***** asked: I'm a girl and I'm addicted to porn. Ive had history with it and it's ultimately led to my salvation, and It became a thing of the past and I told people about it and everything but recently it has came back into my life, and i don't know how to stop. But what bothers me the most it what happens after the sin. I have no emotion or sense of guilt so I try to make myself feel the shame. It's making me doubt my salvation. If I'm a child of God why do I have to force guilt after I fall?
I've wanted to answer this question probably since the day we received it, but I haven't been ready (if that makes any sense) and I'm probably not really now either. I say this first, to let you know that we do see these and you are being prayed over; and secondly, to say this is going to be a loaded answer (as complete or incomplete it may be) and will require not just reading, but a bit of thought and interpretation/self-application.
If I could rephrase your question for generical purposes, it is, 'How can I know something is wrong, then do this thing and not feel bad about it, especially if I have been saved?' And the answer to this (as odd as it may seem) is, you are feeling shame about it. It's just differently than before. I think Ephesians 4:17-30 is a perfect scripture for you to explain this situation and let me give some explaination with the verse I'm deriving this from.
Ephesisan 1:13 states that at your salvation, you were sealed with the Holy Spirit. In other words, the Spirit entered into you and one of His primary roles is acting as your Holy Conscience (John 16:8)
Verse 30 (back to Eph 4 fianlly)warns against "grieving the Holy Spirit". verse 22 says that we have to put of the "old self" because it can be corrupted. And 17-19 shows that the Gentiles, sticking in their old ways, have become desensitized falling into sin. It is my understanding that this means when we ignore the Spirit, it grieves Him, and gives us a lesser sensitivity to His voice. Your salvation still exists, but you are not listening to the very thing that allows you to reject your sin nature and live a holy life. So here you are, caught in an old sin and one specifically detrimental to self (1 cor 6:18-20). In doing so, you have desensitized yourself to the usual shame of committing such an act. I say it this way, because you are feeling shame, if you weren't you wouldn't have asked this question and you wouldn't be trying to make yourself feel it either. Your shame is this notion that what you did was wrong, it may not be showing up as immediately and may not have the intended effect (making you feel bad about doing it), but it is there.
It is this very thing, that Satan is playing you on. He wants you to feel unworthy of salvation and to dwell on this sin. See in dwelling on the guiltless feeling and the sin, your focus is placed away from God (the only thing that can cure you of your sin) and onto the sin itself. Once our focus is on the sin itself, we begin to try (in our own strength) to remove it (i.e. making yourself feel guilty).
So after all of this long winded explaination I'm going to offer a single verse with such simple answer but complex application. Romans 12:2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
Be Blessed,
~JEFF~
