#trulivin

Y/N sat at a table on the main floor of the Slat with Rotty and Specht, waiting for Kaz to get out of his meeting with whoever he had a deal with this time. As a long-time member of the Dregs and someone who was practically brought up by the notorious Dirtyhands, Y/N was held in high respect, partially out of fear, among her fellow Crows. Most of the time at least. Of course everyone teased her and called her ‘the bastard’s queen’ or ‘Brekker’s shadow’ because he had always left her in charge whenever he was busy, or she somehow was allowed to beat up anyone who was out of hand. People just listened to her since Kaz gave her so much power. Her reputation as the assassin of the Barrel helped as well.

It was surprising to people like Inej, Jesper, Wylan, and Nina to see Kaz get extremely close to someone, but he had let his guard down with Y/N. He could let his guard down with her. Though he would never admit it, Inej could easily notice the slight change in his demeanor when Y/N was around. Even Y/N showed a subtle difference in her eye when she was around Kaz. It was like they were the same person, always watching their own backs behind a mask, but when they were together all the disguises were disregarded. Jesper was also quite convinced the two were in a secret relationship because of how Kaz somehow always picked Y/N out in a room. On a job, Jesper noticed how he would somehow keep an eye on the dark-haired girl and make sure she was out of harm's way, especially during the raid of the Ice Court and the events following that nearly killed them all. But, sadly the two never showed any signs of physical or emotional connection. They were always together but out of each other’s reach in the slightest. However, there had always been an unsaid establishment that Y/N was Kaz’s and no one could have her.

Of course, that wasn’t known to all of the members of the Dregs. Mainly the younger boys and the newest members.

Rotty and Specht saw a couple of the new boys head over to their table and moved over a bit letting the newbies come and join them. Y/N smiled kindly and also scooted over allowing more room at the little table. “Well we did it!” a boy named Flynn said on Y/N’s right. “Oh did you now,” Specht smirked at Rotty and Y/N. Flynn and Riker were sent to shake up some filthy wannabe boss for the money he owed Kaz for getting him out of trouble.

“So you got the money then?” Y/N asked, bored already with this lot. The newbies smirked and plopped a leather bag on the table in front of her. She leaned back, slightly impressed these idiots actually did it. Of course she trailed after them, making sure they could actually get the job done. The guy may not have had a lot of people backing him, but he had two other guys that could easily take out two, arrogant teenagers.

“We sure did, sweetheart,” Riker smirked at her. Y/N raised an eyebrow at the boy. Rotty and Specht dropped their grins and their eyes went cold. “Watch your mouth,” Rotty snarled. Y/N was actually somewhat excited to see how this would unfold. No, she did not appreciate the little rat calling her that, but if a fight was about to break out she wouldn’t be opposed to that. “I didn’t do anything,” Riker said putting his hands up as if he were surrendering but Y/N could see a glint in his eye. She rolled her eyes. Boys she thought.

Y/N was undeniably a sight for sore eyes in the Barrel so she was bound to draw attention from people, but no one in the Dregs dared to make a move out of fear of what Kaz Brekker would do to them.

“So we got the money. What do we get in return?” Flynn asked. Y/N, Specht, and Rotty sent him a nasty look. “A place to crash and more jobs,” Specht snapped. “Surely we get something better,” Flynn pressed, winking at Y/N. Who the hell was this kid? It was cute at first, but the jokes were already getting old. Riker seemed content with sitting in silence and not pressing on with the jokes and almost looked as shocked as Specht, Rotty, and Y/N at his friend’s response. She glanced up at Per Haskell’s old office hoping Kaz would be finished soon, but the door remained closed. “Why don’t you keep your dicks in your pants boys,” Y/N snapped. If Rotty and Specht were dogs, the hairs on the back of their necks would be bristling. The two had been good friends of Y/N since they met, and if it weren’t for Kaz, they’d probably be the most protective of her.

“Oh come on, you’re the hottest one here,” Flynn said, “Surely you’ve shacked up with the other boys before, yeah?”. Y/N pursed her lips, “I think you hurt Anika’s feelings.” She ignored his other comment. Then Flynn did something no one was expecting: he rested a hand dangerously high on Y/N’s leg. Her cold eyes snapped to his smirking face. That did it. Rotty shoved Flynn off of her and swung. There was a definite crunch.

