#tsams rambles

You know, I've been thinking a lot about TSAMS and the direction the show is taking, a direction I'm not really liking too much... so how about we ignore canon for a few seconds and you listen—read—a little "What if..." that's been on my mind lately? Who knows, maybe I'll even make an AU just because I like the concept.

Do you remember the creator? I hope so! (I'm just being sarcastic, sorry.) But anyway, I always found his relationship with his creations, Sun & Moon, interesting. The idea that Sun & Moon were basically a rushed and unfinished project is intriguing to me. I think it could have led to a lot of angst, delved deeper into the story, and perhaps answered some questions the twins' behavior raises. But since the show killed off the creator way too soon, we're going to be left with those questions forever.

Anyway~ some headcanons and other stuff are coming in here, you've been warned! But it's interesting how Moon is (somewhat) portrayed as the Creator's creation who most resembles him, you know, super intelligent and a bit cynical? With a big ego? Believing he can do everything because Sun is too "soft and dumb" to be of any help? Yeah? Uh-huh... I was thinking, what if it were the other way around? What if Sun is the one who most resembles the Creator? And I don't mean the Creator we all saw on the show, I mean the Creator when he was young.

Because I don't believe that all beings are born powerful, I don't believe that everyone is born an evil mastermind! I think... that a long time ago, the Creator probably had another name, another life. I think he used to be weak, someone everyone took advantage of, pathetic until something changed and he rose to the top.

I like to think that when he created Sun and Moon, he wanted to create a being that was like his "best version" from the beginning; he tore away parts of himself that he considered "worthy and better" and gave his intelligence to Moon, his analytical mind, his cynicism, all to try to create a mini him (probably out of ego) and to Sun, he gave the things that the Creator considered pathetic and weak; kindnes and a caring nature.

That would give the family a pretty interesting dynamic:

Sun, who wants nothing to do with the Creator, ends up being the one who most resembled him in his early days, and the Creator hates him for it. He hates seeing the part of himself he thought was pathetic and weak keep going in life despite everything. I think it would make him jealous, in a "why are you like this when I can't be?" kind of way. I think he would hate that Sun succeded where the Creator himself failed, so he tries to make his life as miserable as possible because of it...

This provides a perfect opportunity to give Sun a "villain arc." A scenario where Sun couldn't take the pressure anymore and broke, just like the Creator did at some point, and it leads him down a path that would leave him in the same shoes as the Creator: a person who grew weary of life and decided to bite back! Oh, the angst! Sun, realizing that he is becoming more and more like the Creator but unable to stop because everything in his life is terrible... perhaps Sun could emerge unscathed, saying "life is shit but I remain true to myself and my principles" and doing something the Creator failed to do: remain a good person even when life spits in your face.

...Or perhaps he could fail, perhaps Sun would end up just like the Creator, dying at someone's hands because Sun is so far gone that there's no saving him.

It would be almost poetic no matter which way the story turns, it doesn't matter if Sun triumphs or not, what matters is that at the end of the day, the Creator and Sun are the same, that dynamic of not being two sides of the same coin, but being the same side that ended up falling either in the same place, or in a completely different one.

So the carnival was def a cult of some kind

Predictably Regal was in fact a "Swap Sun" where he was in fact abusive towards Carme in some capacity

And the wording got me wondering if Regal was possibly even Carme's father figure, not even just his "best friend" as Regal put it

.....Also kind of reminds me of Vermillion(Sona OC) and Bleeding Sun(his mother)

man let’s see

either the whole “I am dark sun mwahahah now I’m going to make sun kill his brother just to prove my point that all moons are evil” or the whole bringing old moon back.

Dark Sun’s plot pmo sm because his entire reasoning for doing this was to prove that all moons are evil or will become evil. He EVIDENTLY DISPROVED THIS POINT with his whole thing. He manipulated and shoved nexus onto the path of tyranny, then forced Sun to kill him, proving nothing but what an absolute piece of shit he is. BeCAUSE he made nexus use DEUGS she came back to life, pushing the family to move, where they met a MULTITUDE OF MOONS WHO ARENT EVIL. Disproving his point for the 2nd time in a row. Literally the only other reason beside “all moons are evil” thing, he killed nexus bc he wanted to grow his cult.

