#tschan

https://www.gofundme.com/tschanffs

Introduction

Who is Tschan

I am a 24 year old transgender Woman of colour a black woman although my jounerny began at birth chemicaly it has been almost several years now since i began my transition. I am a former model and now activist living in a now more conscious world aware of the narrative which however maybe revolutionary to see with my own eyes within my lifetime as many unfortunately have not, the beneficiaries only seem to lay with my caucasian brothers and sisters.

Growing up transgendered and being emotionally verbally and at times physically abused by those who are meant to love you the most I remember wearing my mother’s oversized jumper and pretending it was a dress using a towel or any cloth I could find to adorn and pretend this was my hair I remember saying aloud to my mother her mother uncle aunt and anyone who would listen that I am a girl and I want all the things that pertain to a young girl that I plan on marrying the only gay character called Tony if i remember correctly Tony from an early 1995 british soap TV show called eastenders because he was the only form to self identification of someone on the spectrum I could point at and say he is sort of like me but actually very very different…

And that being essentially beaten out of me (physically emotionally verbally mentally) and done so, so extensively that I had began to disassociate as a coping mechanism and just continued to disassociate from life as a coping mechanism and forget the very person the very essence of the person I was born to be. When puberty arrived and everyone was changing I didn’t change I grew taller but that was it my development was very late and that I’m now extremely happy about… my voice didn’t break or being to Crack until I was the age or around 17 I had no sexual desire whatsoever my body didn’t even attempt to grow bone or muscle density and I actually grew enlarged areolas / small painful fluctuating cup sizes at the age of 14. And when I took a visit to my doctors because it was so painful and enlarged lumps I thought I had cancer I was just told it was a reaction… which obviously it wasn’t it was hormonal.

At the age of 18 I finally sort refuge and escape from my family and was placed in supported lodgings with supportive gay foster father’s who actually to this day at that particular time were the greatest gifts I could have ever been given as they allowed me to be just that me and I had never had the freedom before and when I told them how I felt they directed me to the routes that allow me to be who I am today. Getting my diagnosis of gender identity disorder at the age of 18 was like having a huge weight being lifted off of my shoulders as for the first time I knew exactly who and what I was and that just not being an identity that existed solely in my head because previously it was too dangerous exist but something that was real that was quantifiable and that I could manifest. During my time talking to my psychologist and explaining my journey he brought up multiple flies you see growing up with a psychologically abusive and disassociate mother she took me to a few psychologists to try and have me diagnosed and put on mediations I never even required because she would rather me be anything other than what she feared the most… transgender. When my psychologist brought up my files and asked me date by date what happened when I was assented when my mother flagged me up I told him and he told me yeah there is a letter here written about your mother saying the issue doesn’t lay within Tschan “the issue is based on the mother and her refusal to acknowledge Tschan’s gender”… and that was a HUGE unbelievable mental weight lifted off my shoulders as part of the abuse i suffered and bullying in the home because i was fundamentally wrong and the abuse was and I quote… “deserved”.

I was also very early this year 2017 diagnosed with partial androgen insensitivity by my doctor who ran a lot of tests examinations and blood work as was getting corrective top surgery.

Dysphoria

What is dysphoria

Dysphoria is a profound state of unease or dissatisfaction. In a psychiatric context, dysphoria may accompany depression, anxiety, or agitation. People who have gender dysphoria feel strongly that they are not the gender they physically appear to be. For example, a person who has a penis and all other physical traits of a male might feel instead that he is actually a female.

That person would have an intense desire to have a female body and to be accepted by others as a female. Or, someone with the physical characteristics of a female would feel her true identity is male. Feeling that your body does not reflect your true gender can cause severe distress, anxiety, and depression. “Dysphoria” is a feeling of dissatisfaction, anxiety, and restlessness. With gender dysphoria, the discomfort with your male or female body can be so intense that it can interfere with the way you function in normal life, for instance at school or work or during social activities.

Gender dysphoria used to be called “gender identity disorder.” But the mismatch between body and internal sense of gender is not a mental illness. Instead, what need to be addressed are the stress, anxiety, and depression that go along with it.

What causes those to be transgender

Simple answer… and one that is rarely covered and if so not enough is: Biology, being transgender is biological. It’s based on the developmental stages in the womb and how the body and brain (structural white tissue brain matter and chemical composition) are chemically via hormones treated and allowed to develop.