Riker being an idiot lunged at Rotty landing a solid hit before Specht launched himself into the fight. Everyone’s attention turned on the fight and a few of the younger members joined in trying to back up Riker and Flynn. Y/N somehow got shoved over as more people started taking sides. What the hell was happening in here? She huffed to herself before trying to tear Flynn off of Rotty. He turned and swung not realizing who was. Y/N took a hit to her eye and felt a little blood run down the side of her face.

His face drained and said, “Oh. Darling I am so sorry.” Darling? All the voices of the horrible men rang out in her head for a moment. Y/N glared at him before pulling her arm back and breaking his nose. She then kneed him in the crotch and managed to wrestle him to the ground. Everyone was practically fighting on top of each other. Y/N’s anger flared as she shoved him harder into the wooden floor and scraped his face to make sure some splinters would come up. “You ever lay your hands on me again and I will break both of your arms,” Y/N hissed in his ear digging her need further into his neck. “You crazy bitch!” He screamed in pain.

“You have no idea--” Y/N started, but a loud shot went off and everyone fell silent. “What the hell is going on here?” Kaz growled on the balcony holding a pistol in one hand and his cane in the other. I close my door for one second and this whole damn place falls apart. His eyes were darker than night, and when his eyes landed on Y/N’s partially swollen face his eyes somehow went darker. He was beyond furious. “Well?” He snapped as everyone stayed frozen where they were still holding on to their opponents. Unfortunately, Flynn had been the one to decide to open his mouth, “This psycho,” he gestured under Y/N to Rotty, “Attacked me!” “Yeah well why don’t you keep your hands to yourself then you filthy little perv,” Rotty bit back.

“All I did was flirt a bit with her! Like everyone else does!” Y/N dug Flynn’s face harder into the floor and jabbed him with her knee again. “There’s a difference between having a conversation with someone, flirting, and then trying to feel them up,” She hissed at the boy. She could feel Kaz’s hard stare on her as she seemed to be in the center of a circle now.

Y/N twisted his arm tighter and dug her nails into his skin. Flynn cried out in pain and his eyes went to Kaz. He stood there with narrowed eyes. After a bad childhood, Y/N had always been wary of a man’s touch. Much like Inej, she was picked up and taken to the Menagerie for a majority of her childhood on top of being raised by an abusive father with brothers who seemed to follow in their father’s footsteps. Kaz of course was the only one who knew about this, but Specht and Rotty had a faint idea of what happened after they found her in a closet puking her guts out, pale as a ghost after a job went awry with a nasty man who had a taste for young pretty girls.

“Well? Aren’t you going to help me?” Flynn begged Kaz. Kaz looked at the picture in front of him. Y/N was dangerous right now. He knew the boy laid a hand on her as soon as he came out of the office to see her practically smothering him. She always had that look in her eye that told Kaz when someone stepped out of line. He was screaming inside to just go and strangle the kid for laying a single finger on his girl, but he didn’t need to lose anymore newbies. They were useful for mediocre jobs that Kaz didn’t need to do himself.

Kaz pushed off of the railing and began making his way down to the main floor. “Y/N,” he said calmly, “Up you go.” She glared at Kaz but said nothing, releasing her grip on Flynn. The boy stood up and rolled his shoulders as everyone began picking things back up. Kaz didn’t even have to say anything and they all started cleaning up the mess they made. Rotty and Specht flanked Y/N’s sides as soon as she stood up. Flynn and Riker were still in between them and an approaching Kaz.

“Thank you,” Flynn scowled at Y/N. “What the hell is wrong with you?” He went on, “You’re crazy, bitch. Now I get why you didn’t acknowledge my other comment earlier,” Flynn spat, “No one would ever want to sleep with you, I mean they’d have to--” Kaz’s cane collided with the back of Flynn’s leg causing him to collapse. “Finish that sentence and I’ll let Y/N break more than just your arms,” Kaz growled quietly. He never shouted which made him more dangerous.

But Flynn ignored the pain and smirked again at Y/N. That did it. Y/N grabbed the two daggers in her belt and flipped them up before lunging at the boy. She didn’t care if she was going to kill him. Kaz wouldn’t kick her out of the gang and if he did then screw him too. Y/N knew boys like this. They’d only grow up to be monsters.