I noticed when they mapped out the first 8 arcs, and I've pretty much been waiting to see how they'd pan out the rest. We're currently in arc 13, which I presume will be put together in a playlist after it's conclusion, maybe even later.

I also find it quite interesting how the length and substance of the arcs vary.

The older arcs are shorter and are broken up by gaming videos, although those episodes are not included in the playlists. That makes sense from a lore point of view, despite a lot of their character development, introduction, and build-up being during those videos.

The newer, most recent arcs cover more episodes and are over much longer periods. These arcs, however, are not interrupted in the timeline with gaming videos. [This is due to their lower view count, which forced the VAs to stop making them]. Such as the most recent arc, arc 12. This covers a 5 month period. But I mostly chalk that up to almost half of it being the in-between period of when Nexus was dead.

These playlists, of course, are not perfect. There's things they're bound to miss. Notably, the character's timelines are incomplete due to channel migration and what-not. But there's over a thousand videos on the TSAMS channel, so of course, there's going to be gaps in development.

I wanna talk about everything leading up to it. Moving dimensions, the dead kids, Ruin showing up, the stuff with Lefty and Captain, The mimic, Puppet, Charlie. There's so much that's been going on in his life during the past...5-7 months? And I just have to talk about it.

The reason I bring up moving dimensions as contributing to the breakdown and stress is, change is hard. Moving is hard. Even if you want to move or go somewhere else it can still be overwhelming. Not only that but he had to meet all these new people that, at first, he hated and wanted nothing to do with them. Not only that but because of Sun and Moon he was basically forced to deal with his own trauma and get over it to help these two goobers who couldn't even communicate normally. He also had people constantly coming into the theater, which was supposed to be somewhat his space, and asking him for help and needing him to do things. Which had to have been stressful. Then the lab was supposed to be his space but everyone else found that too and went in without his knowledge.

Then the murders started happening. Everyone was stressed out all of the time, but he especially. I don't think that the situation was worse or easier for anyone involved but his upset was the most noticeable because it felt a bit out of character. We weren't really used to seeing him so vulnerable yet? Even with him helping Puppet and Earth it was still kinda weird. But the more it happened the more in character it felt. It was easy to tell he was not well. He's never really been well but he was doing a bit worse. I don't think anyone ever really addressed to each other how all the kids were affecting them. Eclipse, Sunlight, and Puppet are all THE WORST at doing this. I don't put Moonlight in this list because I actually think he's pretty good at talking about what upsets him and getting his emotions out, from what I've seen. But they should've talked about it. Especially Eclipse. He definitely felt useless during that time because he couldn't save some of those kids. And it's essentially happening again. His kids are in danger because of THE SAME MURDERER + another murderer and he feels useless.

There's so so soooo much grief and anger piling up that it's crushing him. The Mimic showing him what "could've been" if only he had tried to talk things out or hadn't been so "stupid". Losing Puppet, FC and Foxy leaving him behind to pick up the pieces of what happened. Trying to take care of Charlie and trying to get two of his kids back. He hasn't even finished Andrew, Jake, or Andy's bodies.

Now onto the breakdown itself. It started before that call, you could hear it in his voice. Then William gave him two weeks and Roxanne walked in at actually the perfect time. If she hadn't showed up he might not have gotten to let his emotions out the way he needed to. Then he started projecting on her HEAVILY and you cannot convince me otherwise.

"Is it in your nature to screw me over?" -This one might be pushing it but he's always been in his own way. Eclipse has always had an issue with getting out of his own way. Keeping himself from making good healthy relationships with people, putting up walls, overworking himself until he gets like this.

"You're such a failure." -Saying that to Roxy didn't make any sense. What would've made her a failure??? This one sounds A LOT like him telling that to himself just out loud.

"Got some more brain-dead ideas in there?" -This goes with the previous one. Eclipse has made a lot of plans in the past three years and they almost always fail or just get ignored. Specifically with Puppet and giving her a different alternative instead of dying or telling William that he can get him a different body and William saying he wants that body.

"Suddenly you care?" -This one is a big one for me. Eclipse said he doesn't understand why he cares so much. Like this man has spent the last 2-3 years "not caring" about anyone and doing whatever he wants. Killing and torturing whoever he wants or anyone who has wronged him in some way. Then he started getting close to people. The first being Earth. I think she was literally the first person (that he didn't make) to genuinely be nice to him and try to help him. Then there was Puppet followed by FC, Ballora and everyone from that dimension, excluding Lefty and Captain, our Monty and his kids. Even if it's been about a year since he helped Earth and started caring it still seems to be a foreign concept to him.

