#truelady

Do you ever feel like just moving to somewhere new, to make a fresh start. Where no one really knows you, even if a friend would come with you. Away from all of life's current battles. Smell ocean air, fill your brain with new memories. Take a walk along a beach, go where there is so much snow no matter how many warm tears hit the ground it still will not melt under the pressure. Meet new people, or travel a little. Take a job with no responsibilities and get by just enough to feed myself for the month. Not have the worry about pleasing everyone all the while and trying to keep the peace and a balance within the family home?

I do, I feel like selling up and asking a friend to come with me, I don't have much to offer but what I do have is a heart full of love, honesty and kindness. I am annoyed currently with how I am being lied to and treated, its like I could write a book of sob storeys but what use is that if it just gets put under the rest of them.

Would this solve everything currently? Would this give people the wake up call they needed to see? When you see friends spending happy momentous, joyous occasions together within their families. Is this all real?

I got told to look in the mirror today as what they saw wasn't to satisfactory standards.

So I looked in the mirror, and asked myself what I saw.

I saw this:

1. An attractive woman with hunched shoulders and a face a little like a panda, nothing a wash wont fix

2. A confident woman who knows when to speak her mind and when to stand up for herself

3. A woman that is successful in work and friendships

4. A woman with morals of righteous ways

5. A woman with worldly experience who has been places an seen things

6. A woman who isn't afraid anymore not afraid to be the woman I am.

7. A woman with a heart the size of this universe, and one who doesn't expect anything but respect in return and above else a woman who is kind.

So that got me thinking why am I letting things get to me like I do, is it because they come from the people I love the most. The people who are blood related, the people who aren't supposed to lie to me or to make me feel low like I do. The people who aren't supposed to tiptoe behind my back. The people who should know the person they raised is partly the way she is because of the way she has been raised. The other way is because I choose to be the way I am I choose to be different I choose to stand apart from the norm, I choose not to be like everyone else. I see different aspects in a lot of people and I pick the bits I like and learn to be a little like everyone I meet. Is that not what life is about, taking the good with the bad. keeping a firm hold of the greatness, and letting go ofall the bad.

I know what they see in me they see my flaws they see my tears they see my weaknesses. Otherwise why would they tell me to look in the mirror. Im not looking in the mirror to see what they think they see anymore.  I live own my on I have known how to live on my own since I have been thirteen, I do all my house jobs even what some people would class as a mans job. I DO IT ALL I work 6 days a week and I mould everything I can into my life. Don't get me wrong I have had a helping hand here and there, and I am incredibly grateful for the people who have helped me along the way. steering me in the right direction, keeping me on the right track, I owe an awful lot to a few people in particular.

I have given thanks and respect to the blood relations also, and do so all the while. Even small things, I am thankful for an awful lot, and I have shown it in everyway I know how. That all gets swept under the carpet though.

So now I have spieled all this onto a media platform on the not so glorious www, what am I going to do.