Rotty and Specht tried getting in her way because even if they didn’t like this kid, they weren’t going to let Y/N kill anyone in the gang. She easily slipped out of their arms hitting them hard in the face causing them to double over in pain. Just as she was about to slit the kid’s throat, strong arms grabbed her. She felt cool leather hands on her bare arms and a body blocking hers from the cowering boy on the floor. Just how it should be, she thought maliciously. “Let me go!” Y/N snapped, struggling to get to Flynn.

“No,” Kaz said calmly. “Get him out of here,” Kaz ordered Specht and Rotty. Y/N struggled harder against Kaz.

“You can’t just let him go! I will hunt you down and kill you!”

“No you won’t,” Kaz said coolly in her ear, but she ignored his comment.

“I will kill you if I ever see your face here again!” Y/N screamed after the boy that was being dragged out. “C’mon,” he muttered half dragging Y/N up to his room. He was considerably out of breath by the time they reached the top.

Kaz threw her in the room and stood in between her and the door. He knew she was heavily triggered by her past so he let her scream, shout, chew him out. Whatever she needed. “You’re letting him walk? You? Of all people?” She yelled, “You shouldn’t have done that! I know boys like that! They all turn out the same. Disgusting rats who find it fun to take advantage of young, helpless girls!” She hissed. Kaz watched silently observing all of her features. Even as angry as she was with him and beaten up, Kaz seemed to find Y/N even more beautiful. Practically glowing he thought to himself.

“Are you done?” he asked. Y/N stopped pacing and glared daggers at him. Yet, she let out a breath and nodded. The tunnel of red she saw was slowly fading and she came to her senses. It was simply just her and Kaz in the peace and quiet of his room. He looked at her before his gaze softened a bit. He wanted so badly to brush his bare hands across her face, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to. She was intoxicating to him, and he had been slowly working on skin to skin contact with her whenever it was just them. She knew about his brother and she knew how it felt to drown.

It was so easy for her to slip back into her rage and terror over a simple gesture of affection, and Kaz didn’t want to be the one that caused her to act like this. “What happened?” He asked calmly, peeling his gloves off. Y/N caught the movement and stared at his slender hands refusing to let her fascination with them get in the way of her still bubbling rage.

“That little boy thought it would be fun to get a reward for shaking up that guy who owed you money,” Y/N scowled. “And that reward being you?” Kaz quirked a brow. “Yeah,” she spit. “How are you so calm over this?” she growled a moment later. Usually he was more worked up about this and deep down it stung that he didn’t seem to care about her well-being right now. Of course she had no right to care about what he thinks of her. He’s not your boyfriend she scolded herself waiting for his response.

Kaz eyed her for a moment and sighed, “You can take care of yourself.” That wasn’t the answer she was really expecting, but what was it she wanted him to say? He approached her slowly, never taking his eyes off of hers. Y/N stood still, her heart skipping a beat as he stopped in front of her. She saw him take a breath before allowing his hand to brush up against hers. The pain in his eyes over the smallest touch made Y/N pull away. She didn’t want to put him through this. He didn’t owe her anything. “Wait,” He said when she moved her hand.

Kaz’s warm fingers grazed hers before he ran them up her wrist. Any left over anger had subsided as a chill ran down her spine. His dark eyes studied her face and he noticed how her eye now had a purplish tint starting to form, and then he saw where her perfect skin had split and a little blood ran down the side of her face. Kaz gritted his teeth, allowing his temper to begin to rise. In all honesty, he didn’t really know what to think when he saw Y/N on top of the boy digging his skull into the floor. And even worse, for a fleeting moment Kaz had wished it was he who was under her under different circumstances. But he quickly pushed aside any thoughts that weren’t relevant to the event of her killing one of the Dregs in front of everyone.

After a moment, Kaz slowly moved his hand to her face running his fingers lightly across the cut. He allowed his hand to trail down her face as she watched him trace her features. Eventually, his hand fell back next to hers as he allowed himself to intertwine it with her own small hand. Y/N watched as he took a moment to collect himself. She waited for his outburst, but it never came. It was always like this with them. The seclusion of his room, unspoken words that needed to be said, and the smallest touches that left both of them with a burning sensation.

Kaz was getting better at this. After the whole heist and everything, he was getting better with physical contact, but it was still a struggle for him. Even if it was Y/N. He longed to be able to run his hands through her hair, kiss her skin, and just be able to touch her. But somehow, Jordie seemed to slip in his mind as soon as he’d lay a finger on her.

“No one is allowed to lay a hand on you” Kaz murmured partially to himself. She was his and he preferably didn’t want to share. Those nasty little rats, he scowled.