A 2008 study compared 112 male-to-female transsexuals (both androphilic and gynephilic), mostly already undergoing hormone treatment, with 258 cisgender male controls. Male-to-female transsexuals were more likely than cisgender males to have a longer version of a receptor gene (longer repetitions of the gene) for the sex hormone androgen or testosterone, which reduced its effectiveness at binding testosterone.The androgen receptor (NR3C4) is activated by the binding of testosterone or dihydrotestosterone, where it plays a critical role in the forming of primary and secondary male sex characteristics.

The research suggests reduced androgen and androgen signaling contributes to the female gender identity of male-to-female transsexuals. The authors say that a decrease in testosterone levels in the brain during development might prevent complete masculinization of the brain in male-to-female transsexuals and thereby cause a more feminized brain and a female gender identity.

Dysphoria is something I suffer greatly from and can be quite an extreme example as I just do not have not and will never feel comfortable within my own skin tge only way to describe it is like having body dysphoria but solely based on gender and isn’t treatable in any form other than surgery and is something you have suffered from childhood that became progressive as a teen due to no early intervention and will never go away if not corrected. And the thing i hate the most about my body and the only thing I at this point NEED to change is my face… I HATE MY face and it’s controlling how I perceive and what myself to be perceived in a fundamental critical way.

The surgery I require is Facial Feminization Surgery (FFS)

What is Facial Feminization Surgery

Facial feminization surgery (FFS) is a set of reconstructive surgical procedures that alter typically male facial features to bring them closer in shape and size to typical female facial features.

FFS can include various bony and soft tissue procedures such as brow lift, rhinoplasty, cheek implantation, and lip augmentation. Faces contain secondary sex characteristics that make male and female faces readily distinguishable, including the shape of the forehead, nose, lips, cheeks, chin, and jawline; the features in the upper third of the face seem to be the most important, but subtle changes in the lips can have a strong effect.

Facial Feminization Surgery will not only reduce amd remove the male pysical characteristics but also drastically improve the quality of my life i could easily get a job anywhere and not have to worry about the whole trans thing being a deterant to employers or it being an issue… I will nolonger suffer from the lifelong prison that is dysphoria superficially I’ll always be the prettiest bitch in the room  (side eye) but most importantly I never have to disclose the situation or explain myself but only when and if I feel like it…

Although I am not ashamed of my past or what I am it would be nice to have the luxury to not be visible and navagate the world that isn’t always inclusive.

This is my final gender confirmation surgery.

I can actually move on and live my life fully

The surgeries FFS encompasses which i require:

Hairline Advancement Surgery:

This surgery is performed to lower the hairline, reduce the height of the forehead and correct the normal male temple recession to give a more rounded female hairline.

Forehead Reduction (Brow Bone Contouring Surgery):

Forehead/ brow ridge bone contouring is one of the most common facial feminization procedures which can be performed as standalone procedure or combined with another FFS procedures if needed.

Feminizing rhinoplasty:

Feminizing rhinoplasty surgery creates dramatic improvements towards a feminized appearance.

Cheek Implant Surgery Cheek Enhancement:

The cheek is important for feminization. Cheek enhancement is typically a procedure that can be performed either with fat grafting or with a customized cheek implant.

Chin Surgery (Shaping, Chin Contouring Surgery):

Chin reduction and contouring surgery results in a more oval, elegant, softer, and smaller chin. Jaw Contouring Surgery: This surgery helps soften the jawline tremendously. This procedure alone can transform a person’s face into a more feminine one.

Thyroid Cartilage Reduction: Adam’s Apple Reduction:

A trachea shave (thyroid cartilage reduction) is one of the most common surgical procedures performed on transsexuals. Reducing the cartilage in the throat to make the shape more feminine.

The surgeon i have choosen:

Dr. Harrison Lee

Post life

I just want to end this chapter and actually move on with my life and catch up on all the development years I’ve missed out on simply due to being consumed by my journey not only mentally emotionally financially and physically but also being a victim of circumstance (e.g.; abandonment and rejection, an abusive family, kicked out of education, homelessness, unemployment due to discrimination, being drugged and raped for 15 hours then being diagnosed with HIV because of that rape, harassment from the police and them sabotaging key DNA evidence with refusal to acknowledge a hate crime, the police dropping my case and my rapist continuing stalking me forcing me to move countries due to safety…) on a continuum being transgender woman of colour.

I want to go back to school, I want to work, I want to travel, I want to fall in love. I want to learn how to drive, I just want to be happy secure and most importantly just comfortable within my own body and I don’t want my physical attributes my medial past or what i am any longer deter from that.

Please help me,

Tschan :) X