#trigger content

Mom made my dysphoria worse than before. We were at the store and I found some jeans that looked really cool. I was trying to find my size and realized they were men's. I didn't care, because clothes are clothes. They shouldn't be gendered. Anyway, she strolls up and goes "these are men's. You're a woman and you should only wear women's clothes" and all this cisgendered agenda bullshit. I tried so hard not to cry in the middle of the store. I haven't come out to her yet about being under the nonbinary umbrella but this hurts more than I can say. I haven't eaten today too and I won't. I've lost my appetite from her bullshit. Days like this I wish my father wasn't dead and that I was with him in the beyond. I really want to die right now. I feel like dying. But I won't do anything about it but hope I fall asleep and never wake up.

So last night I watched “Wolf of Wall Street“ because I was in the mood to watch anything. And I can’t say that I liked it. I mean, it was interesting. But there were a lot of times I disliked its content. Sex, drugs, and money. The main character, Jordan Belfort, was a woman abuser and more or less raped his wife. She said no and he went and did it anyway. And he was acting like an animal every time he was on the drugs. Literally dry humping a flight attendant like a dog. He was nasty! And I really don’t care for movies that objectify women. Apparently being a cool guy is having a hot, sexy woman around your arm. Women don’t mean anything to the men but looks in this movie. And the guys are constantly fucking women throughout the movie (no joke). You see a lot of full frontal nudity from the women, and backside. I don’t even recall if you get to see the male’s back sides. You do catch a glimpse of a dick at least once when one of the guys is publicly jerking off at a party to some “pretty lady”. It’s just disgusting.