“What is this?” Y/N blurted out softly. Kaz gave her a confused look as the sound of her voice caught him off guard. She even surprised herself. “I mean,” she started with a shaky breath, “What are we?” she finally asked. Kaz looked at her and saw the frightened girl he picked up off the streets as she had escaped the Menagerie. He thought for a moment. What were they? Kaz wondered the same thing. “I-I don’t know,” he said watching her face slightly fall. “But,” he started again, “It doesn’t mean we can’t be something,” he concluded. It was true, he had always wanted to be with her, but he knew she’d have to be patient with him, and he’d have to be patient with her. Kaz couldn’t tell her he would spoil her and shower her with hugs and kisses and gifts because he physically couldn’t. He didn’t want to do that to her and even if he could get over his fear, he didn’t want to push her either.

“It’s hard for me too you know,” she spoke again pulling him from his thoughts. He knew, but he let her talk anyways. “They beat me,” her voice wavered, “and left me in the freezing rain. They laughed at me--” “Don’t, Y/N just don’t,” Kaz stopped her. She didn’t need to explain herself and why she wanted to kill that boy. “You’re safe with me,” Kaz said more firmly now. And hesitantly he did something he didn’t expect himself to do. He pulled her into him and wrapped his arms around her. Y/N froze not knowing if she should hug him back. Timidly, she wrapped her arms around him and the two stood there in silence. Everything inside Kaz screamed at him and the bile rose in his throat, but he forced it away the best he could. She needed him right now even if he felt like he was drowning.

“Kaz,” Y/N mumbled, pulling him up from the cool water that he was slipping under. She could sense his uncomfort and knew it was time to let go. She unwrapped her arms from around him and slowly untangled herself from his body. Surprisingly, he missed the warmth her body brought, but he was also grateful she stepped back and gave him some space. A small smile played at her lips as he stepped back and put his gloves back on. “C’mon,” he spoke softly offering his now covered hand to her. Y/N took it with ease. It doesn’t mean we can’t be something played over in her mind. She was as happy as she could possibly be even if it would take time. She would wait and she knew it would take time not only for him but for her as well. Y/N was just happy Kaz was officially hers in some way, and she got the feeling he was content with that too. Although, she didn’t know she had always been his in his own mind.

They made their way back down to the landing above the Crows. For the most part, the room had been picked up but everyone was still cleaning the mess up. Specht and Rotty had returned with a very bruised Flynn helping pick up broken tables and chairs. As soon as Kaz and Y/N made it on the landing, everyone could sense their presence. All heads turned to them.

“The tables and chairs all better be replaced by tomorrow morning,” Kaz’s hard stare was back. “I didn’t fix this place up with my own money for a bunch of idiots to go and destroy it all.” Y/N stood closely next to Kaz, her eyes narrowed as she was watching the crowd. “And no one lays a hand on Y/N anymore,” he hissed. “If I ever catch any of you with your filthy hands on her, insulting her, or even looking at her without a single ounce of respect, I will break more than just your face.” That was a bit much, Kaz she thought to herself but smirked a little at how much he was actually riled about this.

“Got it?” he snapped. The crowd nodded and gave a terrified “yes” as he glared down on them with his usual Kaz face. Y/N scanned the gang below and found most of the young ones refusing to look at her and Kaz. Flynn was looking anywhere but her. “Did you get that?” she snarled at the newbies. “Flynn?” she spat. All eyes snapped to hers as her anger seemed to be returning. “Yes,” he mumbled along with the others before diverting his eyes. “Back to work,” Kaz snapped, and just like he pushed an unfreeze button, everyone jumped back to picking up damaged pieces.

Flynn, Riker, and a few others decided to head out and find more chairs and tables. When their backs were turned and they were walking out, a very sharp dagger whizzed by Flynn’s ear and hit the wall an inch away from where he put his hand. Everyone jumped at the thump and he turned, wide-eyed back to the landing. Y/N stood there with Kaz behind her. “Next time he won’t stop me from killing you,” she threatened. Flynn and the others recoiled in fear and simply nodded. “Off you go then,” she dismissed them.

Specht and Rotty watched as Kaz stepped aside and let Y/N go up the steps first and saw his hand hover the small of her back as they disappeared back upstairs. “All hail the king and queen,” they joked and went on with their cleaning.

_____________________________________________________________________