Then there's when he starts talking about how he's supposed to know what to do "be the best" and stuff. "I'm supposed to be good at this." "I'm supposed to be good at this stupid thing." "I'm supposed to find them." "I'm not supposed to struggle." "I'm supposed to be the guy who finds stuff, who gets it done, who kills, who gets stuff situated." this reminds me of Nexus. He felt like he was supposed to be what Old Moon was and more even if no one told him he had to he that way. I don't think anyone has told Eclipse he's supposed to be the best or anything except himself. Maybe that stems from when he was Moon. Just something that came with everything else. There's a lot of "I'm supposed to" going around.

And when he started talking about his Kids is when it seems like it starts to sink in for him. The way his voice sounds and the hesitation paired with forcing his voice to say what he needs to say. Then he goes back to "I'm supposed to be good at everything." He's so frustrated and so stressed out. Frustration is literally I think one of the worst feelings for me because it feels so infuriating and it can happen so often. Even just the build up of small things inconveniencing me can make me break as badly as he did. Being frustrated sucks. Especially when it's something as big as his kids.

Another thing I want to point out is that he says "If I can't find them, who can?"

He doesn't realize there are people who CAN help him and are probably willing to help. Like Monty or Ruin. Both are smart enough and could help. And if not anyone from the dimension he's in, maybe someone from the main dimension. Genuinely I think I would go insane if he actually asked for help from someone in the main dimension. The first option is definitely Monty since those two get along. Solar is a BIG maybe but I bet he would understand especially with everything that just happened with Jack. Might not be willing to help all the way but could give hims some outside ideas. Personally I think it would be huge if he asked Moon. It probably will literally never happen but Moon is EXTREMELY intelligent and idk that's just something that would show a lot of growth for the both of them. Again it's like literally the least likely to happen.

But he's putting so much pressure on himself when there IS OTHER PEOPLE WHO ARE AS SMART AS HE IS. MAYBE SMARTER??? That can help.

Not only that but he is terrified that Andy and Jake are going through what he went through when he was stuck in his head during the Mimic situation.

"They're stuck in their heads. Their body just being used like a tool."

Eclipse was a tool. He was stuck in his head and was a tool for someone else who would've just killed him eventually or toyed with him until he snapped. Thinking that someone else might be going through that sucks and even worse thinking your own kids are going through that? Without knowing how to help?

Now the part I wanted to talk about THE MOST.

"I'm not a dad. I can't ever be a dad. I can barely take care of myself."

Oh boy. This. This hit hard.

Taking care of yourself is hard. Keeping yourself healthy and alive and well is difficult. The world feels like it's against everyone. Pair that with suddenly having to take care of other people? Small people who are more vulnerable to getting hurt or lost than you are? That's terrifying. That's really really scary. It's even worse when you believe that you can't do it or don't deserve it. Now times that by four. This mf really is a single dad who just got four kids dropped at his doorstep with absolutely no instructions or any idea on how to take care of them. Not only that but he's extremely bad at taking care of himself. Thank god he's an animatronic cause I think if he was human he would be dead.

I think he wants to be their dad. He wants to hang out with them and teach them and help them be healthy people.

He can also kinda connect to them in a way that's like...his life was basically taken from him. He never got the chance to be someone on his own. He was just a killcode that went rogue. All his kids also had their lives taken from them. All of them were robbed of a childhood. Both Andrew and Andy were murdered in probably horrific ways. Jake died from cancer at a young age and Charlie was taken from her life and put in an environment that literally poisoned her and eventually killed her.

But he does want to be their dad. He just doesn't think he can be. Parenting is one of the hardest things anyone can do. You are responsible for this person until they are an adult and can take care of themselves. You are responsible for making sure they can take care of themselves. You're responsible for making sure to teach them how to be a good person and what empathy is. Teach them what kindness is and help them become someone who helps others. Help them become someone that can be special to someone else. How you treat them can affect how they treat EVERYONE they will ever meet or ever have any kind of relationship with whether that be romantic, platonic, familial, etc.

