#troubledkarma

Read:What was the last book you read?That would be the first Game of Thrones book. I need to read the rest. Along with all the Sword Art Online books since I’ve read 4 of them and have the others.

Drift:Where’s your favorite place to fall asleep?Hmm probably anywhere with a comfy bed lol. Or anywhere with people that are awesome.

green:four life goalsLets see. To become attractive and get in shape. To go to college for something in computers, probably computer engineering. Learn how to play guitar, sing, and play piano better. Marry someone who actually loves me completely and won’t break me so often and makes me happy.

indigo:two weaknessesCaring too much. Loneliness.

So I haven't been on in a while. My computer has been broken for the past week or two. It was fixed today so I have it back. I'm in the process of downloading everything again like Assassin's Creed and The Witcher. My phone also wasn't letting me post for whatever reason so I couldn't answer troubledkarma's asks this whole time which made me feel bad but I answered them five minutes ago so hopefully that makes up for it. But those are honestly side reasons. Even if those worked I wouldn't have been on anyway. I guess I'll tell you why.

About a week ago my girlfriend told me that she didn't love me as much as she used to and she felt nothing being around me. This pretty much destroyed me. The main reason wasn't because I'm a bad person or anything. I'm a decent person and I'm a good boyfriend. The reason she didn't love me as much and that she felt nothing was because I don't have a job and I'm not going to college currently.

Though it's not like I'm sitting on my ass all day or that I don't want to go to college. I'm trying my hardest to get a job and I'll be going to college in the fall hopefully. I think it's a bit bitchy to stop loving me because of that. I wouldn't stop loving someone if they didn't have a job or weren't going to college. That's not right. Even after all her bullshit and selfishness I haven't stopped loving her. And all of that is her fault. The job thing I'm trying to fix but there's only so much I can do since people won't hire. And the college thing I will go to college soon. I refuse not to go to college. So I don't understand why she views these things as so important that she had to stop loving me. If anyone should have stopped loving then it should have been me since I've been dealing with all her bullshit. Stuff she could actually change and fix because they're her fault and don't depend on anyone else like getting a job. 

So she told me that and now I just feel empty. I feel like I have a broken heart honestly. This sucks. I know I don't deserve that. I am a good boyfriend. I always make sure she is satisfied. I sacrifice tons to make sure I get her presents for the various holidays. I always put her first. Whenever I do get money it always goes to her, whether it's a present or dinner. I do everything I can to make her happy and it apparently wasn't enough. I don't deserve that. I want and deserve a girl who would cherish and appreciate me and love me as much as I do them. My financial status shouldn't be a factor in how much you love me. All I can give is my love, affection, attention, and my loyalty. If that isn't enough then I just don't know.

She said she wants to work it out and not leave me but I don't understand what she expects to work out. This isn't an issue with both of us. This is all her. She needs to figure this out herself. She said she'll try and be nicer but honestly she has said that before and nothing changed. Plus she can't just "try" this time. 

So I just don't know. I want to leave her and I know I should but I can't. I still care about her even after all this shit. I'm too loyal.

I also saw her a couple days ago and the whole time I just felt empty. I couldn't help but keep thinking about everything she said and it just made me feel sad, empty, lonely, and unloved. She has changed and tried to rephrase what she said multiple times. I think it's just so she doesn't seem like a greedy bitch honestly.

But yeah. That's why I haven't been on much. I'm just so sad and broken and I don't know what to do. I don't even have friends to cheer me up really. I only have 2 friends and they have their own girlfriends and jobs so they don't really have the time to make me feel better.