasn’t going to see the funny side about this, ever. Sam chucked the costume back into the closet and moved towards the bed. Trying to catch Grizz’s attention, he started to play with a loose strand of his hair. “Grizz. I’m sorry, okay? I just thought it was strange. If you wanted to hide it, should have put it somewhere else.”

“I forgot it was there.”Grizz sighed, still avoiding Sam’s eyes, although this wasn’t going to last. Sam knew all of Grizz’s weaknesses and playing with his hair was one of them.

“Hm. It’s cute.”

“Sam, don’t push it.” Whilst brushing Sam away, indicating he was still very much annoyed about this whole situation, Grizz moved over towards the closet, placing the costume back in its correct space.

“Fine, fine. Sure you won’t show me?”

“I’m not even gonna answer that.” Grizz signed, whilst turning around. He made sure to brush past Sam and flopped back onto the bed.

“Okay. But why on earth do you have an adult-sized grinch costume that looks pretty new and hardly worn? I’m just curious.” Sam thought that was a relatively normal question, considering the circumstance. It just seemed quite odd for Grizz to have something so… Christmassy. It wasn’t that Grizz was a complete, well grinch, but he hadn’t been excited at the prospect of New Ham’s first Christmas. Although, it was most likely the fact that everything had gone to shit and Grizz had been given so much to do trying to sort it all out.

“Very good reasons, okay?” That’s what Grizz liked to tell himself whenever he thought of that awful costume. He had his reasons. And he wouldn’t be telling those to anyone. Especially his boyfriend who looked like he was about to explode at the thought of Grizz owning the most ridiculous piece of clothing either of them had laid eyes on.

“Hm, not sure I believe that.” Sam moved up towards Grizz, pulling him to a sitting position and started to move his fingers in a circular motion on his thigh, something he knew Grizz found hard to resist. “It is yours, right?”

“Yes, I think we’ve established that Sam.” Sam could be extremely exhausting, something Grizz had learned pretty quickly after coming back to New Ham from the expedition, but honestly? One look into those bright, blue eyes and almost all was forgotten. Or at least for a while.

Sam started to pout, knowing that there was only so much Grizz could say no to. “I’m waiting.”

“Sam…” Begging had come across Grizz’s mind, but he surmised it wasn’t that desperate. Not yet, anyway. Giving in would be the easy way out, and what would Sam do realistically? Laugh. A lot. “You have to promise.”

“What?”

“That you won’t laugh, at all. Deal?”

“Fine. Just tell me!”

“So, my mum, she…. she had this kind of tradition. We would dress up on Christmas Eve, so… that’s it.” Saying it out loud didn’t sound that bad to Grizz or at least for the first minute but as soon as he realised Sam was wearing one of those smiles, he knew it was the biggest mistake. Ever.

“But it’s adult-sized?”

“Yeah, she wanted me to get a lot of wear out of it,” Grizz said quickly, avoiding Sam’s piercing eyes. He couldn’t actually believe he’d said that out loud. Let alone to Sam. Jesus. He turned to press the power button on the laptop, knowing there was no way they were going to finish the film when he heard a slight snigger appear from beside him. Without even thinking, he pushed Sam’s arm, a little too hard for his liking, making Sam almost falling off the bed. But that didn’t stop his laughter, it actually heightened it. “You promised, you little shit.”

Moving back onto the bed, Sam tried to compose himself but failed miserably. After at least another 5 minutes of Sam’s uncontrollable laughter, he managed to force himself to stop. “I’m sorry, I can’t help it! You’re just so hilarious.”

“Stop it!”

“Fine.” Sam conceded, slide down beside Grizz and placed his hand on Grizz’s neck. He could feel a quick speed of breathing coming from Grizz, he seemed to be gulping down. Could it be that he was nervous? Grizz never seemed to get nervous around Sam, not anymore. Sam almost missed that. The clumsiness. The constant avoiding Sam’s eyes. The almost eager look in his eye. Sam moved his hand slowly down to the other boy’s collarbone and started to stroke ever so slightly. He always made sure to be extra delicate with Grizz, he felt Grizz needed that. “Do you have a secret stash of costumes? I mean we had the feather boa, the handcuffs and magic wand. What else are you hiding? Sexy Santa costume?”

A stifled laugh escaped Grizz’s mouth, he couldn’t help it. Sam always knew how to lighten Grizz up. “I hate you.” He didn’t sign this, but nothing Grizz has ever said could have been less true. There was no real way to describe how he felt about Sam. He meant everything to him. He couldn’t imagine his life without him. And he never wanted to. And kissing him? God. Kissing him was like breathing Sam in the like a cool inhalation of oxygen to warm the soul. Like the opening of his soul, tasting that feeling and seeing every colour of the rainbow, almost like catching a smile in a bottle, it’s softness, it’s sweetness.

“Hm, no I don’t think so.” Sam, whilst shaking his head, moving his head up closer to Grizz, studying his features. Something he had spent so much time doing over the past few weeks. He never became tired of this. And knew he never would.

“I should hate you. You’re way too mean.” Grizz glanced to his side, the other boy’s freckled face was only inches away, their eyes locked onto each other, clearly not wanting to ever look away or let go.

“You couldn’t,” Sam spoke so softly this time, almost desperate to cling on to Grizz, like a small koala, not wanting to let go.

“No, you’re right. But if you mention this to anyone…” Grizz warned, knowing his efforts would be futile as one look at Sam’s face would make him forget every single thing he’d ever said.

“You’ll just have to keep me sweet.” Sam longed to kiss Grizz, longed to feel his skin along with his, longed to be intertwined with Grizz.

“Well, I’m pretty good at that.” Grizz let his hands lead the way, wrapping Sam around his own body. He moved up from Sam’s ribcage up to his chest, dragging his fingertips up slowly. He never tired of touching Sam, never. Each time felt like the first, that Thanksgiving evening that felt so long ago.  

At first, the two boys’ lips barely touched, almost as if they were too scared about what would happen next. Grizz let his lips sit in front of Sam’s for a moment as if he was pondering his next move. But it was Sam who moved next, slowly but carefully, his lips latched onto the brown-haired boys in front of him. He moved his hands once again to Grizz’s neck, the heat of the two was palpable. Grizz was becoming more breathless by each second, his desperation for Sam was clear. He was always desperate for Sam; he didn’t feel like himself without him.

Sam seemed to be moving faster than Grizz had anticipated, the kisses were getting shorter and shorter. Wet. Hard. Grizz couldn’t almost keep up, needing something to hold onto, he moved his hands towards the back of Sam’s head and grabbed hold of his ginger locks. A small moan was released from Sam’s lips, but Grizz felt it before he heard it. A smile formed on his lips, unintentionally, but he couldn’t help himself. Sam was gentle, playful, but with that slight edge of hunger that made him irresistible to Grizz. Grizz’s grip tightened, pulling Sam closer, pressing himself into him. The warmth of Sam’s breath, destabilising and inviting, was making it hard for Grizz to contain himself. Claiming his mouth again, hungry and intense, Sam stole his breath and gave it back.