He already feels bad about how he's taking care of Charlie. He doesn't have time to help her but at the same time parenting is about making time for all of your kids. Even then it's still hard. Eclipse has so many examples of himself failing to do things and its taking its toll. If you feel like you failed at everything else what's going to make this time different?

Everything, all of it, is sinking in. To him the whole world is on his shoulders. He has to fix everything and he doesn't understand that he can't. That there are other people who can help. And he's scared. There's a deadline. That deadline isn't like failing a class or getting fired. That deadline determines whether or not someone gets to live or dies in a horrific or gruesome way.

The fact that it took him THIS LONG to have a full on breakdown is insane. It takes so much strength to make it that far while holding it in. He's changed so much and has grown so much and oh my god the amount of stuff going on is crazy.

I miss him. I don’t miss him as a Moon replacement, I miss him as the moon who tended to his brother. Who cared for his sister. Who healed with his younger brother.

Nexus didn’t deserve to die. But he deserves to be grieved. To be missed. “ Sun and Moon never lose”, but you did, Nexus. Because you aren’t Moon. You never were.

It hurts that we haven’t been able to see Terra, Cosmos, or Solar grieving. We get slivers, maybe, but the only one who is still weighed down by this is Sun.

I wonder how angry he might be that no one else seems to grieve for their little brother. For who he was before who he became, and even then... Sun’s love was unconditional, as is his grief.

But yknow,

I suppose for Sun it wasn't as bizarre, it made sense in some capacity and is kinda cute! Even if dazzle isn't a character I personally enjoy.

Solar and Eclipse though? Maybe has to be my least favorite candidates for this decision. Cause while I'd love to say I enjoy Jack, Andrew and ect. I really can't and don't. I also feel it makes the exploration of Eclipse and Solar far less interesting for me. Ontop of recent Solar already being very unbearable.

You know I keep seeing people weirded out by Sun's behavior, but not a lot when it comes to Moon's.

(And before anyone asks, No I am not defending him. I understand both sides and know they both royally f*cked up.)

Anyways, his "sane" behavior has been on a steady decline for many months now. And if you look his threats have also turned more sadistic. Like when Sun's replacement showed up at their house he threatened to take them apart piece by little piece. What sane person would threaten that?! Even a little longer back in the 24 hour challenge video he threatened a spam caller, saying that he'd hang them upside down and slit their wrists letting them bleed out. Hes never threatened that before. Its always "I'll make your life a living hell" or "I'll skin you".

He's also become colder and more cruel. Not really caring what happens to others as long as his family is safe. Even letting Dazzle's dad live with the regret could be seen as cruelty. Yes, that is cruelty. Its almost like saying death is to kind for you.

Now, the infamous Killcode. Ugh, this topic is so insane to talk about, but I'll give my best shot. So, we know from a long while back the killcode regrew and wasn't really a problem. Sure the voice actually came out in an episode because he was so over the top stressed. But I've noticed it becoming more of a prominent problem recently. Which might explain his detached behavior. And why he is so protective. See, someone else pointed out, I don't remember who, that he's been even more protective ever since NovaFrost hurt Sun. That's where his whole attitude changed. I could be wrong about this, but I believe he's scared. Sacred that he'll lose Sun. So all he knows is put him in a box and protect it.

And yes he does regret his actions, and would understand if Sun hated him. He has literally said this. He knows he screwed up. But doesn't know how to fix it without making it worse.

I think people forgot just how much self loathing and self hate Moon has. He tries to be better but always screws up. And that's the thing. No one is really guiding him. He has to figure it all out for himself. And because of that he is bound to fall and fall hard. Like he did today. This was probably his hardest fall. And he needs to pick up what pieces he can.

On another note, he's also slightly suicidal. His life means nothing if it keeps his family safe. Which is pretty evident in Killers Sun's New Deal. He was willing to give up a hefty chunk of his life if it meant Solar would be safe. Why is no one realizing this? Dude is freaking suicidal.

Another thing I wanted to add, is that he can understand an emotion if he himself knows what it feels like. Like when Sun's found out Dazzle was Evelyn he understood and empathized with him because he knows what it feels like. And then we have Nexus' death, he couldn't empathize because he hated him. He didn't know how. At least thats what I could make of it.